LaceyFace Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 So my MM was also best friends with my now EX husband (divorced 2 years) and we have many mutual friends of whom we have slowly lost contact with a lot. MM has been separated from his BS for about a year or so. She now lives out of state. He has kept our relationship a huge secret for awhile so things didn't get to everyone. He didn't want the judgement etc. That has been a huge problem for me. If we are both single/ separated...why all the secrets. So this past week we have been fighting a lot. The end of us was here. I tend to keep my feelings bottled up....usually to avoid arguements. But yesterday was it. I let everything out. I said from now on every little thing on my mind you will know. Take it as me being a bitch or whatever I don't care. Figured at this point what do I have to lose. He tends to avoid me or ignore me when he is mad at me, so of course I get ignored a good bit last night.... I'm about to fall asleep and recieve a text. He told his best friend about him and I. Um what?!?!?! His BFF is also Friends with BS and BFF can't keep his mouth shut to his wife who is the biggest gossip queen ever. So....this is about to get interesting. Well my response was why would you do that, we have been a secret for 2 years. He said I wanted to tell someone I love you. I saw this as a huge step. Thoughts?! Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Surprise surprise MM says something that makes you feel all excited and. Loved. Okay so where are the actions to back it up? Please try to remember the nature of an affair, the married cheater will often say what you want to hear to keep things ( and ego stroking) going. Words are cheap. Actions make things happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Wait, you've been divorced for 2 years and he's been separated for a year. So obviously actions ARE being taken to being together. I don't understand keeping it a secret for so long, but since you've both been single a decent amount of time, I see absolutely no reason why there should be a big blow up. And I think the two posters above are being too hard on you given the fact that you ARE both single and that's obviously shown some action that he wants to be with you and isn't just a cake eater. I would be glad to stop being a secret, though I totally understand why it upset you to be one for so long. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 When my guy left his ex wife, we took it very slow. We didn't disclose that we were together for nearly a year. We wanted to wait until things had calmed down. And then, we didn't run through the streets shouting it, we just began naturally talking about one another, etc. I think what you've stated is pretty normal. We are a really happy couple now and things are really good for us. Hang in there and see where it goes. Don't listen to the naysayers. If you two are in love and plan to be together, just let it happen naturally. Good luck with everything! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaceyFace Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 Wait, you've been divorced for 2 years and he's been separated for a year. So obviously actions ARE being taken to being together. I don't understand keeping it a secret for so long, but since you've both been single a decent amount of time, I see absolutely no reason why there should be a big blow up. And I think the two posters above are being too hard on you given the fact that you ARE both single and that's obviously shown some action that he wants to be with you and isn't just a cake eater. I would be glad to stop being a secret, though I totally understand why it upset you to be one for so long. Good luck! Yeah he is technically still married but she doesn't even live in the same state anymore. The secret thing has always bothered me. I guess with our history of having this big group of friends my ex still stays in touch and everything with some of them. MM didn't want his BS to think he left her for me. He was already in the works of leaving her, and wanted her to know it was her actions not me. Even tho we started our 'thing' as he was ending it with her. I feel knowing how our situation has been for 2 years this is a big step. We started out as friends just hanging out which grew to more. But even over the years when we were both somewhat happily married to our spouses him and I still turned to each other as just good friends. We were always drawn to each other but never knew what it was exactally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 He did it to please you, yet the way he did it will cause a lot of drama and it'll be a big test between you two and how the reaction is by others. Instead of you two being a united team together and telling people TOGETHER, showing them how happy you are and how happy you make one another, he threw it out there without any thought or planning. Maybe it was unintentional, maybe it was intentional, who knows. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaceyFace Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 He did it to please you, yet the way he did it will cause a lot of drama and it'll be a big test between you two and how the reaction is by others. Instead of you two being a united team together and telling people TOGETHER, showing them how happy you are and how happy you make one another, he threw it out there without any thought or planning. Maybe it was unintentional, maybe it was intentional, who knows. Time will tell. I wanted to put it out there awhile ago. He was afraid of the reaction from his best friends. I don't mind how he did it. I'm just glad he did. I think he was a bit surprised by his best friends reaction. It was quite positive. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 He told someone. Take it for what it is. It is a step in the right direction. the first person is always the hardest. I dont take it as doing it to make you happy, it is just a hard thing to do with so many past relationships involved. Just enjoy and appreciate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaceyFace Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 When my guy left his ex wife, we took it very slow. We didn't disclose that we were together for nearly a year. We wanted to wait until things had calmed down. And then, we didn't run through the streets shouting it, we just began naturally talking about one another, etc. I think what you've stated is pretty normal. We are a really happy couple now and things are really good for us. Hang in there and see where it goes. Don't listen to the naysayers. If you two are in love and plan to be together, just let it happen naturally. Good luck with everything! Thank you. Basically that is what is HOPEFULLY happening. Happy to hear some positive on here that someone worked out. I believe if you want it bad enough, you can work through anything. I'm putting myself out there to deal with anything that crosses our path, I hope he feels the same. I don't mind coming out slowly...as long as it comes out we are together. Not everyone will approve but it's not their life. Link to post Share on other sites
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