AutumnMoon Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I've mentioned I have a lot of mutual friends as my OM's wife. She considers me and her friends but since I've never spent much time alone with her, and I don't confide in her I've always considered that one sided.. But we do have the same friends and ended up at an event together last night. She always goes into great detail about her husband when she is with other women. And she's told me a lot about their sex life, I do not ask for this information, it's always weirded me out a little because I feel we've never been close enough for her to tell me some of the things she has, but I do realize now its not just me she does this with its all other women she spends time with, she just is like that I guess. So it was four of us last night and she starts going into how they haven't had sex for 3 weeks. How she feels a little bad for him but she just doesn't enjoy sex, and thinks he should be happy pleasuring himself.. It was an awkward conversation on my end even though I didn't contribute much at all too it, was more standing there as she said this to us and the other women laughed and agreed men are horny pigs with only one thing on their mind.. At this point they all turned to me giggling because they know I don't agree, they know I have a really high sex drive and again his wife made a comment about how her husband would be thrilled if her attitude was like mine. All I could think was.. I've had sex with your husband three times in the last 3 weeks. He's the best I ever had, and you have no idea what you're missing. I didn't think this in an evil, getting my kicks off it, sort of way. It was a weird feeling, I did not enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I've mentioned I have a lot of mutual friends as my OM's wife. She considers me and her friends but since I've never spent much time alone with her, and I don't confide in her I've always considered that one sided.. But we do have the same friends and ended up at an event together last night. She always goes into great detail about her husband when she is with other women. And she's told me a lot about their sex life, I do not ask for this information, it's always weirded me out a little because I feel we've never been close enough for her to tell me some of the things she has, but I do realize now its not just me she does this with its all other women she spends time with, she just is like that I guess. So it was four of us last night and she starts going into how they haven't had sex for 3 weeks. How she feels a little bad for him but she just doesn't enjoy sex, and thinks he should be happy pleasuring himself.. It was an awkward conversation on my end even though I didn't contribute much at all too it, was more standing there as she said this to us and the other women laughed and agreed men are horny pigs with only one thing on their mind.. At this point they all turned to me giggling because they know I don't agree, they know I have a really high sex drive and again his wife made a comment about how her husband would be thrilled if her attitude was like mine. All I could think was.. I've had sex with your husband three times in the last 3 weeks. He's the best I ever had, and you have no idea what you're missing. I didn't think this in an evil, getting my kicks off it, sort of way. It was a weird feeling, I did not enjoy it. Well I remember when I had felt this way being the BS and my WH was smack deep in his A with MOW. Most of the time my WH was not spending the time to get me into the mood and I was the major breadwinner and provider for the household. He would expect sex by groping me. Eventually it got to a point where I felt like his sex doll and nothing else. Maybe she feels the same way. Since Dday we have been deepening our intimacy and communicating more. I'm sure at one point during her M she thought of her WH as the best she's ever had too. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 Well I remember when I had felt this way being the BS and my WH was smack deep in his A with MOW. Most of the time my WH was not spending the time to get me into the mood and I was the major breadwinner and provider for the household. He would expect sex by groping me. Eventually it got to a point where I felt like his sex doll and nothing else. Maybe she feels the same way. Since Dday we have been deepening our intimacy and communicating more. I'm sure at one point during her M she thought of her WH as the best she's ever had too. Yes I'm aware he probably does not put the same effort into things with her anymore, but she's made it pretty clear that even if he does, she does not want to have sex very often at all, and considers it a chore. That's not me trying to bash her. She's a good person just doesn't like sex much. I also know the feeling of losing the spark.. I'm married to, and I don't always feel passion with my husband but still have sex with him. In my opinion sex and affection and intimacy are human needs.. Not wants. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 That would be a weird situation. It got me thinking though of how it might go down if you both are caught. That moment may be remembered by all the woman there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 It will be horrible when you get caught - and it's just a matter of time believe me. I have been in your shoes - this is a disaster. I'm so sorry for what is to come for you and everyone in this group - no one knows what kind of an explosion is about to come. Please, Autumn, for your own sake, if not for anyone elses, end this now. Pain is coming. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 That would be a weird situation. It got me thinking though of how it might go down if you both are caught. That moment may be remembered by all the woman there. Oh there would be a lot more moments that people would likely remember that would stand out as much or more than that one should we be caught. For mutual friends. Unless one of us confesses though I don't think it's very risky at the moment. It could change but we are being very careful. No plans to meet up anytime soon. We seldom actually plan it, just when the moment arises and nobody is there but us, it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 It will be horrible when you get caught - and it's just a matter of time believe me. I have been in your shoes - this is a disaster. I'm so sorry for what is to come for you and everyone in this group - no one knows what kind of an explosion is about to come. Please, Autumn, for your own sake, if not for anyone elses, end this now. Pain is coming. You've been in my shoes? And were caught? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Under your circumstances, I don't think anything could have compelled me to attend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 Under your circumstances, I don't think anything could have compelled me to attend. I avoid situations where we will be alone if she asks to go got walks or to the park with kids. But we are in a small town, she likes me and invites me out. I do not avoid situations where she MIGHT attend, haven't at a this whole time, I'm fine being around her I don't think much about it. If I avoided situations where she might be it would be every situation in town. He's been a friend of my family and friends for lots of years. I attended this event because it was me who actually arranged it but one of the other women last minute invited her because we had room for extra.. She's a nice enough person, I'd be friends with her on my own I'm sure if I wasn't in the affair... Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Yes, I know you're lives interconnect. But for me, I'm thinking...everything else aside, if I were OW I just still would feel so uncomfortable letting her go on while I listened. Honestly, and I'm not being crappy, but that's something I wouldn't be part of. I couldn't do it without turning totally red in the face, vomiting , or confessing on the spot. I would probably be more comfortable banging her husband than listening to her tell her girlfriends secrets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Yes I'm aware he probably does not put the same effort into things with her anymore, but she's made it pretty clear that even if he does, she does not want to have sex very often at all, and considers it a chore. That's not me trying to bash her. She's a good person just doesn't like sex much. I also know the feeling of losing the spark.. I'm married to, and I don't always feel passion with my husband but still have sex with him. In my opinion sex and affection and intimacy are human needs.. Not wants. Do you think it is a case of mismatched libidos then? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 You've been in my shoes? And were caught? Yes - read my backstory - or ask / I can tell you this will be discovered and more than likely there is already suspicion . 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I've mentioned I have a lot of mutual friends as my OM's wife. She considers me and her friends but since I've never spent much time alone with her, and I don't confide in her I've always considered that one sided.. But we do have the same friends and ended up at an event together last night. She always goes into great detail about her husband when she is with other women. And she's told me a lot about their sex life, I do not ask for this information, it's always weirded me out a little because I feel we've never been close enough for her to tell me some of the things she has, but I do realize now its not just me she does this with its all other women she spends time with, she just is like that I guess. So it was four of us last night and she starts going into how they haven't had sex for 3 weeks. How she feels a little bad for him but she just doesn't enjoy sex, and thinks he should be happy pleasuring himself.. It was an awkward conversation on my end even though I didn't contribute much at all too it, was more standing there as she said this to us and the other women laughed and agreed men are horny pigs with only one thing on their mind.. At this point they all turned to me giggling because they know I don't agree, they know I have a really high sex drive and again his wife made a comment about how her husband would be thrilled if her attitude was like mine. All I could think was.. I've had sex with your husband three times in the last 3 weeks. He's the best I ever had, and you have no idea what you're missing. I didn't think this in an evil, getting my kicks off it, sort of way. It was a weird feeling, I did not enjoy it. Are you sure? Idk what to say about this really. It's not really a question or discussion topic....just kinda you sharing your feelings. Was there something you wanted feedback on? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Whoever said men are masters of compartmentalization never met this chick. Jesus. 15 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 How could you think she doesn't know what she's missing? She has had him for years, and not had him for three weeks because she has not wanted to for reasons she did not disclose. She knows, she declined. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I just don't. Know. How. You can talk to his wife about her sex life while you are sleeping with her husband behind her back. So harsh of a thing to do to someone! Both you & him. But hey good luck with that. I'm sure it's going to end merrily for all involved 8 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Also you say he is your family friend - well let me tell you when this is discovered all bets are off - it won't matter if you saved his life years ago - you will lose this friend - are you prepared for that? Believe me this wife of his is likely more savvy than you give her credit for - she already suspects - and if she doesn't she is in denial. I am not trying to be mean or snarky - just realistic - this is a huge volcano ready to erupt. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I just don't. Know. How. You can talk to his wife about her sex life while you are sleeping with her husband behind her back. So harsh of a thing to do to someone! Both you & him. But hey good luck with that. I'm sure it's going to end merrily for all involved Yeah, that's pretty cold blooded. OP are you sure you are not getting some kind of a sick thrill out of this? Like in a "Im sleeping with your husband right under your nose and you don't even know it" kind of way? If not, you are in for quite the gut punch to your soul when it all comes out, the guilt is gonna eat you alive... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
theothersully Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I just don't. Know. How. You can talk to his wife about her sex life while you are sleeping with her husband behind her back. So harsh of a thing to do to someone! Both you & him. But hey good luck with that. I'm sure it's going to end merrily for all involved Agreed. This is really mean/low. If there is a hell... they'll be there. But just the karma alone... wow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Maybe you should tell her. She might thank you for doing her dirty work. In my opinion, the right thing to do is to tell your spouses that you want an open marriage. Tell them that you still want to be married, but want sex with other people. If she has a low drive, and truly views sex as a chore, then this could work for her. If not, at least she will have the truth about her life- and the ability to choose whether an open marriage is something she's interested in. You have no shame in your game. No problem being blatantly honest and real to strangers on the internet. But where it counts- with those you claim to love- you lie, you hide. Your husband & his wife deserve to have an authentic life. You are robbing them of that. You married this man, had babies with him, share a life & a home with him. Even if you do not like him, even if he sucks in bed- your affair means that he is living a false reality. And that is just not fair. You didn't like the feelings resulting from the wife's comments. That feeling is a clue that what you are doing isn't right- and on some level this bothers you. So the question becomes- what will you do with that feeling? Some people would pay attention & change their behavior. Some may just sit with the feeling & hate themselves. These people may self harm or self medicate. Some may bury the bad feelings, pushing them down for as long as they can. Others may learn to detach totally from their feelings, switching into an autopilot mode whenever they feel fear or negative emotions. You say the affair is no big deal- just people getting needs met- so that they can be more content in their boring, married lives. If it really is no big deal, then the open marriage arrangement might be the solution. However, maybe you should consider that this is a much bigger deal than you admit. It is far reaching and life changing. It changes the way you relate- and how real you can be- with nearly everyone that means anything in your life. I would hate that. I know you say you don't mind, and don't feel bad enough to stop- but consider that it matters more than you think. If you have developed a pattern of burying feelings or detaching, it will be difficult for you to extract your true feelings from the lies that you tell yourself. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Reminds me of that quote: With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 The lack of conscience is appalling. I'm not sure how someone can listen with a straight face without even flinching or to even feel horribly remorseful or guilty. It's disturbing. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Ewwww. Think how those other three women will feel , having invited you, if this comes out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I'm confused. If you don't like to talk about sex with people you are not really close to, then how did these four women one to know about your high sex drive? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 This is the issue - we are here to help - those of us that have walked this path - she is obviously here for a reason. I want my experience to count for something. If I can't help someone else, than it is worth nothing at all. Autumn please listen - this can only end badly. I'm here to tell you my xmom's bs knew in her heart something was wrong. She had been reading our emails for 1 1 /2 years - a full year before anything had even been remotely discussed about our attraction for one another - she knew. Yet she continued to hang out with my family, we did things as couples, went on vacations together, etc. Even after the first dday, she didn't want my husband to know - she continued to come to my house, have dinner, etc. Then when my husband had his affair a mere year and a half later, even though we didn't hang out with his xmom, she worked at his office and there were definitely signs which led me to discover his affair. Get this - if you don't get anything else - THIS iS NOT HIDDEN! Someone suspects and I would say it is his wife whether you believe it or not. Get off this roller coaster now before it derails. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts