Your husband is sleeping with me.

[rumbleseat]

I don't think "shocked' is the right word. I think that "saddened" is a better choice.

 

Your actions and choices are hurting a woman who you say yourself isn't a bad person. you are also hurting your husband. Maybe you don't realize this since you haven't been on that side of things.

 

Also, maybe you don't realize it, but your posts don;t sound like they are being written by someone who is really happy. It's like you found a band aid to cover a gaping wound. It may cover it for a little while, but it's not going to change anything.

[2sure]

The whole small town thing had me thinking...maybe the small town culture has something to do with the amount of drama in some affairs.

Everyone knows each other and their business, so any affair involves a degree of incestuousness regarding families, neighbors, second cousins , etc. Other people's business & being comfortable within the small circles is just part of the culture.

 

If you are prone to cheat - its going to be with someone your friends, your spouse, your neighbors know.

[ladydesigner]

I also wonder how she would feel if he was out blabbing around about HER sexual issues and such? I bet she would have an issue with that, but sees it as fine for her to do so?

 

Oh god he probably does, at least he is to autumnmoon. I think that is worse than him telling his very good guy friends.

 

My WH told MOW that I was neglecting him during his A. SHE believed him. We were having a great sex life right up until he started the A with her. My WH never spent time at home after that, never helped me with the kids, never called to see how I was, he basically left our M. He kept telling her I denied him sex when in fact he was getting home at midnight when I was already asleep.

 

All I know is that when I found out all of the things my WH had told MOW that were considered private to me, it rocked my whole entire world. I have a completely different view of my WH now. He might of been better off just going on with the MOW.

[thefooloftheyear]

Good point but you're used to east coast Italian women. They will get their sisters and kick the OW up and down the street before they'd be humiliated by remaining silent.

:bunny:

 

 

:laugh:

 

You are dead on, my friend.....

 

TFY

[ladydesigner]

If his wife doesn't know about your affair, maybe she has an interest in getting to know you because she's banging your husband.

 

Wouldn't that be an ironic twist?

 

Since your town is essentially Cheers where everybody knows your name, it would be possible huh?

 

Maybe she doesn't like sex with her husband because she knows he's been screwing around. I wouldn't have an interest either.

 

I wonder sometimes if it is an intuition type thing. That she is picking up on the A, therefore is feeling uneasy at the idea of sex.

 

Very good point Red!

[summerdowling87]

Well maybe she's sleeping with your husband and that's why she doesn't care about her own WH behavior.

[AutumnMoon]

 

Also, maybe you don't realize it, but your posts don;t sound like they are being written by someone who is really happy. It's like you found a band aid to cover a gaping wound. It may cover it for a little while, but it's not going to change anything.

 

Yes, I've specifically said I'm basically medicating myself with his love and affection.. I know it won't last forever. I'm aware that this is a bandaid for sure, so is he.

[AutumnMoon]

Oh god he probably does, at least he is to autumnmoon. I think that is worse than him telling his very good guy friends.

 

My WH told MOW that I was neglecting him during his A. SHE believed him. We were having a great sex life right up until he started the A with her. My WH never spent time at home after that, never helped me with the kids, never called to see how I was, he basically left our M. He kept telling her I denied him sex when in fact he was getting home at midnight when I was already asleep.

 

 

I know more about their sex life from what she has said than what he has. Me and him seldom talk about our spouses to each other. He will say how long it's been .. But that's it most of the time.

[AutumnMoon]

I find this post really sad. You sound very certain that you'll never be found out, because you're so slick and have some other affair experience. Who knows, your deceit may never be uncovered. The sad part (for me) would be the day to day living an unauthentic life. All the lies, and stolen moments. You truly are a master at compartmentalization, I'll give you that.

 

To me you come off very smug and above it all. You don't much care about hurting others, lying, your sham of a marriage, the children who can potentially be hurt if you fail to calculate the risk. I'll admit, I don't understand women like you.

 

Anyway, you don't want advice, so I'll offer none, except to say, don't underestimate all the players. You may soon find out that you're not the smartest or slyest of the the group.

 

I don't feel smug or better than anyone else.

 

I've learned to live this way because of things that happened years ago. Since then I've lived my entire life in compartments and I'm starting IC to try and deal with that. I never plan to confess to past indescretions but I hope to avoid future ones.

[AutumnMoon]

If his wife doesn't know about your affair, maybe she has an interest in getting to know you because she's banging your husband.

 

Wouldn't that be an ironic twist?

 

Since your town is essentially Cheers where everybody knows your name, it would be possible huh?

 

Maybe she doesn't like sex with her husband because she knows he's been screwing around. I wouldn't have an interest either.

 

Hmm if that was true.. Well my husband knows I would be very game for an open relationship if we were both free to explore, so if he wanted to sleep with her he would have said so to me I believe.

 

But no.. She doesn't like sex period, claims its gross and uncomfortable. It's not just sex with her husband.

[AutumnMoon]

Well maybe she's sleeping with your husband and that's why she doesn't care about her own WH behavior.

 

I've never denied the possibility of my husbands unfaithfulness but since he's only been in town for about 4 days this month, all of which spent with me, it's very unlikely it's with her.

[AutumnMoon]

I wonder sometimes if it is an intuition type thing. That she is picking up on the A, therefore is feeling uneasy at the idea of sex.

 

Very good point Red!

 

That's very possible.

[AutumnMoon]

This. I've never understood why some people insist that there aren't TONS of women who exist that feel this way. They won't give BJs because, "ew, that's gross" - or they don't like to get sweaty and have the "mess" of sex - or on and on and on. It's not about their partner - it's about THEM. It's so common. I can't even begin to count the women I personally know who have made some kind of statement about, for instance, not wanting to give BJs to their partners, ever, or not wanting to receive oral, ever. It's beyond prudish - it's some kind of issue with THEM - it's not that they haven't had the "right" partner, as most are like this with ALL of their partners. It can be a cultural thing, or a religious thing, or an insecurity thing - but whatever it is, it's not any man's job to convince his wife/partner to have sex with him. And most of these women WILL do things to get the ring - to catch a husband - and then, bam, stop doing them and come out with how they REALLY feel about sex. Bait and switch, classic.

 

I feel sorry for any person who is with someone like that - it's such a freakin' selfish thing for them to do to someone else who is obviously interested in having an ADULT relationship, not a roommate.

 

About 6 months ago me and a few other women were in a room together talking and she seriously said that she used to be able to avoid sex with him by telling him he wasn't showing enough affection and made her feel like a piece of meat.. She said this what she used as an excuse, she did not say it was actually true, although it might have been! .. She then continued to say, "it sucks now though cause now he will try to be all affectionate, and yuck! I'm grossed out.. Is it bad I don't even like kissing him? I get he's trying to be affectionate because I said I wanted it, but I don't really."

 

She said this. And has said similar things more than once.

 

She has also admitted flat out.. To HIM and others that she only gave blow jobs to begin with, so he would stay with her. She thinks its funny.

[AutumnMoon]

Saying these things is not me trying to bash her. Same as my husband and me, they just have different sexual desires and drives. They both have many other great qualities.. Plus they are the parents of our children.. We love them.

[threelaurels]

It's beyond prudish - it's some kind of issue with THEM - it's not that they haven't had the "right" partner, as most are like this with ALL of their partners. It can be a cultural thing, or a religious thing, or an insecurity thing - but whatever it is, it's not any man's job to convince his wife/partner to have sex with him. And most of these women WILL do things to get the ring - to catch a husband - and then, bam, stop doing them and come out with how they REALLY feel about sex. Bait and switch, classic.

 

Yup, it's not because of the hormonal changes associated with aging or childbirth, stress, or even the medications they take. It's because women are manipulative bitches who lie about their sexuality just to get a ring on their finger.

 

Remember, ladies, even if your man can't last for more than 2 minutes without viagra, has no interest in foreplay, and never wants to go down on you... you MUST be available to fulfill his sexual needs!

 

Also, "it's not any man's job to convince his wife/partner to have sex with him"? Yes, it is. It's called SEDUCTION, and it works both ways!

[threelaurels]

About 6 months ago me and a few other women were in a room together talking and she seriously said that she used to be able to avoid sex with him by telling him he wasn't showing enough affection and made her feel like a piece of meat.. She said this what she used as an excuse, she did not say it was actually true, although it might have been! .. She then continued to say, "it sucks now though cause now he will try to be all affectionate, and yuck! I'm grossed out.. Is it bad I don't even like kissing him? I get he's trying to be affectionate because I said I wanted it, but I don't really."

 

She said this. And has said similar things more than once.

 

She has also admitted flat out.. To HIM and others that she only gave blow jobs to begin with, so he would stay with her. She thinks its funny.

 

Sounds like she's a closeted lesbian.

[AutumnMoon]

Yup, it's not because of the hormonal changes associated with aging or childbirth, stress, or even the medications they take. It's because women are manipulative bitches who lie about their sexuality just to get a ring on their finger.

 

Remember, ladies, even if your man can't last for more than 2 minutes without viagra, has no interest in foreplay, and never wants to go down on you... you MUST be available to fulfill his sexual needs!

 

Also, "it's not any man's job to convince his wife/partner to have sex with him"? Yes, it is. It's called SEDUCTION, and it works both ways!

 

She TOLD him and other people that on their first date she made the choice in her head to.. And I quote "give you the best blow job ever so you would keep me." With the knowledge already that she did not enjoy sex and believed "that's why men have hands"

 

I'm not saying she deserves to be cheated on at all. That has nothing to do with what I'm doing, but it most definitely has to do with why he is.. It's not her fault she doesn't like sex. It's her fault for totally lying about that fact before purposely getting pregnant though.. in my opinion. She knew then and knows now his arc drive is much much higher than the average person.. She does not care. Again.. Not saying that has anything to do with me, or saying she's a bad person.

 

She fell in love with him, and saw that as her opportunity to keep him. She really doesn't see how he should not be happy pleasuring himself. She doesn't get why it's different than sex, she does not get enjoyment from either. That's what SHE says.

 

Me and him are still lying and cheating and it's wrong.

 

Those facts about her are still true.

 

They've only been married a few years.

[AutumnMoon]

Sounds like she's a closeted lesbian.

 

He says the same thing and thinks that's why she's trying to be my friend.. He thinks she knows inside about us but is in denial and he thinks she likes me. He gets this from things she's said.

 

I however don't agree. I've seen her around men.. She likes men. She likes flirting and getting attention from men.. Him included. And will openly look for sexual attention.... But she does not enjoy the actual act or touching..... :/ to be clear, I've heard this from her mouth and seen it. I have not ever talked to her husband about it. In passing he'll be like.. I never get laid.. Or it's been this long... But that's it.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

 

I'm not saying she deserves to be cheated on at all.

 

 

If you're sleeping with her husband you are by your actions saying that she deserves to cheated on. You are also engaged in some sort of espionage, any information she is offering up as girlfriend chit chat, you are using to justify sleeping with her husband. That's just kind of creepy.

[threelaurels]

She TOLD him and other people that on their first date she made the choice in her head to.. And I quote "give you the best blow job ever so you would keep me." With the knowledge already that she did not enjoy sex and believed "that's why men have hands"

 

I'm not saying she deserves to be cheated on at all. That has nothing to do with what I'm doing, but it most definitely has to do with why he is.. It's not her fault she doesn't like sex. It's her fault for totally lying about that fact before purposely getting pregnant though.. in my opinion. She knew then and knows now his arc drive is much much higher than the average person.. She does not care. Again.. Not saying that has anything to do with me, or saying she's a bad person.

 

She fell in love with him, and saw that as her opportunity to keep him. She really doesn't see how he should not be happy pleasuring himself. She doesn't get why it's different than sex, she does not get enjoyment from either. That's what SHE says.

 

Me and him are still lying and cheating and it's wrong.

 

Those facts about her are still true.

 

They've only been married a few years.

 

She admitted to you that she deliberately lied about her sexuality to get him to marry her?

 

Unless you've seen her medical records, I wouldn't rule out a medical cause. Without a medical cause, what you're describing is asexuality. While it's possible, it's very, very rare.

 

The fact that she appears interested in other men also doesn't rule out her being a lesbian. Many closeted people try to convince others and themselves that they are straight.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Oh ffs...you know that you really do Men a disservice when you claim they can be 'hooked' by a good BJ. They are a little more than mindless sex machines. The fact is, while you *think you get love from him, he gives his love to her. You, he screws.

 

It's why the title of this thread is so misleading. You are ****ing her husband, not sleeping. He sleeps with his wife. Every night. Just the way you sleep every night with...oh...wait...that's right, he's away all the time. You sleep with no-one. Now THAT is sad.

[AutumnMoon]

She admitted to you that she deliberately lied about her sexuality to get him to marry her?

 

.

 

She said in front of a group of people that on their first date she made the choice to hook him with sex yes.. Because she really liked him. She's said it more than once.

 

I'm not saying she's asexual or a lesbian.. I think she just doesn't enjoy the act and my opinion is that can happen to anyone.. I have to work at it sometimes but affection in other areas makes me want sexual release.. I guess she doesn't feel that way.

 

The usually do have sex once a month or so, some months more some months less.

[AutumnMoon]

Oh ffs...you know that you really do Men a disservice when you claim they can be 'hooked' by a good BJ. They are a little more than mindless sex machines. The fact is, while you *think you get love from him, he gives his love to her. You, he screws.

 

It's why the title of this thread is so misleading. You are ****ing her husband, not sleeping. He sleeps with his wife. Every night. Just the way you sleep every night with...oh...wait...that's right, he's away all the time. You sleep with no-one. Now THAT is sad.

 

He didn't get hooked by the blow jobs.. He genuinely cares about her.. Like I said she has great qualities too.. He also had kids and married her though because of those qualities AND the belief they shared a similar sex drive.

 

To be clear here.. They do not have a sexless marriage. Just very lacking and not much enthusiasm.

[ladydesigner]

Ok I am going to go out on a limb here...

 

The only time I was not attracted to my WH and flat out did not want to have sex or kiss him was when I was in my own A.

 

Do you think his wife could be cheating on him, especially when I read this part...

 

I've seen her around men.. She likes men. She likes flirting and getting attention from men.. Him included. And will openly look for sexual attention....

[AutumnMoon]

What is sad for me is I tried to be OP. 8 month ago this was where I was headed...

 

AM- what are some of BW's good qualities?

 

His wife's good qualities?

She's sweet, she's very outgoing and social. She's a pretty good mom, loving to the kids. She works hard. Shes cute. Those are the things Id say anyway.. From what I see. Like I said me and him don't talk about that a lot.