sweets_xoxo Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 We dated for 7 years, lived together for 2 years and have been married for 1 year. We both finished college and both have great stable jobs. Recently I have been through a phase that I want a child. I have close family and friends, either pregnant or already with kids and can't help but to feel a bit jealous. Recently I have brought it up about having a child, and he always says 'no' or 'not any time soon'. Which typically always leads to an argument or an awkward silence. And when I ask why not, he always says because we aren't ready, what are we going to feed him/her, how are we going to take care of him/her, and that his biggest fear is for the baby to have some type of disability or special needs. First of, we both have jobs, we have a great family support, and no one in his family or mine have any mental or physical problems for him to have that fear. I have also told him that I want a child by the age of 25, which to be honest sounds very mean and selfish but it would also be my breaking point of not being able to experience motherhood because of him. How can I convince him or change his mind about his reasons of not having a child? And should I worry about this marriage not working out because of this? Or is it me? (I am 22 and he is 25) Link to post Share on other sites
theothersully Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 That sounds early to me too... Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Did you discuss having children before you got serious (or at least before you got married)? If so, what was his input at that time in regards to whether or not he wanted children? Honestly if you talked about this previously and knew he didn't want children, my answer would be different than if you'd talked about it originally and both agreed that you wanted them. You're both really young still so even though your biological clock may be screaming at you, there's really NOT a rush. (Though I do understand it, I had mine early and I wish I had waited. I've had all I'm going to have now and regret that part of my life is over.) Link to post Share on other sites
ConstantVoyager Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 You guys are so so young. I actually agree with your husband that you should wait to have children. Build your marriage. Build your careers. Build your financial reserves. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 How can I convince him or change his mind about his reasons of not having a child? This isn't really something you should try changing his mind over. Everyone has to make that decision on their own, and if he's not ready, you'll have to respect that. That might mean waiting it out and seeing if he'll be ready someday, or splitting up because you have different expectations out of life. It's up to you. I want a child by the age of 25 Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Outsider77 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Why did you not discuss these things before you got married? This is a very important subject to have not discussed. You guys are really young. He probably is not ready to be a father. People are waiting longer and longer to have children. So 40 years ago it was not young, but it is now and many men that age don't want to be parents yet. That's why if you knew you wanted kids before 25, you should have discussed this before you got married. It's too late to change that now, but maybe you can come up with a compromise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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