Is hope the last thing to go or is it just the beginning?

[ShannonBanana]

Hi All,

 

I've been MIA on here since early September. You may remember my husband told me after a major surgery that he wanted a divorce. So, I had to prepare for and move back to the States from the UK in late Sept (my visa was set to expire), I had to give up the business I built from the ground up and sell all of the belongings we bought because I couldn't take it with me. These were the most heart -breaking things I have ever had to do. I was a mess but I maintained my dignity and didn't let him see me sweat.

 

My husband (SBTX) moved to Paris the day after I moved back to the States. I maintained even after I got back home that I wanted to save the marriage and I only wanted us to be happy together. He maintained this is what he wanted but that maybe we could repair things much further down the road. After I get back and improve myself (and maybe he would improve himself too). He seemed unsure of what he wanted to have happen between us but kept saying he wanted this split/divorce.

 

I remember posting on here long before I left the UK that I wished the hope for reconciliation would go away since things were not looking very promising. And the hope felt like a burden, felt like it was holding me back from a full recovery and moving on with my life.

 

Well, as I have been home with some space to process everything, time away from his relentless demands, and his odd manipulative behaviour I started to reconsider all the sh%t he pulled and realised that healing our marriage is a long way away and started to second guess if I even wanted to reconcile with someone who now looking back seems like a bit of a head case.

 

 

So, I sent him an email 2 days ago letting him know all the financial ties have been cut from my end, we will work out the division of debt during the divorce negotiations that I have to wait 6 months to start (legally have to be here 6 months before I can file), and that I see no reason to stay in contact until then (he has been emailing me once a week to 'check in' which I appreciate on one hand but it doesn't help me on the other). I told him about my feelings about how things went down between us from the time he told me he wanted a divorce and that some of his behaviour had put me off. Truth is, I just felt like I need to get away from all contact so I can flesh out what happened, why it happened and how to move on.

 

I realized this was my way of trying to cut the cord with him so I can move on, but also that I have very little hope left for us to be able to work things out or on him doing what it would take for us to be happy and me to feel understood in my marriage. That hope has proverbially left the building , but I feel like I am grieving all over again now.

 

The pain of the hope being gone feels just like the death of the marriage. Is the hope leaving just the beginning of getting out of denial or is it the last step to acceptance?

Edited October 26, 2013 by ShannonBanana

[littlejaz]

I see it as the first step of taking control of your life. It is the beginning of you getting better and over him. Rejoice, it is a step forward.

 

Good luck.

[RightThere]

The pain of the hope being gone feels just like the death of the marriage. Is the hope leaving just the beginning of getting out of denial or is it the last step to acceptance?

 

I think it's both. I'm feeling like all my hope is gone and it seems like the beginning of not having any denial about what was going on. But it also feels like I've finally accepted what was all around me the whole time.