4 year Girlfriend vs. 3 month Playtoy, easy answer? Help!

[yelena]

Hi everybody,

 

I just have a situation that I need some advice on. Well here it goes.

 

I met this guy(26, New York) in my college class at the beginning of the semester- I am 20 years old. We started talking and he seemed to come onto me pretty strong. Really flirty. I didn't pay him any mind in the beginning because I didnt know him that well, but as i got to know him 2 months down the road I got really interested. But still I didn't ,you know, show him any major affection.One night he called me if I could help him with some hw which I did. he was again super flirtatious, but at one point somebody called. And then is when i found out that he has a girlfriend of 4 years. She is 32.Some big time tv executive. So when I heard that immediatly I backed off.

We cooled it out for few weeks, but then it started again. He was telling me that I drive him crazy, that I am such a beautiful girl , sending me msgs like : you know that for now we have to keep it just flirting, and all these crazy sexual enuendo msgs. So I was trying to keep my cool, but everytime we have a class he is in my face. He invites me for lunch all the time. And it is so hard to believe that he has a girl for 4 years that is older then him and as I heard more serious person he will ever be, coz he is one of those types that seems to be in college all his life, really on the edge crazy personality - frat boy, people always think he is 22.

Well last night he invited me to go drinking with him and our other friends from class. We were walking and he kept on holding my hand, touching my hips and ****. So we all got drunk at his friends apartmant (we had our sorority/fraternity meeting) and we started messing with eachother (no kissing nothing serious), and that is when he kinda backed off, and told me that I am beautiful bla bla bla but he can't .

Ok I get that part, and completly understand.

The thing that I don't get is why is he soooo flirtatious towards me. I know he is flirty with other girls but I know for a fact not like this. I never sent him a msg first, I never approched him first he knows I don't deal with that type of **** and that I won't ever be with him but still...

I know I should just completly back off, but I do like him. I want to hear some advice. ))

Plus christmas break is coming up so It should help out coz I wont see him for a while.

[Merin]

You said he KNOWS YOU wouldn't be down for messing around with him.. However I don't think he DOES know that..

 

The thing is even if you didn't kiss him.. you have been indulging him in flirty, sexual messages.. you do allow him to hold your hand and put his hands on your hips and your a**.. you do indulge him in going out to do things with him.. you do indulge him in speaking with him on the phone.. so to me it looks like you are all about it and you're okay with it..

 

He has a girlfriend.. and he has told you that he wants to keep the flirty part going on with you in spite of this.. he has eluded to you at times that *maybe* there could more.. but in the end.. he chooses not to..

 

Soooo regardless if other people may feel his girlfriend is *right* for him or not.. HE chooses to stay with her.

 

Yeah, I would completely back off.. keep him as a friend ONLY and don't indulge him in the flirty, touchy antics unless or until there comes a time that another girl isn't in the picture.

[LucreziaBorgia]

My advice? Unless you are content with being the person that he is cheating on his girlfriend with and sharing him with her, tell him you'll be happy to see him when he is completely free to date. Then ask him to leave you alone.

 

It won't be easy, but unless you are firm in this situation about 'no contact' he is just going to proceed with his plan to make you his 'girl on the side', and will continue his relationship with the woman he is with now. If you continue to hang out with him, and let him keep going on in this way - no matter what you say to him, he's going to see it as a green light to keep going, and eventually try to wear you down until you go to bed with him.

[yelena]

yea thats how i felt about it. i would tell him time to time to stop doing this **** coz he knows its not real, but he would just keep going. I will def break the illusion of this whole "play", coz I know he won't break up with his girl.

 

but thanx guys for confirming my plans ))

Yaaay so glad i found this forum ))

[hART]

Stay away from him.

He intents on staying with his girlfriend.

As long as you two are friends, he'll keep trying trying to make it more than that.

Go find yourself a man who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated and completey break all relations with him.