hkh8871 Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 So for a little backstory- i have been dating this guy for ~10 months. we are long distance (he is in USA i'm in Europe studying to be a doctor and he has a full time job where he works 50/60 hours a week). we are together 6 months out of the year in total (3 months over summer and winter I'm in the usa and usually in-between he comes to visit me for 10 days when he can get off work). in the beginning our relationship was amazing- really sweet guy and nice and the last month i was in america we were having huge issues- he wanted to be with his friends more, didnt want to always come see me since i live an hour away by car when we are both in the usa...we fought every weekend for 5 weekends and as a crescendo he didn't take me to the airport or see me before i left back to europe because of a fight- which he later profusely apologized for and felt terrible about. well now he is visiting me and it has been an odd 4 weeks leading up to it- barely speaking except 1 Skype conversation and one text every day/ every other day....so practically 0 communication but he still wanted to come see me. well he arrived yesterday to visit me and things were good. we haven’t really had a chance to have a talk but i feel like i just want to have some fun and bring happiness and mutual enjoyment back to us before we talk. the only thing is…and i know this is a big NO NO but he logged into his Facebook on my computer and didn’t log off…well when i wanted to log in it automatically went to his site and i really tried not to look but curiosity got the best of me and i just casually glanced at the first conversation with his best friend…well in that conversation his friend tells him that he should text his ex as a congratulations for getting into law school and that she likes knowing he still cares…to which my boyfriend replied i don’t want to text her while her boyfriend is still in the picture and that she had texted him earlier that day and his friend said oh well she asks me about your girlfriend (me) sometimes and that he tells her nothing other than we are happy to which my boyfriend replies “next time you should say ‘you guys should get back together’” and his friend responds with “will do” and then the conversation just went a different way!! i’m so confused right now!! this is a girl he dated for 3 years in college and was supposedly awful too and then he was heartbroken when they broke up and for a year he tried to get her back and it didn’t work…i thought he moved past her but obviously not…..and another part of the conversation was him asking his friend (same friend) to bring girls with him and his friend said he only knows girls x,y and z (which are coincidentally my friends) and then my boyfriend responds with “aka those are the only girls my gf knows in this whole city” to which his friend replies with “ohhh ok”………………this all happened about the middle of october when we never spoke but it makes me wonder what the hell he is doing here…….why would someone be in a relationship when they really just want their ex? or other girls? as a disclaimer- i really wasn’t trying to snoop! i leave all his things alone all the time even if i have the perfect opportunity to look through things (i used to be a big snooper but have made a point to not do it in this relationship) but this seems to just have fallen into my lap and now i’m at a loss. i don’t know how to react towards him but he has been being affectionate and sweet and holding me and kissing me…its so confusing!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 I agree with you all. These comments he made were in mid october and i just saw them niw. it has not left my mind but his behavior is throwing me for a loop. He is so affectionate and when he thinks im sleeping hell kiss me on my cheek amd stroke my hair and hell just be so sweeet where i think...why? He even talks about the future amd the next time we will see each other and what we will do......it makes leaving him so much harder Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 You are right now. He has one foot out the door but is keeping one inside in order to have someone for occasionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 but do you think it means he is cheating on me? maybe it was just hard because we parted on such bad terms but now he'll want to be with me full time again...? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Even though he has broken up with his ex does not mean he is over her. Afterall he did spend a year trying to get her back. It sounds like she still has feelings for him as well. Some men (and women) do not like to be alone. They want/need sex, a warm body and someone to care about them. Some folks just don't want to be alone. If you aren't engaged to him this could be a short term relationship until he finds the one he wants to be serious with. If he were in love with you he wouldn't be having these conversations with his friend. What are you going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 So just in case anyone was wondering- I wanted to update a bit on how my LDR is. He just left back to America today after a week together- it was not perfect but it was nice and fun and I think exactly what we needed to get back on track and find our ways back to each other. I mean there was definitely a bit of distance but I think that it's probably for the best- mainly on my part because he was becoming too much of my "whole life" instead of a part of my life that is making me happy- which i guess was a source of one of the problems. He did admit to me that he before we were "officially" together had kissed another girl and even slept with her but after he had had sex with me for the first time he didn't have sex with anyone and that after we were "officially" together that nothing ever happened- so I was a bit upset but in the end he didn't "break any rules". When he left this morning I cried like I usually do and he wiped away my tears and held me and kissed me and said that its only 6 weeks til we see each other and that he had fun with me here. It'll get easier with time I know but the first few days of being apart are always difficult. I'm hoping our communication will get better now that we both have let go of a lot of resentment and are happier to be in this relationship together. He still hasn't said I love you, but neither have i so I guess that will come on it's own time. I'm hoping that the texts I saw were just flukes because we weren't clicking so well and he thought that I was going to break up with him...I guess I will have to take a leap of faith on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
missmac Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 No such thing as accidental snooping!!!! yep. the word itself "snooping" implies an intentional action, you have to trust someone, or dont date them. The minute you start snooping your going to see a bunch **** that you will read out of context and end up killing your relationship. Even if you suspect something, approach them about it, dont resort to snooping, its so high school 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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