You know that tough love, harsh medicine thing...need some now!

[AnyaNova]

I started to get snoopy, to see if I could find his old username anywhere, by googling it. See if he was on any dating sites or anything.

 

Stupid. I know.

 

I stopped myself before I found anything, which is good. But...

 

Now would be a good time for the bitch slaps to the face, and how would I feel if I found out that he was out making his name as an amateur porn star (which I darn well know he's not, but), or in a beautiful and exclusive relationship that beat ours to heck and back, and what not.

 

Okay.

 

Electrolytes are decently balanced, it is time to put my hair up, clean my room, put on a load of dishes! and get some stats homework done.

[JoelBarish]

You disgust me. Okay I am kidding.

 

Seriously, remember my ex - Sarah. A long time I was looking to get a job in a field that was related to hers. So I googled her name to see if she was working near my area because I was afraid of getting a job and running into her. Well the google search showed me that she got married! I was sad of course but I suppose that was the last straw that allowed me to get over her.

 

Snoop at your own peril.

[AnnaAnna]

You haven't done anything wrong so you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. I googled my ex right after we broke up because I was nosy and curious. I didn't find anything unfortunately. I bet a lot of people on here have done something similar. It's natural to be courious.

Anya, you're doing really good so far! Keep fighting girl, you can do it!

[loveofhorses1970]

Girl, it's not that bad. At least you stopped yourself before you did it. Been fighting the urge to unblock him on Facebook myself all day. Fight the urge, find something else to do and think about.

[AnyaNova]

Wow guys. That was some really "tough" love, there. *rolls eyes* :-p :-)

 

Tonight, I swear I need to get out of the house, but I remember what a disaster trying to go out by myself last week was.

 

And the one place I want to go, that would usually be a comfort to me, I bloody can't because my ex and I went there. Ugh.

[Grumpybutfun]

AnyaNova:

Stop living in the past and focus on your future. Stay the hell out of his business as he isn't your problem or concern anymore. Have more self-respect than to degrade yourself by searching for breadcrumbs of a relationship you no longer have any claims on. Go wherever you want to and stop being a prisoner by worrying about where he will be...you are an adult, you can act like one if you see him. Break-ups are hard, but they aren't debilitating.

Face forward, and don't look back,

Grumps

[JoelBarish]

Wow guys. That was some really "tough" love, there. *rolls eyes* :-p :-)

 

Tonight, I swear I need to get out of the house, but I remember what a disaster trying to go out by myself last week was.

 

And the one place I want to go, that would usually be a comfort to me, I bloody can't because my ex and I went there. Ugh.

 

I tried. *sigh*

[Mr Scorpio]

There are millions of men out there. Men who would enjoy the company of an articulate and passionate woman. Men who would gladly make you a stack of pancakes wedged with peanut butter in-between them. They would be there when your stats homework is done at the end of a long day. They would rub your back while having a conversation about some esoteric topic. They would even do the dishes for you.

 

But you won't let them. You are too busy sulking over a apparition. Does it feel familiar and comfortable? Does it invoke self-pity? A self-perpetuating cycle that allows you to deny responsibility for the sake of martyrdom?

 

Is it worth it to ask "why won't he send me a message stringing me along with false hope? Why does everyone else get to be emotionally tortured except for me? If I was miserable again, at least I'd be feeling some sort of connection with him! Where are my breadcrumbs?"

[AnyaNova]

There are millions of men out there. Men who would enjoy the company of an articulate and passionate woman. Men who would gladly make you a stack of pancakes wedged with peanut butter in-between them. They would be there when your stats homework is done at the end of a long day. They would rub your back while having a conversation about some esoteric topic. They would even do the dishes for you.

 

But you won't let them. You are too busy sulking over a apparition. Does it feel familiar and comfortable? Does it invoke self-pity? A self-perpetuating cycle that allows you to deny responsibility for the sake of martyrdom?

 

Is it worth it to ask "why won't he send me a message stringing me along with false hope? Why does everyone else get to be emotionally tortured except for me? If I was miserable again, at least I'd be feeling some sort of connection with him! Where are my breadcrumbs?"

 

Mr. Scorpio, let me be clear, I did my best to set up a meeting with a guy from OLD, but the guy ended up deciding that he was "too tired."

 

Ok. I was trying to do my best NOT to be sitting here getting all whatever over an apparition. But particularly, the way the guy did it, making it like he was going to ask me and then ultimately not, and then saying, "but have fun." Was pretty cruel. Ok?

 

And, unfortunately, in my real life, the only men I see that are anywhere near my age are either married, homosexual, or GTA's of classes I'm in.

 

So I would love to know where all these guys are who would love to make me pancakes. Because let me tell you, on OLD, I get a lot of over 40's, and 20-29, but do you know how many guys my age there are that share similar interests and values about love and sex there are, whose profiles don't include pictures of them with their shirts off, or that they are looking for casual sex? Or who don't send me messages about how much of a turn on I am, or how they want to **** my brains out (and yes, I have literally received that fun little message, and plenty of variations thereof)?

 

So if you could tell me where to find the men that are my age, that treat sex as something other than just physical release, that actually would actually care about me and who I am, and treat me well, that I could treat well in return, I would be very, very grateful.

 

I apologize for the tirade. I need to go clean the eye makeup out of my contact lenses now.

[AnyaNova]

There are millions of men out there. Men who would enjoy the company of an articulate and passionate woman. Men who would gladly make you a stack of pancakes wedged with peanut butter in-between them. They would be there when your stats homework is done at the end of a long day. They would rub your back while having a conversation about some esoteric topic. They would even do the dishes for you.

 

But you won't let them. You are too busy sulking over a apparition. Does it feel familiar and comfortable? Does it invoke self-pity? A self-perpetuating cycle that allows you to deny responsibility for the sake of martyrdom?

 

Is it worth it to ask "why won't he send me a message stringing me along with false hope? Why does everyone else get to be emotionally tortured except for me? If I was miserable again, at least I'd be feeling some sort of connection with him! Where are my breadcrumbs?"

 

Apologies. I should not have gone off on you like that, especially on this thread. I am very tired and sleep deprived, and have been trying to make the best of things. For some reason, I thought I was looking at a different thread, so I didn't associate it with the very thing I asked you to do. And I must say the thing about the apparition got me.

 

Serious apologies!

[maiden555]

So I would love to know where all these guys are who would love to make me pancakes.

 

Ugh, I hear you. I have these conflicting voices in my head. One says: hold out for the best! Someday you'll find someone great! There are plenty of guys out there who won't treat you like that! This voice says the same thing that my well-meaning friends/family do.

 

The other voice says that there aren't, that I rarely meet anyone I am interested in, let alone who's interested in me back. This voice gets validated the longer I try to date.

 

Just know that I'm trying to hold out hope too!

[toolforgrowth]

Mr. Scorpio, let me be clear, I did my best to set up a meeting with a guy from OLD, but the guy ended up deciding that he was "too tired."

 

Ok. I was trying to do my best NOT to be sitting here getting all whatever over an apparition. But particularly, the way the guy did it, making it like he was going to ask me and then ultimately not, and then saying, "but have fun." Was pretty cruel. Ok?

 

And, unfortunately, in my real life, the only men I see that are anywhere near my age are either married, homosexual, or GTA's of classes I'm in.

 

So I would love to know where all these guys are who would love to make me pancakes. Because let me tell you, on OLD, I get a lot of over 40's, and 20-29, but do you know how many guys my age there are that share similar interests and values about love and sex there are, whose profiles don't include pictures of them with their shirts off, or that they are looking for casual sex? Or who don't send me messages about how much of a turn on I am, or how they want to **** my brains out (and yes, I have literally received that fun little message, and plenty of variations thereof)?

 

So if you could tell me where to find the men that are my age, that treat sex as something other than just physical release, that actually would actually care about me and who I am, and treat me well, that I could treat well in return, I would be very, very grateful.

 

I apologize for the tirade. I need to go clean the eye makeup out of my contact lenses now.

 

Just for some perspective: I'm 34, single, I don't hump anything that moves, have a great job, own my own house, am a great father, in decent shape, and can cook the hell outta some pancakes. And other food, for that matter. I know my way around a kitchen.

 

There are men out there. It's okay to be a little picky and selective, but don't think that there aren't men out there. There are. Just like there are a ails me women out there.

 

I know your first instinct is to think there aren't because of your experiences, I've certainly been there. But there are so many people in this world...statistically speaking, you're bound to meet a least one that is available that you are compatible with.

 

For me, I had to experience some successes in other aspects of my life before I became more positive about my love life prospects. That sure helped boost my confidence. Plus smiling at pretty ladies and having them smile back sure helps.

 

That's part of the whole "work on you" thing. When you gain successes in your life, you begin to view yourself as more valuable and with a higher worth. That makes attracting someone new that much easier.