Author SilverlinedCloud Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 Hi Lisa congratulations on initiating NC and thank you for your kind words and support. I'm now 100+ days into NC and some days it doesn't bother me and other days (especially of there are reminders all around) it bothers me a great deal. I try to treat everyday seperately and take it as it comes but it's not easy and times like this make it harder to stomach. Give yourself a fighting chance though.. Expect a message but try not to base any reaction you contemplate around it or run with it. NC is solely for you and what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverlinedCloud Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) i can't take it anymore... I don't know if this feeling gets any better. I'm at cracking point, I might have to message him and risk spiking myself in the heart with an ice pick. I just want to wish him merry Christmas and let him know that he is being thought about - I mean surely he will be having a much better one than me. I couldn't possibly feel LOWER than I do at this moment But this being in power over No Contact is no fun it never has been fun and I really don't know how to continue.. Edited December 25, 2013 by SilverlinedCloud Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 DON'T DO IT !!!! Nothing good will come from it. Go out and do something with your friends, read posts on NC, or go to sleep. Whatever ya got to do to stop yourself. Xmas is just another day on the calander. It will be over in less than 11 hours. If you make this mistake, You'll be back to day one. Promise. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Oh I promise that you can feel lower than you do right now. You might feel a little bit of a big after contacting him, but you will feel worse in a few days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I meant to say you might feel a high for awhile. I stayed in contact with my ex for 4 months after our breakup, and it would always feel good to talk to him. I thought I could handle it, but reality would set in with the following days. I would actually feel much worse a week of so later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverlinedCloud Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 (edited) I'm so sorry for my mania guys, it's just that he's on. My mind continuously nowadays. I got used to his persistent messaging and reaching out and checking in and me being able to maintain silence and that was all at a time when I thought being kind back may keep him in my life permanently but enough to stop the persistent feeling. I know I should recognize that his reaching out was loaded with intent I should know this why am I trying to forget? I can't expect him to act out of care and consideration if he picked and chose these things for convenience of it... While I don't spite he loved me as much as he now loathes me. I was a convenient for him, our relationship was in the dark, his family would have never accepted me and he couldn't accept that in totality, which in turn caused me to be treated with discretion and misfired insecurity based on what he had to experience from his own immediate family. And I was okay with that.. After all I had a man and someone trying to take on this role that he evidently not ready for. I really should have known when after a month of dating he asked to go exclusive prior to showing emotional unavailability and us having a lot of issues of trust which should have never been there especially in the getting to know you phase. So what am I pining for? What does my heart yearn to make amends and peace with. This is just one guy. But moreover the first guy I ever fell in love with... For the wrong reasons. I've been loyal enough to stick by NC and reach 100+ days where i can have a little more self control. But now what? I don't feel any better or worse than anyone starting out nc again or for the first time. It's such a struggle to accept the situation for what it is .. As is.. And tell yourself there is nothing to talk about nor is there anything to fix. But this incompleteness is heartbreaking. Edited December 25, 2013 by SilverlinedCloud Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverlinedCloud Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 I broke 100+ Days of NC Today. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I broke 100+ Days of NC Today. Well, how do you feel about it? Satified? Mortified? Sad? Happy? Sorry? This has been a very long thread. Please tell us the outcome. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverlinedCloud Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 Well, how do you feel about it? Satified? Mortified? Sad? Happy? Sorry? This has been a very long thread. Please tell us the outcome. Yas It's not in my nature to ignore even my worst enemy. Why I picked Christmas as the date to make amends I have absolutely no idea but I needed this weight off of my chest and I'm happy I sent the message. I am unhappy I continued the conversation though. I think every emotion flowed through me these last 24 hours, Yas. Now I'm a little bit drained as he was on my mind ALL night so much so I had to wake up then go back to sleep n it would happen again. I've been carrying the hurt for too long, because from what he said his life is great and he's enjoying it. But one thing irked me and that was why would he ask me to hang out after all of these days of NC, only asking how ive been... and then 15 mins later mid texts go silent on me? I should know having seen enough threads on here but just like a child I'm none the wiser. And so now I'm left anticipating if we will indeed have this supposed meet up when really everything I wanted to say I said but kept on entertaining the conversation. Do I regret breaking NC ? No it is a relief to know there don't appear to be any hard feelings and I'm glad he's okay. But the feeling of knowing I'm now an afterthought for him gives me anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverlinedCloud Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Okay, we'll I can't say that I deserved what I got but I'd be naïve to say that I didn't see it coming. I'm not endorsing anyone to break their NC as circumstances are different from relation to relation but I do not regret breaking 100+ days because I think I was going in the opposite direction and obsessing about what was, his need to apologize and if his initial communication and if I still meant anything to him. I was once again stupid to believe that his presence and communication would be what set me free. It did, but it told me that I have NOTHING to go back to. Same person, same qualities, same underlying motives. Pros: Managed to break the chain of thought regarding where we stood and if we could be civil enough Saw glimpses of the same person enough to make me see why I broke up with him Cons: made myself open to potential abuse, actively friendzoned, invited to hang out, then ignored, told he was going on a date ... and then told about what other girls say they want to do to him. Why would your ex want to share that information with you... By text... When you've JUST started talking to each other again? I'm no longer important and with that being said maybe it's time I started to take and continue responsibility for my own importance. NC is an amazing tool. But never use it in the hopes that the other person will be making u turns for you. Know from the beginning that its because while you love them, your logic and heart of hearts knows that you want out of the emotional torment and hurt you are laden down with. In my case I needed to put my hand in the fire so as my heart and my head knew what to expect. Link to post Share on other sites
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