Dating Questions

[pteromom]

Okay thanks for that, and regards to the 'unique' thing, sometimes it doesn't feel like that as these are things I'm constantly dealing with especially the Dyspraxia thing which causes many issues in my life, but yeah it all comes down to confidence and lack of any real experience i suppose.

 

Yeah - you always have to remember that dyspraxia may be a challenge you deal with, but it doesn't define who you are.

 

You should be confident in yourself. You have no reason not to be. You have a decent job. You obviously are intelligent. You are creative. You are funny. And I know all of that about you just from your profile and LS.

 

Oops just realised i posted the wrong description, that was the previous one, here is my new that combines the good bits of both:

 

It's better, but I don't know. It's still missing that spark that your original had.

 

I met my husband online, and he was the one who messaged me. The reason he messaged me was because I mentioned a local getaway town in my profile, and he had something to talk to me about. So he messaged me asking when I was there last, and boom - we were talking and went from there.

 

I think that's what's missing in your profile. It's all very vague and gives no openings for someone to connect with you. EVERYONE is a nice guy looking for a nice girl. What are some specific things you like that a woman will read and connect to?

 

Here's a quick take from me, which you'd need to edit to make it about YOU.

 

Hi, I'm Targetlock. I'm reserved, friendly, easy-going and a bit of a nerd (in case you want to discuss Star Wars vs. LOTR). I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a freelance sculptor.

 

I would love to get to know a kind-hearted woman with a big smile who treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance. Let's explore the city (ever been to ______?), watch movies (both classic and current - I'm good with the latest blockbuster, or watching (((insert name of old movie you love))) on the couch), and maybe attend a concert. Do you like (((insert name of band you like that is coming to your town soon-but-not-too-soon)))? They're in town Dec 6!). Let's see what adventures we can get up to.

 

Experts say that most successful relationships that start online are initiated by women. So if you'd like to chat, see my sculptures, or debate nerd topics with me, please send me a message. Hey, you can't argue with the experts! I hope to hear from you soon.

 

Obviously it needs to be worked a bit, but see what I did there? The woman will say "Oh yeah, I like that movie! Oh yeah, I want to see that concert! Oh yeah, I want to see his sculptures!" "LOL, he's funny!" and she messages you!

[Targetlock]

That new description is much more interesting (though i live in a small country town so no big bands sadly, and choosing just one movie that i love!! lol ) is that statistic at the bottom true by the way? and yes my Dyspraxia does not define me! i define me

here is my version of your suggestion:

 

Hi, I'm Felix. I'm reserved, friendly, easy-going and a bit of a nerd (in case you want to discuss Star Wars vs. LOTR). I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a freelance sculptor.

 

I would love to get to know a kind-hearted woman with a big smile who treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance. Let's explore the city (ever been to Amsterdam?), watch movies (both classic and current - I'm good with the latest blockbuster, or watching The Godfather on the couch), and maybe attend a concert. Do you like rock and heavy metal? any favourites?. Let's see what adventures we can get up to.

 

Experts say that most successful relationships that start online are initiated by women. So if you'd like to chat, see my sculptures, or debate nerd topics with me, please send me a message. Hey, you can't argue with the experts! I hope to hear from you soon.

 

how about that one then? thanks very much for the help so far. i mention Amsterdam because i went there on a family holiday this year.

Edited November 14, 2013 by Targetlock
more info.

[pteromom]

I think you are starting to get somewhere. Anything else you can include that is specific to you will be helpful.

 

And yes, that statement is true. I just read an article about it a few days ago. I am looking for it though and can't find it now.

 

Hopefully some of the younger ladies here will chime in too, because I don't want to lead you in the wrong direction if there's some new trend or "rules" I don't know about. LOL

[Targetlock]

yeah good idea, some other opinions and insights hopefully from people my age as well would be most welcome

[Targetlock]

A funny thing I'm discovering about POF is that there is a 'meet you' feature where people show interest in meeting you, so plenty of people show interest in meeting me, then when i message them i don't get a response any ideas?

[Janni]

That new description is much more interesting (though i live in a small country town so no big bands sadly, and choosing just one movie that i love!! lol ) is that statistic at the bottom true by the way? and yes my Dyspraxia does not define me! i define me

here is my version of your suggestion:

 

Hi, I'm Felix. I'm reserved, friendly, easy-going and a bit of a nerd (in case you want to discuss Star Wars vs. LOTR). I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a freelance sculptor.

 

I would love to get to know a kind-hearted woman with a big smile who treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance. Let's explore the city (ever been to Amsterdam?), watch movies (both classic and current - I'm good with the latest blockbuster, or watching The Godfather on the couch), and maybe attend a concert. Do you like rock and heavy metal? any favourites?. Let's see what adventures we can get up to.

 

Experts say that most successful relationships that start online are initiated by women. So if you'd like to chat, see my sculptures, or debate nerd topics with me, please send me a message. Hey, you can't argue with the experts! I hope to hear from you soon.

 

how about that one then? thanks very much for the help so far. i mention Amsterdam because i went there on a family holiday this year.

 

So i just wanted to join you guys here. I've read the whole thread and definitely think this last profile text is the best. Though personally there are some things, that would "scare me off";

 

I don't like how you say you're "reserved" as it makes me think, you're very closed off, don't really want to talk or open up. I also think it's in great contrast with being "easy-going." But maybe that's just me.

 

Another thing that would scare me off personally, despite the fact that I'm looking for a serious relationship, is the phrase "Let's see what adventures we can get up to." I feel a lot of commitment is expected from me, if I was to contact you. This phrase makes me feel like I HAVE to want to meet up, and not just casually to see where things are going, but I HAVE to like you and want to take things further. I hope you understand. I would just leave out that particular phrase.

 

I personally looove the last bit, with the experts. That would encourage me to contact you. I also think you'd could change "and likes a bit of romance." to something along the lines of something even more specific. - Getting flowers just because, coming home to a romantic dinner, going out to a fancy restaurant on a wednesday night. Just something specific. If I read that, I'd think to myself "Wow, I really want a guy who'll bring me flowers just because he likes me!" and it would encourage me to send you a message.

 

You could also include a description of a romantic first date, to "seduce" the women who reads your profile. Something like "On a first date I would love to take you out to this small, lovely restaurant where I live. I would bring you flowers and we could have a talk about anything you want. Then..." You know what I mean? Get the women dreaming and fantasizing about the amazing man behind this profile!

 

Btw. I'm 22. So anyway, this is my personal opinion What scares me off the most is profiles talking about commitment and future plans, like they can't wait to meet you and then you'll move in together and you have to love him within two messages. Just keep a relaxed and positive tone, that is very attracting.

[Targetlock]

Thanks for the insight Janni its all very useful and worth considering, some of that advice i will definitely take into consideration.

BTW I've always wanted to buy a nice girl flowers

new version:

 

Hi, I'm Felix. I'm fun, friendly, easy-going and a bit of a nerd (in case you want to discuss Star Wars vs. LOTR). I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a freelance sculptor.

 

I would love to get to know a kind-hearted woman with a big smile who treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance, such as bringing a girl nice flowers just because i can . Let's explore the city (ever been to Amsterdam?), watch movies (both classic and current - I'm good with the latest blockbuster, or watching The Godfather on the couch), and maybe attend a concert. Do you like rock and heavy metal? any favourites?.

 

Experts say that most successful relationships that start online are initiated by women. So if you'd like to chat, see my sculptures, or debate nerd topics with me, please send me a message. Hey, you can't argue with the experts! I hope to hear from you soon.

 

 

seems to sound better see what this bait can reel in lol

[Janni]

Thanks for the insight Janni its all very useful and worth considering, some of that advice i will definitely take into consideration.

BTW I've always wanted to buy a nice girl flowers

new version:

 

Hi, I'm Felix. I'm fun, friendly, easy-going and a bit of a nerd (in case you want to discuss Star Wars vs. LOTR). I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a freelance sculptor.

 

I would love to get to know a kind-hearted woman with a big smile who treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance, such as bringing a girl nice flowers just because i can . Let's explore the city (ever been to Amsterdam?), watch movies (both classic and current - I'm good with the latest blockbuster, or watching The Godfather on the couch), and maybe attend a concert. Do you like rock and heavy metal? any favourites?.

 

Experts say that most successful relationships that start online are initiated by women. So if you'd like to chat, see my sculptures, or debate nerd topics with me, please send me a message. Hey, you can't argue with the experts! I hope to hear from you soon.

 

 

seems to sound better see what this bait can reel in lol

 

You're very welcome. Good luck.

 

One final advice, I've personally found true, is that you'll find love when you stop looking. I know it sounds strange and even irritating. But it can all be boiled down to this; Desperation is not attractive.

I've personally always found love whenever I gave up and just lived my life, not trying to find a companion. Ofc OLD is trying, and it will work too. What I'm saying is that you might want to be careful not so sound too desperate or come on too strong. Just start out friendly, like you're making friends, not searching for a life partner.

[Targetlock]

Yeah that is good advice, and yes i am often told that when you stop looking it happens, happened for a friend this year when she wasn't looking. unfortunately i i'm one of these people who will never stop looking i suppose, though i do try and keep so id didn't come across as desperate or too strong (can be tricky to keep these emotions in check though, the heart wants wants what the heart wants)

[carhill]

Since you work in health care, you're interacting with people every day. Grow those interactions away from the workplace. I wouldn't even bother with OLD.

 

FWIW, regarding 'stop looking and you'll find love', I recall doing that back in my late 20's and, after about seven years or so, figured out it was an ill-advised suggestion. However, understanding the dynamic of if has found the post divorce period the last 3-4 years to be wonderful. Not looking for love and it's nowhere. I came to realize that the people who used to tell me that, in a well-intentioned way, had one thing in common. They were women. They had no experience of what it's like to *pursue* romance as a man. That's OK. They taught me a lot of other valuable life lessons, so I thank them for that.

[Targetlock]

Interesting advice and yes online isn't my only option. and funnily enough, yes it has been women who tell me the 'when you're not looking' advice, and nver from people who are also single and searching.

[Janni]

Since you work in health care, you're interacting with people every day. Grow those interactions away from the workplace. I wouldn't even bother with OLD.

 

FWIW, regarding 'stop looking and you'll find love', I recall doing that back in my late 20's and, after about seven years or so, figured out it was an ill-advised suggestion. However, understanding the dynamic of if has found the post divorce period the last 3-4 years to be wonderful. Not looking for love and it's nowhere. I came to realize that the people who used to tell me that, in a well-intentioned way, had one thing in common. They were women. They had no experience of what it's like to *pursue* romance as a man. That's OK. They taught me a lot of other valuable life lessons, so I thank them for that.

 

I never thought of it that way. It might actually only go for women, then. That's possible. Anyway, I only said it because it has been quite constant for my life. But it was also ment as a way of reminding OP, that desperation is unattractive. So to relax.

 

Like, I am kinda straight out of a LTR and not looking for love at all. I was at first through OLD, but realized I wasn't ready for the almost extreme expectations people on OLD has. So I just tried going out for events and being social - Making friends and getting a new group of friends build post BU. At practically the first event I met a guy whom I kinda like and he likes me too. So idk. I think that somehow proves the "stop looking and you'll find love." I dont know. That's my experience anyway.

[Targetlock]

Well I've never been in a serious relationship of any kind (just a couple of dates) so yeah i find kind of hard of hard to put it on the back burner and stop searching so to speak. but i thin it is time to focus this wasted energy on other parts of my life or something, need to expand my options and get out of my comfort zone so to speak.