Am I doing the right thing?

[Jay_Leon]

Hello all,

 

I am new to this site and this is my first post. Just need some advice.

 

I've been with my fiancé for 15 years now. 3 years into our relationship, she disappeared one night and she told me that she got into an argument with her mother and had to leave to clear her thoughts. I finally got a hold of her 3hrs later and I believed every word she said. Had a few doubts but I kind of brushed it off.

 

9 years later, she cheated on me with a guy who we went to HS with. I caught her red handed. By this time we had two children and we eventually worked it out and were okay for a while.

 

Fast forward to a few months ago. I found out that that she cheated on me with another guy that night that she supposedly got into a fight with her mom. She claims to have met him online but cannot recall his last name or how it all began. I know for a fact that she's keeping a lot of info from me but refuses to discuss it with me. Every time I try and bring it up, she gets defensive a big fight starts.

 

We now have 4 children together and I'm ready to throw in the towel. I just want be sure I'm doing the right thing. I cannot forgive her if I'm not being told the entire truth. I just want full disclosure. Is that too much to ask for? I going crazy abacus eh live her and want to work things out but it seems impossible at this point. The past 12years of our relationship seems like such a lie.

 

Any help, ideas, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks a bunch.

[Assasda]

You seem very forgiving.

 

You cant forgive a liar though. If you feel it is time, it probably is time.

Be strong man. Just be strong, and know that youre doing the right thing

[Mr. Lucky]

I cannot forgive her if I'm not being told the entire truth. I just want full disclosure. Is that too much to ask for? I going crazy abacus eh live her and want to work things out but it seems impossible at this point. The past 12years of our relationship seems like such a lie.

 

Any help, ideas, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks a bunch.

Is the main difference in your mind that she was truthful the first time and lied the second?

 

Mr. Lucky

[beach]

Since she won't give you her truth - you need to end it...you have no basis to work with without truth.

 

Have the kids tested to see if you are the bio Dad.

[Jay_Leon]

You seem very forgiving.

 

You cant forgive a liar though. If you feel it is time, it probably is time.

Be strong man. Just be strong, and know that youre doing the right thing

 

Thank you for your response. I really appreciate the support.

[littlejaz]

I have to agree with the other posters. I forgave a lot but I couldn't forgive the lying because it was never ending and he felt so justified in lying to me. My feeling is that you can't have much respect for me if you can lie to me.

 

But I caution you to think very seriously about this decision because once you decide to end it, there is a very good chance that she will then be willing to come clean, at least about the things you already know about. And you may be tempted to give her one more chance, after all she did tell you the truth. But in my opinion, telling me the truth once you find out that it is going to cost you something is an insult. You aren't telling me the truth because you respect me or care about me, you are telling me the truth for your own selfish reasons. And in that case, I can't help but believe you will lie to me again. Just think about that and come to terms with it before you tell her your decision.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

[K Os]

I just want full disclosure. Is that too much to ask for?

 

I think you've answered your own question just by asking it. Of course it isn't too much to ask for, it should be a basic part of any healthy relationship.

 

Good luck.