Endlessly alone and no end in sight

[SilentSymphony]

Hi everyone. This is a thread I originally wrote up to be posted on Plenty of Fish forums but their auto spam filter is fond of attacking innocent posts and their moderators sometimes ban posts simply for being sad (or "self pitying" as the admin jerks put it) etc. Anyway, I spent a lot of time writing it and expressing myself so I thought I'd post it here.

 

Basically, I've perfected my online dating pictures and text as much as I reasonably can but have still never seen any change in my results. Similar things can be said for real life. There's no results there either.

 

Thank you for reading. I imagine the forums here will not have the same asinine and cruel rules as POF has.

 

The post kind of rambles some, but I was trying to write down what I was feeling unfiltered. Here it goes (exactly as written on POF, plus the bracketed text for explanation):

 

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Hello everyone.

 

 

Quick side note: A few of the forum people [POF forum people, not Loveshack forum people] here might remember me from my (deleted) long and frequently viewed profile review thread. Whether I like it or not, there are few things I know to do at this point still and so I am posting here once again. This time is different though, in that I don't believe a profile review would change anything. I've been down that road repeatedly, and even with how well received my changes were last time there was never so much as the slightest change in my results.

 

 

This makes it clear to me that there isn't any real change I can make to change that. My pics I have now are the best I can do at this point in my life. I've re-wrote my profile in every way I can conceive of as well, and none of the versions of it ever fare any different from the others. There's only one constant in my personal life: nothing I do ever changes anything for the better. No matter how hard I think about the messages I write and no matter how great my approach is there is never a change.

 

 

Anyway though, that's where I stand basically. I'm really just here right now to hope against hope that maybe if I once again try to express my loneliness and my constant struggle to find a way to experience just a little bit of love or belonging, even just for once in my entire life. For years now every time I go to bed I close my eyes and I beg and plead that if someone out there in the universe is listening could I just get a chance to experience a real life. I'm 25 and as far as my personal life is concerned I feel like I haven't lived even a single day. I try with every fiber of my being to make things change but nothing ever does. I feel empty and hollow, like I've beyond starving and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

 

I don't care whether or not anyone thinks I'm merely being "whiny" or whatever else. That's the furthest thing from the truth. I am so weary of all this that I feel as if I am at the point of total collapse. Loneliness is all I've ever known in life, and that is a feeling that has nothing to do with "whining" or "entitlement". Every day of my life is suffering and all I want is for it to change. Sure, I have material crap like anyone else, but no amount of material quality of life makes up for a total and compete oblivion of all feelings of ever being loved from your life. All I need is for someone to give me a chance and prove to me that it's possible for me to be loved. I don't know what to do.

 

 

It is so profoundly and deeply sad that nothing ever seems to bridge the communication gap. Please, if you're thoughts on this matter amount to anything along the lines of "you just need to pull yourself together" or "you're just to lacking in self confidence" or some other kind of attempt to place the blame back onto me. I'm done with listening to that stuff. I've tried it many times before and it leads absolutely nowhere. I've tried with every once of passion I have left to change things and it does nothing, so don't tell me I need to change. Respect my pain. The fact that I've suffered through these things and have these burdens means nothing negative about me as a person. I know that my potential (as with all people) is essentially arbitrary and unlimited, but none of this changes the fact that nothing ever changes despite my efforts.

 

 

I'm here looking for some bit of truth perhaps. I feel oftentimes its as though other people don't even exist, as if they are leaves blowing in the wind, unaware of their own existence, and mindlessly caught up in toxins of mainstream society, talking behind peoples backs, making assumptions without cause, judging based of meaningless trivial things like superficial commonalities, and so on...

 

 

I don't know. I just want to see what happens from this. I don't know what else to do. I just want things to change. I feel like I have been imprisoned in my own life. All I want is freedom. All I want is for once in my life to live a single day where I get to truly LIVE, just as other people do. I deserve a chance to connect with other human beings. There's nothing wrong with me as a person. Yet, nothing I ever seems to make other people consider me worthy of such connection. I want to experience other people and help them and show them kindness and love, but there doesn't seem to be a single person on the planet who wants to let me.

 

 

Please, I don't know what to do. I have been trapped like this for my whole life. And no, I don't consider therapy to be an option. PLEASE, don't even say that if that's your idea of help. Everytime somebody says that on these threads it just derails the whole thing. Saying I need therapy is like saying theres something wrong with me as a person. THERE IS NOT. I'm 100% happy with myself as a person! I'll say it again: I am 100% happy with myself as a person. It is only my inability to find any meaningful connection that I am talking about here. All I want is a meaningful connection to another human being, and that cannot happen through any kind of disingenuous paid method such as using a therapist.

 

 

Please help me... What's the truth and what isn't? I don't know anymore. The only explanation that makes any sense to me is that I must just be so "ugly" that nobody even so much as gives me a second glance. That would be a vile thing if true, but it seems like the only thing that makes sense. Yet some people have told me I'm not ugly. Where is the truth? I feel constantly like I'm being pulled in a million directions and having my soul slowly ripped apart by the passage of time.

 

 

Please... All I want is to live my life before it's over. I'm 25 and my very last years of true youth are almost over, yet I feel I have never experienced any significant amount of youth or any of the social joys of those around me. It's not for lack of trying. I am very comfortable approaching other people and have started spontaneous conversations with women hundreds of times and so on...

 

 

I don't know what to do. This post is my why of asking the world if there's anyone out there who is REAL, who can listen to a person expressing their pain, like I am now, and connect with me and understand me from my own perspective and perhaps help to free me from this situation.

 

 

I can't bear this. I've felt this constant feeling of it being unbearable for what feels like forever now. Surely there must be someone out there who will give me a chance. Why is it that I can't even get the slightest chance from anyone? The game is over before I even begin. Help me. Share your thoughts. Free me from the prison that is my life. I don't have much time left to experience all the wonderful things of life while I'm still young enough to experience it in the best possible way. My time is slipping past fast. I've been trying with every little once of my being for the past 5 years at least. I can't bear the thought of never experiencing the things I want to. I don't know what else to do but this...

 

 

Is there anyone out there who is real? Do you understand what I mean when I ask if you're real? Being real in this case means you can emphasize and hear what I'm saying and can believe it. Don't tell me I'm wimping out or anything. I can't bear this struggle anymore and I'm asking if you can understand that without passing judgment on me and if you can make a real difference and if you can believe in what I have to offer and my passion to change the world and trust that I have the capacity to show love and understanding like you've never known. I feel so alone. Why can't anyone hear me? How could the world be so cruel that as far as I can tell I'm per-ordained to never connect with anyone?

 

 

I can't almost never smile when someone tells a joke. The life is being sucked out of me. I'm not depressed though. I am 100% happy with myself, I just can't take being alone anymore is all. Any comment that suggests any form of therapy or medicine is worthless to me and will actually just offend me. I'm asking that you please not do that. I've made these threads before. It's easy to just shout "therapy!" and walk away but it actually doesn't solve anything. A profound longing for genuine connection to other human beings can ONLY be solved by a genuine connection to another human being.

 

 

I know this is long and rambly, but I'm desperate to end this madness. I've got better things to do in my life. All that has to happen for it to end is for someone to genuinely love me. It can't be coerced or a matter of pity. I just need to know I can be loved. I don't know if I can. I don't know if it's possible for me to experience with living is like.

[Shashasha]

First thing first - i understand that you are going through a hard time. You do not need therapy, all you need to do is to stop wallowing in self-pity!!! You dont seem to be helping yourself to get out of this rut - you say you are 25, you are still very young and there s a long way ahead of you. You need to understand that someone cannot come along just like that. You being negative like this is really just gonna push people further away. Who do you stay with? You need to start learning to love yourself as a person before you expect others to do so. Distract yourself with hobbies - spend time with your friends and family. Baby steps each day at a time, you will get there!

[theothersully]

The problem is quite obvious. You were using Plenty of Fish!

[forgetmenot75]

Perhaps on line dating is not for you. I have the crappiest prof but still plenty of response. I've never lost a minute writing that crap.

You should try some books on how to be successful with the opposite sex. Go out with friends, have fun, don't be too serious...try to invest in your appearance, go to the gym, buy new clothes, a new haircut. Be confident! I'm sorry about your luck but those profile things are pure crap. Most important thing is the pic. Try with an attractive pic -fake- and a silly profile and you'll see...

[theothersully]

Hmmm... before I was banned (internet badass...lol), I had no problem there. Lots of responses, several real life meet ups.

 

But, I found the quality of the participants to be lower than other online means, plus think the site is garbage for banning me.

 

 

 

If you've been a member of POF for any amount of time longer than 10 minutes, you'd know that men don't fare well on there at ALL.

 

Pretty much ALL men on the POF forums claim no one returns their messages, most all complain that no ladies reach out to them first, and the clear majority claim that they haven't been on a date with anyone from that site for longer than they can remember.

 

Your situation ain't unique.

 

And being very honest, it really DOES come down to the pictures. I'm sure the folks in Profile Reviews had you correcting your grammar and fixing misspellings and telling you this paragraph or that one is extraneous and you should remove it and blah blah blah. But all that crap just doesn't matter - it's the picture that makes or breaks a woman's interest.

 

Look, your problems go a WHOLE lot deeper than not finding a date on POF. They go a WHOLE lot deeper than anyone can magically fix on an internet message board. And some woman writing to you on POF and asking you out for coffee isn't going to magically erase all the angst you clearly carry around with you like 300 pounds of luggage strapped to your back.

 

Fine. I won't tell you to seek therapy as you've asked begged us not to. But unfortunately, I'm fresh out of magic answers that would make things all better for you, and somehow doubt anyone else here has that magic answer you seek.

 

Lastly, if you're not willing to help yourself, why do you expect us to?

[KatZee]

Your first problem, as many have already stated, is your use of POF. That site is full of garbage. You're not going to find anyone of any substance on that site. Delete your account and move on from it.

 

Also, you're 25. Not on your way to the grave. I'm 29 going on 30 and I am still living my life to the fullest, and still very much single. And I LOVE IT.

 

You need to get this self pity attitude out of your brain. I think these thoughts are just consuming you and I'm pretty sure, even if you think you're acting fine in public, your overall attitude is that of a "downer."

 

If you want things to change you need a complete mentality overhaul. That's obviously not going to happen overnight but you have to make more definitive steps to change, POF is not going to cut it.

 

If you haven't seen the site Meetup.com, I highly suggest it. You can and will meet all new friends, join sports groups, activity groups... they are really fun and I've met some cool people off of it.

 

Try looking into volunteer work doing something you love. When you're doing things you love, you will meet people who are also doing what they love and you'll have mutual interests and things to talk about.

 

Try getting a solid group of friends to hang with before you start looking for romance, you'll have a wider circle, and those people can introduce you to people THEY know and it'll get easier.

 

And oh yeah, get off of POF.

[kassy]

Ok well as a woman it would t matter what you looked like. You can't even find it in you to smile at jokes? Not good. Doesn't sound fun to be with you at all.

 

Ok since you don't want therapy. And you are either depressed or a genuinely miserable person. My recommendation is go do something physical and cool. Something that takes dedication, is time consuming and is also social. Something that when you are done you will feel invincible. Ironman springs to mind. But a marathon or something would do. Join a club. Enter a race. Train for months. Do the race. Feel invincible.

 

I don't care if you hate sport. Are ****. I'm not suggesting you win. I'm suggesting you go do something you aren't sure you can.

 

This does many things:

1) it gives you enorphines

2) it gets you out at training with others socializing

3) it is time consuming

4) it is better than therapy for mild depression

5) you have something cool to talk to people about

6) you will do something you feel amazing about

7) you will be in great shape

 

I don't think you will do it. But it has helped me greatly. My friend attempted to kill herself. She hates running, and is terrible at it. we signed her up for a half marathon. She did have therapy but now says that running consistently witha running club turned her around and she doesn't know if She still here with out it.

 

Anyway hope you find something that helps you.

[felicity1]

I honour your feelings and I think you're really courageous to post them here. But at the same time you are also vulnerable to attack. I attend a womens solidarity group every month. I know there also are such groups for men. It has helped me so much in terms of being able to express what I truly feel inside of me in an understanding, empathizing, protective environment.This forum does not provide that. In groups such as these you have the opportunity to connect with others on a much deeper level(in comparison to the more "superficial" interactions in everyday life), as you seem to be expressing the need for.

[SilentSymphony]

Hello everyone, thanks for the replies and thoughts.

 

Here's my best pic, for reference:

 

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/17915364/Photo199246-Full.jpg

 

I shaved my head and peoples reaction has been better since then (I'm not naturally bald), but has made no real difference beyond that.

 

Anyway, I've tried the whole "immerse yourself in your hobbies" and "make yourself happy" thing before. It doesn't change anything. If anything it only makes me feel more alone and like I'm not doing anything about it. You'll just have to trust me that I've taken these kinds of approaches before and not only have they not worked for me but they've been worse than activating trying to work towards my goal.

 

There's just no way around that. I love myself and my hobbies as much as I possibly can. I literally can't see myself like those parts of my life anymore than I already do. I'm a game developer and can create any arbitrary fantasy world at my whim and have both strong creative and strong technical sides. I already have a todo list and a list of ambitions and pursuits and hobbies that would last multiple life times before being completed.

 

I've already satisfied that criteria, and it does nothing to change the fact that never once having any kind of meaningful relationship with anyone outside my own family makes me profoundly sad and frustrated. It has nothing at all to do with "not loving myself first" or anything of that nature.

 

Hmmm... not sure what else to say right now. Just wishing my (social / dating) life would be better.....

[mercuryshadow]

First of all, my heart hurts for you...

 

...but please know that POF is a terrible site to find a quality relationship. A couple of years ago, I had a short stint there, and ran away without looking back! A majority of the men who contacted me were completely disrespectful (e.g. saying explicit things from the start) and those who I did meet up with turned out to be total creeps.

 

Your post is very heartfelt and sincere, but it screams of: "I am putting my happiness into your hands!! Please help me!" I guarantee that you are scaring women away with that. Oh, and DON'T place your happiness in anyone else's hands.

 

You seem very intelligent. Perhaps you should try meetup or something along those lines to meet people who share your interests.

[felicity1]

The more we search for happiness the more depressed/disappointed we become. Go read "The Happiness Trap".

[Mrlonelyone]

You are just depressed and 25. The depression is the worst part. Get treatment please. Nothing we tell you to do can change that. With depression even the most wonderful supportive mate can not help.

 

 

As for finding someone, at 25 it is much more likely that the people who know who are in relationships, engaged, even married, who are about your own age really have no idea who they are themselves. Your neocortex is done growing by about 25, and that is just an average. The completion of that process involves lots of growth and changes.

 

 

So, those people who you see at 20 to 25 or 26 who are SOooOOoo happy and lovey dovy are more than likely set up for even worse heart ache by 30 or 35.

 

 

Look at this time as a chance to get to know you.

 

 

Get to learn how strong you are by yourself as yourself without the crutch of a mate to hold onto. While you do you may or may not meet someone who has done the same work to know themselves. With this work done you will be able to really know your eventual mate, and build a stronger relationship.

 

 

IF by 35 or 45 you are still in the same place then give up. There really are people who are just unlucky at love or unfit/too damaged for relationships. To say otherwise is a starry eyed fairy tale.

[Eivuwan]

People tell you to seek therapy because it's the most obvious answer to your problem. Do you really understand what therapy is about? It seems that you may have depression and interpersonal skills problems that are interfering with your ability to date or feel "alive." Since you reject this obvious possible solution to your problem, I have nothing else to say.

[Eivuwan]

Therapy isn't the be all end all.

 

I've been to many therapists, and not one tells me something I don't already know. For me, I think he may just have attributes which make finding a match harder.

 

People who think therapy is the ultimate solution are clueless, IMO.

 

Except I don't think he has even tried. That's the problem. Therapy doesn't work for everyone, but it does work for a great many people. I don't think therapists are suppose to be "telling" you things. What kind of therapy were you in?

[Disillusioned]

IMO telling someone to seek therapy is a cop-out. True, therapy can help a few people, but it's been my experience that most people need to try a different angle to solving their problems.

 

I used to think I was the problem when OLD wouldn't work for me... but then I looked behind the curtain and saw what a bogus game OLD has been running on us for years. Maybe twenty years ago, when the internet was new, OLD might have been able to deliver on its promise; but after the webmasters figured out they could use OLD as a money-dispensing machine (and trolls and spammers started posting fake profiles), the whole thing pretty much went into the crapper.

 

Now things are different... there are some talking heads out there saying "no, no, stay away from meetups---get back on the OLD teat", but it's too late for that. Meetup groups are popping up all over the place, and they're like termites eating away at the house OLD has built. A lot of singles who had trust problems from dealing with OLD have switched to meetup groups and started building up their trust again.

 

I give OLD 5, maybe 10 more years, then it's finished. My problem is laziness: I have a nice house with a big yard, all I need is to fix them up a little, then I can start using it to host my own singles meetups whenever the mood hits me. A few OLDSs have tried to get into the act by sponsoring their own so-called meetups, but I've been to a few of these and found them to be dull, corporate-sponsored boozefests.

[Eivuwan]

Standard therapy.

 

I divulge my problems, therapist divulges what he/she thinks, possible solutions to the problem. Maybe they could even divulge something that I'm not seeing (since they are looking at everything objectively).

 

Oh yea, can't forget the pushing of harmful medications that have low success rates.

 

All BS, with the same results. I've learned more about myself, and solutions to my problems, from researching on the internet. Definitely a better option, and a lot cheaper.

 

I must confess though, sometimes it feels good to open up to a third party. That may be the only true benefit one may receive from therapy.

 

Well, all I can say is that it's not like my experience. I have made great improvements through therapy. Also there are many types of therapies these days, psychodynamic, CBT. That's part of the reason why I highly recommend it when I see that people are suffering from psychological distress.

[Eivuwan]

IMO telling someone to seek therapy is a cop-out. True, therapy can help a few people, but it's been my experience that most people need to try a different angle to solving their problems.

 

Actually, most people who go to therapy voluntarily have said that it's helpful. It is definitely more effective than medication except in extreme cases. Therapy is one option to solving a bunch of problems and it seems obvious to me that the OP is depressed. I suggested therapy because it seems that he has tried a bunch of things EXCEPT that. So why not give it a shot?

[SilentSymphony]

Interesting thoughts guys.

 

Thanks for writing the detailed reply love does not exist. Thank you mercuryshadow and felicity1 for your posts as well.

 

Sure, I could stop struggling to be "happy" in the general sense but I can't see myself stopping pursing getting a relationship. It's a personal goal that means a lot to me. I could no more stop pursuing it than I could stop pursuing game development or creativity in general.

 

This is something that is woven into who I am. It's something that has to happen one way or another. It's easy for some people to say things will "just happen" to me at some point, but that's only for people for which things have already "just happened" to in their own lives. It just hasn't worked that way for me. I think love does not exist gets it right here when he says (paraphrasing) that this isn't really a matter of choice or not "being happy with oneself" in some way.

 

If I was some really hot male super model, then I *guarantee* you that women would be all over me *especially* if I was feeling sad (not in spite of it). They would see it as a great opportunity to establish a connection. The fact that nothing of that sort has ever happened to me speaks to the true nature of what is going on here. What many people think is themselves "improving to the point where someone loves them" seems more like just a statistical fluke, like a placebo where it keeps you entertained until your body does all the healing on its own. It seems like "feeling happier with myself" is precisely such a placebo.

 

Ask yourself this. If a woman has it in her to love me, then wouldn't she be able to love me when I'm sad or depressed too? Think about it. If she's not willing to do so then what is the relationship even about? It would be nothing more than a social formality or a way of ranking oneself for example. That seems to speak a lot to why so many relationships are unstable. True love is fundamentally tied to willingness to understand, emphasize with, and accept the other person going through the ups and downs of life. I think that's why so many modern "relationships" are so sickeningly fragile. The split instant there's a single downward dip, many people in society seem conditioned to treat that as the other person being some kind of "freak" or that there's something wrong with them and leave immediately.

 

Does that sound like what love is? It doesn't to me. It fact it sounds like the fundamental opposite of love.

 

I don't understand why people operate this way. It makes no sense. Why can't I bridge the communication gap? I literally cannot even begin forming relationships with people because they don't allow it to start. They dose the flame with water the moment I pull out a match, by analogy.

 

Anyway, those are just more of my attempts to express how I'm feeling right now.

 

Thanks you for you guys time and thoughts as always.

 

[SilentSymphony]

Oh, I didn't even see the second page when I posted my previous reply. Sorry about that.

 

Anyway though, the reason why I refuse to see a therapist is that it will poison the well (metaphorically speaking and prevent me from truly coming to peace with whats bothering me in the future. A therapist session is not a genuine connection to another person. It is a contrived meeting where I pay them tons of money to listen to me. Thus it doesn't address the real problem. I want real connections with other people, brought about by my own power, and a therapist is the opposite of that. My entire point of doing all this is to prove that I have it within myself.

 

Plus I deeply and profoundly hate the crap that therapists and psychologists are always pushing on society. They treat everything as a disease. It's aboslutely disgusting. The mind wash society into believing this is the way to do things too, that people who are sad have something fundamentally wrong with them. Being said is not a disease; it's a natural part of being human. The mentality of therapists and psychologists is no different than that of high schoolers mocking whatever random people don't fit into the meaningless and medicority-loving "norm".

 

I could write an entire book on how deeply I hate modern therapy and psychology practices. It fills me with rage how evil they are. It's precisely their kind of poisonous attitude that taints people in society to behave in this fundamentally wrong way where people who are sad are treated as total freaks. It's totally backwards and totally wrong in so many indescribable ways.

 

Genuine connection with real people is the only way. I will say it again: therapy is not an option at all. It isn't even relevant to the question. Therapists just want you to think it is so they can mark everything as a disease and mark anyone who isn't "normal" as a freak or somehow a lesser being, which is fundamentally wrong and fundamentally evil.

 

Anyway thanks for your time and reading as always.

[Eivuwan]

Man, all I can say is that I am in training to be a therapist and I have also been in therapy. Therapists are like all doctors. A medical doctor can genuinely care for you and still need to accept payment because we also need to make a living. Furthermore, patients often learn how to have a healthy relationship through learning from their interaction with their therapist. Therapists, especially those with a PhD, undergo years of rigorous training in order to receive their licenses. It is not as simple as hearing someone talk. There are a lot of nuances that go into therapy that may not be easily detectable by the patient. Furthermore, there is a difference between everyday sadness and loneliness that everyone experiences from time to time and clinical depression which is often due to a mix of biological influences, irrational thinking, and unconscious defense mechanisms. I cannot make you believe what I am saying, but as someone who always had a passion for my field since I was a teenager, it astounds me that there are still so many misconceptions of therapy. Many studies have been conducted on the effectiveness of therapy and the results speak for themselves. However, it is also true that the patients who benefit the most from therapy are the ones who are distressed enough and motivated enough to go in the first place. This is the last point I am going to make in regards to why I think therapy is beneficial. I'm out.

[ZipperZapper]

If you've been a member of POF for any amount of time longer than 10 minutes, you'd know that men don't fare well on there at ALL.

 

Pretty much ALL men on the POF forums claim no one returns their messages, most all complain that no ladies reach out to them first, and the clear majority claim that they haven't been on a date with anyone from that site for longer than they can remember.

 

Your situation ain't unique.

 

And being very honest, it really DOES come down to the pictures. I'm sure the folks in Profile Reviews had you correcting your grammar and fixing misspellings and telling you this paragraph or that one is extraneous and you should remove it and blah blah blah. But all that crap just doesn't matter - it's the picture that makes or breaks a woman's interest.

 

Look, your problems go a WHOLE lot deeper than not finding a date on POF. They go a WHOLE lot deeper than anyone can magically fix on an internet message board. And some woman writing to you on POF and asking you out for coffee isn't going to magically erase all the angst you clearly carry around with you like 300 pounds of luggage strapped to your back.

 

Fine. I won't tell you to seek therapy as you've asked begged us not to. But unfortunately, I'm fresh out of magic answers that would make things all better for you, and somehow doubt anyone else here has that magic answer you seek.

 

Lastly, if you're not willing to help yourself, why do you expect us to?

 

Online dating is extremely superficial and depends almost entirely on how people look. The narratives that often accompany profiles cannot even begin to really express the totality of what someone is like in person. In other words, it's not much to go on.

 

To the OP, I ask one question: do you really want to be involved with someone so superficial and so unkind as to reject you just on your looks alone? Looks fade, and if that's all that a relationship is based on, it's already doomed.

 

For a lot of women, online dating is like a lottery ticket. They're hoping to land the uber-attractive, rich, tall guy that they could never get in the offline world. Plus, consider that studies show that most women who use online dating tend to rate men as below average in attractiveness - and that applies even to men who are, by most yardsticks, conventionally attractive. Is that the kind of environment you want to be in, anyway?

[patrol]

Oh, I didn't even see the second page when I posted my previous reply. Sorry about that.

 

Anyway though, the reason why I refuse to see a therapist is that it will poison the well (metaphorically speaking and prevent me from truly coming to peace with whats bothering me in the future. A therapist session is not a genuine connection to another person. It is a contrived meeting where I pay them tons of money to listen to me. Thus it doesn't address the real problem. I want real connections with other people, brought about by my own power, and a therapist is the opposite of that. My entire point of doing all this is to prove that I have it within myself.

 

Plus I deeply and profoundly hate the crap that therapists and psychologists are always pushing on society. They treat everything as a disease. It's aboslutely disgusting. The mind wash society into believing this is the way to do things too, that people who are sad have something fundamentally wrong with them. Being said is not a disease; it's a natural part of being human. The mentality of therapists and psychologists is no different than that of high schoolers mocking whatever random people don't fit into the meaningless and medicority-loving "norm".

 

I could write an entire book on how deeply I hate modern therapy and psychology practices. It fills me with rage how evil they are. It's precisely their kind of poisonous attitude that taints people in society to behave in this fundamentally wrong way where people who are sad are treated as total freaks. It's totally backwards and totally wrong in so many indescribable ways.

 

Genuine connection with real people is the only way. I will say it again: therapy is not an option at all. It isn't even relevant to the question. Therapists just want you to think it is so they can mark everything as a disease and mark anyone who isn't "normal" as a freak or somehow a lesser being, which is fundamentally wrong and fundamentally evil.

 

Anyway thanks for your time and reading as always.

 

Maybe what you need isn't a therapist but a coach(dating). Sometimes you just need someone to tell you to get on your feet and get something done. I'm going to be honest and say that I haven't had personal experience with coaching but it can't hurt to have some paid motivation behind you.

 

Girls are attracted to guys that attract other girls. Ever heard of how a guy seems to get a lot more positive attention from girls while they're dating? This is why. You can project this by being extremely laid back and not acting needy. Your current mindset of "I need a girl" is pretty much the exact opposite of what a girl is looking for.

 

As for meeting girls. I would try another online site if you're set on this online thing. Also I'm not exactly digging the bald look. I don't know what it is about it but it makes you look like you're old and not in the good way. Maybe smile a little more in your picture. If I were you I would probably start by joining some dance or cooking classes. Making friends is in many ways the same concept as trying to find a gf.

 

Lastly. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with being alone. I'm in college right now and I haven't dated in 2 years but I'm not concerned. Yeah I probably could start dating someone if I really wanted to but I don't feel lonely or incomplete alone so I don't. I think it's important to be able to thrive independently. I feel like anyone that "needs" to be romantically involved every day to feel complete is like a parasite. It's not healthy.

[mercuryshadow]

Oh, I didn't even see the second page when I posted my previous reply. Sorry about that.

 

Anyway though, the reason why I refuse to see a therapist is that it will poison the well (metaphorically speaking and prevent me from truly coming to peace with whats bothering me in the future. A therapist session is not a genuine connection to another person. It is a contrived meeting where I pay them tons of money to listen to me. Thus it doesn't address the real problem. I want real connections with other people, brought about by my own power, and a therapist is the opposite of that. My entire point of doing all this is to prove that I have it within myself.

 

Plus I deeply and profoundly hate the crap that therapists and psychologists are always pushing on society. They treat everything as a disease. It's aboslutely disgusting. The mind wash society into believing this is the way to do things too, that people who are sad have something fundamentally wrong with them. Being said is not a disease; it's a natural part of being human. The mentality of therapists and psychologists is no different than that of high schoolers mocking whatever random people don't fit into the meaningless and medicority-loving "norm".

 

I could write an entire book on how deeply I hate modern therapy and psychology practices. It fills me with rage how evil they are. It's precisely their kind of poisonous attitude that taints people in society to behave in this fundamentally wrong way where people who are sad are treated as total freaks. It's totally backwards and totally wrong in so many indescribable ways.

 

Genuine connection with real people is the only way. I will say it again: therapy is not an option at all. It isn't even relevant to the question. Therapists just want you to think it is so they can mark everything as a disease and mark anyone who isn't "normal" as a freak or somehow a lesser being, which is fundamentally wrong and fundamentally evil.

 

Anyway thanks for your time and reading as always.

 

 

Actually, not ALL therapists/psychologists are this way. Believe me when I say that I've been through nearly a dozen for this reason, but found one who is intelligent, highly qualified (he is in fact a psychologist) and does not subscribe to the idea that everyone who has an issue with their emotions needs medication. He's helped me a lot over the past few years. And believe me when I say I am someone who does not trust Western medicine for a variety of reasons.

 

So in saying this, what I'm trying to convey is: Don't settle for a crappy, run of the mill therapist. Do some research, see what they are about, see what kind of reviews they have been given. Give yourself a trial of two sessions to see if you feel they are legit and can see their potential to help you. If you don't feel right about it, move on.

[Eivuwan]

Actually, not ALL therapists/psychologists are this way. Believe me when I say that I've been through nearly a dozen for this reason, but found one who is intelligent, highly qualified (he is in fact a psychologist) and does not subscribe to the idea that everyone who has an issue with their emotions needs medication. He's helped me a lot over the past few years. And believe me when I say I am someone who does not trust Western medicine for a variety of reasons.

 

So in saying this, what I'm trying to convey is: Don't settle for a crappy, run of the mill therapist. Do some research, see what they are about, see what kind of reviews they have been given. Give yourself a trial of two sessions to see if you feel they are legit and can see their potential to help you. If you don't feel right about it, move on.

 

Yeah, I don't know where ppl are meeting these therapists that push medication. In fact, I think most psychologists are wary of medication and would like to try therapy before that. I do agree that we need better regulation on our profession, but I don't think it's much better with other medical professions. I've been to so many crappy eye doctors before finding my current one who is great.

[mercuryshadow]

Yeah, I don't know where ppl are meeting these therapists that push medication. In fact, I think most psychologists are wary of medication and would like to try therapy before that. I do agree that we need better regulation on our profession, but I don't think it's much better with other medical professions. I've been to so many crappy eye doctors before finding my current one who is great.

 

 

Many of the counselors/therapists I saw worked in direct conjunction with a psychiatrist, which is why medication was pushed so heavily by them. Psychiatrists lose money if they have no one to prescribe medication to.