oliviah Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 9 months out and I am still not over him. I have maintained no contact but we do see each other professionally, occasionally. I genuinely miss his friendship so much! Almost wish we never crossed the line even though it was the best time of both of our lives. I know he is where he thinks he should be, morally (i know the verbiage does not make sense about someone who has cheated on their spouse) and he thinks he is doing the right thing and I know that he made a vow and his family is his top priority ( i respect that so much and I would want that too). 35 years of marriage, she was his first, I was his second. That is a lot of years. I know he still loves me as I do him but nothing will be right if he does not work through this himself. In the end I told him I would not be second and he agreed but I know he is not happy. I also know that if he left her for me it would just not work before he figures it out. His friends, even mutual friends of the MM and BS know he was absolutely happy with me and MM and BS have not be happy for a long time. They were totally oblivious about the affair prior to dday and now look back and say "it was so right" but right now we are living a terrible facade which is now our reality. I love him, sorry but I do and I know the feeling is mutual. I was thinking today how good all of you have been to me and I just can't seem to offer any support as I have not figured anything out myself. I throw things out there when I am in my darkest hours and receive support from all of you. To be honest, I secretly wish that he would contact me, say he can not live without me and sleep with me (just being honest). I am almost jealous of the women on here that constantly get calls from XMM but I know him so well (known him 9 years before EA 10 before SA) that he does not want to hurt me and I actually respect that. Sex was great but it was so much deeper than the sex. We had an EA for a year before sex. I wish I was on the other side and I hope I can be there one day for my LS support. I almost feel selfish for posting anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 You've given away an awful lot and gotten very little in return. Simply put, if he loved you he'd be with you, that's what adults do. How they get there is another story. Why sacrifice the rest of your life? Would you think your unhappiness is what he wants for you? If you think he's doing the right thing, I'd hope he'd expect the same from you. Time to believe in yourself and understand you deserve more and better. What you're doing now wastes something precious ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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