5 Stages of grief and loss

[una_lala]

I was reading an blog about the stages of grief and also did an internet search. It seems to be universally recognized that there are 5 stages of grief death, divorce, etc.pretty muss all forms of loss. I was wondering if any of you have read about this or went through it? do you find it to be pretty accurate? I was reading through it and it seems logical. I believe I have passed stage 1. (denial/disbelief) and am in stage 2. (anger) because I have been thinking about things that really make me mad. I want to write him and tell him off.. This is odd because we ended it in good terms and it was basically my decision so why am I get angry? I'm on day 5 of NC and out of the blue he emails me last might and says only "I Miss You".. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I have just ignored it so far. I am counting the days. One day at a time. We have never gone more than a week without speaking so my goal is to make it past that one week.. well, obviously for good, but in my mind my short term goal is past the one week mark. I guess I figure if I can do that then I somehow will prove to myself that I can live without him for a month, a year, etc.

[SarahJames]

Yes, I definitely do find the stages to be accurate.

 

Here is something I was able to relate to you on: I, too, ended things on good terms...and that is when the "I miss you" started coming in as well.

 

You ask the perfect question..."what am I supposed to do with that". Nothing. You know why? It's useless to us. Of course he misses you...you were his pleasure principle. But he is not willing to give you anything, so don't give him anything back. This includes your time. Let's move onto to the next stage One day at a time.

[blue963]

yes this feeling is pretty accurate. I think you can sometimes go thru these stages while you are in a relationship because it doesnt follow the same interactions as a real relationship. Contact and time happen when it is able to happen.

[threelaurels]

I agree with what other posters here have said. I'm very much a believer in the stages of grief, and I have found that reading about them when grieving can be comforting.

 

However, I would like to add that the grieving process does not necessarily begin with the actual loss of someone. It can begin long before they are gone.

 

I went through the denial stage, the anger stage, and the bargaining stage over and over again in the 10 years after my father was diagnosed with cancer. When he finally passed away, I did not experience either--only the sadness and eventually acceptance. In a way, I was grieving his inevitable death long before it occurred.

 

I think what I went through may be very applicable to affairs. The stages of grief can start long before the A actually ends because the AP is often confronted with the reality that their relationship with the WS must end even though they may not want it to.

[waterwoman]

I went through the denial stage, the anger stage, and the bargaining stage over and over again in the 10 years after my father was diagnosed with cancer. When he finally passed away, I did not experience either--only the sadness and eventually acceptance. In a way, I was grieving his inevitable death long before it occurred.

 

.

 

That is what my father says about his mother's death. She had altzheimers so he felt much of the loss and grief over the years before. H's father was diagnosed and died within a fairly short time - his grief and all it's stages took a long time to play out, many years, and all the related FOO issues came bubbling to the surface.

 

i think it can be useful to find a 'roadmap' to grief as long as you don't start to berate yourself, or let anyone else do it, because you aren't following the route precisely or at the right speed.

 

Good luck op x