The season of dread and ill will to all exes

[Monodare1]

Hi guys, the nights are drawing in and after this coming week, thoughts will be cast to the season of dread for the dumped and single c.....mas. Has any one got any thoughts on how us single/dumped single people/dads survive this season holiday in our current states of marriage/relationship status?

Edited October 27, 2013 by Monodare1

[RonaldS]

It's hard, but so much of what makes it hard is the impending sense of dread. It's just a couple of days. Once they're over, you just forget about it. Then, you have a whole year to move past where you're at, and next year will be easier.

 

If you have kids/family/friends around, enjoy the time with them.

[K Os]

I'd second that. It doesn't last long. I was dreading it last year too. Just ignore the commercial build-up, because that's all it is - hype. Surround yourself with friends and wider family as much as you can, and enjoy whatever time you do have with your kids. I'm lucky in that my wife celebrates on the 24th - at last a cultural difference pays off

[MrE_UK]

Hi,

 

This is my first xmas alone in 10 years - two previous relationships and wasn't single over crimbo in the break between. I keep telling myself as long as the kids have a great Christmas, then job well done.

 

Me? I'll watch some movies and get myself the new Batman for PS3 more than likely. Get a crate of beers, some snacks and chocs, and enjoy some me time. Might ask a good female friend if any of her single friends might enjoy a date - after all, it will have been, let me think, oh, 6 months since DD.

 

However, as weird as this is, the ex slipped and said she "really cares about me" and "would love to have me stay over for Christmas," then later backtracked and said, "...for our daughter's sake. But not sure if you're there yet (re: anxiety illness)." I don't think Christmas with her and her family, who haven't even said, "How are you coping?" would be a comfortable experience. Especially after one of her families male friends liked that our relationship had ended - I called him a D*&k head and told the fake Christian to consider how the kids must feel, which went down well to the narcissists. Although I could have a whale of a time making their Christmas stressful, I couldn't do it to the kids. But then my daughter would love me to see her for xmas. It's a tough call.

 

She blames me for everything, so, who knows.

Edited October 27, 2013 by MrE_UK

[dienstag]

My last few xmases were so miserable and lonely, where we barely exchanged a word together etc. that i am actually really looking forward to my first christmas with just kids and me and a peace of mind.

Edited October 27, 2013 by dienstag

[Heartbroken Eagle]

My last xmas day was the first time I realised that there was problems with my ex and her mother was being a complete bitch towards me. I was so miserable I tried to call my family who I missed desperately and spoke whilst I was on a long walk alone. I was so unhappy and lonely and they could tell.

 

I know I will miss my little man on xmas day, but I will call him several times on the day and will hope to have him on Boxing Day. I know that I will never be as unhappy as I was last year.

[M30USA]

I'm actually going to have a great holiday season. Not really missing female companionship right now, honestly. I am actually even worried that I might be permanantly disinterested in a relationship. Would be nice to have more family and friends nearby, but I'll be with them at least for Turkey Day, so it's all good.

[Damia]

Last Christmas my kids an I went on Holliday a short distance from home so they could still travel back to spend half the day with their father and grandparents etc.

My family came to where we were holidaying to celebrate.

The change of venue was great for us ,no bad memories to associate with the place/previous Christmas.

It worked so well The kids are wanting to do the same this year and so am I

 

Sort of reworking old traditions to work with new circumstances

[imtooconfused]

Wow, it's not even the end of October and you are already dreading Christmas? You need to settle down your worries, because there are a lot of shopping days left.

 

The only thing I can say is that you suggest that you are a dad. Take this time to really focus on your kids (and other non-marital family members).

 

You will also need to prepare yourself for even worse feelings that come up on New Years, which is typically a "couples night." Sorry, just putting the facts out there.

[littlejaz]

Make new traditions for you and your kids like Damia did. It will help empower you. If you are alone of Christmas day-go volunteer at a shelter. Helping others does wonders for your feelings.

[BeingMe]

I'm going to make Christmas Day all about church, me and the children. Keeping it simple, joyful and relaxed. This year the decorations will be to my taste and I'll get the children to make decorations too.

 

It's New Year that I'll find harder. The children will be asleep and it will probably just be me. We used to have friends over every year, but they've distanced themselves recently and I'm in two minds whether to invite them or not.

[2.50 a gallon]

One of the first life lessons that I learned was that the bah-humbug routine during the holidays, got you no where with women. It is simple, most women chose a man who is fun to be around over the Grump. So from my earliest bachelor days, I was big on celebrating Christmas.

 

In the looks department my Ex could be classed as fold out material, long legs and you know the rest. On our first Christmas she added another layer to my celebrating, when it came time to decorate the tree, she emerged from the bedroom wearing this outfit she had just bought from Fredericks, of Hollywood, complete with high heels and fishnet stockings. She then mixed me a drink, and I proceeded to watch while she decorated the tree. With her bending down to pick up and ornament, or leaning in to string some lights, it was Hefner eat your heart out.

 

When it came to the first Christmas after our break up this only added to my depression, which was made even worse, as we married over the Christmas holiday and it would have been our first anniversary.

 

And at the same time, when we married we had moved a thousand miles away and I had yet to make many new friends. other than co-workers.

 

I didn't want her actions to ruin my Christmas so I was desperate to find away to reclaim the holidays.

 

I had kicked her out when I caught her cheating, so I was the one stuck living out our lease, which lasted until Halloween, when I moved into a large single only apartment complex.

 

Thanksgiving the gloom hit me, four days off, the Christmas season, starting and I was by myself. Luckily, I remembered unpacking some cookie cutters from my youth that my mom had given us. So spent the 4 days baking up several batches of cookies and decorating them as I watched football,

 

The cookies were a hit with my new neighbors, especially the female neighbors. And before I knew I had several offers of assistance with the next batch I should bake. I think I did another 3 batches, and each time the lady brought over a bottle of wine, and her favorite cutters.

 

That and I later put up a tree, with a helper, put some mini lights around the picture window and a couple of more strings on the bush outside my door. And without even trying I had gained a reputation like that of Scrooge as a man who knew how to celebrate Christmas.

 

I did not sleep alone on Christmas eve.

[2.50 a gallon]

My advice, is to find a way to avoid being the bah-humbug guy.

 

Most of you will eventually want to find another person to share your life with. Use the holidays to show that you are a fun person, who knows how to celebrate the holidays and life.

 

I was the only guy in the complex who went to the trouble of putting up some lights up in my window. And the lights, were like a neon sign, saying a fun guy lives here.

 

Women complain that a good man is hard to find. If you can find a way to avoid turning into a grump, even though you don't realize it, they will notice.

[2.50 a gallon]

For me baking and decorating cookies became a new tradition. Over the next dozen years I think it got me dates with at least two dozen new ladies as I also got into baking them for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Easter.

 

Eighteen years ago I got a date with a sweet gal, who was way out of my league in the looks department. She had just temporarily broken up with the love of her life, while he left the state to get cleaned up from drug abuse. The idea was once he got clean they would get back together and live happily ever after.

 

For our third date, I brought her over to my place to bake Halloween cookies. She had a blast. She didn't fall in love with me that night, but it did start the process, tonight we once again baked Halloween cookies.

[Misadventure]

I'd second that. It doesn't last long. I was dreading it last year too. Just ignore the commercial build-up, because that's all it is - hype. Surround yourself with friends and wider family as much as you can, and enjoy whatever time you do have with your kids. I'm lucky in that my wife celebrates on the 24th - at last a cultural difference pays off

 

This is going to be my first year in 8 yrs without him through the holidays. I was pretty much dreading it before.. but he has been so hateful that it's not so bad now.

[MsOptimist]

I was worried about the holidays last year too but it came and went faster than I thought it would.

 

I wasn't much into celebrating Christmas last year so I didn't put up a tree or decorate. I still had a lot of fun in the winter though by spending more time outside and being active. My advice is to still try to get out and do new things, even if it's not directly holiday related. And hey - you're saving money! Spend the money you'd spend on a gift for the husband/wife on something for yourself

 

This year I'm ready to decorate and celebrate and watch all of my favorite cheesy holiday movies.