Ex GF got pregnant from another man 1 month after our breakup

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3 days ago my Ex GF( 25 yrs old,dated for 4 years) contacted me(28 yrs old) and told me she was 9 weeks pregnant. We hadn't talk for 2 months previously. She said she started seeing a guy shortly after she broke up with me(3 months ago) He's 22, lives in the U.S. only 3/4s of the year and is from the UK. Its his and shes going to keep the child and try to make it work with this man shes known for only 3 months. Shes admitted it was an ACCIDENT.

 

I explained to her that I was still inlove with her, that this is a terrible idea to go on with this and that I wish the child was mine. I offered her an out and said to abort the child and marry me and we could have a child next year(Im successful and can provide a great life for a child, Id love to be a father) I literally begged her not to go through with having the baby and that she deserves better. Shes still set on making it work for her.

 

I feel dead inside. I Cant eat, luckily I've just started to be able to sleep a little. I keep thinking I should have proposed last year and none of this would have happened. I'm scared for her. Scared she will have to raise a child with no father. Scared that a year from now she gets the Grass Is Greener Syndrome and calls me. I'm afraid I wont be over her and will help her care for this child.

 

I'am dead inside.

[CptSaveAho]

stop talking to her...

 

i dont know about you but i would want nothing to do with an ex that got pregnant by another man...

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Im also moving to another state, starting a new job and have everything going for me except her to make everything complete. A part of me wants to keep in touch but the other half says to stay away and never contact her again....I'm going to try N.C. that's all I can do. I know at this point that its one direction and to move on but this isn't easy.

[Chi townD]

Not your problem anymore. You didn't ask her to break up with you. You didn't ask her to sleep around immediately after she ended it with you. That was her doing and her choice. And it burned her in the ass.

 

Okay, so you gave her one last chance to see if she wanted to work things out. She said no (which makes me wonder why the HELL did she tell you any of that anyway). That, again, is her choice. Therefore, you should be done with her.

 

She's going to have a family with a guy she barely knows. She's going to be tied to this guy the rest of her life. That's the burden she'll have to bare. NOT YOU!!!

 

Time to heal and move on. You need to go completely dark on her. No more talking to her, block her on facebook, ignore all texts and phonecalls. This was her choice, to have you out of her life. Well, she got herself in a very screwed up situation, but you had absolutely nothing to do with that.

 

Not your problem.

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Her excuse on telling me was that she'd rather have told me then for me to hear it from word of mouth.

[Chi townD]

I hate that crap....Like, WHY?!?! You were probably better off not knowing and if you were keeping a hard and dark NC, you never would have until you were at a point where you wouldn't care.

 

Oh well.....just move on dude. Make positive changes in your life. Go on a ton of adventures.

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I was in NC but deep down I was just giving her time, I was going to see how she was doing in a few weeks. Just so happened she hit me up with the bomb.

[hurts2death]

an other karma confirm exist...

[Chi townD]

I was in NC but deep down I was just giving her time, I was going to see how she was doing in a few weeks. Just so happened she hit me up with the bomb.

 

Yet another example on how NOT to use NC. We don't do NC to see if our Ex's miss us. Why would they? They Dumped us so obviously they wanted us away!

 

We do NC to heal and move on with our lives. To take back control of it! Not to try and get our Ex's back.

 

Look, I'm not going to ride on you too hard, but now you know why NC is so important to our healing process. That's news you didn't need to hear.

 

Sorry you're going through this.

[xUnknown]

Continue NC. Don't visit her. Cut her out. The first few weeks will suck. You'll go through waves of emotion. Stick it out. Talk about it to your friends. Surround yourself with positive people, your EX is not one of them. Keep on Keeping on.

[Sugarkane]

This is an unfortunate situation, but I wouldn't expect help from an if this happened to me. Don't feel bad. She had the choice of choosing someone that loved her and someone who only lives in the country 3/4 of the year. And she chose someone who won't even stick around, over you! Her loss!

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SugarKane, the sick thing also is I offered her a way out, a get out of jail free card. She asked me what I was thinking and I looked at her and said, "let's take care of this situation and run away with me to(my new living space) you can relax I'll be here for you and not to worry, get back on your feet. We'll shop for rings, look at wedding venues and we'll have a baby next year. We can live a new and fulfilling life together. ".....she didn't take it.

 

I know that this is a one direction move on. Never have I imagined something like this would ever happen to me.

[Brown-Eyez]

SugarKane, the sick thing also is I offered her a way out, a get out of jail free card. She asked me what I was thinking and I looked at her and said, "let's take care of this situation and run away with me to(my new living space) you can relax I'll be here for you and not to worry, get back on your feet. We'll shop for rings, look at wedding venues and we'll have a baby next year. We can live a new and fulfilling life together. ".....she didn't take it.

 

You don't know it now cuz you are probably still very raw from her news

BUT

You are going to be SO GRATEFUL that she did not take you up on your incredibly generous (but insanely stupid) offer!

 

You sound like a great guy, please protect your heart!

[Tony T]

Take the advice of those above and STOP TALKING TO HER!!! You have absolutely no right to ask her to get an abortion...WOW... She is your EX... You are no longer dating her. The fact that she ran right out and started sleeping with people should tell you just what she thinks of you. You don't need that kind of aggravation.

 

Take it from a guy who's been dumped by a number of women in my long past. There's always better down the road. Rejoice and find someone great. There was a good reason you broke up with this lady. Forget about her...get her out of your mind. Heal from this and move forward to something that will be so much better with someone who will make you a priority.

[Mario79]

You are a stand up guy to be willing to through with that. Try to put yourself in her shoes, going through an abortion is not like an afterthought, and you would have to deal with her maybe at some point believing that you forced her into it. It's terrible but you have to have the courage to accept the things you cannot change.

 

I can only imagine how great your pain is right now. But if she wants to keep it do not try convincing her to do otherwise because you want her to complete the life you wish for yourself.

 

I feel for you. I hope you get a positive outcome.

[wellthereyago]

clicktoenlarge - I'm the guy from the Ex GF of 5 years married someone else post that you replied on. First let me say I'm so sorry you are going thru this situation. I know how badly you are hurting right now and I am also so glad to see all the feedback you have received from the community already today. These guys and gals have helped me thru some tough times over the last couple of months and I'm so thankful to have this outlet for my situation.

So you wanted some suggestions on how I have been able to get over my situation and since I can't say I'm over it but here is what I am doing to try and get over it - some if not all of this sounds MUCH easier than it actually is but just try and keep these things in mind as you find your way to process the situation and move forward with your life.

 

1.) Time heals all wounds but don't try to force yourself to be over in a set time. Everyone deals, copes, and processing things differently but try and figure out how you BEST process extremely stressful situations (think about overcoming something extremely difficult at work and examine how you worked your way thru that problem.) I find with non-relationship problems I can process things much more logically and it helps keep my emotions in check but that is just my process.

2.) Talk with family and friends during the initial shock but remember even the closest friends and family members can feel drained if this continues to be the ONLY thing you can talk about (this comes from personal experience - believe me). If need be see a counselor but be cautious of anyone that just wants to put you on medication if you don't normally don't take medications for anxiety or stress.

3.) Exercise - I know everyone says it but it is true - you will feel better after you exercise. I started working out about 4 or 5 months ago (since I had already lost like 60lbs from all the stress at first) and I've put like 20lbs back on mostly muscle. Don't get me wrong I don't enough it until I get to the gym and start working out then I feel great the rest of the day.

4.) Be Thankful! Be thankful for everything you have going for you like your job, your health, etc. I know for me I concentrate on some of the reconnections I have made with old friends that I neglected while I was dating and married. Being thankful feed the mind positive images and that will also help your physical appearance and mental state. **Also be very thankful that you have the OPTION of walking away from this situation even though you hurt right now understand -- SHE made the decision to break things off, SHE made the decision to have sex, SHE now has to pay that price -- NOT YOU!

5.) Learn from the situation. None of us here are perfect and most of us see ourselves as the victim (to an extent) and I'm sure you have spent plenty of time asking yourself "what did I do wrong" but once the emotions start to settle down and you can think somewhat clearly figure out what you can do better in the next relationship. I know when my ex-wife and I split the first time I blamed myself and rightfully so but I learned from those mistakes and when we reconciled a year later things were much better for a while 3 or 4 years). Ultimately we just didn't get along and there was too much resentment and immaturity for us to stay married but I did not regret the very painful journey it put me on to figure out how to be a good husband and father. When I met my most recent ex believe me she benefited from it big time and it made my ex-wife hate me more in the early years. Since then she and I have talked about it and she was jealous that she left and someone else got to reap the benefits of our failed marriage. They say the ultimate revenge is to live well and I truly believe that. Now the stakes are much higher for the next special lady in my life so I guess I need to get to making a lot more money lol.

6.) NO CONTACT -- don't count the days, weeks, or months because it shouldn't matter at this point. Right now all you can think about is getting her back and honestly most of that is probably ego more so than anything else (again I'm speaking from experience). But realize "the prize" you think you want right now will completely change the second you take her back and then realize she isn't really worthy to be a prize. Shortly after that the resentment will start to creep in and then the real trouble starts. Not only do you have to try and overcome all the emotions and thoughts about her being with someone else and getting pregnant but all those close family and friends will have plenty to say about it (most of it will be behind your back) and after the new wears off you will feel very uncomfortable anytime you are around them. Then you are truly facing a difficult situation without a support system outside of her and she has her own guilt and shame to deal with at that point. Again I draw this experience from my marriage and not this most recent situation.

 

I hope some of this helps and do know that these feelings will pass. Get busy focusing on yourself and finding out what you truly want out of life. Ultimately happiness is an internal decision not dependent on others and that is what we should all strive for. Think about a relationship with another person that is internally happy and isn't having to drain you to make them happy and content and if you are the same think about how happy of a relationship that will be. Become what you want to attract and I think no matter what happens you will be fine. Good luck and I'll keep an eye on this thread as more people post.

[aliveagain]

Stop it, stop it right now, she is dead and you need to bury her and mourn her and than move on. You gave her another option out and she chose him and not you, let it rest in peace. She has moved on and so should you. Do not waste one more moment on this girl, leave her where she belongs, in your past. She's an anchor holding you back, let her read about your success one day and wonder why she blew it so bad. She and all her insecurities are no longer your problem. Just keep heading to where you need to be, the right woman is just around the corner. You made the right choice.

[Chi townD]

^^^^ couldn't have said it better myself^^^^^^^

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I cant tell you how much all of your support and comments mean to me. All of you are amazing and are helping me tremendously. Last night I painted the new woman I plan to meet in my future. I also burned the old ones I made that brought the ex into my life. Here's the album

[xUnknown]

I cant tell you how much all of your support and comments mean to me. All of you are amazing and are helping me tremendously. Last night I painted the new woman I plan to meet in my future. I also burned the old ones I made that brought the ex into my life. Here's the album

 

Are you secretly Isaac from Heroes? haha. I think its good that you're moving on. Personally, I would have boxed up the painting and put it in the basement (like what I did with my exs gifts/pictures/ things she made for me). Who knows, maybe down the road you'll pull them out and think, wow, I've sure came a long way...remember the good for a second, then back in the box. As my cousin always says, if you're thinking of doing something, give it a day to let the emotions cool. In either case, glad you are cutting ties. The last pic reminds me of Angelina Jole. #Thumbs up.

[xUnknown]

I cant tell you how much all of your support and comments mean to me. All of you are amazing and are helping me tremendously. Last night I painted the new woman I plan to meet in my future. I also burned the old ones I made that brought the ex into my life. Here's the album

Also, is this a picture of your ex? or just some random chick?

"Pretty white girl problems" - Imgur

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No, the "pretty white girl problems " is some stock photo.