Would you really want him/her back?

[loveofhorses1970]

After the breakup, would you really want him/her back? Would it really ever be the same? Personally, I wouldn't want to fall into the same ditch twice. Too much water under the bridge. Some things can't be erased. I may miss him terribly, but hopefully that will soon pass for good. But I definitely don't want him back.

[mendsley]

At first... yes. But, after some self reflection and looking at her with REAL eyes... no. Once I realized this reality, I feel better, I can actually feel my healing happening and I dont feel so weak. There are millions of women out there and you will always get better ;-)

[AnyaNova]

I know that even if he said he was in therapy for his attachment issues, and even if he was doing everything, and had an action plan for when he got triggered..

 

I still would have a difficult time trusting that he wouldn't leave me again as soon as he got scared.

[Chris715]

I would definitely want her back, even after all the tough **** we've been through. The fighting, the name calling, the pain, etc. I would want a second chance with her and show her I can be the kind of person that she wants. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever get that chance, and I'm still coming to terms with that.

[TylerDurdenn]

In an instant.

[Janni]

I don't want him back. I miss him and love him, but that ship sailed a long time ago. I do want him to want me back though. Even though it might sound petty.

[maturityassets]

Not really. We both had some growing up to do. I was a bit more of the accepting but anxious one and she was one to put someone on a pedestal and call them perfect until they showed their weaknesses. We both had held half of the responsibility. I've certainly grown since then with dealing with my anxiety and such but I'm not really sure if she has herself, but that's not for me to judge really. Regardless it would feel like work because I would feel like I would have to show her how independent and grown up I am now and honestly who wants to be constantly compared to who you were the last time around to who you are now?

[JoelBarish]

This is something I wrestle with since I saw her with another guy. I think it's Grass is Greener Syndrome. Whatever she does while we are not together is supposed to not be my business. It still hurts though. She and I were great together and could be again. Should I miss out on what could once again be a great relationship just because of my wounded pride?

 

Having said all that, we would have to have a serious and very honest conversation before I would even consider it if she asked to get back together. Anyway, I doubt she would ever ask.

[AnnaAnna]

No, I would not take him back as a lover but I would take him back as a friend. We have known each other for over 10 years and our families are very close.

[im_thedude]

Maybe a couple of years down the line, when a true fresh start is possible.

 

But the fact of the matter is, she would still have the same character traits that ultimately made us incompatible. Time wouldn't change that, so I would rather find someone better.

[Mr Scorpio]

Absolutely not. After the first breakup I felt incredibly guilty and blamed myself. After the second breakup I realized that she never really cared about me, I was merely an accessory for her own happiness. I wouldn't even take her back as a friend. I can't be friends with someone I can't trust.

[lop98]

Who knows. We were not ready for each other the last time... when I got involved with him all I had done in the last 10 years had been casual, I was terrified of commitment in any form and didn't have any intention to change that until I lost him. He was also in a stage of life where you're leaving your 20s and want to make important changes but they don't turn out as planned. We both needed support, a lot of patience, a lot of work, and we were unable to provide that for each other. We found it in other people... people that were in more pleasant moments of their life to help us cope better.

 

It really hurt me when he moved on to her and it hurt him when I moved on to my current boyfriend but lives are sometimes impossible to synch.

 

Everything I need and want right now I found it in my bf, and I hope he found what he needed and wanted too. A lot needs to happen for us to find each other on the road again... years, experiences, breakups!, he hurt me so much but I hurt him too, and for 7 years he was nothing but a good friend to me... I know I could still have a good laugh with him, and a 10-hour conversation about anything and everything like always, and I'll never connect with anyone the way I did with him, but we were too insecure and the damage will take a long time to fix. I don't know if trust is something you can ever get back either.

[keepontruckin]

I do want my stbxw back.

 

However, there are some problems now. She has turned into a person that I do not recognize. So, I must assume that this is what she is. And I do not want what she is.

 

Second problem. She'll just leave again.

 

Knowing what she is, combined with her tendencies to just walk out, makes her very bad relationship material.

 

I'll just stay single for now, and let her become someone else's problem:laugh:

[Haydn]

Yes despite everything i would find it so hard not giver her another chance. And yes i would probably get my heart ripped out again. 3month. I havent cracked yet.

[Still-I-Rise]

No way Jose!

 

I would not take him in a house

I would not take him with a mouse

 

I would not take him if he calls

I would not take him after all

 

After all he's said and done

If he came my way I'd run

 

My Stbxh abandoned our four children, a 38 year friendship, and a 22 year marriage without a care. He illegally filed for divorce, provided no financial or emotional support and has only begun calling after our initial court hearing where he learned he will not walk away as freely from his responsibilities as he'd thought.

 

My children and others thinks he will come back but I say, "No, No, No."

 

He has already shown me who he is and it is high time I believe him.

[LuvsTrucks2]

I agree with mendsley, after a lot of time to "think" and reflecting on things, no I would not take him back. There was one major issue that I don't think he is capable of changing and that issue was the deal breaker at the core of our separation and it still is a deal breaker.

[Omei]

He left me, I dont see him as my future anymore if he came back I might say yes but it would be the same poop but I might suggest FWB, I Miss that sweet booty.

[mea_M]

Since I'm certain there was a good reason for the break up in the first place, my answer is NO. Time to leave it in the past and focus on a healthy move forward.

 

Mea:)

[faithfully]

4 week since break-up i would take him back but only if he proves he has changed and he is sorry and can prove and show me he wont take me for granted.

 

But if i was to be asked the same question in 6months then the answer HELL NOO!!

 

He had his chance and he ****ed it and has to live with the regret!!

[Mariposa10]

Right now? No. In a couple of years down the road, maybe...

[Never Again]

Right now? No. In a couple of years down the road, maybe...

 

I fall into this camp.

 

I wouldn't consider taking her back right now, but +6 months post-BU? I'd put some thought into it then.

[Dinozzo925]

No, it'd be so weak to take her back. I wouldn't be able to respect myself and no one else would respect me.

 

The only good part of that relationship was the sex anyway.

[love1336x]

I would want him back.

When he met me I was immature and very selfish.

I feel Im different person

But I know it wouldn't work because he's not different.

One person can't do it all.

I would want a brand new relationship.

[SilverlinedCloud]

I know it will never ever be the same. I miss the man i fell in love with and probably the habit of knowing even if it wasnt or was rarely reciprocated; that i loved, catered to, cared for and pleased another human being.

 

I dont want him back though. The mental/physical pain inflicted in addition to there being more cons than pros PLUS dodging alot of future bullets. Not likely.

Still love him, though..

 

Ugh..

[hopespringseternal]

I know my heart wants her back. But my mind knows otherwise. I wouldnt call it prideful to suggest that someone should not take someone back right away or soon after because of what happened(whatever the reason), for if it really was meant to work out it would have in the first place. And people wouldnt be here posting on LS.

 

But that being said with the proper time, healing, and most importantly personal growth, I firmly beleive that two people can find each other again and build something better than they had before.(although personally havent experienced it)

 

In my own case I have taken steps to better myself and grow as a person like no other point in my life in order to prevent the mistakes of the past. She on the otherhand has made small changes from what little I know, but has not made any changes of substance and remains the woman that helped contribute to the demise of our relstionship. So for now I would say no. But who knows what the future holds for us....One thing I know is you can't live on what ifs, only can plow forward with what you have in front of you.