F224ever Posted December 13, 2004 Share Posted December 13, 2004 Where should I begin... Exactly a year ago today, I started dating this girl (Rachel) I had met trough some friends. The relationship was great. About 3 days into it, I found myself falling for this girl. (I fall in love rather quickly but, we had been talking for almost 3 months at that time.) Shortly thereafter, my previous girlfriend (Sarah) came back from college, where I found that she had cheated on me, thus ending the relationship. Anyways, Rachel and I hung out almost every night. One night she had a family gathering and we couldn't hang out. I decided a hot bath, a beer, and a cigar would be a great way to unwind and relax for the evening. Shortly after starting my bath, the phone rang and it was Sarah. She asked if I wanted to go shoot pool with some of our mutual friends from High School. Since I had nothing better to do, I accepted. I didn't think anything would happen, since Sarah had left me to pick up the pieces, (a process that took nearly 3 mos.) and I severly disliked her for it. Well, we went and shot pool but, I noticed Sarah was acting unusual and even kind of akward around me. I went home later, and went to bed. The next day, I had a guilty coinscience, and called Rachel to say I had hung out with Sarah the previous night. Rachel was none too pleased and told me that I had picked who I wanted to be with and that she hoped I was happy but, wished no good on the relationship. Not quite fully in love with Rachel and finding old feelings for Sarah, we started dating again. 3 Months later I left for Basic Training and Tech School. While at Basic, Sarah reverted to her same old self and I called it quits with her. After getting to Tech School, I started calling home to talk to friends since I hadn't in almost 2 months. One day I happened to dial in Rachel's number. We talked a little bit each week, just to see how the other was doing. This went on for almost 6 months. When I got home, Rachel and I started dating again, hoping we could outlast the previous relationship of one week between us. At the 2 week mark, she called it quits, which made me very upset because I had fallen deeply in love while at tech school. I moved on to a few different girls but, I never got very far cause Rachel was always on my mind. I had 2 jobs and a very demanding schedule for both of them, so it kept me busy. One day at work, I saw these roses (2 months after the breakup) and had to get them for Rachel, even though we weren't talking a lot. When I got to her house, her parents informed me that she was at her boyfriends house. Not that I didn't expect her to move on, it's just that, I didn't expect it to hurt like it did. Since then (approx. 2 months ago) I haven't been able to evewn look at a girl without feeling like I was cheating on Rachel somehow. I started writing poetry again to capture how I felt about her. It only made me feel worse. A short period of time ago, I was reading through my blog, when I came across a replie she had posted. In it she stated this... Clif, there is always gonna be a part of me that loves you but you know that can't happen right now. Mistakes happen and trust is broken. Trust is one of the hardest things to gain yet easiest to lose. I don't want you to be so depressed i know you may think so, but i'm not really worth. I don't care what you are thinking, i'm not, i'm not trying to sound selfrightous or anything i just mean, no girl is, not me not, not some other girl, not the friggin queen of england. Your a great guy and i know that, i just hope you do to... I know right now you don't think you can live with what you did to me but trust me time will make it easier no matter how harsh it seems, you know how they say "the grass is greener on the other side" well that maybe, i'm on the other side with the green grass but why not stop trying to get where i am and look around a bit, you have great friends who care a lot about you, a supporting wonderful sister, a nice job, right now you are in the peak of life don't leet one girl, on breakup, one anything bring you down... specially me. The only thing you could do to hurt me right now is stay this sad... cause its partly my fault you are... just be you to be the happy clif i used to know... miss you always rachel elizabeth herrmann After reading this I immediately started crying my eyes out. I want to be with her so bad, I would do anything. With my military training, I feel not so much less for people as the feelings themselves aren't as strong. I am afraid that if I move on from Rachel, the only person I have really strong feelings for anymore, I will lose all feeling what so ever. I love her to the point of wishing I didn't exist so that what happened between us had never happened. I have no idea what to do, and the pain is tearing me apart. My work is suffering, along with my sleep, and my diet. I sleep maybe 4 hours a day, eat a ton of junk food, and barely finish what I have to do at work. If anyone has any ideas on getting over her/back with her, I would greatly appreciate that. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted December 13, 2004 Share Posted December 13, 2004 Search for the thread on NO CONTACT, VER 3 and live by it.... Link to post Share on other sites
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