Wife's Female Friend Sniffed My Boxers..is this creepy to anyone else?

[hotpotato]

Hmm maybe she went through your wife's phone when she wasnt looking. People like Joan have a way of finding out people info.

[camillalev]

Ooh boy. Time to get the popcorn.

[Grumpybutfun]

 

Anyhow, this is weird. I know one thing....this "line" is similar to one that men use when they want to pick up a woman. Methinks Joan is step by step getting on your good side with the intention of starting something.

 

I think it is wise that you did not respond to her text. It was a way to get a connection with you or a start of a process to snare you in.

 

First she asks for the cologne brand. Then she tells you how when she smells it on Bob, it reminds her of you. Then she tells you that it doesn't smell the same on Bob as ob you. Then she wants to sniff you (as opposed to just your boxers), And if you allow her, then who knows.

 

I am a firm believer in never putting myself in any situation where cheating is an option, though Joan wouldn't have a chance with me anyway. I find her behavior juvenile and still creepy. I also am very happy in my marriage which she knows as I am very attentive to my wife and make it obvious that my affections are secured by my wife. When we are together at home, my wife is sitting on my lap or I am touching her in some way. Joan would have to be a complete idiot to think she would have any chance with me. I honestly think the biggest turn on to other women is my affection for my wife because the less interested I act in them, the more they seem to pursue me. I am not a charmer, I assure you.

My wife did say today that she had much to tell me tonight when I get home from travel. She didn't want to chat over the phone so she is probably upset.

No, I have no interest in answering the woman's questions as I am aware what her intentions are. I am just surprised at how naïve my wife and I are about people, as we would have never believed this woman would do anything to ruin the friendship with my wife. They have been really close for 15 years.

Grumps

Edited October 31, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[Grumpybutfun]

I just hope your boxers did not have any "skid marks" on them...

 

THAT would be bloody awful !

 

Honestly at this point, I wish I had taken a dump in them.

[Grumpybutfun]

Hmm maybe she went through your wife's phone when she wasnt looking. People like Joan have a way of finding out people info.

 

This is exactly what my wife believes... she had to have snooped in my wife's phone. Their friendship is over. My wife is a really nice, generous person, but even she has little tolerance for this sort of thing. At this point, if my wife had still wanted to be her friend I would have some questions as to my wife's interest in me as a man. Any friend of mine would have been in a pool of blood on my bathroom floor for sniffing my wife's underwear, drunk or not, and they wouldn't be welcome in my home or in my life anymore. I have little tolerance for disloyalty.

Thanks for the snooping insight,

Grumps

Edited October 31, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[xxoo]

At this point, if my wife had still wanted to be her friend I would have some questions as to my wife's interest in me as a man. Any friend of mine would have been in a pool of blood on my bathroom floor for sniffing my wife's underwear, drunk or not, and they wouldn't be welcome in my home or in my life anymore. I have little tolerance for disloyalty.

 

 

I'd question your wife's judgment if she wanted to remain friends, because this woman is showing signs of being unstable and untrustworthy.

 

But I can't imagine feeling any jealousy or rage, as my H would feel if a friend sniffed my panties. It doesn't reflect my interest in him as a man. All the passion for him in the world doesn't make me feel possessive of his dirty shorts. This may be a gender difference.

[Grumpybutfun]

But I can't imagine feeling any jealousy or rage, as my H would feel if a friend sniffed my panties. It doesn't reflect my interest in him as a man. All the passion for him in the world doesn't make me feel possessive of his dirty shorts. This may be a gender difference.

 

What can I say? I am a Neanderthal. It isn't jealousy or even possessiveness, though I can be that way because I am territorial. It totally reflects my interest in her and her well-being if I do not place boundaries for my friends. He would be disrespecting me, my home and especially my wife. It is my duty as her husband, her lover and her friend to look out for her best interests. In my opinion, some man that I invited into our home handling her underthings so disrespectfully would be a violation of her boundaries due to my lack of placing them because he is my guest.

 

My way, the Neanderthal way I suppose, the man would never try to pursue my wife because I have made very clear what boundaries there are and he will get hurt and tossed if he crosses them. My wife took it and Joan's interest in me as joke, and now she is seeing the consequences of letting someone entertain a crush on her husband. Not been a pleasant night for her confronting someone she thought was her friend, and the entire situation has been tedious for me.

 

I don't really see it as a gender thing, as some of the ladies here have agreed they would have reacted differently than my wife initially did.

 

Grunt,

Grumps

Edited November 1, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[Valen]

This whole situation is pretty amusing, Grumps. Keep us posted.

 

If I were you, next time she comes over to the house, I'll intentionally place a boxer on the floor where she'll find it, but I keep that particular boxer in my shoe for a week so it smells like my feet after a hard day's work.

[Grumpybutfun]

This whole situation is pretty amusing, Grumps. Keep us posted.

 

If I were you, next time she comes over to the house, I'll intentionally place a boxer on the floor where she'll find it, but I keep that particular boxer in my shoe for a week so it smells like my feet after a hard day's work.

 

Yeah I don't think she will ever be coming to the house again, but I like your suggestion.

 

Update: Wife ripped her a new one today, not only about sniffing my boxers, which she initially said she did because she was drunk, but also contacting me via text via work phone with some sort of agenda. My wife told her that she has noticed an unnatural interest in me over the years but has ignored because they were such good friends and she felt sorry for her because Bob is a tool.

 

Joan said my wife was naïve to think that women wouldn't go after her husband. Apparently, Joan had the nerve to tell her that she has a good shot with me. She said that men like to cheat, as Bob does, and that it is only a matter of time before I come running to her. She told my wife that I just act that way in front of her, but when I am with my guy friends I am talking about other women. (I do not know one man she knows except Bob and I haven't seen him since I carried him out of a party drunk.) Delusional stuff like this is par for the course with crazy chicks like this (no offense to the fairer sex, here, but she is bat**** crazed.) My wife told her to never contact her anymore. She might be naïve but when she learns about someone else being duplicitous and crazy, she makes the right choice in extricating them.

Who knew this is how this would end? One pair of ole Grump's underwear minding its own business in the bathroom floor.....

 

Glad it is over,

Grumps

[Charlie Harper]

Yeah I don't think she will ever be coming to the house again, but I like your suggestion.

 

Update: Wife ripped her a new one today, not only about sniffing my boxers, which she initially said she did because she was drunk, but also contacting me via text via work phone with some sort of agenda. My wife told her that she has noticed an unnatural interest in me over the years but has ignored because they were such good friends and she felt sorry for her because Bob is a tool.

 

Joan said my wife was naïve to think that women wouldn't go after her husband. Apparently, Joan had the nerve to tell her that she has a good shot with me. She said that men like to cheat, as Bob does, and that it is only a matter of time before I come running to her. She told my wife that I just act that way in front of her, but when I am with my guy friends I am talking about other women. (I do not know one man she knows except Bob and I haven't seen him since I carried him out of a party drunk.) Delusional stuff like this is par for the course with crazy chicks like this (no offense to the fairer sex, here, but she is bat**** crazed.) My wife told her to never contact her anymore. She might be naïve but when she learns about someone else being duplicitous and crazy, she makes the right choice in extricating them.

Who knew this is how this would end? One pair of ole Grump's underwear minding its own business in the bathroom floor.....

 

Glad it is over,

Grumps

 

This stuff is what makes women jokes so good....arent they a handful?

 

Ill never understand them fully, thats why I love them, those little things that make them go berserk ...LOL

[serial muse]

Apparently, Joan had the nerve to tell her that she has a good shot with me. She said that men like to cheat, as Bob does, and that it is only a matter of time before I come running to her.

 

Holy shxt, she has lost her damn mind.

 

Bravo to your wife for confronting and getting it in the open.

[xxoo]

Grumps, to clarify, I wasn't criticizing your desire to give the theoretical guy the beat down. I'm just saying that her lack of desire to beat down doesn't necessarily reflect badly on her interest in you as a man. I'd probably lack that particular desire myself, instead feeling a bit afraid of the whack-a-loon and wanting to distance myself, but there is nothing lacking in my interest in my man.

 

But now that she seems to be in beat down mode herself, it's all good.

[Grumpybutfun]

Grumps, to clarify, I wasn't criticizing your desire to give the theoretical guy the beat down. I'm just saying that her lack of desire to beat down doesn't necessarily reflect badly on her interest in you as a man. I'd probably lack that particular desire myself, instead feeling a bit afraid of the whack-a-loon and wanting to distance myself, but there is nothing lacking in my interest in my man.

 

But now that she seems to be in beat down mode herself, it's all good.

 

xxoo:

I understood what you meant, and I hope that came across as me just joking around as I know I can be very protective of her. Sometimes I just want to fix it all and I just can't.

 

I know her interest in me is sound, and she was just trying to be kind to someone she felt pity for. I guess I wanted her to self-protect against people like that because it ends up hurting her when they invariably disappoint. However, her sweetness of character is one of the things that draw many people to her. Joan wasn't her only friend and they have came out in droves in support of her. Joan is persona non grata to their mutual friends right now.

 

She was in tears when I got home last night, wanting to know why people can be so unkind. She was in cuddle mode and I felt pretty awful that she was hurt so bad by someone like Joan. She has a tender heart, wanting to believe the best in people. Though I am more logical in my approach with people, I told her it is one of the things I really adore about her. She is a sweet person, and these days that is a miracle.

 

Let this all be a lesson to us all....people who sniff your dirty underwear are creepy and need to be confronted because there is something most likely wrong with them.

 

Still Not A Cheater,

Grumps

[serial muse]

Let this all be a lesson to us all....people who sniff your dirty underwear are creepy and need to be confronted because there is something most likely wrong with them.

 

Agreed. Words to live by.

[TheGuard13]

Well this got really unpleasant and uptight and dramatic in a hurry.

 

Methinks pretty much everyone doth protest too much.

[Grumpybutfun]

Well this got really unpleasant and uptight and dramatic in a hurry.

 

Methinks pretty much everyone doth protest too much.

 

The Guard:

So my wife should be okay with one of her oldest friends (15 years) trying to actively have an affair with me? Contacting me through my work cellular phone, which no one has the number to except my wife, parents and co-workers? Joan telling my wife that I will have an affair with her?

 

Should no one hath protesteth but just accepted crazy,

Grumps

[FitChick]

Joan misread your username as GrumpyBUTTfun. Hence, the shorts sniffing.

[giving-up]

I would say yes very creepy but I would ignore it and start hiding all used boxers whenever she comes over

[salparadise]

I feel for both of them. Your wife was betrayed by an old friend and that's a tough loss to suffer. Joan lost her old friend and will probably be excommunicated from the entire social circle over this, so she may have lost all of her friends. Her marriage is dead and she's going to end up lonely and broken. She might have recovered from sniffing but calling was way over the line... and then getting belligerent. A pitiful, self-destructive mess. She needs help. Sorry for the tough ending.

[Grumpybutfun]

I feel for both of them. Your wife was betrayed by an old friend and that's a tough loss to suffer. Joan lost her old friend and will probably be excommunicated from the entire social circle over this, so she may have lost all of her friends. Her marriage is dead and she's going to end up lonely and broken. She might have recovered from sniffing but calling was way over the line... and then getting belligerent. A pitiful, self-destructive mess. She needs help. Sorry for the tough ending.

 

salaparadise:

Thanks for the wise words. You are right...no one wins because my wife lost a friend and a little bit of trust in people and Joan didn't have much to begin with and lost even more. My wife never asked her friends to take sides, and does understand that Joan is broken, but she said her conversation with her was so uncaring and vitriolic that she had no choice but to end all communication. It is unnecessary for Joan to live the life she is in. If she wasn't afraid of losing her wealthy lifestyle, she could have left Bob a long time ago, so she is bringing that on herself, IMHO. It is all about choices...we make our own reality.

Honestly, I am glad it is over, and if that is Joan's true character then my wife has much better friends than her.

Best,

Grumps

[whichwayisup]

If the other friends ask what happened, your wife doesn't have to go into details nor put Joan down but just say, my husband and I decided together our life would be healthier without Joan in it. This leaves the door open for your friends to 'see' Joan in a new light or maybe they already know she's not playing with a full deck of cards.

[Charlie Harper]

I don't even sniff my own trousers ....

[CarrieT]

Grumps, the progression of this incident just astounds me. Who knew that Joan was this far gone?

 

I'm sorry for your wife's pain in all this and I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have you AND to have dodged a bullet on where this could have gone later.

[Grumpybutfun]

Grumps, the progression of this incident just astounds me. Who knew that Joan was this far gone?

 

I'm sorry for your wife's pain in all this and I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have you AND to have dodged a bullet on where this could have gone later.

 

Thanks CarrieT. Yes, the fallout wasn't on my radar. I guess I just never thought someone would betray a friend like that especially when the payoff was....nothing. If I could have been more distant I would have had to completely ignore her at all times, so I am unsure why she thought an affair would be viable. Seems almost delusional on her part. Also, it is no secret that my wife and I don't entertain the idea of affairs since that would be a dealbreaker in our marriage. It wasn't luck but a pact that if we do it, we lose the marriage. Simple. Easy. No choice there because I won't lose her for sex with someone I don't give two cents for.

 

My wife said that Joan once said to her, "Yes, you think he wouldn't have affairs due to your pact, but that is what men do. He was away from you for years, you can't imagine what he did in Thailand, and all those other ports." My wife said she thought that was odd for someone to say but she just thought Joan was upset because Bob had just bought his secretary a diamond bracelet which Joan found out about. (Plus, in Thailand and all those other ports, I was too busy trying to herd my sailor's drunk asses, keeping them out of jail, get them out of whorehouses, get them healthcare due to STD's to do much more.) All that lowers a man's libido. Thought you would get a kick out of how her mind worked, or doesn't....

 

Best,

Grumps

[crederer]

Well initially I thought everyone was giving her a bit of a hard time. Everyone has their kinks, I'm sure most of the people on here have kinks that are equally as weird but don't see it as weird.

 

But the whole calling you and asking what cologne you wear is just showing that it is more than a kink. I mean even a girl having a crush on you is okay too, as long as their friends and can handle it.

 

Every serious relationship I've had, one of my girl's friends had a crush on me. They were open about it and it was truly an innocent crush type of thing. Once in a while it'd bother my gf's when they were feeling down on themselves but all in all it was harmless.

 

The reality is that it's different when a woman acts this way than a man. Double standard? Yes. But that's just my opinion. It seems more innocent and juvenile coming from a woman and more predatory coming from a man.

 

However, they didn't sniff my boxers and call my work phone asking for cologne recommendations.