cheating boyfriend: is it worth giving a second chance

[roxan]

Hi everyone,its my first post here and its a bit long but will try to keep it short

This summer,I found out that my boyfriend of 1 year 1/2 was cheating on me with a girl he met on a dating site.

Its one of his acquaintances that told me about her,he even added this girl as a facebook friend

I contacted her and she told me he told her he was single and they met a few times etc..

I confronted him with that evidence and dumped him

Then I found out he s been using dating sites the whole time we were together,and added like a dozens of the girls from there.( some of them before we met,but still a few girls during the time we dated)

I must add that he never wanted to be friend with me on facebook and now ,I know why,thats because he was chatting and flirting with these girls on facebook and didnt want me to suspect anything. And also he told them he was single so there was no mention of my existence on his profile or even that he was in a relationship

But he said that he never met any of them,except that last girl during the summer

Recently we started to talk again normally and I ve been thinking about giving him a second chance. I thought that the time he cheated was maybe just a simple mistake,and he said that it was the only time and wont do it again

But I asked him if he could prove that it was the only time he cheated and that he really never met these other girls,because actually he keeps chatting with those girls he me on dating sites and keeps them as facebook friends,which he seems to find normal...

I think this is totally inapropriate,when you are a cheater and a liar,and wants to prove that you will stop cheating and deserve another chance

He says that he just keep them as facebook friend because he never uses facebook..

I asked him to prove that what he says is true, if he could message these girls and get them to confirm that they really never met

I told him that I saw he "liked" and wrote flirting coments on the photos of one particular girl and ask him explanations. He said that it was a girl he dated a few times before he met me,and was still friend with her and that during the time we were together they were meeting but just "as friends" like he says

I asked him how come he never mentioned about her before ,and he said he thought it wasnt important

But when I asked him if she knew that he had a girlfriend, he said they never discuss about. So basically,he was meeting up with a girl he dated before behind my back and of course he never mentionned that he wasnt single anymore,and I am supposed to believe that they met just as "friends"??

Am I paranoid,or is this guy lying again?

I think that he was cheating on me with her because when you catch up with a friend,you talk about whats going on in your life like work,family and love life. We were together during more than 1 year 1/2 so I thought I was a part of his life,if he wasnt cheating,surely he would have mentioned about me,especially given the fact that they dated?Obviously he made her believe he was still single cause he was dating her behind my back

What are your opinions?

[Zahara]

What he did wasn't a mistake. A mistake doesn't happen over and over again, with a large number of women and it seems ongoing, as you are still experiencing his need to engage with these women. A mistake doesn't keep repeating itself because once you do it, you feel remorseful, you realize you've done wrong, and you don't do it again. That's a mistake. The guy is a serial cheater. Serial cheaters don't make mistakes. They cheat because they want to.

 

I can't understand why you want to take someone back that you cannot trust again and you won't because even now, he refuses to cut contact with these women and is even posting flirty comments on their page. Honestly, if you took him back, would you ever be able to feel free in your relationship or would you always be worrying, checking his FB, wondering who he's talking to, etc? Who wants to live that way?

 

He's done it over and over again, and if you take him back, you know what he will say, "Man, I did all sorts of crap to her and she is still taking me back. I can cheat some more and she'll be okay with it!"

 

Find your self-respect. There is no reason to bring the garbage back in. I am not even sure why you are asking. I can only think that you are choosing to settle for this dog because you are desperate for someone, anyone.

Edited October 29, 2013 by Zahara

[roxan]

I think you are right

There s lot of weird things about this guy

Like why he refuses to cuts contacts with these girls from dating he s been flirting with behind my back.

Why does he keep them as friends on facebook ,even if he says that he never met them,except that one girl he was cheating on this summer?

Why did he always refuse to add me on facebook,but instead he keeps these girls as friends,write flirty coments,or that girl that he says he dated before me and they re just friends now.

Why would he meet up with her,but never mentioned he had a girlfriend,if really they were just "friends" now??

[Zahara]

I think you are right

There s lot of weird things about this guy

Like why he refuses to cuts contacts with these girls from dating he s been flirting with behind my back.

Why does he keep them as friends on facebook ,even if he says that he never met them,except that one girl he was cheating on this summer?

Why did he always refuse to add me on facebook,but instead he keeps these girls as friends,write flirty coments,or that girl that he says he dated before me and they re just friends now.

Why would he meet up with her,but never mentioned he had a girlfriend,if really they were just "friends" now??

 

One thing you need to get. Cheaters lie. If he's was on dating sites while he was with you, and lying to you the whole time, why would you even believe anything he says -- "never met them", "only one girl in the summer"...how can you tell if it's the truth? Just because he said so? A 1.5 year relationship and he didn't think to be loyal and was lying and scheming behind your back and suddenly now whatever he says is the truth?

 

Please don't cause yourself heartbreak. Who knows you could even get an STD with this man because you just don't know where he's been and what he has done.

 

You have to want better for yourself.

[roxan]

Thanks for your reply

I thought he could change but it doesnt seems to be the case.

he just doesnt seems to get that what he did was disrespectful:

Not just the time I caught him cheating this summer, but also meeting up with this girl he dated before me,that he tries to pass as a friend now,after I told him I saw the flirty stuff he posts on her page,because he never mentionned about her before and mostly because he never told her he had a girlfriend

Should I believe when he says he met her as a a friend in this case?

I think that when you are meeting up with an ex or a person you used to date,and that you re in relationship ,you should tell them that you re not single anymore,to make things clear. But he deliberatly never mentioned he had a girlfriend, probably so he could keep dating her .He didnt understand why I was angry

And all this women from dating sites that he doesnt to cut contacts with

I got the feeling that everytime I wasnt around,I didnt exist anymore for him, he kept chasing after other girls

[Keke1]

For you to even think about this. Man what is the world coming to. Please I assume you are a good person. Find someone deserving of your love because this guy stepped all over you.

[mammasita]

I'm cringing because you even wasted the energy to type the words "is it worth giving a second chance"......please no.

[harrybrown]

Go NC with this guy. He has had enought chances.

 

Find someone that will not cheat on you.

 

Life is too short.

[KatZee]

This guy is not worthy of even one thing about you, let alone a second chance with his cheating.

 

It's not as if he made ONE error in judgment and felt so horrible and confessed. He's been cheating since day one. Putting you at risk physically as well. Who knows what he's been sleeping with.

 

These kinds of cheaters DO NOT change. So don't even entertain the though that he could.

[thishatteredsymphony]

"Cheating" and "second chance" should almost never be used in the same sentence.

 

Please have some dignity and dump this loser.

[roxan]

"Cheating" and "second chance" should almost never be used in the same sentence.

 

Please have some dignity and dump this loser.

 

Hi there

Thanks for your replies.

Actually I already broke up with him,it s been like 3 months now.I did it as soon as I found out he was cheating

[JamesM]

Hi there

Thanks for your replies.

Actually I already broke up with him,it s been like 3 months now.I did it as soon as I found out he was cheating

 

Are you still thinking of giving him a second chance?

[roxan]

Are you still thinking of giving him a second chance?

 

It would be too difficult to have a healthy relationship now

[Zahara]

It would be too difficult to have a healthy relationship now

 

I hope you stay true to this. You shouldn't even be engaging with him. Move on from this. He isn't worthy of being an acquaintance, let alone a friend or partner.