velvette Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Ok. I thought you said that he had cheated on her before on more than one occasion. If that is true it would seem like he is an opportunity cheater. Look, I'm not saying that since the wife is the betrayed one she is perfect I am calling BS (not betrayed spouse) on the notion that his affair with you is somehow just karma for her. It just blows my mind the extent that some people will go to to avoid holding a WS, responsible for his own actions If the wife is saying things about him publicly that embarrass him and thereby undermine their relationship then she is responsible for doing that. If he decides to leave and divorce (which you say he doesn't want this) then fine. But his integrity is his to uphold. His lying cheating and sneaking around is not her karma. It is just his lack of integrity. His actions. His responsibility It seems pretty clear. Unless you are someone who just reflexively blames the the wife for everything all the time. I'm curious Autumn, do you know if she knows that he's cheated on her before? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 Ok. I thought you said that he had cheated on her before on more than one occasion. If that is true it would seem like he is an opportunity cheater. Look, I'm not saying that since the wife is the betrayed one she is perfect I am calling BS (not betrayed spouse) on the notion that his affair with you is somehow just karma for her. It just blows my mind the extent that some people will go to to avoid holding a WS, responsible for his own actions If the wife is saying things about him publicly that embarrass him and thereby undermine their relationship then she is responsible for doing that. If he decides to leave and divorce (which you say he doesn't want this) then fine. But his integrity is his to uphold. His lying cheating and sneaking around is not her karma. It is just his lack of integrity. His actions. His responsibility It seems pretty clear. Unless you are someone who just reflexively blames the the wife for everything all the time. Yes, well I agree.. I'm not one of the ones here who said she deserved this. Wasn't trying to justify it as the reason she's being cheated on. It's just one of the reasons he was seeking intimacy else where! I've never said it was the only reason for the affair but yes I've seen other people have said that, and I realize people think that's what I'm getting at maybe. He cheated on her twice, both one night stands in the length of their relationship, both during times they hadn't had sex in weeks.. it's my feeling he maybe would have those two times regardless only because they were situations he felt he would not get caught... I don't know that for sure but I do think it to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 I'm curious Autumn, do you know if she knows that he's cheated on her before? Yes. She knows for a fact about the one, she had proof and he admitted. That was early in their relationship before they got married. The second time the woman it was with told friends of hers, the rumour spread until getting back to her but she flat out denied it could be true (even though it very much was) and told him she heard the rumour but didnt believe it, he didn't even have to elaborate, or deny it. She never brought it up again according to him. That was years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 OP - do you blame your husband for your cheating? Do you ever talk badly about him to others? I can't blame anyone else. Of course not, no.. Just because she might have to do with reasons why he came to the point of making the choice to cheat.. and my husband too, he's away a lot.. Doesn't appreciate the things about me I wish he would.. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't SEE me.. just through me.. He has anger issues, he's sexist and a little homophobic, and not as loving and emotional and understanding as I wish he was.. He always is trying to calm me down and change me. All things that over the years got me to a weird place and I made the choice to lie and cheat.. He has to do with some of my reasons for getting to that point.. Where I could have continued pressing for counselling or for him to notice me.. I instead chose to start an affair.. My fault, not his. I will say he's angry with me to my friends when he's being an ******* and I bitch when I feel he doesn't help out enough but that's the extent I talk badly about him. He's a good guy.. We aren't a great match I think sometimes.. But I do love him. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Wow, that doesn't sound very much like love to me - but, may I ask? Do you really love him or you really love the lifestyle he provides for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 Wow, that doesn't sound very much like love to me - but, may I ask? Do you really love him or you really love the lifestyle he provides for you? I obviously like our lifestyle but would not stay just for it.. I make enough to support me and the kids. I love him, I also love all of our extended family and friends and the life we have planned. Link to post Share on other sites
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