Wife loses weight, then leaves

[RightThere]

As for getting an Rx for meds, I really don't want to resort to it....I think I would rather have a couple drinks than get medicated. It seems to me like that is putting a band-aid on a chopped off arm....also, part of me feels like it would be yet another victory for my wife. What I mean is, in addition to her having put me into counseling, depression, total despair, shattering my self-confidence and self-esteem, and leaving me to wonder what the hell happened, she would also have me medicated/sedated. It would feel like another mental trophy in the power-trip showcase of her mind.

 

I felt the exact same way. However my sleep was being severely affected, so I had to get something. I will say I did them for less than a week and although I was able to get to sleep better, it wasn't good sleep. As for the antidepressant effects, I didn't notice too much other than feeling a bit stoned (and not the fun way).

 

My advice would be just get the prescription filled so you have it. Try it out and if it's not for you (like it wasn't for me) at least you know. As for handing your wife another victory, I totally know how you feel there. But it's all in your head. She doesn't care so don't concern yourself with what she might think.

[dumped2013]

The only thing I can tell you dude, is you have no kids with her, I have no kids with my ex. We have a whole life left in us. My ex lied and yours cheated. Mine may have and I don't know. I don't want to know, but if I knew she had an affair I would not even look back. I could not trust her again. You can never trust yours again. That"s just me. I don't know if I can ever trust a woman again. Animals give you unconditional love. I'm going to volunteer at the no kill shelter in the county. Good night, going to nuke some food and watch football with my cat.

[AZtragedy]

Great to hear this tone AZ. I know it's a cliche', but you are not alone. When I realized that, when I really knew that was true, it helped. Support is key.

 

Here's a list I made for myself after my ex cheated and left. Pretty simple.

 

1) I love and miss her.

2) She's not coming back.

3) I don't like it, but must accept it.

4) I have two choices: I can live in pain, or leave it.

5) I can't heal if I hold anger, resentment and bitterness in my heart.

6) I can heal and move on knowing I'll always care about her.

7) Loving and caring about her does not mean I want her back.

8) I will not accept anything less than I'm willing to give.

9) I will treat her with kindness...even if she does not treat me kindly.

10) I am me with or without her. I will be true to myself

 

 

This is a great list.....I am having a hard time with #7. Even after all the sick things this "new person" has done to me, at this point in time I would still be willing to try to work things out. That will probably change as more time goes by. Number 10 is also hard for me so far - as I have said before, this has really damaged my self-image and self-esteem...I know I should not allow it to, but if I am going to be completely honest with myself, it really has. I am working on rebuilding that, step by step...it is a slow and difficult process, but I know it must be done before I can truly live again.

[AZtragedy]

I felt the exact same way. However my sleep was being severely affected, so I had to get something. I will say I did them for less than a week and although I was able to get to sleep better, it wasn't good sleep. As for the antidepressant effects, I didn't notice too much other than feeling a bit stoned (and not the fun way).

 

My advice would be just get the prescription filled so you have it. Try it out and if it's not for you (like it wasn't for me) at least you know. As for handing your wife another victory, I totally know how you feel there. But it's all in your head. She doesn't care so don't concern yourself with what she might think.

 

 

Thanks for the advice.....I am still considering it, since most of the time I cannot really focus on anything except all this pain. We'll see....

 

You are also right about not being concerned with what my wife would make of it....in fact, it is none of her business anymore.

[AZtragedy]

The only thing I can tell you dude, is you have no kids with her, I have no kids with my ex. We have a whole life left in us. My ex lied and yours cheated. Mine may have and I don't know. I don't want to know, but if I knew she had an affair I would not even look back. I could not trust her again. You can never trust yours again. That"s just me. I don't know if I can ever trust a woman again. Animals give you unconditional love. I'm going to volunteer at the no kill shelter in the county. Good night, going to nuke some food and watch football with my cat.

 

 

I want to let you know that you are an inspiration to me - you are handling your situation in such a positive, mature way, and I am trying to model my recovery from this on what you are doing.

 

I do feel fortunate that there are no kids involved in this mess....it is going to make it easier eventually to be able to move on, and at least in my case, move on with someone else (whenever that happens).

 

Speaking for myself, I am a very trusting person ... perhaps to a fault. Never before have I been betrayed and let down like this. I did not even think she was capable of it, making the total shock I have been in even more intense. The irony is, so far anyways, that even though she stabbed me in the back and completely destroyed all of our trust all by herself, I do still believe that I will be able to trust a woman again, in the future. The fault lies within her - she has no honor and her word means nothing. But, I am determined not to let it affect how I view all other females on this planet.

 

I think it is great you are going to volunteer at the no-kill shelter .... that is a great and wonderful thing to do. I was actually thinking of doing something like that myself, sometime in the coming months.

 

By the way, I think I figured out why I cannot do the PM here - I think I have not been here long enough (less than 1 month).....

 

Enjoy the game with your cat and your dinner, and thank you again for all of your help and support.

[dumped2013]

Also, I figure that there are probably some hot single women that help out at the shelter. Just saying.

[worldgonewrong]

Also, I figure that there are probably some hot single women that help out at the shelter. Just saying.

 

Lots of p_ssy at the animal shelter.

 

(sorry, terrible joke...)

[dumped2013]

I think my ex came back as several hemorroids (sp) hanging out of my ass. They want to do surgery but when I read about it on the online forums one guy said he felt like he pooped out a 15 pound watermelon lined with razor blades and then poured acid on it. I have to find another way to get rid of the ex. She was a witch and I think that she cast a spell on me

[AZtragedy]

I think my ex came back as several hemorroids (sp) hanging out of my ass. They want to do surgery but when I read about it on the online forums one guy said he felt like he pooped out a 15 pound watermelon lined with razor blades and then poured acid on it. I have to find another way to get rid of the ex. She was a witch and I think that she cast a spell on me

 

oh man, that is not good....sorry to hear about that. maybe she did put a spell on you or at least your rear....

 

good luck....

[Steadfast]

I don't know if I can ever trust a woman again. Animals give you unconditional love.

 

Animals are wonderful. I am a huge dog lover, but animals can't replace romance and the benefits of a long term relationship with marriage.

 

Great reward comes with great risk dumped and AZ. There is always the chance that the thrill and satisfaction love and romance give will turn into heartache when they're taken away. There are no guarantees. What to do?

 

You become responsible for your happiness. You do not allow the relationship to define who you are. You reward and gift the person you care about without thought of return. You stay true to yourself as well as staying true to them. You work towards a common goal. No keeping score.

 

You understand that if the person you love (after already being burned) leaves, it'll hurt you. But because you are your own person, it won't destroy you. You can't trust someone else unless you trust yourself first.

 

If you love deeply enough, you take the risk.

 

No one likes pain or rejection, but not liking it is different of being afraid of it. When you grasp this, you become a person other people want to be in a relationship with. And not just romantic ones...but friendships, business relationships and family. Don't control, don't allow yourself to be controlled.

 

Your trust in someone may be destroyed, but not your ability to trust. Big difference. Don't let the weak of character steal your chance at happiness!

[RightThere]

Although I like what you write Steadfast, I think for people like AZ and myself, we need some time alone initially to be alright with ourselves. And it may take a while before we're OK to be with someone else, but I think the self reflection and repair coming from being alone is important.

 

Too often the WS is into their next relationship without self reflecting on what may be wrong with themselves. They'll just keep jumping from relationship to relationship because they cannot stand to look and themselves and what they actually are.

 

I'm going to relish my alone time, not having to worry about the headache of trusting and being with anyone else. Later I'm sure that will shift, but I hopefully will be a stronger and smarter person who makes that jump.

[dumped2013]

People like AZ, Right, and Dumped. I have been by myself now for 2 months. I will go have lunch on a Saturday to a sports bar with a buddy, but not on match or websites looking for anything. I am a believer that when I see someone special or meet someone and not expect it and I see a connection I will know. Right now I just come home and hang out with my cat. I also hang out with some great neighbors. My buddy in the neighborhood invited me over for Thanksgiving. I will have a good time. 15 of his friends and family members. I realize my marriage is over and I am healthy and wake up every morning. There are plenty of good women out there that will appreciate a great guy and an animal lover. Quit looking, it will happen.

[Steadfast]

Although I like what you write Steadfast, I think for people like AZ and myself, we need some time alone initially to be alright with ourselves. And it may take a while before we're OK to be with someone else, but I think the self reflection and repair coming from being alone is important.

 

Absolutely. No question. In fact, at some point in your life you will look back on this time fondly. Lots of strength and self esteem is gained by knowing you don't need someone to be happy. Your words are wisdom.

 

 

I'm going to relish my alone time, not having to worry about the headache of trusting and being with anyone else. Later I'm sure that will shift, but I hopefully will be a stronger and smarter person who makes that jump.

 

You will be. You already are and so is dumped. AZ will follow, I'm sure.

 

Proud of you guys.

[AZtragedy]

 

 

You become responsible for your happiness. You do not allow the relationship to define who you are. You reward and gift the person you care about without thought of return. You stay true to yourself as well as staying true to them. You work towards a common goal. No keeping score.

 

You understand that if the person you love (after already being burned) leaves, it'll hurt you. But because you are your own person, it won't destroy you. You can't trust someone else unless you trust yourself first.

 

 

 

Your trust in someone may be destroyed, but not your ability to trust. Big difference. Don't let the weak of character steal your chance at happiness!

 

I agree with all that you wrote, and I appreciate your taking the time to express it. I can certainly use all the advice, insight and wisdom I can get.

 

I think one reason I was so blindsided by all of this is that my wife and I took so long to get married (10 years) that I knew beyond a doubt that we were healthy as individuals and as a couple. We both had things in our individual lives that gave us contentment and 'happiness' and this continued when we got married.....

 

I never really thought I was dependent upon her for my happiness or peace of mind until all this suddenly happened. I suppose I took it for granted, but I always thought if anything bad were to come up she would say something .... but she never complained about me or things at all.

 

This is easily the biggest shock of my life, and I am trying my best to keep moving ahead, look after myself, and not let it affect my future in a negative way. Every day is a real struggle with all of this. But I do appreciate the comments and insights.

[AZtragedy]

Although I like what you write Steadfast, I think for people like AZ and myself, we need some time alone initially to be alright with ourselves. And it may take a while before we're OK to be with someone else, but I think the self reflection and repair coming from being alone is important.

 

Too often the WS is into their next relationship without self reflecting on what may be wrong with themselves. They'll just keep jumping from relationship to relationship because they cannot stand to look and themselves and what they actually are.

 

 

I agree with you...speaking for myself, I definitely need some undefined period of time here where I can get my head back on straight and pick up as many of the pieces of myself that have been scattered all over the floor as I can....I admit to having feelings of jealousy for my wife, in that she has someone (she thinks) to be close to. Then, my brain starts to function properly and I realize that what she is doing by jumping right into her new "relationship" before even ending ours, with no break, and like you said, no self-reflection whatsoever, is harming herself. You are so right when you say they cannot stand to look at themselves for what they actually are. In the case of my wife, that is precisely the problem.

 

Unfortunately, I am the one paying the consequences, in a very painful way, in the meantime....

[AZtragedy]

People like AZ, Right, and Dumped. I have been by myself now for 2 months. I will go have lunch on a Saturday to a sports bar with a buddy, but not on match or websites looking for anything. I am a believer that when I see someone special or meet someone and not expect it and I see a connection I will know. Right now I just come home and hang out with my cat. I also hang out with some great neighbors. My buddy in the neighborhood invited me over for Thanksgiving. I will have a good time. 15 of his friends and family members. I realize my marriage is over and I am healthy and wake up every morning. There are plenty of good women out there that will appreciate a great guy and an animal lover. Quit looking, it will happen.

 

 

It is very admirable that you are adjusting so well to your new single life. Your cat is good company for you, as mine is, too....

 

You are right to say there are plenty of good women who will appreciate a great guy and an animal lover - as well as someone who has as much self-respect and honor as yourself.

 

It has been 7 weeks now since I have been alone here (with my cat) and to be honest, it feels like forever. I am doing the best I can and trying to take it one day at a time....thanks for your comments and advice, as well.

[Grumpybutfun]

AZ:

I think your biggest hurdle right now is learning how to let go of the idea of her as your wife. You have to let go of the fantasy that you can control what happens in your life when it comes to her actions. People have been programmed by the media to believe that they can influence the decisions of others and make them love them by being enough, buying enough, being attractive enough, rich enough, etc. The reality is that none of this is true because these things are not core values. Only through her values like integrity, honor and goodness can she be the person you are fantasizing about, and she has shown you repeatedly that she is not that person you believed in.

 

Letting go means surrendering to the mysteries of our life and understanding that we have no control over other people or their decisions. We only have control over our own lives and our own choices. Once you accept she is in your past, you can move on with a clear heart. The only way to do that is to understand that what you thought you knew about her, what you thought she was is false. Accept that you thought you were healthy as a couple, but you weren't or you wouldn't be here right now writing about her shacking up with her co-worker, leaving your marriage and breaking your heart. A healthy relationship doesn't change over night, AZ. It wasn't healthy, it was functioning and you were duped by her.

Let go, accept and find hope in your heart for peace,

Grumps

[AZtragedy]

AZ:

I think your biggest hurdle right now is learning how to let go of the idea of her as your wife. You have to let go of the fantasy that you can control what happens in your life when it comes to her actions. People have been programmed by the media to believe that they can influence the decisions of others and make them love them by being enough, buying enough, being attractive enough, rich enough, etc. The reality is that none of this is true because these things are not core values. Only through her values like integrity, honor and goodness can she be the person you are fantasizing about, and she has shown you repeatedly that she is not that person you believed in.

 

Letting go means surrendering to the mysteries of our life and understanding that we have no control over other people or their decisions. We only have control over our own lives and our own choices. Once you accept she is in your past, you can move on with a clear heart. The only way to do that is to understand that what you thought you knew about her, what you thought she was is false. Accept that you thought you were healthy as a couple, but you weren't or you wouldn't be here right now writing about her shacking up with her co-worker, leaving your marriage and breaking your heart. A healthy relationship doesn't change over night, AZ. It wasn't healthy, it was functioning and you were duped by her.

Let go, accept and find hope in your heart for peace,

Grumps

 

 

It is so true, what you wrote.....I have been telling myself on days like today (when I am struggling the most) that the wife I had is "dead" now, and this "different person" that she herself told me she has become, is the zombie version of her. Maybe that does not help me to let go, but to some degree it is helping me to get to the point of acceptance, to some degree.

 

You are so right, that the core values that she used to have, are now gone. The old her that is no more would never do these things. This new her seems to have no qualms about crushing me to get her selfish desires fulfilled.

 

I am really trying to let her go, and accept this new reality...I am finding it to be an uphill struggle, all the way. I am doing my best day to day, and am trying not to let it consume me. I do know that eventually I will be an even better person than before all this....but the shock and the grieving are really where I am at, for now...

 

Thank you, as always, for all of your wisdom - I do take it to heart.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi AZ,

 

I've been reading your thread. I haven't had too much to say because it hits close to home for me in a sense.

 

I am an obese woman and I've been married for eight years.

My husband has NOT been a very good husband through half of it and we are working things through. In the coming year my employment and educational goals should even out to the point where I can begin a serious diet and exercise program that has worked for me before and that I feel great about.

 

But I AM worried that it may change me at the core of who I am if I start receiving extra attention. Frankly, it's been difficult enough getting rid of some pursuant guys. (I figure they hit on me because they think I'd be easy to get with because I am fat. No thanks!)

 

I do wonder if it would pose a risk to my marriage. I've been an above and beyond dedicated spouse, but that's been a heavy challenge. No pun intended. I don't THINK I'd go down that route BUT I'm sure maybe of these women did think they would either. I also think the fear of changing into someone I wouldn't like is part of what KEEPS me fat.

 

But I digress....

One thing I wanted to share with you was something thàt helped me cope with my husband's infidelity and out separation.

 

It felt just like he had died to me. Seriously. Like the man I married just got smucked by a semi or something and I grieved and grieved and grieved.

 

What got me past it a little bit was that I actually had a little mental funeral for him. I figured that the man I married actually would've wanted me to be happy and not put up with this garbage etc. I envisioned this quiet funeral in the town we lived in at the time, seeing them lower the coffin into a grave in that little graveyard they have there. Crying, eulogizing. He didn't have friends and family to attend because his relatives wouldn't come from out East and he hasn't made any friends where we were. That was just it. I could even see the black dress I was wearing and the whole bit. The preacher didn't know him at all either. That's it. I was the only person at that sad little funeral. Eight months pregnant and all.

 

I was able to live like he had passed away after that for awhile.

When my actual husband started coming around again I just saw a different person. I still do in a lot of ways. It's like my marriage is split in two. But it's become more of a happy place as of late. Don't get me wrong. But that was after years of hardship with a separation thrown in.

 

It might be good to give that love you have a symbolic funeral. Even if the world feels like it's turning grey for a bit, it might be better than trying to live in and with the past at your back night and day.

[Iguanna]

Being not thin myself, I kinda understand what she's going through. It's really bad to be defined due to your weight your whole life, regardless if you are smart, kind, outgoing, honest, good friend etc etc, you are still "this fat girl". Some people deal with this with maturity trying to make their personality better, concentrating on being a good person. Other people get sad, depressed, they get bad feelings for other people and they keep their bad feelings inside them. It seems your wife had never really accepted her weight and how other people treat her due to this and now that she got rid of it she let all her repressed emotions come out. Overweight people tend to believe at the end that they don't deserve happiness or that they shouldn't ask for much in life cause they have this big effective. Maybe she thinks now that she can indeed have all that she dreamed for but never pursued due to her weight. I don't understand though why she chose to not include you in this new life of hers. I can only guess that her losing weight was not the only reason she left you. She said she didn't feel good with having slept only with one man in her life, so this is another reason. I'm not sure if this "phase" she is going through will come to an end and if she will come back to you. She seemed honest and I can't have bad feelings for her either. But the fact is you can't pause your life to wait for her, it's not fair for you. I suggest you let some time pass and see what happens, you start to have a life again, get some hobbies, and if she comes back you will decide then if you want to take her back or not.

[RightThere]

I agree with you...speaking for myself, I definitely need some undefined period of time here where I can get my head back on straight and pick up as many of the pieces of myself that have been scattered all over the floor as I can....I admit to having feelings of jealousy for my wife, in that she has someone (she thinks) to be close to. Then, my brain starts to function properly and I realize that what she is doing by jumping right into her new "relationship" before even ending ours, with no break, and like you said, no self-reflection whatsoever, is harming herself. You are so right when you say they cannot stand to look at themselves for what they actually are. In the case of my wife, that is precisely the problem.

 

Unfortunately, I am the one paying the consequences, in a very painful way, in the meantime....

 

You're doing pretty good for 7 weeks. I am actually not even started full separation and custody but I think I'll have some big struggles those first few nights totally alone.

 

One think I want to suggest to you that helped me take another step forward. She's not your wife anymore. She's your soon-to-be-ex-wife (STBXW). The first time you refer to her as that, I found it actually a bit liberating. Give it a try for a few days.

[AZtragedy]

Hi AZ,

 

I've been reading your thread. I haven't had too much to say because it hits close to home for me in a sense.

 

I am an obese woman and I've been married for eight years.

My husband has NOT been a very good husband through half of it and we are working things through. In the coming year my employment and educational goals should even out to the point where I can begin a serious diet and exercise program that has worked for me before and that I feel great about.

 

But I AM worried that it may change me at the core of who I am if I start receiving extra attention. Frankly, it's been difficult enough getting rid of some pursuant guys. (I figure they hit on me because they think I'd be easy to get with because I am fat. No thanks!)

 

I do wonder if it would pose a risk to my marriage. I've been an above and beyond dedicated spouse, but that's been a heavy challenge. No pun intended. I don't THINK I'd go down that route BUT I'm sure maybe of these women did think they would either. I also think the fear of changing into someone I wouldn't like is part of what KEEPS me fat.

 

 

 

Thank you for your suggestion - I may have to do something like a mental funeral once my head is ready.....

 

One of the things that has really depressed me about my situation is that I really thought her losing weight was going to bring us even closer, because we worked together - as a team - on it. We meal planned every day of every week, we took ALL of our walks together. I encouraged her and never once asked her for updates or "how much" she had lost....when she was ready to share and feel proud of herself she would share with me how much she had lost, at certain points. I would regularly compliment her and encourage her on how much willpower she had.

 

I truly thought that going through that together was going to make her even more loyal to me than ever before. Boy was I wrong.

 

All the attention she received from people she works with messed with her head so much that her workplace ended up being like a stage, where she models her new clothes and receives compliments and looks and innuendos from everyone. Eventually the workplace ended up being more valued than me. Naturally there was some lowlife trash ready to "listen" to everything she had to say about everything, and now she values him more than me, too. Now she can play out all the behaviors and fantasies and things she felt that she somehow lost out on in her teens and twenties.

 

So, I pay the price for her selfishness and midlife crisis. This hurts so much, and the best I get out of her now is when she tells me "I'm so sorry for everything" and "I wish I had not hurt you so"....

 

I know I need to accept this new reality, and let go of her....I am trying my best. This is and has been so crushing and I hope others will be much more careful when considering doing things like my wife has done.

[AZtragedy]

Being not thin myself, I kinda understand what she's going through. It's really bad to be defined due to your weight your whole life, regardless if you are smart, kind, outgoing, honest, good friend etc etc, you are still "this fat girl". Some people deal with this with maturity trying to make their personality better, concentrating on being a good person. Other people get sad, depressed, they get bad feelings for other people and they keep their bad feelings inside them. It seems your wife had never really accepted her weight and how other people treat her due to this and now that she got rid of it she let all her repressed emotions come out. Overweight people tend to believe at the end that they don't deserve happiness or that they shouldn't ask for much in life cause they have this big effective. Maybe she thinks now that she can indeed have all that she dreamed for but never pursued due to her weight. I don't understand though why she chose to not include you in this new life of hers. I can only guess that her losing weight was not the only reason she left you. She said she didn't feel good with having slept only with one man in her life, so this is another reason. I'm not sure if this "phase" she is going through will come to an end and if she will come back to you. She seemed honest and I can't have bad feelings for her either. But the fact is you can't pause your life to wait for her, it's not fair for you. I suggest you let some time pass and see what happens, you start to have a life again, get some hobbies, and if she comes back you will decide then if you want to take her back or not.

 

 

Thank you for your insight and support.....I am trying hard to go on and let go, and accept that she is no longer the person who I loved so very much.

 

I do feel sympathy for her, in the sense that I think she is really struggling with who and what she is now. It seems like she is having some real confusion as to her real identity, and it must be difficult to have these compulsions to act like a 21 year old when she is 39.....

 

It certainly is unfair of her to cut me out of her life like this, when I only ever offered her love and caring and understanding. I never wavered in any of it, even a little. She definitely has a lot of pent-up frustration, anger and unresolved issues with her self-image going way back to her teenage years. I always thought she had come to terms with those sorts of things before I even met her....I was wrong. Her weight loss enabled her to feel justified in changing pretty much everything about herself, and that includes me.

 

Perhaps she will regret it at some time....perhaps not.

 

many on here have repeatedly told me to stop concerning myself with it, and they are right. sometimes I cannot help myself but to think about these things, though, because they have changed my life profoundly, and I still do care about her despite all the damage she has caused.

[AZtragedy]

You're doing pretty good for 7 weeks. I am actually not even started full separation and custody but I think I'll have some big struggles those first few nights totally alone.

 

One think I want to suggest to you that helped me take another step forward. She's not your wife anymore. She's your soon-to-be-ex-wife (STBXW). The first time you refer to her as that, I found it actually a bit liberating. Give it a try for a few days.

 

yes, the first nights totally alone were awful. I moved our bed into a different bedroom and I sleep in there now, because I could not sleep otherwise. It was like being haunted.

 

your suggestion about STBXW is probably a good idea....I could definitely use some liberation.

[Steadfast]

Unfortunately, I am the one paying the consequences, in a very painful way, in the meantime....

 

No you're not. You are not and will not suffer these consequences unless you lie, betray and cheat like your wife did. This is part of your problem.

 

You're suffering from betrayal, humiliation and affection withdraw. Toss in more than a little clinical shock and some deep-seated anger/envy and you're left with a potent emotional cocktail. The suffering is expected.

 

Honestly, you have no idea what she's feeling. In fact, it's very possible that she's quite a bit worse off than you are. In addition, she'll carry this for the rest of her life. Cheaters cover their tracks and 'pretend' it didn't happen by adding layers, slowly but surely increasing the 'weight' of their situation. If you do the work AZ, you'll shed these issues, decreasing your burden. Even if it feels like it, it's impossible to pay another person's bill.

 

Her actions are showing you what she wants. Whether or not it makes her 'happy' is out of your control and not your business. You are, IMO, slowly falling into a dangerous trap. You want her to suffer and want her relationship to fail. You want her to feel as low as you do. Once she realizes this (if she doesn't already) she'll always make sure to let you know she good, and you'll keep buying it, no matter how much she's lied.