rae_lana Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I couldn't really trust anyone before. But now I'm constantly analyzing everything everyone says.. I over think everything. It's incredibly easy to lie and cheat. If we hasn't confessed I fully believe we would still both be lying and would still be having the affair.. It still feels like an affair now because people who knew us before and during dont really know the whole story and its all still very secretive. How easily can you trust people? Whether you are a BS/OM/MM or MW .. Did the affair permanently change how you saw the world and other people? Before this.. I would have thought the average married person just wouldn't have TIME to cheat.. Now I know it only takes a cell phone or 20 spare minutes here or there to have a full blown affair. I'm suspicious of everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I will never be the same. I am a fMOW and BS. My WH's last A pretty much decimated any hope I had for humanity. Sorry you feel this way too. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
AutumnMoon Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I can lie with a straight face and if I don't over think it afterwards I dont even feel bad about lying or guilty at all. If I let myself over think it I do start feeling paranoid and sick though. Being able to lie so easily had definitely made it impossible for me to trust people. I agree it's a crappy feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I can lie with a straight face and if I don't over think it afterwards I dont even feel bad about lying or guilty at all. If I let myself over think it I do start feeling paranoid and sick though. Being able to lie so easily had definitely made it impossible for me to trust people. I agree it's a crappy feeling. Whoa this is not a positive attribute. You do realize this is a poor coping mechanism. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AutumnMoon Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Whoa this is not a positive attribute. You do realize this is a poor coping mechanism. Yes I really do, I'm starting IC to try and figure out what's up in my head. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Yes I really do, I'm starting IC to try and figure out what's up in my head. IC is great. I'm in it too for bad coping skills. As long as we are all working towards a healthier self. That's great AutumnMoon. Link to post Share on other sites
GypsumSatellite Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 The A has changed how I view everyone. I never thought it was possible to have an A and have a 9-5 job and have a fully engaged life with many kids. I've seen just how easily it can occur and I start instinctively getting edgy whenever someone of either gender starts talking marital or relationship problems with me that start with "He/she never pays attention...", because it makes me think they are fishing for something in particular. I don't know how I'll view future Rs as I'm not out of this one yet. I don't know how I will treat future good men in my life as a result of my experience with my MM, but I can hope with further therapy and eventual ability to end my A with my MM, I will get a chance to see trust return again. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I am not sure if anyone else sees the irony of this post. That being said, I am guessing you never trusted people to begin with. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Being cheated on definitely changed me and I dont trust many people and try to expect very little of others. Ive ended up hurt many times having faith in unfaithful people. It happened many years ago now but I dont think I could ever stay with a cheater knowing the pain I felt from "a boy" cheating on me as a youngin'. It taught me that words are just that. It taught me nice people cheat and get caught up. I learned it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with me. I was good to him and to this day he knows it and regrets it. It was over 10 years ago and he isnt over me leaving. I met my husband shortly after and have been with him for almost 10 years. I think my ex is still in disbelief. We were great until he cheated. He still messages to wish me well and I ignore him. 10 years! It is jist a reminder of how ****ty things happen to good people. He was young and stupid and it cost him. It ended after that and I found a man who doesnt cheat. Then I married him. If I ever found out my H cheated......... it would be done. Never, ever again will I go through that painful death of love, that to me, seemed so pure and gentle. It hurts my heart even thinking about it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I am not sure if anyone else sees the irony of this post. That being said, I am guessing you never trusted people to begin with. Reminds me of that scene in the 1992 film, A Few Good Men: Anyone see the irony? Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Can I ask, what is MOW, BS and OM mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Scott Thomas Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Imagine what the husbands might be feeling. Then again, there's nothing quite like a Nazi crying over Allied war crimes... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Can I ask, what is MOW, BS and OM mean? Married Other Woman Betrayed Spouse Other Man Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 rae Lana, I encourage you to go back and read your threads from the beginning, Out Loud and listen to Your actual words that You wrote coming out of your mouth. See and TRY to follow the evolution of Your A to where you are now. Today. It's my hope that by you doing this, You will see how it is truly You whom you cannot trust and that You are the company you keep. And You are the teacher and hero to Your children. Your actions/decisions are what is shaping Your future as well as shaping and impacting the future of Your children. Only You can change You and the company You keep. There CAN be peace and Trust in that!!* 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lindsay1990 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 “The liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” ― George Bernard Shaw, The Quintessence of Ibsenism 9 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 OMG I sent this to someone. I think this is it. Liars never believe you. I have always been honest. and YES i am an OW. I am an honest OW. By the way I told my ex I did not love him anymore way before the affair. I wish i hadn't as it hurt him so badly, I do not think I will ever have another relationship. That's it for me. the older I get the more liars I think exist. I have friends - people who know that MM is a liar and ignore it. Liars seem to get away with lots of stuff. Life is certainly easier if you can do it. You can't have an affair without lying to someone. How can you trust others if you yourself are not trustworthy? The women that cheated on me were the most jealous people in my life, they were also the least trusting. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Rubbish, I didn't lie, HE DID You are taking part in a deception, thereby you are being dishonest. Much like a robber who takes money from a bank then gives it to his friend who accepts knowing where the money came from. In the eyes of the law he becomes an accomplice. He has committed a crime without having to be there in that bank. You are an accomplice, and you can't extricate yourself as you are a crucial part of the affair. Dishonesty is a form of lying. Not ragging on you, just pointing that out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Rubbish, I didn't lie, HE DID Did he know about your affair? And just so you know omission is the same as lying. Whether it be to your significant other or someone else's it is still LYING. Also, an affair is NOT possible if it is known to all parties it effects. Therefore to be a participant in the affair itself is to lie or be a liar. The shoe fits both partners, as long as the SINGLE AP is aware that the other AP is married. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 NO how wrong can you be. i told BS 3 TIMES STOP JUDGING ME, you know nothing.. I wasn't judged, merely asking....don't get your hackles up....yet. I don't see where you have posted your story before, so we do not know where the heck your background is. So you told her three times.....how many times did he try to hide? How many times was it taken underground? Did he lie to you at the beginning of the affair? If she was informed and chose to turn a blind eye...then it becomes more of an open marriage rather than an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I am an honest OW. do you not see the irony in this statement? now, you're just lying to yourself. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 do you not see the irony in this statement? now, you're just lying to yourself. Or accept the truth, your not who you imagine yourself to be to others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 perhaps it isnt that you dont trust others, but you are not trusting your own perception on how they interact. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie Harper Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I would like to add, that we are taught that when someone lies, cheats or betrays us, we are the object of the wrongdoing, and we then are less valuable since our security-value-worth, must be less because we were cheated. Nope. That is not the case the cheater-lier-betrayer, is LESS because he could not keep a promise or his her integrity. If a relationship, marriage whatever is going south and we are going with someone else the right thing to do is try to fixit or get out and say all in the open. BUT LIARS NEVER EXPECT TO GET CAUGHT and paranoid-jealous people THINK THEY WILL NEVER BE CHEATED BECAUSE OF CONTROL.... both statements are so wrong..and reality proves it! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts