A small part of hope won't allow me to let go x

[Missjennyd]

Hi everyone

 

I am very new to the site but I understand the best thing to do is talk about what you are feeling. After going through a really hard time in my life in which I had been treated really bad in a relationship and started drinking heavily so moved away from home to sort out my problems. Over 4 years ago I moved back home and my trust issues were huge but I fell madly in love with my ex but he also had issues regarding his ex, custody of his children, etc. There was always one thing after another with his ex causing trouble. Anyway I supported him throughout and treated them like my own (I don't have children). Throughout our relationship my ex's mum and sister had sort of a hold of my partner and when it came to decisions he would consult them before me which really upset me because I started to feel left out.

 

Last year his ex sent the police to my door because she didn't trust the kids in my care and I think things between me and my ex started going down hill drastically plus I was going through a bad time with work and I found out my mum was an alcoholic too. When it got to New year 2013 I wanted to star things off positively a new start between me and my ex but things just got worse and we got more distant. My ex didn't like to talk but I could tell he had all kinds of problems and worries but he shut down. So I went to stay with my mum for a while hoping we could get things back on track. I still spent time with him and the kids but I didn't want the kids to see us arguing. It got to May and I decided to go to see my sister in Abu Dhabi for a break but on the night before I wanted to talk about things and explained if we didn't do something (my ex because I had tried) then it would probably be the end. My ex went nuts and I couldn't calm him and he called the police to get me out of the house. I left and called the next day and I could tell he regretted it but his sister and mum got involved so I got told it was over.

 

Whilst I was away the locks got changed on the house I couldn't get in touch because his mum and sister threatened me. Anyway I bumped into him in the summer and I could tell he was devastated and was concerned but I had to walk away from him because I was upset. Since then I haven't heard from him I have called him and when he answered he was civil but because he was at his mum's she quickly got on the phone to tell me to move on.

 

I am doing everything I can to move on everything text book advises gym, work, I have a little dog and I just can't stop thinking about him. I know you might be thinking I deserve better but I have a connection there that I know he regrets this and that it has gone too far to go back. I worry about him all the time and I know he will be struggling with money, the kids etc because I did everything possible. I have put money in his account a couple of times and sent a present and card for my ex's daughters birthday. As I say in my title I can't let go because I still feel things have not been said to close the door on what we had and there is that tiny bit of hope. I am dreading Xmas on my own because for the past 4 years I have cooked the dinner and got presents etc. for my little family (my mum goes away). I regret ever coming to stay with my mum and going to my sister's so much I wish I could take it back. But how do I create the chance to get a second chance again. It's so hard trying to get through every day at the minute because I miss not just one person but three people who were and still are very important to me.

 

I would love to hear from anyone who has advice please, who knows how lonely it gets. One thing I can be proud of is I haven't drank. I hope to hear from you soon xx

[Philosoraptor]

You clearly know he was not a stable man and seems to have many emotional issues. You did nothing wrong by seeing your family, he was controlling.

 

It's hard to lose people, but you need to cut this connection fully if you are ever going to lose that hope and be able to take care of yourself and move on. Understand that it is not your job to take care of him or his family, it's doing nothing but hurting you.