mrronery Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Hi all. Please help with this problem. I recently broke up with my girlfriend and am trying to figure out things at the moment. I have one question that I could really use your thoughts on. We dated for a little over. What does it mean if there were times I avoided sex with her to instead watch porn and masturbate? I appreciate the replies thanks.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Hi all. Please help with this problem. I recently broke up with my girlfriend and am trying to figure out things at the moment. I have one question that I could really use your thoughts on. We dated for a little over. What does it mean if there were times I avoided sex with her to instead watch porn and masturbate? I appreciate the replies thanks. Ha!! Well, if you're like me, you have a very healthy sex drive and sometimes porn and your own hand just seem to satisfy more completely. Even when 'getting' it regular from your lady, it's just not enough. Plus, it's just easier to 'handle' things on your own sometimes. I wouldn't worry about it....
headinthecloud Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Porn can be fun with the right woman, it should be discussed openly in a relationship - nothing to hide. However, when you start replacing the real McCoy with the fiction then you've walked into dangerous territory. You should watch the new movie 'Don Jon'. Basically, you've created a fantasy of intimacy that can hinder your ability to form an emotional bond wih a women. When faced with reality, your mind is drawn to the fantasy instead. Nothing will be as good as the fantasy, you will always be disappointed which will lead to you being unsatisfied in the relationship. Do research and find out what the experts say about it. Best of luck! 1
Grumpybutfun Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 (edited) If you ignored her and went to porn instead of having sex with her? It means you are now single and will remain that way until you understand that women or men do not like to be ignored in a relationship so their lover can go wank off while they feel neglected and alone. If my wife ignored me and just masturbated to porn, I would start to wonder why I am even with her as porn isn't real and I am. Once again, porn is fine in moderation, when you are not substituting it for real intimacy or if your lover wants to use it for recreational purposes with you. Single men love porn because that is how they get off, but if you are in a relationship and you are still going to porn for your release, then you need to reevaluate whether or not you are dependent on the quick release of porn, if you can no longer get "there" because you have been desensitized by porn, and if you have spent enough time in the bedroom educating your lover on what turns you on. Since this wasn't a case of just wanting release more because of a healthy sex drive and clearly an avoidance of sex with lover, I would worry about it unless you want to have a relationship with your hand and a cold porno site in the future. Or if possible, you can find someone who hates sex and intimacy and doesn't feel ignored when you do this. I think I heard of a girl like that...she was in a coma. SMH, Grumps Edited October 27, 2013 by Grumpybutfun 6
NoMoreJerks Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Means you are a porn addict. Grumpy nailed it ^. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 C'mon. Sometimes it's just a matter of porn and some monkey spankin'. Stop reading into it so much!!!
ponchsox Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Sex must of not been all that good if you would rather resort to porn. This. I masterbate in between sex but nothing beats the real thing. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Means you are a porn addict. Grumpy nailed it ^. WTF?? Are you kidden' me???
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Alright. I'm just gonna say it... Dudes wack it. Period. Deal with it.... Let the bashing begin 3
Author mrronery Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 The sex was good and she is a beautiful girl. My whole thing was basically if this means she's not the right one and if i need to find my "Scarlett Johanson" (from the Don Jon reference). I think this doesn't mean that she isn't the one for me and that it's more of a personal issue with myself that i need to deal with. Thank you for the helpful comments everyone.
JDPT Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I concur, it is porn addiction. Your girlfriend wasn't enough so you handled things the way you always have. She could be stunning and a porn star in bed but you still need more it's never enough so you go back to the fantasy and where you find yourself comfortable which is porn. 2
aybc123 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I really dont think it's that big a deal but maybe in your next relationship you can work on telling your gf more what you like so you dont have to get it from porn - if that was the issue - communication really is everything if it's possible. I had a gf before who had serious hangups about sex due to previous bad experiences, i tried my best to help her through it and be understanding but she couldn't help it. It was extremely frustrating sometimes because i'm the kind of guy who just wants to have fun, experiment and not take it too seriously so if someone falls off the bed just laugh it off etc but if anything like this happened that made it not perfect she would just shut down instantly and feel like she ruined it or something. And sometimes randomly for no apparent reason at all. Although I felt awful for her it made me feel terrible and eventually I felt so much pressure to make things absolutely perfect for her that it sucked all the life out of it and I began avoiding, maybe even dreading sex. So yeah i've been there with the using porn and avoiding my gf. Eventually she began to get through her issues and things improved somewhat but we broke up due to other reasons, i hope she continued in that way though and sorted things out because I think it had been a terminal issue for her in other relationships. Anyway the point of that story is that I loved that girl massively and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, sex is a huge thing for me and I think it is for all relationships but even considering that it didn't make me think she wasn't the one for me. So no i don't think you whacking it to porn means she wasn't the right girl, i don't believe in there being the right girl for anyone, but even if i did that wouldn't mean she wasn't.
oracle Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Nothing wrong with porn.. Its healthy to get off by yourself. You are entitled to your fantasies. Just don't let it replace your spouse and become number 1. That will lead to problems 2
oracle Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 People are unrealistic if they think being in a relationship means that they are never allowed to see anyone else naked again, think about anyone else naked again, get aroused by anyone else naked etc. etc. u get my point. Its all about balance. The minute you can't balance it anymore in a realistic and adult manner.. then you have problems. And if your spouse has a ZERO tolerance towards it, then they have problems as well. 1
ponchsox Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Jerking off has its pluses. Can't knock up your hand or catch an STD. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Hahahaha!!! For a minute there I thought I was going to be the only one thinking this is hilarious and ridiculous. Glad others see the humor and fun in this post!!!
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 And if your spouse has a ZERO tolerance towards it, then they have problems as well. Now this is where the real issue comes to light!!!
Sweet108 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Mrornery don't listen to advice from defensive-acting people about using porn. Please hear me out I do not think porn with consenting adult humans for consenting adult humans is bad or shameful. It's like alcohol. It can make you feel good but too much can make you sick or make you into an alcoholic. Porn creates unrealistic fantasies. Come on, all the women have big breasts, and perfectly coiffed lady areas. The men all have really big manly parts. Rarely is there any love or intimacy shown. Masturbating to porn you get used to the physical sensations of your own hand. For women they get used to vibrations. Intercourse or oral sex loses it's stimulation for the porn addict. They're used to the vibes or the grip of his own hand along with the unrealistic visuals. The porn addict finds sex with their partner less and less of a turn on both visually if they don't measure up to the online visual fantasies and physically from overuse of other methods. That could result in the inaccurate assumption "My God I no longer love this person! Afterall it couldn't be the porn, all guys do it! I need to break it off with her immediately and stop wasting my life with this person!" Now do you see my point? I will repeat - I do not judge anyone who masturbates to porn but when it spills over into a problem, well it just results in more relationship problems. You said she was good at sex and she is beautiful in your eyes. So please think about what I wrote here tonight. 1
Sweet108 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Also, Google porn addiction or intimacy issues or how porn creates intimacy issues. There is a lot more explanation on this as well as free help out there if you need it. Avoiding sex with an attractive partner who is good at sex in favor of masturbating to porn can be a red flag. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 The sex was good and she is a beautiful girl. My whole thing was basically if this means she's not the right one and if i need to find my "Scarlett Johanson" (from the Don Jon reference). I think this doesn't mean that she isn't the one for me and that it's more of a personal issue with myself that i need to deal with. Thank you for the helpful comments everyone. This isn't a black and white issue. There isn't a right or wrong answer here concerning porn use because it is subjective to each person's views. I personally find it to be complimentary to my own sex life and for my entertainment in moderation and without using it to the detriment to my own intimacy with my woman. Therefore, those of you who come on here to defend porn is defending it without even reading the part where he is avoiding actual sex with his own gf to go wank off to porn. OP: You wanted to know about porn concerning your own situation. Men use porn even if it is the right woman, nothing harmful if not to the detriment of your intimacy with your gf. You said you avoided sex with her so you could wank off to porn, completely different then just using porn occasionally as a supplement to your usual sexual encounters with your gf. Porn in itself is not a bad thing, but using porn and avoiding a real woman isn't healthy unless you just want the fantasy without anything else. Not Another Damned Porn Debate, Grumps 3
barky2 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I did it 3 times reading this thread. Lol Barky
oracle Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I hate when people boil down porn problems.. to manufactured beauty and being unrealistic. NOT ALWAYS THE CASE NOWADAYS Take xtube for example.. those are just average amateur people.. and I find that my favourite kind of porn. I can specifically look at people who share fantasies or have very specific physical attributes that turn me on. Mrornery don't listen to advice from defensive-acting people about using porn. Please hear me out I do not think porn with consenting adult humans for consenting adult humans is bad or shameful. It's like alcohol. It can make you feel good but too much can make you sick or make you into an alcoholic. Porn creates unrealistic fantasies. Come on, all the women have big breasts, and perfectly coiffed lady areas. The men all have really big manly parts. Rarely is there any love or intimacy shown. Masturbating to porn you get used to the physical sensations of your own hand. For women they get used to vibrations. Intercourse or oral sex loses it's stimulation for the porn addict. They're used to the vibes or the grip of his own hand along with the unrealistic visuals. The porn addict finds sex with their partner less and less of a turn on both visually if they don't measure up to the online visual fantasies and physically from overuse of other methods. That could result in the inaccurate assumption "My God I no longer love this person! Afterall it couldn't be the porn, all guys do it! I need to break it off with her immediately and stop wasting my life with this person!" Now do you see my point? I will repeat - I do not judge anyone who masturbates to porn but when it spills over into a problem, well it just results in more relationship problems. You said she was good at sex and she is beautiful in your eyes. So please think about what I wrote here tonight. 1
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