I hurt my bf but will he eventually get better with time?

[Klinetea]

Ok I'm going to be straight forward:

 

I cheated on my bf of 2 years and it's been now nearly 6 months later. I end up doing some things with his ex best friend Carlos but no sex. It was discovered through my facebook account and the hard part is there was a picture of us on Olive Garden restaurant.

 

I understand he feels like absolute garbage but I've been answering his questions. He is still hurting and sometimes it seems as if it's the same or worse. Is there anything else to help him out?

[Dinozzo925]

Yeah, separation from you.

 

He will never be able to be proud of you in the same way again, and he also won't be very proud to be with you. If he's with you he's settling, and he needs to see he can do better before he decides he wants to come back.

[Klinetea]

Yeah, separation from you.

 

He will never be able to be proud of you in the same way again, and he also won't be very proud to be with you. If he's with you he's settling, and he needs to see he can do better before he decides he wants to come back.

So there is no hope anymore and I should break up for him? Still, I was thinking that things can work out, to fight for our love.

 

Sometimes he keeps saying how he wished he had never seen that Olive Garden picture.

[Space Ritual]

Still, I was thinking that things can work out, to fight for our love.

 

 

ROFLMFAO!!!!

 

That's priceless....

[Klinetea]

ROFLMFAO!!!!

 

That's priceless....

You can love and still do something stupid.

 

I did came here for a reason. I want to fix what I did. Anyone else besides mocking me???

[thishatteredsymphony]

You can love and still do something stupid.

 

I did came here for a reason. I want to fix what I did. Anyone else besides mocking me???

 

As someone who was cheated on, this is not something you can fix, not easily at least.

 

If you want to fix it, you've got a TON of work ahead of you but you should not be at all surprised if he decides to call it quits if he hasn't done so already.

[Darren Steez]

You're going to get flamed, just the nature of the forum, right or wrong. You need to answer these questions, work on yourself then maybe you can include your boyfriend in moving forward together.

 

First of why did you cheat? There had to be a reason. When this friend made the move on you, you didn't stop it. Why?

 

You weren't honest with your boyfriend. Why didn't you tell him? Love is about honesty and trust, so even after you cheated you still didn't tell him.

 

You kept that picture of the two of you at Olive garden, it was a memento, something to remember, now your boyfriend knows that, so he knows there was more of a connection between the woman he loved and his best friend,so it's a double betrayal.

 

Although I do think this is a troll post, maybe this thread can help others in the same situation.

[almond]

You have cheated on him twice, and once was with his former best friend. I don't think he will ever be able to move past these betrayals.

 

The best thing for both of you would to separate and work on yourselves individually.

 

You need to work hard to become an honest, loyal person, who values integrity. You need to learn to value the people that you love more than your selfish desires. You need to learn to control your behaviour so that you do not hurt people that care about you. Spend some time alone, reflecting. Work on becoming a better person.

 

He needs to figure out why he feels as though staying with someone that has deeply betrayed him twice (that he knows of) is the best thing for him. He needs to grow into a person who feels as though he deserves a relationship full of love and mutual respect, and above all, trust. He needs to do this without you.

 

Separate, and sort your **** out - both of you. This is definitely the best thing that you can do, to ensure that you both develop into respectful, honorable adults.

[Klinetea]

I admit that things just didn't happen for the hell of it. At the time I was very upset with my bf and felt he wasn't at least putting some effort into the relationship. Sometimes he would cancelled some dates and instead go out clubbing with his friends (even my mother got upset and said ''He deserves to get cheated on''; I thought that was an awful thing to say but didn't think I would eventually do it; she still doesn't like him). A couple times he cancelled our date for no good reason but to go clubbing. It was either that or he was still busy at work.

 

The most upsetting part was way back on my b-day. He stop by very fast and couldn't do anything better than take me to Mickie D, then treated it as a normal day. At around this time, I started talking to Carlos. I felt he understood how I felt so unappreciated and we pretty soon started going out secretly. When he took me to Olive Garden, suddenly I felt as if I was daydreaming. I can't think of a time my bf did something special, at least for once in his life.

 

But now, I'm no better. I just realized how much I've hurt him. Still, I would tried to talk to him before this even happened and he would always say ''I'm busy, what you want me to do, at least we spend some time together in your house''.

[Klinetea]

When this friend made the move on you, you didn't stop it. Why?

I feel wanted in that moment and it was hard to just drop it; that type of feeling we get when treated great. I did stopped it at the last minute when I realized it was about to lead towards sex.

You weren't honest with your boyfriend. Why didn't you tell him? Love is about honesty and trust, so even after you cheated you still didn't tell him.

It was a mixture of anger, trapped and feelings of validation.

[Scott Thomas]

Dear girl,

 

Leave the poor chap alone. He deserves someone who loves him.

Apologise and get out of his life- unless of course you can absolutely guarantee that you will never cheat again.

[Kate9292]

So there is no hope anymore and I should break up for him? Still, I was thinking that things can work out, to fight for our love.

 

Sometimes he keeps saying how he wished he had never seen that Olive Garden picture.

 

I have hurt my past bf too, including full blown sex. He told me he forgives me and wants to work it out, yet there were arguments and blaming every time we had an argument.

 

I couldn't take it anymore and dumped him.

[Kate9292]

I admit that things just didn't happen for the hell of it. At the time I was very upset with my bf and felt he wasn't at least putting some effort into the relationship. Sometimes he would cancelled some dates and instead go out clubbing with his friends (even my mother got upset and said ''He deserves to get cheated on''; I thought that was an awful thing to say but didn't think I would eventually do it; she still doesn't like him). A couple times he cancelled our date for no good reason but to go clubbing. It was either that or he was still busy at work.

 

The most upsetting part was way back on my b-day. He stop by very fast and couldn't do anything better than take me to Mickie D, then treated it as a normal day. At around this time, I started talking to Carlos. I felt he understood how I felt so unappreciated and we pretty soon started going out secretly. When he took me to Olive Garden, suddenly I felt as if I was daydreaming. I can't think of a time my bf did something special, at least for once in his life.

 

But now, I'm no better. I just realized how much I've hurt him. Still, I would tried to talk to him before this even happened and he would always say ''I'm busy, what you want me to do, at least we spend some time together in your house''.

 

Looks like he got unattentive and didn't appreciate you. I won't say he deserved to cheat on you, but it was not hard to see it coming.

 

But if he doesn't appreciate you still, you're just better off without him. There are plenty of guys in the world who would treat you better...

[Klinetea]

Dear girl,

 

Leave the poor chap alone. He deserves someone who loves him.

Apologise and get out of his life- unless of course you can absolutely guarantee that you will never cheat again.

I have apologized countless of times and know nothing excuses what I did. Then he wrote this message on my email ''You know I was really going to surprise you with a date. I was saving money and had told all my friends about it. But no, I had to see that stupid, cheap Olive Garden picture. You ruined my plans. You ruined everything. I was going to take you somewhere better. Now I don't even want to take you anywhere. If Mickie D was so offensive to you, now we're not going anywhere.''

[aliveagain]

You cheated on him twice? The problem isn't him or the relationship, the problem is with you. You need to get to the real reason that you chose to blow up your relationship by cheating. Regardless if this relationship works out or not, you need to do this for yourself or no future relationship will work. Where you abused as a child?

[Klinetea]

When the poster said I cheated twice, he meant it was double the pain. He meant twice because it was not only me cheating but cheating with his best friend. I had an ongoing thing with his friend for a couple months. I ended it when I stopped him from moving on to sex. I freaked out by then (wasn't thinking it was going that far) and stopped contacting him but my bf was already suspecting something.

Where you abused as a child?

Not at home but not sure if verbal/emotional school bullying by my former classmates count?

[aliveagain]

When the poster said I cheated twice, he meant it was double the pain. He meant twice because it was not only me cheating but cheating with his best friend. I had an ongoing thing with his friend for a couple months. I ended it when I stopped him from moving on to sex. I freaked out by then (wasn't thinking it was going that far) and stopped contacting him but my bf was already suspecting something.

Not at home but not sure if verbal/emotional school bullying by my former classmates count?

 

Abuse is abuse, you need to get help dealing with it. It may help you discover why you need validation from other men, specially a snake that calls himself your boyfriend's best friend, he is nothing more than a POS trying to get into your pants, a predator. I hope he is out of both your lives now? Are you still with your boyfriend? If you are it doesn't sound like he is feeling safe with you yet, that should be your priority, he needs to know you made a terrible mistake and you you chose him.

[Toddbt12y1]

You're mom shouldn't encourage cheating. Since this guy was clearly not giving you the proper treatment: Break up. Really all that lack of attention. The times he'd bailout or go do things with friends...serves no excuse for cheating. There is the better option: Break up.

 

This would have kept your intergrity intact. Now you are nothing better than those cheaters you see on T.V. On some lame show.

 

No he didn't deserve to be cheated on. He just deserved to be dumped, for failing to treat you more properly.

 

I can say likewise; he can find a girl who will love him, without deceitful, and selfish intent behind it.

 

You better prepare for a battle. Arguements will turn into accusations. Breaks may happen. It would be better to leave him alone. When trust is broken, it is never a pretty sight. This is not his fault...not at all.

 

Since you could have broken up with him.

 

Reevaluate your life. Realize the hurt you caused. No one has won. Everyone has lost, all to selfish wanton lust to have affection.

[Chi townD]

Okay, you two sound very young and are dealing with a very mature problem.

 

Here's the deal. You hurt him. Yeah, you can say that he hurt you too, and you would be right. But, you compounded it by cheating on him with his best friend. A double betrayal by to two people he trusted the most.

 

Here's the deal, he's going on a rollercoaster ride. It's called the rollercoaster of emotions. It's a very real thing. He'll be happy on minute and screaming the next. Laughing one minute and crying the next. Telling you that he can't live without you one minute and then can't stand the sight of your face the next. A lot of ups and downs. Question is, are you strong enough the ride this ride with him?

 

He's going to trigger a lot. He might be in a good mood and then you two drive past an Olive Garden and it puts him in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Or you go out to eat and you order Italian food, and that sets him off. ANYTHING STUPID LITTLE THING CAN MAKE HIM TRIGGER! So, be mindful of that.

[oppo]

A. The fact that you cheated on him with one of his friends is absolutely pathetic. For me, if my gf, OR EVEN A GIRL I'M HAVING FUN WITH, cheats on me with one of my friends, I would be completely and totally devastated, and it would affect me negatively or a long time.

 

B. IF he's OK with it and says he forgives you, expect that he'll be doing everything in his power to cheat on you. And I don't blame him and neither should you.

 

C. Do you want to know what I would want to do if this happened, I would ask you to have one (or more) threesomes with me and another woman so that I could "get over" it. I actually think that would do the trick for me.

[crederer]

No this will likely fester. The guys friends probably all know about it which is humiliating and it's going to be at the back of his mind for as long as you're together. The relationship is never going to be the same as before.

 

He will eventually leave you for someone else and is just keeping you around in the meantime.

 

Also, your excuse for him not being there, that's why you cheated, is such a cop out. You don't seem to be owning your actions. Everything you say that resembles you taking responsibility is followed by justifications shortly there after. This probably doesn't sit well with him either.

[Spectre]

The best thing you can do is to just leave your boyfriend. If you truly loved him then we wouldn't be reading a post about how you cheated on him would we?

 

For me, life is too short. If you can't respect a person enough to not sleep with someone else then do not waste their time. You might think you truly love this person, but again we just come back to the "if that were true you wouldn't be here" situation.

 

The fact is it isn't hard to not have sex with another person, it isn't hard to not kiss another person. None of these things are difficult, so if you can't do it then? You just do not plain belong with this person.

 

I see people all the time who cheat and then insist they truly love the person they cheated on, as if that is a sentence that could ever make any sense. It's a no win situation since even if by some miracle you did truly love this person then you would understand they deserve to be with a person who will not betray them this way. In other words if you do not love this person do not be with them..and if you truly DO love them? You would realize that the best thing you could do is stay away.

 

I've been cheated on and I used to be very very bitter and angry to anyone who would do that to their partners, to the point where I would be quite nasty about it, but now all I can feel is heart break. In the end I have mostly let go of that, but I have still realized that at the end of the day there is no way a true soul mate would ever cheat on me.

Edited November 6, 2013 by Spectre

[stillafool]

I admit that things just didn't happen for the hell of it. At the time I was very upset with my bf and felt he wasn't at least putting some effort into the relationship. Sometimes he would cancelled some dates and instead go out clubbing with his friends (even my mother got upset and said ''He deserves to get cheated on''; I thought that was an awful thing to say but didn't think I would eventually do it; she still doesn't like him). A couple times he cancelled our date for no good reason but to go clubbing. It was either that or he was still busy at work.

 

The most upsetting part was way back on my b-day. He stop by very fast and couldn't do anything better than take me to Mickie D, then treated it as a normal day. At around this time, I started talking to Carlos. I felt he understood how I felt so unappreciated and we pretty soon started going out secretly. When he took me to Olive Garden, suddenly I felt as if I was daydreaming. I can't think of a time my bf did something special, at least for once in his life.

 

But now, I'm no better. I just realized how much I've hurt him. Still, I would tried to talk to him before this even happened and he would always say ''I'm busy, what you want me to do, at least we spend some time together in your house''.

 

Don't you know any boys besides his friend to go out with? That's tacky. Suppose he were to take one of your friends out would you be okay with that? He will never respect you the way he did before you showed your colors. If it had been someone else besides his friend he may have an easier time getting over the mental image, but his friend, no way. He will stay with you for the time being but he will be looking for a girl he can cherish.

[Klinetea]

Ok so we're still trying to work it out but it's going to take a while.

 

Spectre did you not read clearly when I posted that there was no sex involved. I stopped it before it even got there. We did the other things but sex. Let me repeat it again, I never got penetrated by his friend.

[tlegend]

Ok so we're still trying to work it out but it's going to take a while.

 

Spectre did you not read clearly when I posted that there was no sex involved. I stopped it before it even got there. We did the other things but sex. Let me repeat it again, I never got penetrated by his friend.

 

Seriously, do you think a blowjob is any better?