Your husband is sleeping with me.

[Trimmer]

So it was four of us last night and she starts going into how they haven't had sex for 3 weeks. How she feels a little bad for him but she just doesn't enjoy sex, and thinks he should be happy pleasuring himself..

 

It was an awkward conversation on my end even though I didn't contribute much at all too it, was more standing there as she said this to us and the other women laughed and agreed men are horny pigs with only one thing on their mind.. At this point they all turned to me giggling because they know I don't agree, they know I have a really high sex drive and again his wife made a comment about how her husband would be thrilled if her attitude was like mine.

 

All I could think was.. I've had sex with your husband three times in the last 3 weeks.

All I could think was, she might be testing you. Whether she feels like she knows, and is just trying to see if your reaction tends to confirm, or whether she only suspects something, somewhere, and is probing to see how you react, or whether its even subconscious, and she's just throwing stuff out there and looking at what reflects back...

 

Is it also possible that the ladies of the town may suspect, too? That could help explain their unsurprised reaction to her bold pronouncement, and their grinning turn towards you. If they know your intimate details enough to know that you have a high sex drive (how do they know that?) and that her husband is exhibiting unusual behavior (because all men are horny pigs), people tend to put 2 and 2 together - just for entertainment if nothing else. A lot of the time they'd be wrong - this time, they'd be right...

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

I've mentioned I have a lot of mutual friends as my OM's wife. She considers me and her friends but since I've never spent much time alone with her, and I don't confide in her I've always considered that one sided.. But we do have the same friends and ended up at an event together last night.

She always goes into great detail about her husband when she is with other women. And she's told me a lot about their sex life, I do not ask for this information, it's always weirded me out a little because I feel we've never been close enough for her to tell me some of the things she has, but I do realize now its not just me she does this with its all other women she spends time with, she just is like that I guess.

 

So it was four of us last night and she starts going into how they haven't had sex for 3 weeks. How she feels a little bad for him but she just doesn't enjoy sex, and thinks he should be happy pleasuring himself..

 

It was an awkward conversation on my end even though I didn't contribute much at all too it, was more standing there as she said this to us and the other women laughed and agreed men are horny pigs with only one thing on their mind.. At this point they all turned to me giggling because they know I don't agree, they know I have a really high sex drive and again his wife made a comment about how her husband would be thrilled if her attitude was like mine.

 

All I could think was.. I've had sex with your husband three times in the last 3 weeks. He's the best I ever had, and you have no idea what you're missing. I didn't think this in an evil, getting my kicks off it, sort of way. It was a weird feeling, I did not enjoy it.

 

erm...yes she does...she is married to him and has had sex with him more than you

 

For whatever reason, he just doesnt really do it for her in the sack. But hey, his sloppy seconds is the best you've ever had, so its all golden.

[AutumnMoon]

I don't talk to her about it. Like I said for the most part I stood there as she said this, she was there with someone she and I are both close with. It's always been her MO to over share that kind of information anyway.. She's told me this before, she says it matter of factly, almost joking.

 

I'm close with one of the other women there, and consider the other two acquaintances. I don't share personal stories with acquaintances. But again we are from a small town.. About 1000 people. Everyone knows everyone. They know my history they know my stories because most of us have been either close at one time or close mutual friends. OM's wife however is not originally from here..

 

Someone asked how they know about my high sex drive.. It's my personality and they know me. I do not however go sharing personal stories with just anyone but things are said in passing and joking around.

 

People act like all affairs are discovered. This is my first affair in my marriage on my side.. But not the first time I've been an OW. I've never been discovered before.

 

I do compartmentalise it. It's not too hard. I've done that my entire life. If I sit and stew about it I start freaking out a bit.. So I don't do that.

 

But I did say I wasn't comfortable with the situation and that's why I shared it. I do want insight and I can handle harsh judgment.

 

I'm not trying to get close to this woman. But we will end up in the same place .. It'll happen often. We live close and I consider her husband one of my best friends and vice versa and that's well known in town.

 

I don't see how there is any evidence we've been physical. There isn't. We would have to confess to be caught. If we stopped today it could go undiscovered, if we continue.. It could be.. I know but I'll continue to be careful.

[AutumnMoon]

Also both me and her husband have discussed if she's suspicious. She has flat out told him she would never believe Id do that. But her behaviour at times is off. I'd say she's in extreme denial but he thinks if she knows she doesn't care.

[AutumnMoon]

I'm confused. If you don't like to talk about sex with people you are not really close to, then how did these four women one to know about your high sex drive?

 

I tried to explain that in another post.. Small town, mutual close friends and gossip..

[AutumnMoon]

I've said it before....I think she knows and enjoys toying with you.

 

It's something we are considering but aren't to worried about.

[AutumnMoon]

Hmmm... I don't think she knows at all, or she would be talking about having sex all the time like a lot of people do that aren't having it. My guess is, she sees you as a "friend" in some capacity - or, she just blabs too much - which we've all known those type of people.

 

I do think that if she finds out that you and her H are having a relationship, she is going to be mortified that she let you in on any of these things. But, that's not exactly your fault (that she blabs I mean), but I can understand it making you uncomfortable.

 

I also know what you mean about not being able to avoid her, and that's tough, especially since she is telling everyone and their brother about her sexual issues. Did you tell your MM what she said? About how she doesn't want to have sex at all? Just curious if you told him what you heard about that - as she has probably NEVER been honest with him about that (and should be).

 

I don't know, it could blow up I guess, but she obviously doesn't have a clue that he's having an affair, let alone with you.

 

He knows she feels that way. She's said worse stuff than that she doesn't like sex.. She's said very hurtful personal things about him.. To me and other women in our company, months ago.. But no, I do not tell him what she says.

 

He knows that she has said she doesn't enjoy sex and that people know how infrequently they have it because she'll say that right infront of him and other people.

 

The hurtful comments other people may not have taken personal but I maybe am sensitive because I care about him, I don't know.. But to tell him that would feel wrong and serve no purpose but to stir the pot or make him feel bad about himself, neither of which I want to do.

 

Yes yes, I get I'm already stiring the pot. I mean more than I am. If I'm at an event with her or talk to her and he mentions it the most I say is if it was a good time or not.

[AutumnMoon]

And those are three excellent reasons why your affair could be discovered.

 

In order to be discovered someone would have to walk in on us I think... We have a texting trail I guess but we have separate bill from our spouses, and no calls to each other.

 

People can gossip all they want, I don't see where there is proof.

 

I've always had male friends. There's been gossip before, it's always come back to me, there doesn't seem to be this time.

[AutumnMoon]

erm...yes she does...she is married to him and has had sex with him more than you

 

For whatever reason, he just doesnt really do it for her in the sack. But hey, his sloppy seconds is the best you've ever had, so its all golden.

 

We've been in the affair a year, and had sex more often together than he's had with her. They've had sex, I'm not denying they have. But since the affair started their sex life has remained the same as it always has been. He keeps trying she shuts him down. So he tires less but not much less! I know that and am 100 percent fine with it.

[Scott Thomas]

Rubs hands in glee*

 

 

This is really turning out to resemble the plot of a soap opera. I'm trying to imagine the ending.

 

Look at the naive posters; Autmun moon might take a cue and start covering her tracks. Now there's a significant chance the BS won't find out.

Aagh. Soap Opera ending ruined.

 

Sigh.

Back to my garden now.

 

Autumn Moon, what is it that you want?

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Okay so you are the expert and you will never get caught and you believe that no one knows. You are so smart and haven't left any kind of trail. That's awesome! But I don't believe it for a minute. Someone suspects, believe me.

 

why are you here? Those of us with experience are telling you what you need to do. But you continue to argue with us as if we know nothing or your situation is somehow different.

 

Believe me - it isn't - it's the same story in a different package.

 

Brace yourself. It won't be pretty.

 

I'm out folks - I have nothing left to give.

[ComingInHot]

Hey Autumn moon and good morning,

Aside from what you already know about my thoughts about your stitch, I wanted to agree w/you that I don't like or feel comfortable talking about sex w/anyone who is Not my H or life long girlfriends. Totally weird to me too!

 

You seem like a person who is able to speak your mind and maybe next time (if you're in a situation like that again) just say something like, "ladies enough w/the sex talk already and check out my new shoes, shopping is way more my topic speed and I'm dying to know where _____________(insert name here) got her jeans!!".

You know something like that??

 

If MM's Wife gets you one on one again simply tell her (in a not serious way) that, "duuuude, I SO don't want to hear about the bedroom activities, lol".

 

This may do two things; A.) Alleviate uncomfortable feelings & B.) When/if the A comes to light, at least your fiends and His Wife will consider You trying to NOT talk about their sex life which, right now could easily be turned to you attempting to be Part of getting the inside sex scoop , making you look that much worse..

 

Note: I'm Not agreeing w/what you are doing but it IS sincere support*

[skywriter]

I haven't read every reply so forgive me if I'm repeating something here.

 

My thoughts are if, this MM is alright with his lover befriending his wife, then he's alright with humiliating her.

 

Makes me inclined to believe he's angry with his wife, and uses cruelty as a method to get her back.

 

OW, if he'll do it to the wife, he'll do it to you, so protect yourself from

std's. Also, watch your girlfriends around him, he has no scruples.

[AutumnMoon]

In another post you mention being able to lie easily without a second thought-I am wondering if your life, your affair and even you are not nearly as interesting as the story you portray here- a lot does not add up-I am concerned that you are becoming addicted to the attention you receive here by posting such outlandish things- I am hoping you are being honest that you are going to be going to IC because no matter how you slice it-true or untrue on here-you are not in a good place personally and could benefit from finding out why-

 

Not sure which things are outlandish. This is something I'm living everyday and I haven't talked to a soul in real life about it except him.. So that's why I come here.

[AutumnMoon]

Hey Autumn moon and good morning,

Aside from what you already know about my thoughts about your stitch, I wanted to agree w/you that I don't like or feel comfortable talking about sex w/anyone who is Not my H or life long girlfriends. Totally weird to me too!

 

You seem like a person who is able to speak your mind and maybe next time (if you're in a situation like that again) just say something like, "ladies enough w/the sex talk already and check out my new shoes, shopping is way more my topic speed and I'm dying to know where _____________(insert name here) got her jeans!!".

You know something like that??

 

If MM's Wife gets you one on one again simply tell her (in a not serious way) that, "duuuude, I SO don't want to hear about the bedroom activities, lol".

 

This may do two things; A.) Alleviate uncomfortable feelings & B.) When/if the A comes to light, at least your fiends and His Wife will consider You trying to NOT talk about their sex life which, right now could easily be turned to you attempting to be Part of getting the inside sex scoop , making you look that much worse..

 

Note: I'm Not agreeing w/what you are doing but it IS sincere support*

 

Thank you.

I'm mostly uncomfortable with that line of conversation with her. I have no issue discussing sex with people I'm super close to but that's it.. I don't like the discussion in public of around people I don't feel that close to and especially her, for obvious reasons.

[AutumnMoon]

I didn't find it "outlandish" at all either? There are a lot of small towns in the world that operate exactly as you have described them. Lots of people in small towns are having affairs, lots of people in small towns are talking about their unhappiness in their marriages. That's just small towns - not a lot to do some days except talk I guess. It's not like OP was bragging about HER sex life or anything.

 

Everyone here literally knows everyone. Even if we arent friends now, at one time we probably were or I dated them or am related.. Unless people are new to town I've known them almost forever and people talk and volunteer information constantly.

[Owl]

Everyone here literally knows everyone. Even if we arent friends now, at one time we probably were or I dated them or am related.. Unless people are new to town I've known them almost forever and people talk and volunteer information constantly.

 

So...given that it's very common for affairs to come out...what's your plan for dealing with everyone knowing everything about your affair when it's discovered?

 

Odds are that it will happen at some point. And since everyone knows everyone...everyone will know. All it will take is one person to piece things together, and mention their thoughts to someone else.

 

What's your plan for dealing with that when/if it happens? What are you going to tell your H? Your friends? His wife? His family? Your family?

 

I get that you're very confidant that it'll never come out. Everyone I've ever known involved in an affair shared your confidence...right up until d-day.

 

What's your d-day plan?

[thefooloftheyear]

I've said it before....I think she knows and enjoys toying with you.

 

Sounds intriguing...but I doubt it....IME, women either get hysterically depressed or theyll run you over with the car...They dont have that capacity to be so tactful and cunning...

 

But you could be correct...

 

IDK what the OP is asking for...A trophy or a medal?

 

The guy is playing both of them...

 

TFY

[rumbleseat]

I've lived in a small town, where everyone knew everyone else. They not only knew each other socially, but most of them worked together as well. Everyone knew everyone else's business and shared it freely.

 

Except when it came to affairs. They would gossip about them amongst themselves, but the bs was always the last to find out. Eventually someone would feel so bad for them that they would spill the beans.

 

OP, I know you may think that there's very little chance that anyone will find out, but even a 5% chance is not a zero chance. What will happen if your husband or his wife finds out? Think of the end result of that, and ask yourself is all that heartache worth it? You say yourself that you are being intimate even all that much, are those times worth it?

 

It sounds like you have some very deep needs that your husband isn't meeting, but is this affair really the answer? It doesn't solve anything in your marriage; your problems will still be there. Is this affair really a long term viable solution?

 

What happens if the guy you are cheating with starts to feel guilty, or his wife gets suspicious, or he somehow slips up and the truth comes out? You have no control over any of that...again, is it worth he risk?

[GorillaTheater]

a little class ... goes a long way I think.

 

You said a mouthful, sister.

[AutumnMoon]

It's not that I think I'm too smart to get caught. This isn't our first time around the block. We know what our partners are like, we know what our friends and our town is like, we were risky in the beginning but wait for opportune times now.. There are several situations a week where we are alone, but do nothing at all inappropriate ..we wait until our spouses are both either out of town or we know for a fact where they are. We wait until there is a legitimate reason to be alone together so we only have to lie by omission..

 

I haven't said I think I'm a wonderful person for doing this. But at this stage of my life, yes, it's worth it.. And no I already agreed it probably won't last long term.. We will end it at some point.

 

I have mentioned as well that I was a single OW before I was married. That was about 12 years ago now, lasted a little over a year, we ended it amicably and it's never been discovered. I still see him around town and we know all the same people too.

 

I know MOST affairs and secrets come out eventually. But definitely no where near all. The secrets I know.. So many.. And Id never tell them. There are millions of secrets in the world that will go to a persons grave.. Not everything done in the dark is brought to the light.. people want to believe in karma and things like that.. I don't. I just don't. It's not that I believe I CAN'T be caught.. I believe it's because I know I CAN be that I'm very careful and the odds are less I will be.

[underwater2010]

Autumn....I can tell you from experience that she is fishing for a reason her sex life is like it is. You know, someone who can possibly tell her it either a. normal or b. what they did to improve the same situation.

 

And sex talk with my female girlfriends is normal if we are fairly close. But I will state that I only have a few close girlfriends.

 

As for sex prior and during my husband affair, it sucked flat out. I compared to get a man close but leaving him with blue balls to fall asleep. It was always over quick and I was UNSATISFIED. Yet I never denied him but always prayed he would be asleep or to tired. It was sad!!!

 

Since dday we have talked about everything from A-Z and sex is amazing now for BOTH of us.

 

We hear on this board how the BS should only be angry at the WS, because they were the one that cheated. But this is a prime example of why the BS's hatred towards their WS's AP runs so deep. Remember how you stood right in front of her listening to her concerns and life, then came back here and posted the reason "Because I am sleeping with your man" when you decide to get your hackles up because she is so pissed off at you.

[rumbleseat]

You said a mouthful, sister.

ironic, isn't it?

[AutumnMoon]

I'm a very average person in a small town. I think it's surprising how shocked people are that this kind of thing happens.. It's happening all around us. I could easily be someone you know.

I'm not looking to hurt anyone or looking for constant drama, I'm just living my life and I have a secret. I'm no different than anyone else.

[GorillaTheater]

I'm a very average person in a small town. I think it's surprising how shocked people are that this kind of thing happens.. It's happening all around us. I could easily be someone you know.

 

Do you think people posting here are "shocked"? I sure as hell hope not, because you'd be sorely mistaken. Don't confuse dismay at poor choices with surprise at those choices.

 

Or were you refering to those you know IRL? Any surprise or shock they'll feel when this surfaces will stem from their assumptions that you wouldn't betray your husband by screwing another woman's husband. "I lived next door to her for 8 years, and she seemed so nice and normal."