my wife is cheating....and how my life has changed.

[Rowland]

We've been married several years. We are best friends. Things have always been great between us. We have sex several times a week, and it's always great. She has always had an amazing appetite for sex, fo my great enjoyment.

 

One thing about her is that over the years, and moreso in the last year or so, is that her sexual fantasies, that she whispers to me when we have sex, have gotten more and more involved, more about more penises, more men, etc... and knowing her craving for penis, this always turned us both on and made her orgasms much more intense. Sex is, afterall, something like 80% mental.

 

I thought everything was great. Until we house-sat for a very good friend of ours, when he and his longtime mate went to the east coast for 11 days. My wife and I would go over there, feed his cat, water his plants, etc....pick up mail and newspapers, the usual stuff. And we'd of course have sex all over his house. It was cool..

 

The night before he was to return, I went to his house by myself to make sure all was well one last time, and to make sure we did not leave any hints that we had been messing around in his house. Since this was my first time at his house alone, my curiosity got the better of me. So I snooped all around his house. Then I logged onto his computer. That is when my life changed.

 

There were dozens of emails between him and my wife. All sexual in nature. All pertaining to meetings, times, places, desires, and several references to photos and videos. I was shocked. I must have read each one 3 times. I sat there for what must have been an hour, dazed. Then I started searching his computer for pictures. Oh my god. There were 100's of pictures of her.....pictures of MY WIFE sucking him, getting ****ed, getting cum on her face, spreading herself, and in all of them she was smiling. There must have been 50 blow job pictures alone, so many different times, by the looks of her clothes. There were pictures of her taken over the course of at least a year, and mostly in his house. The number of pictures was astounding.

 

At first I was pissed. Still am, actually. Really pissed. But the longer I looked at them, the more I could not stop looking. I was shocked to realize I had a hard-on. It was so bad I had to jack off. Then I was mad at myself for being turned on. Then I was mad at her. Then I was mad at him. But I could not stop looking.

 

I copied all the pics I could find onto a CD. I also copied 100's of his long-time girlfriend. I could not find his camera....he must have taken that with him. Then I went home and hid the CD in my car.

 

I have never said anything to her. I want to sooo bad. I am angry and I am excited. I am a bit ashamed at myself for that. Especially since this friend of mine has a cock twice the size of mine, which she clearly craves.

 

Now when we have sex, I take her "fantasy" about other penises and run with it...I add to is by whispering things to her that I saw in the pictures, vague references to her oral cravings, big cock, cheating.... I talk about her cheating as if it's just erotic pillow talk to turn her on, and she orgasms right away. I even suggested the outrageous idea of taking naughty pictures of her, which I would never have done before, and she loved the idea. I now have a growing library of mine own.

 

I look at those pictures of them together, seeing he suck and **** him, and I masterbate....all the time. I know this is not healthy. I do not know how to stop or what to do. I want to get even somehow, But the pictures are such a turn-on.

 

I do not know what the future holds. I do not think I can get past this. But we have sex all the time and there is mostly harmony in our house. I suspect she is still sneaking away to see him, and that makes me VERY jealous....and I hate that feeling.

 

E.R.

[ConfusedInOC]

I smell a rat...or a story copied from Penthouse....

[immoralist]

I just love good porn. Unfortunately, this student effort doesn't make the cut.

[Rowland]

What do you mean? A rat? Student effort? This is not porn. This is life-altering reality and I do not know what to do. It sucks beyond belief. Not sure what your motivation is for those comments. Should I not have posted this confession here? Is there a better room/topic/forum on which to purge these heavy ordeals???

[whichwayisup]

Only thing I can add to this...Either confront her and deal with this, or enjoy it. Go and find some other girls for yourself...One of those, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em kinda deals.

 

I bet your jealous! But, with that being said, you're turned on by what she is doing so obviously is the head you are thinking has taken over.

 

IF that was MY H with some woman doing that, smiling away, he'd be out on his ass so fast! I just can't believe you are still having sex with her!!

 

Right now I don't know if I feel sorry for you or not. I guess time will tell if you allow this CRAP to continue or talk to YOUR WIFE...

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I feel very sorry for you. Apparently it does not bother you that much that your wife has unprotected sex that put you at great risk for STD's. Apparently it does not bother you that your wife would betray you with a good friend of yours which is a double betrayal. Apparently it does not bother you that your good friend and your wife are, disrespecting, humiliating, and laughing at you behind your back. Apparently it does not bother you because you do not even bother to show her the evidence and confront her. Apparently you don't seem to care about anything except for having great sex from your wife. Since your wife is such an exhibitionist with this guy it is probably a good guess that she may be banging others as well. Apparently you do not feel it necessary to stand up for your marriage. My guess is that you would have to be a total masochist not to say anything to your wife. I think you are a very pathetic person. Why don't you stand up for yourself and your marriage by confronting your wife and showing her the evidence. Otherwise, it seems like you are extremely co-dependent and willing to take every type of humiliation you wife will through at you. If this letter is really true then it will be a matter of time until she dumps you or gives you a disease. Apparently you don't care.

[Rowland]

thank you for your honesty.

 

i will confront her. it will end my marraige, but the heaviness of the resentment will at least be lifted. it has gone on too long, you are right.

 

i am so mad i want to send her pics to someone or post them somewhere. that would be low, but it is how i feel now. not sure what to do with all these pics. i think i'll email some to both of them, at a minimum......

[LucreziaBorgia]

Here's where it doesn't seem plausible - why would a guy with a long time live-in girlfriend keep sexual emails and pictures of himself banging someone else's wife in a place on his computer where anyone arbitrarily looking on his computer would find them? I expect if he had emails and pics like that, they'd be buried and/or password protected to keep them away from his long time girlfriend in case she ever happened to be 'just looking' on the computer. Unless she does know and they are just kinky like that.

 

Nonetheless, if it is a real story - its going to end badly. No two ways about it. May as well just confront her with the evidence and then go from there.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Here's where it doesn't seem plausible - why would a guy with a long time live-in girlfriend keep sexual emails and pictures of himself banging someone else's wife in a place on his computer where anyone arbitrarily looking on his computer would find them? I expect if he had emails and pics like that, they'd be buried and/or password protected to keep them away from his long time girlfriend in case she ever happened to be 'just looking' on the computer. Unless she does know and they are just kinky like that.

 

Nonetheless, if it is a real story - its going to end badly. No two ways about it. May as well just confront her with the evidence and then go from there.

 

It's not real....

[TMCM]

Real or not, I'd rather err on the side of caution and give him some advice.

 

Rowland,

 

What do you want? Do you want to divorce your W or save/rebuild the marriage? If it's the former then there's not much except to say good luck. If it's the latter, then you are going to have to confront her with the evidence and express to her how devastated you are by her wanton unfaithful behavior. If she is remorseful, then inform her to writte a NC [no contact] letter to the OM that you will mail; give you all her passwords to her desktop and cell phone; seek IC [individual counseling] to find out why she is addicted to sex with other men when her sexual life with you seems to be a healthy one [she MAY have been sexually abused as a child]; be willing to follow a marital recovery plan. If she is not remorseful and wants to continue with her unrestricted sexual escapades, then you have to seriously consider moving on with your life because there is nothing you can do if she does not want to stop having sex with this OM [other man]. Chose wisely.

 

TMCM

[sadhubby]

god led you to that computer for a reason my friend.she doesnt love you if shes doing that kinda crap.shes in love with sex..

[bleh]

your wife must very hott for you to get turned on with watching those pictures

[jmargel]

What a BS post. You really need mental help to deal with your issues if you need attention this way.

[Rowland]

What a warm set of responses. I can see why this site has so few active members. I thank you for your sarcasm, and for your insensitive remarks to a complete stranger. Some of you epitomize the permissive and matialistic society reeking havoc in our youth, standards and ethics today.

 

In the presence of stark evidence, my wife has admitted the affair, and is seeking counselling. But who cares....upon my request, she is moving out. I feel she is devastated. Too little, too late. Remarkably, I feel pretty good. When I told my ex-wife, she agreed to give me custody of my sons this summer, and permanently. It is time they had their father back. The last few days have been interesting, and a blessing.

 

Grateful for the kick in the pants, but not at all impressed,

E.R.

[immoralist]

Some people get the Threads they deserve.

 

An opening post usually sets the tone, tenor and feel of all responsive posts. Your opening post, rowland, primarily communicated sexual arousal over your wife's affair. You portrayed yourself as being turned on, not crushed, by your wife's infidelities, which you proceeded to describe in almost pornographic detail. (Did we really need to know that your wife's OM is better equipped than you, or that you masturbated to the photos?).

 

Don't engage in alot of heavy breathing, and expect much compassion. Next time, try for a more productive and appropriate tone.

[Bryanp]

Hello Rowland,

 

I am pleased that you finally confronted your wife. How absolutely devastasting this was for you. I can tell that the anger finally kicked in. Did she ever tell you why she did this and why she was willing to destroy your trust and your marriage?

I do not blame you for in the end feeling totally disgusted with her.

I don't see why or how you would ever feel the same toward her and be able to trust her again. I hope you told your friend with the house what a piece of crap he is also.

The problems and issues that your wife has are huge and her choice to betray you and put your health at great risk in such a manner probably indicates it is doubtful that she has not done this previously with others.

You deserve to have a healthy and committed relationship with a woman who can love and respect you, your marriage and your family. Your wife is unable to do this. I know that down the line you will find someone who will be worthy of your love and trust.

I wish you luck.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Rowland

What a warm set of responses. I can see why this site has so few active members.

 

FEW active? This place is packed to the hilt and most of us are able to see through concocted stories like this one.

 

I thank you for your sarcasm, and for your insensitive remarks to a complete stranger. Some of you epitomize the permissive and matialistic society reeking havoc in our youth, standards and ethics today.

 

Don't come around here slinging BS and you won't get any slung back at you.

 

In the presence of stark evidence, my wife has admitted the affair, and is seeking counselling. But who cares....upon my request, she is moving out. I feel she is devastated. Too little, too late. Remarkably, I feel pretty good. When I told my ex-wife, she agreed to give me custody of my sons this summer, and permanently. It is time they had their father back. The last few days have been interesting, and a blessing.

 

Grateful for the kick in the pants, but not at all impressed,

E.R.

 

 

Nor am I with your childish porn. If you want sympathy, the next time you make tripe up like this, at least ACT like you're upset about it.

[Owl]

Even I have to say...

 

Reading the original post, it did NOT sound like someone asking for help. It went into FAR too many graphic details and visuals. You focused entirely on providing the visual situation, and said barely anything about how you felt, or what you felt needed to happen next. And even the feelings you mentioned were minimized in the way you presented them.

 

In other words, don't be surprised that everyone took it as a story. It read like a story...not like someone looking for any kind of advice or assistance from the board.

 

You're last response was rather impressive too...

I thank you for your sarcasm, and for your insensitive remarks to a complete stranger. Some of you epitomize the permissive and matialistic society reeking havoc in our youth, standards and ethics today.

 

LOL...my friend...you sound like the epitome of a 1950's soviet communist! You take the responses you got back and use them to condemn our "permissive and materialistic society". Who's permissive? Who was on here talking about all of the pics he's collected of his wife?? Puh-leez!!!

 

Come back when you have a problem you'd like for us to truly discuss and help you with.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Owl

Even I have to say...

 

Reading the original post, it did NOT sound like someone asking for help. It went into FAR too many graphic details and visuals. You focused entirely on providing the visual situation, and said barely anything about how you felt, or what you felt needed to happen next. And even the feelings you mentioned were minimized in the way you presented them.

 

In other words, don't be surprised that everyone took it as a story. It read like a story...not like someone looking for any kind of advice or assistance from the board.

 

Where I come from, "if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck....."

 

You're last response was rather impressive too...

 

 

LOL...my friend...you sound like the epitome of a 1950's soviet communist! You take the responses you got back and use them to condemn our "permissive and materialistic society". Who's permissive? Who was on here talking about all of the pics he's collected of his wife?? Puh-leez!!!

 

Come back when you have a problem you'd like for us to truly discuss and help you with.

 

Sounded more like a "writer" who was p*ssed off his "story" was rejected, not that his wife was cheating on him or that he was upset about it.

 

Hey, if it's brown and smells like crap, it must be crap

[portableversion]

I learned something about the jealousy I feel towards my so. I never really admitted to being a jealous guy and so we'd talk about her past men. Years later I found myself finally and secretly pleasing myself while thinking of her with her past men.

I was very confused, Am I turned on if she is with other men. I would try to imagine " Hey have fun dear go gettem girl!" Ultimitely a mix excitement and jealousy cancelled each other out for a zero feeling.

When finally confronted with the possibilty of it happening for real I quickly came to the conclusion NO WAY!!!

My self pleasing was not that I was a horny beast turned on by her being with other men, I was really coping with jealous feelings I never admitted to.

As far as being graphic, you probably could have phrased it better, but for me the conclusion of the man's pleasure with my so is the worst. Thinking of the emotional connection hurts but the sex act adds an extra layer of gut wrenching nausea on top of it all. It is the terminus of pain. This is when the affair is complete, and the woman has totally brought the man to life. If I had those photos I would need a shrink to get me to stop thinking of them.

It is composed of feelings of rejection, and a cutting away from her life. Sex is the most unique and wonderful thing two people can share together. I compare it to sunshine giving life to the planet and sex can bring life here. For her to be with him would be like I was on the dark side of the moon wilting. She chose to live life to the fullest with another man, she did not want to live with me so to speak.

We need each other to experience life like that and it does hurt to think that I would want to share with her but instead she goes out to be with him. It like saying I'm not worth it to share this-- its meant for you and him and not me. I am meant to die in the dark.

If your photos are real it would mess me up a long time. Suicidal thoughts, might get fired for slouching on the job, thoughts of violence against the other man bad, bad juju

Another thread some folks were discussion which would you prefer, $10, 000 IN Credit card debt or your so sleeping with someone else. You decide. As for me charge it! I can sleep while in debt but cant sleep thinking of the sex they had. Do anything to me but that, or at least let me know in advance so I can run away and not be burned out by the radiance you and your other man create.

 

I definitely would have thought you a fake if you wanted to start video taping but you have signaled rejection. Of course there are people out there who probably would.

[well]

maybe you get turned on by knowing she's taking advantage of you etc. sadomasochistic or something, i dont know.

 

ive felt the same in the past when thinking my boyfriend was cheating. somehow when i wanted to have sex, it turned me on at times. never found out if he was cheating either. i've cried many tears and still dont know the truth.

 

eventually you will have to break the news or join them?? lol. sorry, i dont know how to help you there. seems like you crave sex pretty often so i guess it will be hard for you.