Three months of no contact and now she is my date to a big Christmas Party..Help

[Mr. Gullible]

Hello,

 

I was in a relationship that lasted three months a few months ago. I had not been in a relationship for over two years. My last girlfriend of 7 years ran out with another man that she had known for only a few weeks. That was hard to deal with, but this woman I met was great, or so I thought. I let down my guard and after three months, when things were about to get deeper, she bailed. For no other reason than fear of whatever, she has issues, as do I. We got on great, I felt that I could start up another relationship and make it last. Anyway, we have had no verbal contact since she broke it off over the telephone. We had traded e-mails on and off, some were distant, some were not so distant. We had made plans to have a drink for the last few weeks, but have been unable to hook up...too many Christmas parties to go to. Friday night as I was at a party, the woman that got us together the first time called to see who I was taking to a party this Friday. When I said nobody, she suggested that I take my ex. I had had a few drinks and said that I would. The ex did not make the call, but knew that we were being "set up" again. After three months of no contact, I am not sure how to act or what to make of this "date". I do not assume that it is anything more than just two friends going to a party. I wished I had thought it through a bit longer, but I commited. We both had very strong feeling for one another...maybe too strong, too fast.

 

I am not sure how to act. This party is important to me and I cannot afford negative distractions. It will be a very happy party and with the booze flowin' and all of the sentiment with the holidays, can we avoid getting caught up in it? I guess I am just confused. I had hoped that our first meeting would not be at such a big event where she will be going as my date. Her boss will be there and she went to great lengths to keep our relationship from her boss. But now it is okay to be seen with me, and as her date? I admit, I have a hard time resisting her sexually, and if she makes the move, I am putty. Should I just say f%@k it and follow her lead, because I can be just as aggressive when it comes to making a move on her. I really miss just kissing her. I am torn. Part of me thinks that I am being manipulated by our mutual friend. She is closer to the woman that got us together than I am, but I know that in the three years that they have known each other, I was the only person that she really liked enough to consider something long term.

 

I do want more with this woman, but once bitten, twice shy.

[alphamale]

Dear Mr. Gullible:

 

If you go to this party with this woman you will make a VERY BIG mistake. That is all I will say.

 

If you want to get together with her meet her 4 lunch and make her pay for everything.

 

alpha

[Mr. Gullible]

Can you be more specific than I will be making a very big mistake?

[Sukotto]

Ex + alcohol = sex

 

Thats the problem.

[Mr. Gullible]

There could be worse things than an ex and booze. I hope I can have enough sense not to sleep with her, assuming that she even wants to! But now that I have already said yes, I will have to make the best of it. If it is too uncomfortable, I can just leave early.

[Sukotto]

Meeting an ex after a long period of not seeing each other usually results in that spark you had when you first met and usually you forget the reason why it ended since its been so long. So some alcohol in there and you'll both start being very forward and before you know if you'll be back in bed. This happened to me on tuesday and no alcohol was involved.

[Mr. Gullible]

Forgeting why we are not together is not possible. I remember and cannot forget that fact. Did you regret ending up in bed with the ex? Is it impossible to reconnect with an ex? Is there such a thing as right woman, wrong time? I was going through so much when we met. I was selling my company, having major surgery and had had several car accidents among other things. TONS of stress. As for her, she was not expecting such an intense relationship. It was going to be just a casual thing for both of us, but we connected straight away. It scared both of us. When we were together, we had great times and never fought.

 

Nothing ventured...nothing gained. BUt I admit, I don't know how to act.

[Sukotto]

Do I regret it? Nope, she broke up with me in September after 2.5 years. Though its definately wierd now, we talk more often since then and we've been hanging out like a couple. When I talked to her she wasn't sure what she wanted but she felt like she made a mistake when she ended it. So we talked on friday and decided we'd start dating again and see where it goes.

 

I saw her tonight when i went to pick something up but her parents were there and it was more wierd than ever, they ended up asking how I was etc and it wasn't until I was leaving the she gave me a quick kiss, so I guess its caused more confusion.

 

I was happy when we weren't together because I knew where we stood, but now that this carrot has been dangled and I've had a nibble, its made me more confused.

 

I'm exactly like you, my ex could always and still can just push a few of my buttons and i'd be doing whatever she wanted, its not that i'm easily manipulated but we were very close and she can more or less read my mind, and that includes bad jokes that I think but dont say. The worst part is when I attempt to lie, the only way that I can get away with it is with a written medium.

 

So it depends what you want to do, if you want to try and get back together then go for it but it could open fresh wounds and you have to be prepared for that.

[Mr. Gullible]

There is nothing I would like more in the world than to get another chance with this woman. But wanting and having are two different things. I took a great deal of time after she broke up with me to find out what I did wrong and why. That is not to say she is not 50% responsible for the first failure. But I can only speak for myself. I was amazed at the way I acted looking backwards. I now understand why I am the way I am...childhood. SURPRISED??? That being said, for it to work, she would have had to done some work as well. I don't know if she did, we have not spoken, but I will know Friday for sure. She is the right one as far as things in common, humor, chemistry, goals, etc. But I don't want to be foolish. I am older and more established professionaly and cannot risk a meltdown if I let her back in and she pulls her vanishing act again. So even if I do end up in bed with her, afterwards I will be much more careful than I was before. But yes...I do see a future with her. She said the same thing to me when we were together, several times.