analloving Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Well I want to make this as short as possible. I used to own a restaurant. I gave a job to my gf. well it took me only 7 years to find out that she ****ed the waiter all over the place. The only reason I know is because she pretty much offered little pieces of information and then I realised that she used to kiss me when I got to work shortly after having his big phat dick in her mouth. Well aint that some ****. I also know that she ****ed some guy while working as an extra. Those two are a fact. I am sure she has cheated more. Fast forward to the present. Now we're married with 2 kids. She's a good wife, cooks cleans good mother and she puts out lots (and she's always been hot). When I recently told her I knew about the cheating she made it clear that she will never admit to it and pretty much will take it to her grave (it was her worst acting I can see right through her). The issue is that I KNOW about it 100% but she wont budge. Enter my subconscious: I cant sleep thinking about the cheating, I feel like a mother****ing moron for not catching it when it happened. It's almost as if I didn't want to believe it. I am starting to realize that my brain will never let this go due to the fact that I cannot forgive unless she admits (and even if she did admit I may not forgive) . The ****ing chick magazines she reads advises women to never admit so she's following that. Even though I make good money, after paying the bills and child support I would not be able to even rent a 1 bedroom apartment, so divorce would be like financial suicide. If I stay with her I will die a slow death and become a ""yes dear" zombie for the rest of my life. If I divorce I will be broke ass. I would love to answer any questions you have and to read any advices. I have made up my mind of what I am going to do however I do not have anyone to brainstorm this situation with and want to hear your point of view. HELP Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Wait, did you know about the cheating before you married her? If so, why in the world would you marry her? Sounds like your relationship has a foundation of lies. You need to decide what is more important, your money or your freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author analloving Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 I did not know about the cheating until after we were married. I know there were red flags but it wasn't until recently that I am 100% sure of it. Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) Do you believe she has cheated on you since you got married? If not, maybe there's a way of thinking about this that allows you to stay together. If you weren't married and you were one of her lovers (albeit you thought it was exclusive back then and it wasn't), but she married you and has been faithful to you since then...? Of course, had you known at the time, your decision to marry or not might have gone differently. But maybe she's been faithful in marriage? Just a thought. You're clearly angry about this, and anyone would be. Lack of openness and honesty are pretty toxic in any relationship. But it's possible she's scared that being honest will destroy the marriage, and really doesn't want that. There's a way of looking at this that makes you her Alpha Dog. Edited October 30, 2013 by K Os Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Well, only you can answer your questions on whether you stay or divorce. I would call her out on it. Stating that you two need to go to Marriage counseling or else you are gone. You need to make her believe that. Because, regardless if a divorce causes you to take a massive blow financially, it's going to strongly affect her way of living too. She would be giving up a lot if you leave. So, get her into marriage counseling. A licensed professional may be able get the truth out of her more than a writer at Cosmo that's telling her to keep her mouth shut. Link to post Share on other sites
Author analloving Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 I confronted her yesterday. Told her come clean or divorce: she came clean. I asked plenty of questions, etc. However I felt that she was holding back, the stories had holes. Then I suggested joining me in becoming polyamorist, so poly or divorce. She said no and when divorce was the only choice she said "i ****ed up... i told you about the cheating so we stay together, i didnt cheat on you" So I told her that I had enough of her manipulations and that we're done. I'm done and she's devastated and will be even more devastated when I hand her the papers soon. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I confronted her yesterday. Told her come clean or divorce: she came clean. I asked plenty of questions, etc. However I felt that she was holding back, the stories had holes. Then I suggested joining me in becoming polyamorist, so poly or divorce. She said no and when divorce was the only choice she said "i ****ed up... i told you about the cheating so we stay together, i didnt cheat on you" So I told her that I had enough of her manipulations and that we're done. I'm done and she's devastated and will be even more devastated when I hand her the papers soon. When did she stop cheating? Poly or divorce is a childish response. Having open marriages only leads to divorce. You want the truth. She gave you truth. You feel she still is holding back. You punish her for giving truth. So do you expect her to be truthful any more? Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 So it's quite likely to be as I said - she probably hasn't cheated on you since you got married. She knows you need to know the truth, it was tough for her to tell you the truth, and when she does you divorce her? Yes, she'll be devastated. She doesn't want divorce. Are you going to chuck your marriage away because of things that happened all that time ago before you were married? Your call, of course, but people grow in relationships and it sounds as if she's not behaved like that in a long time. Polyamory or divorce? What exactly do you want here? You fancy behaving like she used to behave? Think you've missed out? What? I hate to say it, but that's a very telling request. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I confronted her yesterday. Told her come clean or divorce: she came clean. I asked plenty of questions, etc. However I felt that she was holding back, the stories had holes. Then I suggested joining me in becoming polyamorist, so poly or divorce. She said no and when divorce was the only choice she said "i ****ed up... i told you about the cheating so we stay together, i didnt cheat on you" So I told her that I had enough of her manipulations and that we're done. I'm done and she's devastated and will be even more devastated when I hand her the papers soon. What the hell is up with that poly crap?!?!?! Dude, you had her on the ropes and you just let it go until the bell rang. That was probably as close to the truth that you have EVER gotten. And where the HELL did that poly crap come from. You NEVER posted ANYTHING about and interest in that! Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 How sad... Cosmo was right after all... being open and thruth led her to divorce... So the lesson I'm learning here is that if I ever make a mistake I have to shut up... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 She's a good wife, cooks cleans good mother and she puts out lots (and she's always been hot). I wouldn't push you in one direction or the other. But if you broke up with her and went back out on the market, isn't this what you'd be looking for ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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