Breaking an engagement

[infamous]

I'm in the unfortunate position of having to break an engagement to my fiancee, even though I'm still fond of her. We've been in a long-distance

 

relationship for the last six years -- but I just can't go through the marriage thing with her. She's not the one .

 

I've already got my flight ticket booked to see her this weekend to tell her. She has a vague idea that things aren't as they should, but I don't think she knows that I'm going to totally break it.

 

The question is, should I phone her and tell her by phone in advance, so she's prepared when I arrive so I can explain my decision? Or should I be there in person to tell her, and make sure she's relatively alright?

[billy the kid]

well first, since your still fond of her, does that mean that you still sort of love her? it really does't matter. Just ask your self how you would want to be treated. You know the whole situation, we don't, and with out knowing the whole story, I would just suggest following the "golden rule". Treat others as you would have them treat you.

I'm in the unfortunate position of having to break an engagement to my fiancee, even though I'm still fond of her. We've been in a long-distance

 

relationship for the last six years -- but I just can't go through the marriage thing with her. She's not the one . I've already got my flight ticket booked to see her this weekend to tell her. She has a vague idea that things aren't as they should, but I don't think she knows that I'm going to totally break it. The question is, should I phone her and tell her by phone in advance, so she's prepared when I arrive so I can explain my decision? Or should I be there in person to tell her, and make sure she's relatively alright?

[Laurynn]

After being together for this many years, you really need to tell her you're breaking off the engagement 'face to face'.....don't do it over the phone to 'prepare her'.....then she'll be so upset all by herself..with so many questions. I know for you, it might feel a little easier to break the news to her by phone first......but it will be so much worse for her. Do it in person. I wish you luck.

 

L

[Tony T]

If you told her on the phone, there would be no reason to go there in person. This is something that should be done in person.

 

The fact that you are having to ask this question indicates you are doing the right thing. If you really loved her enough to marry her, you wouldn't for a minute think of telling her something like this on the phone...of course, you wouldn't be telling her this at all in that case.

 

If she loves you dearly and if she is sensitive, this is something she's not going to want to hear in any case. However, telling her in person shows a great respect for her and the information you intend to convey.

 

I applaud your decision. It is far better to opt out now if this is something you really don't want to do.

[Nic]

you are definitely doing the right thing by getting out of the relationship now if you feel your heart is not in it and she is not the one. but i will say - DO NOT DO IT OVER THE PHONE. i don't know about anyone else, but i feel that would be heartless. it will do more than prepare her - it will hurt her more than saying it to her face. she will only tear herself apart knowing it is on the horizon.

 

the fact that she has an idea that things aren't right is enough. it's quite possible that this has crossed her mind. she may have already prepared herself for it in some way, who knows.

 

it is much more considerate to break it off in person. to forewarn her is to only put her in the awful position of anticipating more pain.

[Don]

I'm in the unfortunate position of having to break an engagement to my fiancee, even though I'm still fond of her. We've been in a long-distance

 

relationship for the last six years -- but I just can't go through the marriage thing with her. She's not the one .

Why do you say this? Have you gotten married to someone else or something?

 

Whatever you do, don't call her and leave her a voice mail. This would not be cool.

 

Not that I'm an expert or anything, but I'd first introduce her to a buddy of mine who finds her kind of cute. Then, after he charms her a bit, I'd turn the table a bit. Tell her how much you love her but you just don't think you're good enough for her. Tell her that even though you could never love another like her, you know that it just isn't right for her. You can tell her how she deserves better. (not saying it's true mind you) It may leave her a bit confused, but she would feel better about herself and your buddy may owe you one. It's a win win situation.

 

Don