KJ-UK Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 I'm a Married OW. I am seeing 2 MMs 1 for 3 years and the other for 9 months Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Wow, I cant imagine the energy that this takes. (emotional and mental) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 mal wrote, " I have been having an affair with a co-worker for 15 years now." AND then wrote, "... and we have 3 boys, and he's still married too." My holy he$$ that's a loooong time to lie, betray & cheat on your family!! It begs the question, with THREE boys, I take it you will be supportive of your daughter-in-laws when they cheat on your sons, right? But ya, you'd totally understand right?? I've heard it said that men marry women who have similar traits as their mother... Yikes* Link to post Share on other sites
abigail11 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I was having my affair for just over 15 years. I met him as we were both in a Union, so we had lots of time for meeting up, spent many weekends, nights and often a month at a time together at conferences and were known as a couple by my family and friends. He told me that his wife was sick and that he had to stay because she needed him, but that we would be together when he retired. The day he retired is the last day I heard from him, he just vanished from my life. I am here because I am spending some time recovering from a breakdown and a suicide attempt at the home one of the BS who posts here, she told me about this site and here I am. I thought we had a future, I believed that he was staying because his wife was sick and he couldn't leave her, he is or was a nurse. Our relationship was open, by that I mean my family all knew about him, my friends knew him, he was my plus one at my daughters wedding, but at the last minute didn't turn up because his wife was ill, I believed him. When my grandson died, he didn't turn up for the funeral because he said he had to work and all the time I believed him. I planned to leave my job when he retired because we were going to travel then settle down where he came from. On his last day in work I went to take him a card and present, the staff told me he had already left and that he and his wife were going on a cruise they had planned. I said, is she well enough and they looked at me as if I was crazy, I said but she is sick, has been for years, lies all lies, I felt stupid. he and his family were all off on a cruise and not back for a month. I felt sick to my stomach that I had believed everything, and stupid, so very stupid. That was over 6 months ago and I haven't heard from him, not a thing, not even to ask how I was. He will know I have been in hospital as he works in mental health, my friend came round to my house and found me in a state. I hadn't ate, washed just sat and cried for a week. I tried to end my life and thank god for my neighbour. Now I just feel so stupid, I am or was a strong, professional woman. I believed that he loved me, that he and his wife were just housemates, that he was staying until his daughter graduated and would care for her mother, it was all supposed to be planned. How stupid, I cannot forgive myself for what I did to his wife, even though she doesn't know, it is ironic that the person who has flown 650 miles to pick me up and let me stay and heal is a BS herself. Over the past few days I have read posts here and I see my story is the same as many, I wish I had found this place years ago. Sorry for the long first post, no doubt over time I will not feel so raw, but for now, I know I have brought all this on myself and while I love him, I hate what he has done. How could I be so stupid? Link to post Share on other sites
Bailey14 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I have loved him for 45 years.....the A has been going on for 3 years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Mine lasted a little over 2 years and by year 2 I was pretty frustrated and we argued a lot more about "the situation" than when it first began. Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I was having my affair for just over 15 years. I met him as we were both in a Union, so we had lots of time for meeting up, spent many weekends, nights and often a month at a time together at conferences and were known as a couple by my family and friends. He told me that his wife was sick and that he had to stay because she needed him, but that we would be together when he retired. The day he retired is the last day I heard from him, he just vanished from my life. I am here because I am spending some time recovering from a breakdown and a suicide attempt at the home one of the BS who posts here, she told me about this site and here I am. I thought we had a future, I believed that he was staying because his wife was sick and he couldn't leave her, he is or was a nurse. Our relationship was open, by that I mean my family all knew about him, my friends knew him, he was my plus one at my daughters wedding, but at the last minute didn't turn up because his wife was ill, I believed him. When my grandson died, he didn't turn up for the funeral because he said he had to work and all the time I believed him. I planned to leave my job when he retired because we were going to travel then settle down where he came from. On his last day in work I went to take him a card and present, the staff told me he had already left and that he and his wife were going on a cruise they had planned. I said, is she well enough and they looked at me as if I was crazy, I said but she is sick, has been for years, lies all lies, I felt stupid. he and his family were all off on a cruise and not back for a month. I felt sick to my stomach that I had believed everything, and stupid, so very stupid. That was over 6 months ago and I haven't heard from him, not a thing, not even to ask how I was. He will know I have been in hospital as he works in mental health, my friend came round to my house and found me in a state. I hadn't ate, washed just sat and cried for a week. I tried to end my life and thank god for my neighbour. Now I just feel so stupid, I am or was a strong, professional woman. I believed that he loved me, that he and his wife were just housemates, that he was staying until his daughter graduated and would care for her mother, it was all supposed to be planned. How stupid, I cannot forgive myself for what I did to his wife, even though she doesn't know, it is ironic that the person who has flown 650 miles to pick me up and let me stay and heal is a BS herself. Over the past few days I have read posts here and I see my story is the same as many, I wish I had found this place years ago. Sorry for the long first post, no doubt over time I will not feel so raw, but for now, I know I have brought all this on myself and while I love him, I hate what he has done. How could I be so stupid? LS should get an option called "Hug"... Welcome to the boards, I hope you get all the help and the companion you need in this terrible time... I know the boards saved my life a few years ago. I hope to hear from you later on, it will get better, I promise... After reading your post I almost felt like you were the BS... because you were also cheated... Hope you're doing better... Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 It's hard to explain, when the affair started I was in love with the other married man and I still am in love with him, I know it's hard to believe but I am also in love with my husband too. When I met my husband in my senior year in college and when we got engaged I wasn't seeing the other man because we both wanted to end the affair at the time. All those feelings came back at my engagement party when him and I saw each other again, and the affair started up again. The affair has been an on and off thing, I try to be faithful to my husband and I do love him but it's been so hard to break it off with the other married man especially hard because we both work in the same law firm, Him and my dad are both are partners in the firm, and I am on track to make partner. My husband doesn't know about the affair at all, neither does my dad & mom and the rest of my family, the only person that does know is my older brother who I have close personal bond with. Thank you very much for your reply... Now a very very hard question... your children are your H's? I have seen many cases around here that the first thing a BH does when finding out is doing a DNA test of the kids... Link to post Share on other sites
Calcmag Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 How long did it last? If we count from the time it became a PA, it lasted just over a decade. Had been an EA for about two years before that though. exMOM got divorced about a year in to the PA, but I was still married. I eventually divorced around 9 years after he did, and then we had a couple of years together in a non A relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
abigail11 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Thank you Solicita2, I do feel cheated, he was such a part of my life, he was included in all my family events. I have support from my friend I am staying with, but it is hard to properly speak about how I feel as she is a BS. I need to know why, but he has closed all our ways of contact and is ignoring all my calls and letters. Such a long time spent planning a future that we will never share. I feel like I am going mad, it is getting easier but I still want to know why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Thank you very much for your reply... Now a very very hard question... your children are your H's? I have seen many cases around here that the first thing a BH does when finding out is doing a DNA test of the kids... Yes, my husband is the father of our 3 sons. The three times I as pregnant with my sons I wasn't seeing the other man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brightonrock Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 I have been having an affair with a co-worker for 15 years now. Wow! You've beaten me there then Link to post Share on other sites
Author brightonrock Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Purely out of curiousity... what's the point in having an A so long? And what's the point in getting married, saying you will remain faithfull to a person while knowing you never did and never will? Unless your H knows about it and doesn't care... Now this I find interesting... the man that I'm been involved with has spent the entirety of his relationship with his girlfriend, which is nearly eight years, texting, chatting and meeting up with me. I am married and have been for 29 years. There was a time when we talked about getting together but he backed out. He got engaged whilst seeing me and has told me that he will get married to her at some point. So yes, he will certainly fall into that category of making the vow of faithfulness knowing that he never was and never will be. We have even had each others initial tattooed on our fingers and there was a time when I actually told his girlfriend this, she tried to make him have it removed but he didn't. I've let her know at least two or three times, not directly I may add, that he is still involved with me but she continues to be in denial.... Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Yes, my husband is the father of our 3 sons. The three times I as pregnant with my sons I wasn't seeing the other man. Just curious, would you leave your husband for the OM. Do you love the OM more? Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Just curious, would you leave your husband for the OM. Do you love the OM more? No, I wouldn't leave my husband for the OM, I love my husband more than the OM. Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 No, I wouldn't leave my husband for the OM, I love my husband more than the OM. Do you ever worry about getting caught? I guess this can’t be easy on you either, how do deal with it all. I had an affair for about 6 months and my husband found out. Part me is happy since I don’t have to lie anymore and I don’t have deal with guilty anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Do you ever worry about getting caught? I guess this can’t be easy on you either, how do deal with it all. I had an affair for about 6 months and my husband found out. Part me is happy since I don’t have to lie anymore and I don’t have deal with guilty anymore. Yes, the past couple years I have been worried if my husband or my other man's wife catches us, and what will happen? or how will I deal with it? When I start to feel guilty about it, I have a drink, have a girls night with my friends, or night out with my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Yes, the past couple years I have been worried if my husband or my other man's wife catches us, and what will happen? or how will I deal with it? When I start to feel guilty about it, I have a drink, have a girls night with my friends, or night out with my husband. Would your husband stay with you if he found out? I thought mine would or least try to work it out but now I find myself heading for a divorce it should be done within a month or 2. My hubby also a lawyer so he had all planned out. Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Would your husband stay with you if he found out? I thought mine would or least try to work it out but now I find myself heading for a divorce it should be done within a month or 2. My hubby also a lawyer so he had all planned out. Honestly knowing my husband, he would stay with me so we could work it out. But I wouldn't blame him at all if he did leave me and take our sons. I'm sorry about you and your husband. How are you handling it? Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 No, I wouldn't leave my husband for the OM, I love my husband more than the OM. I'm not trying to be mean and I'm an OW (single) so I cannot throw stones, but WHY would you do something to potentially destroy your marriage if you love your husband more than the OM? Would it be worth it if your husband did find out and left you? I'm not sure I'll ever understand that, to be honest. Again, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm truly trying to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Honestly knowing my husband, he would stay with me so we could work it out. But I wouldn't blame him at all if he did leave me and take our sons. I'm sorry about you and your husband. How are you handling it? Just be careful I thought the same but mines leaving me. I’m doing ok it was extremely hard at first but it gets easier with time. I’m still trying to get him to reconsider and work on the marriage. It doesn’t seem like it will happen he pretty sure this is what he wants. I’m trying to stay strong for my boys(twins) since the whole divorce is taking a total on them as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I'm not trying to be mean and I'm an OW (single) so I cannot throw stones, but WHY would you do something to potentially destroy your marriage if you love your husband more than the OM? Would it be worth it if your husband did find out and left you? I'm not sure I'll ever understand that, to be honest. Again, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm truly trying to understand. I just had this conversation with my WS. She didn't believe that people would have an A with no intention of leaving their Spouse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I'm not trying to be mean and I'm an OW (single) so I cannot throw stones, but WHY would you do something to potentially destroy your marriage if you love your husband more than the OM? Would it be worth it if your husband did find out and left you? I'm not sure I'll ever understand that, to be honest. Again, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm truly trying to understand. I don’t know about her. I also loved my husband more than the OM and never thought about leaving my husband. Why I did it, it was mostly selfish reasons. Like being desired and wanted and the fact he was my boss give me a huge ego boost. In the end it wasn’t worth it I lost a lot more than I ever thought I would. Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I'm not trying to be mean and I'm an OW (single) so I cannot throw stones, but WHY would you do something to potentially destroy your marriage if you love your husband more than the OM? Would it be worth it if your husband did find out and left you? I'm not sure I'll ever understand that, to be honest. Again, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm truly trying to understand. I know your not, and I understand. I really do love my husband a lot and I honestly don't know why I either. This affair started before I got married, I was 18 and single, and the OM was and still is married. There have been a few times were we agreed to break it off from each other but we always end up continuing the relationship. It's also hard to do since we both work at the same firm. Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Just be careful I thought the same but mines leaving me. I’m doing ok it was extremely hard at first but it gets easier with time. I’m still trying to get him to reconsider and work on the marriage. It doesn’t seem like it will happen he pretty sure this is what he wants. I’m trying to stay strong for my boys(twins) since the whole divorce is taking a total on them as well. It's never too late to get him to change his mind. How old are your twin boys and how big toll has it been on them? Link to post Share on other sites
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