Dating Questions

[Targetlock]

Hi Forum

 

Okay not too sure where to place this but here goes. i have been trying with online dating for a while now and can't seem to be getting anywhere, i very rarely get a response when i send a message out and nobody messages me so can any of you ladies give me any tips or advice as to what I'm doing wrong, or how to improve my chances . I'm about ready to give up on the online dating thing so i thought i might give this a shot.

here is my current description:

 

Easy going artist seeks someone to help me paint the world brighter colors. If you are a kind hearted woman with a great smile and can look at the world through rose colored glasses, tell me about your favorite artist or medium.

 

I’m looking for a woman who wants to stroll museums, check out street art, play video-games, watch movies – classic and current – and maybe attend a concert or two.

 

Don’t worry, I have a real job too. I work in health care so I’m not a starving artist.

 

Let’s see what we can create together.

so what do you reckon?

Edited October 29, 2013 by Targetlock
more info

[mammasita]

Do you have any pictures? I know it sucks, but most people won't even read the text if there are no clear pictures.

[Targetlock]

yeah plenty of pictures, some of me just by myself, some with the family and at other events, even one of me in fun costume for a party.

[f1asr88]

Well what you wrote sounds great. If I were to look for a girl online, I'd hope to be able to come up with something as eloquently written.

Unfortunately though I think pictures are the most important thing, and if your photos aren't great then fewer ladies will get as far as reading what you've put, no matter how nice it is

[Targetlock]

well i just use hopefully the best pics of myself, i had friends help choose my best ones as I'm rather self-conscious of my appearance (tall but rather skinny).

[shimmychanga]

This is all subjective.

 

I think the first part is problematic, but the rest is good.

 

"Easy going artist seeks someone to help me paint the world brighter colors. If you are a kind hearted woman with a great smile and can look at the world through rose colored glasses, tell me about your favorite artist or medium."

 

This part is vague. The rest is concrete. My advice is to show instead of tell. What's something that illustrates that you're "easy-going"? What kind of art do you do?

 

I know I'm taking it out of context, but don't lead with the phrase "seeks someone to help me". It scares people off.

 

How does the partner you're looking for show she's kind-hearted? What does it mean to be kind-hearted?

 

By great smile do you mean straight teeth or do you mean someone who smiles easily/often?

 

By "look at the world through rose-colored glasses" do you mean she'll need to be blind to some of your flaws, or do you mean you prefer a partner who's an optimist?

 

What is your favorite artist? Favorite medium?

 

I don't think it's necessary to answer all of these questions in your summary. Just trying to get you to re-think the first part.

 

I really think the rest of it is great. The rest sounds really natural. The first part sounds a little forced.

 

Good luck!

[Targetlock]

Shimmychanga

 

These things are hard, like trying to sell myself as a product or something , further info:

 

> I'm an amateur sculptor, though i can draw and paint.

> after someone ideally more free-spirited, more outgoing and fun, more or less my opposite.

> always been a sucker for a warm genuine smile, one that comes easily.

 

Here for your interest was my original description before it had a much needed makeover:

 

Hi, i would describe myself as a tall calm, reserved guy who is friendly, easy-going, caring and understanding. currently working as a care worker with the elderly (though i never intended to do this sort of work when i came out of school and fell into it so to speak, but really enjoying).bit of an old school charmer and romantic. My many hobbies include drawing and painting,comics,reading,computer and console games, watching movies, and role-playing games .I like to think that i am quite intellectual and I am always interested in new things and people.

What i have to searching for in the ideal lady for me is that they have to be funny, sexy, intelligent ,interesting and individual, fun and pleasant to be with. i am more interested in personality and looks though I like a lady with a great smile and lovely eyes.

 

Any further info and suggestions about improving my profile would be great

[spiderowl]

I like the profile. It sounds nice and would appeal to someone like me. Make sure your photos show you smiling at some point and that should be fine. Regarding the text, there are one or two bits I'd tweak:

 

I'd get rid of the rose coloured glasses bit (as a previous poster mentioned).

 

There might be a slight issues with what you are looking for. I am an artist myself, but not into street art, so I'd think, hmm, maybe not my kind of artist. If you leave what kind of art open, you might get more female artists interested.

 

Also, video games can be a bit of a red flag to some women. It stood out to me. There are video games players and there are addicts. Most women don't want addicts. Think about your usage of video games: if it's just a bit in the evening to relax, fair enough. If you spend all or most days playing games for hours (and would do so even if you had a partner), then that could be a problem. If your usage is light, just leave it out and mention it later as it's not a huge part of your life.

 

Most women are looking for someone fairly mature, so video games might make them think twice. I know some women are into video games but I have to say, as a 'straw poll', I don't know any in my social group. If that is fairly typical, then you could be inadvertently appealing to a minority of women from the start.

Edited November 10, 2013 by spiderowl

[Targetlock]

Thanks for the advice its all useful

[Pretty.in.Pink]

I agree with everything spiderowl mentioned. She hit every spot where I had a negative reaction. Despite those minor negatives however, I loved your current profile. You're articulate, thoughtful, and interesting. All things I look for in a potential date. How are your pictures? Did you have female friends help with photo selection? Please don't use male friends for this. Guys invariably lead each other astray because what men and women focus on and find attractive visually or see as turn-offs are very different. Make sure that you're smiling.

 

Also, I would mention that you're a sculptor, rather than using the vaguer "artist" term. Mention your day job too (but not that it wasn't your first choice).

 

How old are you? I ask because you seem to be looking for a casual relationship.

 

Bear in mind that most people put in quite an effort to find someone. Don't get discouraged because it's taking time and lots of non-responses or negative responses to get there. That's just par for the course. Perseverance is key.

 

What sites are you using? That will likely impact your results.

[Targetlock]

Pretty.In.Pink thanks and further info:

 

> I'm 27 and after a serious relationship, don't think i would do well at a casual one.

> I work as a care worker in an elderly care home. the sculpture stuff i do as freelance commission stuff mainly figurines and characters from sci-fi and films.

> Haven't really had much help with photos, just some of my best ones from Facebook, me smiling and various fun activities and some of me on holiday with the family.

> I have profiles on PlentyofFish and Okcupid.

 

And yes perseverance is very much the key, i've contacted more than 60 women (had conversations with half a dozen of them, and almost had a date or two, only from to drop out ) any further suggestions and advice on how to improve my profile, or point out where I'm going wrong.

[Pretty.in.Pink]

Well, I would make it clear elsewhere in your profile that you're looking for a relationship.

 

Most likely you'll have to contact a lot more then sixty people to find a relationship. Don't get discouraged. Recalibrate your expectations and keep plugging away with the emails. Good luck!

[Pretty.in.Pink]

Can you post your pictures for feedback and suggestions?

[d0nnivain]

There's a disconnect between what you are saying & the photos. You look all buttoned up & straight laced in most of them (except the one where you look like Howard Stern) but your profile says you are an artist. From the site I don't know which to believe -- the words or the pictures -- because they don't match.

 

 

I've never been on POF. Is yours a typical # of pictures? because it seemed like a lot of pictures. If that's typical fine. If most people only have 1-2, consider pairing yours down to the best ones.

[pteromom]

Hi Target! Firstly, you aren't a bad looking guy - but you do have a couple things going against you.

 

(You want honesty, right?)

 

You have a VERY young looking face. Almost boyish. You need to do what you can to offset that. Some kind of facial hair, scruff, something to up your manliness and downplay that cute "baby face" you have. (And it is cute.)

 

Also, your hair. The way you are letting it grow long almost gives a combover effect - and oddly, also adds to the "baby face" thing because it is thin and fine like baby hair.

 

I'm not a hair stylist, but you could consider going to one - at a trendy salon - and seeing what they recommend. You need some kind of haircut that again, looks OLDER... maybe even some highlights or something. I don't know.

 

The good thing is you don't have anything about your face that is ugly. You have nice eyes, nice lips, nice chin.

 

You also seem to have a nice body, but you need to make sure you are dressing it well. The blue shirt you are wearing in your main pic looks about 2 sizes too big for you. So do your jeans. A tailor is your friend, and fitted clothing would go a long way in making you look more "grown up".

 

I hope you aren't offended by my comments. I am just assuming you want honest feedback.

[pteromom]

You need some kind of haircut that again, looks OLDER... maybe even some highlights or something. I don't know.

 

 

Quoting myself to clarify - not older like old-guy older. Just... cooler? More styled? More "grown up" instead of typical-boy-haircut.

[Targetlock]

Thanks for the comments, and no they aren't harsh just constructive couple of things:

 

> Thanks for the compliments, its something i don't many of about my looks

> My hair is almost always kept short actually, i don't often let it grow long and yes it is quite fine and getting a bit on top, not really too sure what to do with it, not used to doing much with it.

> yes i know i have a slightly younger face and often get mistaken for someone younger (don't often get called cute though )

> and the costume pics were from a party a while ago and i was going for slash from guns and roses, though i do get the Howard Stern comparison

> yes, that shirt is a bit baggy now that you point it out! that is actually a couple of years old now i think about it, need some new photos of me i think which do you think are my best ones?

 

Profile needs a bit of a makeover and the description a re-tune so to speak.

[Pretty.in.Pink]

Your written profile is fine, especially if you make the tweaks spiderowl suggested. Only other change I might make would be to replace Care Assistant with healthcare worker.

 

Your photos are the weak spot IMO, and pteromom hit the nail on the head! Your facial features are fine, but you need a haircut. It too long in front, which accentuates that it's thinning. It does look like the beginning of a combover, doesn't flatter your face, and isn't terribly masculine. Splurge and go to a good hairstylist. Have her cut your hair so that it complements your features rather than accentuating all the wrong things. A good haircut can make a world of difference in how you look. Once you have a decent cut, you can find someone cheaper for maintenance haircuts.

 

I like the sideways picture of you indoors. There was no tagline, but it was #6. (The one just before the Guns and Roses costume.) It has a red background and looks as if you're at a bar or something. I would use that as your profile picture rather than the one of you in the blue shirt.

 

I didn't like the full body shot of you by Batman. Your clothes, especially your pants are way too big for you. It makes you seem gangly, which you mentioned earlier you wanted to avoid. I also noticed that some of the photos are a few years old. Try to use current photos (i.e. less than 1 year). When I used online dating, I didn't even bother looking at old photos because people can change a lot over the years. Also using photos from when you were 24 or 25, will exacerbate the perception that you look young.

 

It helps to smile. It's warm, friendly, and welcoming. I didn't see any smiling. Just stern, frowning, and less stern. Not an invitation to want to meet you.

 

Everything else about your profile was fine. I just pointed out the negatives. Hope you find my feedback helpful, and I wasn't too harsh.

[Targetlock]

Thanks for the comments, further info:

 

> my hair is usually quite long at the front to cover over the fact that i have a very high fringe (something i inherited off my dad) though my hair is almost always kept short, never quite sure what to do with it to be honest, never really tried styling it.

> seems i need some new photos of myself (some of those are quite old) I find it awkward to put on a natural smile when I'm taking self-portraits.

> the main thing i need to take from this is new photos, i also usually wear glasses for reading and typing (like typing this for example!) wonder if that will be an improvement? will also work on improving my description and post it up before i use so i can see if I'm going down the right track so to speak.

[pteromom]

Thanks for the comments, further info:

 

> my hair is usually quite long at the front to cover over the fact that i have a very high fringe (something i inherited off my dad) though my hair is almost always kept short, never quite sure what to do with it to be honest, never really tried styling it.

 

Forget hiding your "high fringe"... it just makes it look like you are hiding it, which makes you look like you are ashamed of it. Own who you are - makes you appear confident. Someone who likes you isn't going to care about a little receding or thinning up there. But you DO need to make sure to get a good cut. I'd say that is your #1 priority before taking new pics. Like I said, splurge on a good place that is young and cool. That is going to help you out immensely. #2 priority is well-fitting clothing. Those two things will make a huge difference for you.

 

> seems i need some new photos of myself (some of those are quite old) I find it awkward to put on a natural smile when I'm taking self-portraits.

 

Don't you have a friend who can help you out? Instead of trying to take self-portraits, get together with some friends and be silly/funny, and have one friend just take tons of pics. You'll likely find some winners. You want to look relaxed and happy.

 

> the main thing i need to take from this is new photos, i also usually wear glasses for reading and typing (like typing this for example!) wonder if that will be an improvement? will also work on improving my description and post it up before i use so i can see if I'm going down the right track so to speak.

 

You could include pics with and without glasses. Don't post ALL glasses pics, because it's important to see your eyes.

[Targetlock]

I am actually quite bothered by my high fringe its something i've had all my life, and does cause me problems( a lot of teasing at school about it and my flat forehead! along with a lot of abuse about my first name and being a class nerd) ; never quite sure what to do with it. well a new year is coming up, maybe time for a makeover! but what i have no idea.

And i will see what i can do about some better photos. got to start working on a new description!

awkward question time: i have a learning condition; Dyspraxia which causes me to be physically and socially awkward and is probably a source of quite a few of my issues, should i be up front with it on my profile? or save it for later? thanks for the help so far.

[Targetlock]

Here is the third attempt at a description:

 

Hi, i would describe myself as a tall calm, reserved guy who is friendly, easy-going and a bit of nerd. currently working as a care worker with the elderly though I'm also a freelance artist on the side. If you are kind hearted woman with a great smile and treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance, send me a message.

I'm looking for a woman who wants to explore, watch movies classic and current and maybe attend a concert or two.

Lets see what adventure we can go on.

 

feels like I'm a product I'm trying to sell (young model, no previous owners, some faulty wiring LOL) so what do you think?

[pteromom]

I am actually quite bothered by my high fringe its something i've had all my life, and does cause me problems( a lot of teasing at school about it and my flat forehead! along with a lot of abuse about my first name and being a class nerd)

 

This isn't high school any more. We all were teased for something in high school. The things that set us apart for being teased back then are the things that make us unique as adults.

 

awkward question time: i have a learning condition; Dyspraxia which causes me to be physically and socially awkward and is probably a source of quite a few of my issues, should i be up front with it on my profile? or save it for later? thanks for the help so far.

 

Definitely not! That's just going to put women off, when honestly some of your issues are probably just caused by lack of experience and have little to do with your learning condition.

[pteromom]

Here is the third attempt at a description:

 

Hi, i would describe myself as a tall calm, reserved guy who is friendly, easy-going and a bit of nerd. currently working as a care worker with the elderly though I'm also a freelance artist on the side. If you are kind hearted woman with a great smile and treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance, send me a message.

I'm looking for a woman who wants to explore, watch movies classic and current and maybe attend a concert or two.

Lets see what adventure we can go on.

 

feels like I'm a product I'm trying to sell (young model, no previous owners, some faulty wiring LOL) so what do you think?

 

I like your original one better. I got an idea of who you are and how you think from that. This sounds... generic.

[Targetlock]

Okay thanks for that, and regards to the 'unique' thing, sometimes it doesn't feel like that as these are things I'm constantly dealing with especially the Dyspraxia thing which causes many issues in my life, but yeah it all comes down to confidence and lack of any real experience i suppose.

 

Oops just realised i posted the wrong description, that was the previous one, here is my new that combines the good bits of both:

 

Hi, i would describe myself as a tall calm, reserved guy who is friendly, easy-going and a bit of nerd. currently working as a care worker with the elderly though I'm also a freelance artist on the side. My many hobbies include drawing and painting,comics,reading, watching movies and enjoying music (all types but mostly rock and metal). If you are kind hearted woman with a great smile and treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance, send me a message.

I'm looking for a woman who wants to explore, watch movies classic and current and maybe attend a concert or two.

Lets see what adventures we can get up to.

Edited November 14, 2013 by Targetlock
yet more info