Lost Love

[sunshine]

I have come to the understanding that Love can STINK! I have no idea of why people search for somehting that can hurt so much. Okay, here's my situation, I have only have had one love so far in my life and it lasted 5 long years and because of that relationship and I scared to venture into another one so aroung 2 years ago I met a man and we shared a platonic relationship that lasted 1 year then the inevitable took place, we did the deed and it rocked!!! It has been one year since we started having sex but yet we don't want to commit to a full time relationship. Well, to tell you the truth we tried it a couple of times but it didn't work. There has been a lot of sharing in this friendship/partnership and sometime in the past couple of months I have fallen in love. Now here is the problem, I don't want to be in love and I want to get him out of my mind because he wants this frienship to continue without the commitment but I want more. YES, I told him that and he told me that he doesn't see a future with him and I in a realationship sort of way and I can't handle just being his friend it hurts too much. Should I never talk to him again or try to fight these feelings and continue the frienship. I don't know, I just don't know. HELP!!!!

[Laurynn]

You wrote:

 

"he wants this frienship to continue without the commitment but I want more. YES, I told him that and he told me that he doesn't see a future with him and I in a realationship sort of way and I can't handle just being his friend it hurts too much."

 

Ahhh...so he wants the benefits of a relationship (SEX) without actually having to commit. How convenient! If it were me, I'd tell him if he doesn't want a committed relationship but simply a friendship, that there will be no more sex....because friends don't 'have sex.'

 

You've told him how your feelings and needs have changed....that you want more than a friendship. It doesn't seem that he cares or can give you that. I guess you were both honest as to what you want.

 

You're not going to be able to change his mind, and get him to want more than he wants. Just like if you have stronger feelings for him, you're not going to be able to put those feelings aside and simply be friends.

 

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Sex, friendship and no strings. Can you be happy with this? Wouldn't you feel used if you were continue with this?

 

I'd put a halt to the sex.....and see how things go. If he reacts badly, then you know he was there simply for the sex. He should respect your feelings. If he doesn't, he's not much of a friend.

 

By the way, what age is he? You?

 

Laurynn

[sunshine]

I am 28 and he is 31, I realize that it all boils down to him respecting me and I to him, it's just so hard to look at it so black and white when so much has happened within the past couple of years. He has been there for me on countless occasions as I for him. There are so many memories and feelings that go along with my final decision

 

and I realize that no matter what it boils down to whether or not I am willing to give him his cake to eat or not. I know that I can't turn back time or hit a rewind button and i realize that this is a learning process, I just hope that I can continue this frienship without it hurting so god dam much. It has been more than just a frienship for quite some time and he has shared with me that he will never meet another waman like me and that he doesn't need to search anymore because i am everything he has been looking for and more, but then he adds at a later date that he just wants freinship. I know that it may sound like major mind games but you need to understand that he has had bad past relationships and is afraid to venture into one again. I understand where he is coming from but if your not willing to take a chance how in hell are you going to find out whether it can turn into somehting good or not.

[Laurynn]

"I know that it may sound like major mind games but you need to understand that he has had bad past relationships and is afraid to venture into one again. I understand where he is coming from but if your not willing to take a chance how in hell are you going to find out whether it can turn into somehting good or not."

 

Okay, he's been in bad relationships in the past and he's afraid to get involved again, only to get hurt (or whatever)......but you've been close friends for 2 years now.....it sounds like you've become very close....you've both been there for each other on many occasions, right?....plus you share intimacy. It sounds to me like you HAVE a relationship, just that it's never been officially termed that.

 

I'm just saying...if he's so uncertain and afraid, what could it hurt to hold off on sex for a while......sex sometimes complicates things. Give him some time to figure out what he wants. I'm surely not suggesting you dump his butt or break off contact with him.......I'm just saying Don't Let Yourself Be Used! Some guys have lots of excuses, and like to have all the perks of a relationship without the commitment or responsibility.

 

Let us know how things go.

 

Laurynn

 

and I realize that no matter what it boils down to whether or not I am willing to give him his cake to eat or not. I know that I can't turn back time or hit a rewind button and i realize that this is a learning process, I just hope that I can continue this frienship without it hurting so god dam much. It has been more than just a frienship for quite some time and he has shared with me that he will never meet another waman like me and that he doesn't need to search anymore because i am everything he has been looking for and more, but then he adds at a later date that he just wants freinship. I know that it may sound like major mind games but you need to understand that he has had bad past relationships and is afraid to venture into one again. I understand where he is coming from but if your not willing to take a chance how in hell are you going to find out whether it can turn into somehting good or not.