rxchick13 Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 I have been with my bf for almost 6 yrs (dec). We've had a rollercoster of a ride and I think this time we are done for sure. In the beginning of our relationship we had minor problems his own grandmother accused me and his brother of having an affair, which was not true at all. I had enough and ended up moving out for 3 months. I lived with a friend and everything was great. The only problem was that we still kept contact we were taking a "break" every night he would call or message me telling me to come home that he was miserable without me and he'd promise he'd change. See his problem was that I didn't like him smoking pot, he was working at a hospital and it was dangerous he would lie and I would find out and he would get mad, I was hurt.. other things came into play also... he was previously married and had a kid. He was obsessed with her, I mean I know he had to keep contact with her because of the kid which I had no problem I had no say in that, but he was always searching for trying to find out everything she was up to. I was hurt by this. I eventually moved back in and things were good. Months later things kept going back to the same old. He tried to commit suicide and failed, was locked up for a few weeks, took to drinking more and still smoking pot. I was always accused of cheating and everytime we argued he'd tell me to move the **** out. Nothing I did or say would change his mind. He would then apologize and forgot anything happen.. this has been going on for years. I ended up getting pregnant and he quit smoking but kept drinking.. he ended upbeing a regular.. very regular guy at the bar. When my daugther was born he took the responsibilty of taking care of her while I worked and went to school. He had income coming and still contributed more money than I did. Then I wasn't enough because now the arguments were about how he pays for all the bills and I need to respect himwhich I did. He was a great provider and a good father. Maybe I didn't say it much because I was irritated and humiliated and upset that I would just close myself down and not speak to him. But hearing that was ridiculous sometimes. He tried to shut down all my friends he wanted to control who I could and could not talk to, if I didn't agree he was going to kick me out and get custody of the child because he was a stay at home dad. He didn't let me hang out with my friends, even though I went out maybe once a moth just recently I got fired from my job and I got denied unemployment. He was resorting to cursing me and even say racist slurs but claimed he wasn't racist because his daugthers are both half white. My priorities were to find a job and take care of my daugther I quit hanging out with friends because I had daugther to take care of. He on the other hang would go out every night and not get home sometimes the next morning at 6,7,8 am and I've confronted him about it asking him to be honest with me if he was out cheating. And always claimed he wasn't. Like really? Bars close at 2 am, where are you the rest of the night? From then on our relationship went down hill. I only asked him to please keep one thing and his promise to come home after the bar was closed. But he never did. He wouldn't clean, he wouldn't do dishes and when I got laid off he quit paying attention to our baby. And in all honestly I think he was neglecting the baby when I was working. You don't sit a baby in your bed all day infront of the tv having her eat cheerios all dam day to call it parenting. When id come home shed be sitting in his bed while he was nearby playing video games. I moved out for a month with the baby, he had a blast though, he had friends over drinking.. having both guys and girl in what was suppose to be our home.. he would only ask us to please come home when he was completley wasted then forget the next night. I. came back temporarly because not we are basically roomates. He has his room and I have a couch. He has completley no respect for me and tells me to go **** myself, that I'm ugly that he no longer finds me attractive because of my attitude. How am I suppose to have a great attitude having to live with this for almost 6 years? I love this man because he is the father of my child, but that seems to be it now. He is a control freak who has been trying to control my life, and he even once told me to do the world a favor and go kill myself. I don't know how to keep it civil with him for the baby's sake because I know he'll try to make my life miserable because I'm trying to break free from his ways? Right now he's letting me stay in his home rent free until I can get a job and move out, I'm just wondering, how do I make a friendship work when I feel likehe still has control of me emotionally and mentally? One minute he hates my guts the next, we are together. I'm done riding this ride... but I'm afraid of the outcome if I step off or if I keep riding. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Paragraphs and punctuation would get you responses. At least on my phone, can't read your post :-( Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author rxchick13 Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 I apologize, I was on my phone when I was writing it and It was very difficult to try and separate the paragraphs. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 No need to apologize. You might try quoting your original post and editing it... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I have been with my bf for almost 6 yrs (dec). We've had a rollercoster of a ride and I think this time we are done for sure. In the beginning of our relationship we had minor problems his own grandmother accused me and his brother of having an affair, which was not true at all. I had enough and ended up moving out for 3 months. I lived with a friend and everything was great. The only problem was that we still kept contact we were taking a "break" every night he would call or message me telling me to come home that he was miserable without me and he'd promise he'd change. See his problem was that I didn't like him smoking pot, he was working at a hospital and it was dangerous he would lie and I would find out and he would get mad, I was hurt.. other things came into play also... He was previously married and had a kid. He was obsessed with her, I mean I know he had to keep contact with her because of the kid which I had no problem I had no say in that, but he was always searching for trying to find out everything she was up to. I was hurt by this. I eventually moved back in and things were good. Months later things kept going back to the same old. He tried to commit suicide and failed, was locked up for a few weeks, took to drinking more and still smoking pot. I was always accused of cheating and everytime we argued he'd tell me to move the **** out. Nothing I did or say would change his mind. He would then apologize and forgot anything happen.. this has been going on for years. I ended up getting pregnant and he quit smoking but kept drinking.. he ended up being a regular.. very regular guy at the bar. When my daughter was born he took the responsibility of taking care of her while I worked and went to school. He had income coming and still contributed more money than I did. Then I wasn't enough because now the arguments were about how he pays for all the bills and I need to respect him which I did. He was a great provider and a good father. Maybe I didn't say it much because I was irritated and humiliated and upset that I would just close myself down and not speak to him. But hearing that was ridiculous sometimes. He tried to shut down all my friends he wanted to control who I could and could not talk to, if I didn't agree he was going to kick me out and get custody of the child because he was a stay at home dad. He didn't let me hang out with my friends, even though I went out maybe once a moth just recently I got fired from my job and I got denied unemployment. He was resorting to cursing me and even say racist slurs but claimed he wasn't racist because his daugthers are both half white. My priorities were to find a job and take care of my daughter I quit hanging out with friends because I had daughter to take care of. He on the other hang would go out every night and not get home sometimes the next morning at 6,7,8 am and I've confronted him about it asking him to be honest with me if he was out cheating. And always claimed he wasn't. Like really? Bars close at 2 am, where are you the rest of the night? From then on our relationship went down hill. I only asked him to please keep one thing and his promise to come home after the bar was closed. But he never did. He wouldn't clean, he wouldn't do dishes and when I got laid off he quit paying attention to our baby. And in all honestly I think he was neglecting the baby when I was working. You don't sit a baby in your bed all day infront of the tv having her eat cheerios all dam day to call it parenting. When id come home shed be sitting in his bed while he was nearby playing video games. I moved out for a month with the baby, he had a blast though, he had friends over drinking.. having both guys and girl in what was suppose to be our home.. he would only ask us to please come home when he was completely wasted then forget the next night. I. came back temporarily because not we are basically roommates. He has his room and I have a couch. He has completely no respect for me and tells me to go **** myself, that I'm ugly that he no longer finds me attractive because of my attitude. How am I suppose to have a great attitude having to live with this for almost 6 years? I love this man because he is the father of my child, but that seems to be it now. He is a control freak who has been trying to control my life, and he even once told me to do the world a favor and go kill myself. I don't know how to keep it civil with him for the baby's sake because I know he'll try to make my life miserable because I'm trying to break free from his ways? Right now he's letting me stay in his home rent free until I can get a job and move out, I'm just wondering, how do I make a friendship work when I feel like he still has control of me emotionally and mentally? One minute he hates my guts the next, we are together. I'm done riding this ride... but I'm afraid of the outcome if I step off or if I keep riding. Paragraphs for legibility. You'll never get out of the destructive cycle you're in until you stand on your own two feet and support yourself. You keep calling him a "good" father while proving countless examples of why he isn't. Why are you still there ??? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rxchick13 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Share Posted November 7, 2013 (edited) Thank you for taking the time to quote and edit my horrible message. I guess I have tried a lot of times to remove myself from this situation, but I always end up falling for his ridiculous lies in hopes that things will change. One of the reasons I haven't left is because I moved to be with him; I have no family in this state it is just me and my daughter. It's been hard to find a job, haven't had any luck and even when I try to put the effort and go out of my way, and just showing up to an office to hand in my resume he automatically assumes that I am out fornicating with men because Jobs "accept applications online, there is no need for you to be out there unless you're going to sleep with someone." It has been almost two months since I have left the house most days I am at home with my child and the other times I do go out is to run errands but I catch the negativity if I take to long, I as a woman love to browse and take my time. And when I ask him to watch the baby so I can hang out for a night with a friend he throws a fit. When he comes strolling in at 8 am the next morning and ask him where he has been all night/morning, he gets very defensive and states he's not out cheating he's just hanging out with friends. I feel like I have lost myself, especially now that I have no income coming in and I have hopes very high hopes that I find a job soon because this is the time that I take a step and change it. I just wished I had more support or people to help me dissolve this situation because I feel like he will try everything possible even talk about committing suicide to try to keep me in. Going back to my family is a very slight chance of happening because he is already in that same situation with his previous child that he does not get to see at all. I cannot bring myself to taking this child away from her father no matter the type of man he is to me. And even if I did, his whole family would fight me to the end for her and that is something I do not want to happens. He is a good father, but not the best father. He has his moments where he gets frustrated because she is not at that age where she is curious about everything and wants to grab everything. He just wants to yell at her and keep her in one spot. He can't comprehend that she's curious she is a child! Sometimes he won't acknowledge her because he's sleeping from being out all night. But, he has a lot of moments where he does spend time with her and she is extremely happy and a little gibberish chatterbox. I in the other hand know how to explain to her what she can and cannot touch. I know what it's like to have patience. I am doing my best as a first time mother and I think I am doing a pretty okay job at it. He wonders why she "loves me more". Edited November 7, 2013 by rxchick13 Link to post Share on other sites
Jolly Roger Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 What a nightmare, my heart breaks for you. There is only one answer, run...run as far, and as fast as you can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 He is a good father, but not the best father. Again, you make statements which the rest of you post prove are not true. One is not a good father if they treat the mother of their child like sh*t. One is not a good father if they don't provide a safe and secure home for their child. One is not a good father when one's actions prioritize drugs and alcohol over one's family. You almost seem as though you've been brainwashed. Go back and read your posts objectively and tell me, were this anyone else, would you advise them to stay? Going back to my family is a very slight chance of happening because he is already in that same situation with his previous child that he does not get to see at all. I'd have to guess that he drove the mother of his child away or she fled for her own safety and sanity. Ignore at your own peril... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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