Lovelorn00 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Ah, the two-month mark (three, if you're lucky). Apparently, this is actually a thing. For the longest time, I thought it was just me. I thought I was doing something horribly wrong to cause me to get repeatedly tossed in the "not interested" pile. I'll admit - I have my issues (we all do), so I will take responsibility and say that some of it probably had to do with me, but I'm starting to see a pattern here. Two months (or somewhere between two and three) is when the guys I'm dating lose interest, and I end up getting the boot. For me, it's the hardest part of ending a relationship, because I feel like I haven't even been given a fair chance. What is it about the two-month mark, and how do I get past it? I try to keep a fairly steady pace to my relationships by playing it cool and not hopping into the sack too soon. I don't feel that I text or call too much, and I don't demand too much of the other person's time. But right around the time I start to feel comfortable enough to really, really open up to the guy I've been dating, he starts to pull away. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this is happening now. I've been dating a guy for 2.5 months, and I'm afraid he's starting to pull away. This is becoming the story of my life, and I absolutely hate it. I really, really like this guy. Sure, he has his quirks, but no one is perfect, and they're not deal-breakers for me. I want to be given a fair chance. I like what I've gotten to know so far, and I want to know more. I definitely want to stick with this, because we've connected on many levels. How can I stop the two-month curse this time? What can I do differently to keep a guy I'm interested in from dumping me at the same time, every time? Advice is greatly appreciated here. Words of encouragement are also needed. Thank you again. Don't know what I would do without this forum. "Give me just a little more time / Our love will surely grow" - Chairmen of the Board, 1970
ConstantVoyager Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I think the two-three month mark phenomenon is based on the fact that it takes about that long to get to know a person reasonably well and decide whether you want to enter into a serious relationship with them. If you find that you are often left at this mark, then maybe there's something you're doing to make your partners feel you're great and interesting in the short term, but not really long-term material. Are you working on the long-term aspects of your life? Career? Education? Do you seem like you'd be reliable and trustworthy as a partner? Do your views on marriage and children gel? Is your life stable or in chaos? 4
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Hmmm. I'm not sure. I've got a great job with room for advancement. I just moved to a great new apartment downtown. I desperately need a new car, but I'm working on it. Haha! I'm usually on time, and I call/text when I say I will. I can't think of any situations in which my trust and/or reliability would've been questioned. We haven't had the marriage/kids convo yet (I know, I know. We should've by now). My life is extremely stable. It usually is - I hate chaos. When we first met, I had just moved, so it was a little chaotic then, but it's calmed down tremendously since. His life, however... new job, new place. He went from living 2 hours away in his little hometown to living about 5 minutes away from me. First time he's ever made such a move in his life. Hmmm.... now that I'm typing this, perhaps that's the cause? He's going through some major life changes in the past few weeks, so maybe that's what I'm picking up on.
ConstantVoyager Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 It seems very reasonable that his changes have rocked the relationship slightly lately. Hold on and see if it all works itself out.
Phantom888 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Ya this 2-months thing is very real. As stated above, this is usually enough time for people to decide to move forward or move on. My GF and I had our 1st and only fight (so far) at the 2 months point. We moved passed it, and now we are happy. My last 2 relationships also ended at the 2 months point, where I decided the women were not long-term material for me. My GF dated 4 people in the last 4 years, and all but one ended at 2 months. It's definitely the amount of time needed to get to know someone at the relationship level. It doesn't matter how much time you spend together during those 2 months. It just takes 2 months for the brain to process emotions and logistics. I wish there were a more scientific way to explore this, but I think experience beats any explanation.
heartshaped Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 If this is something that has happened to you over and over again, I wonder if perhaps you are one of those people who puts their best foot forward in the beginning, but that's not really what they're like. Last guy I dated I broke it off after a few months because he turned into a completely different guy. I've dated others like that in the past as well.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Heartshaped, there could be something to that. When I go on a first date, I usually get pretty dolled up. My friends ALWAYS notice how different I look when I do this. I normally have curly hair - it gets straightened. I usually wear makeup, but I definitely do more. I wear my best outfits, and I really try to look as good as I can. However, it's hard to maintain that. My guy has seen me a few times now with little makeup on (due to sleepovers and being seen first thing in the morning). So now he knows what I look like when I'm not all dolled up. However, my personality has remained pretty consistent.
ConstantVoyager Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Heartshaped, there could be something to that. When I go on a first date, I usually get pretty dolled up. My friends ALWAYS notice how different I look when I do this. I normally have curly hair - it gets straightened. I usually wear makeup, but I definitely do more. I wear my best outfits, and I really try to look as good as I can. However, it's hard to maintain that. My guy has seen me a few times now with little makeup on (due to sleepovers and being seen first thing in the morning). So now he knows what I look like when I'm not all dolled up. However, my personality has remained pretty consistent. No guy worth your time expects you to be all dolled up all the time. It's not real life. I'm not saying that you should start living in sweats and torn shirts, but eventually you're going to see each other with the flu or after sleepless nights. That's just life.
Phantom888 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Ive dumped 3 guys for having personality changes 2-3 months into dating. Usually thats when degrading, mean, narcissistic, lazy qualities come out. But you said you haven't done that so... Ya at the 2-3 months mark, guys usually get relaxed and comfortable enough to be their true self. No one can pretend forever. So if they were dishonest from the beginning, this is where the ugliness shows. I have to admit, the only fight we had was exactly at the 2 month mark because I began to show some insecurities. But if you overcome this hurdle, you should be classified as "moving to the next level" because most new couples do not survive this point.
todreaminblue Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 i havent had a guy pull away from me......at the two or three month mark..is this a new thing the two month three month thing i dotn give too much away .....i have a fair amount of fun in this time getting to know someone........i keep it lively......i dont get bogged down......i do spontaneous things..show them a bit of magic ....loads of laughs......make them feel special....not by clinging but by the fact i read them pretty well and know what they love, what they hate.....and i am there without being clingy......guys normally like spending time with me because i make them feel good..lol...i am cheap date.....so i dont cost much to entertain...i do expect an imagination from a guy though ...a guy willign to try soemthing new and do that together..i show them little things and make them see what i see....i need a guy who thinks deep......what do you do in this three month mark on dates and such...do you have actually meaningful passionate conversation do you laugh a lot....where do you go on dates.....deb
Eivuwan Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 It's hard to say based on the information given, but I say go lighter on the makeup during your first dates. You might be attracting men who go for a particular look that you cannot maintain. I barely wear any makeup (none on most days) and have mild acne scars. It doesn't seem to affect my ability to attract men as long as I don't dress like a bum too.
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