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Am I asking too much?, what should I do?


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I am 35 y.o. & have been with my boyfriend for 5 months, now we are living together. I also have a 3 y.o. daughter. We are both divorced and both think that the next time it will be for ever. I love him dearly, my daughter loves him too; to the point that she calls him daddy (he’s ok with it) I know he likes her too. His mother is a lovely lady and adores my daughter and I love her too. She like me was a single mother so I guess I remind her younger days. Despite he has been living with me for about month and a half almost two months, he paid for groceries just once, but every time we go out he pays the check or when we travel, He thinks that that’s fare I pay the mortgage, the utilities, the groceries, etc. and he pays for dinner out, or the tickets when we travel to see his family. He said that it’s because he still paying rent & utilities for his apartment. The thing is that he makes 3 times the money I make.

We live in GA and recently he had a job interview in another state up north, where he’s from. He want us to move there but he doesn’t want to get married and he says it’s because it will happen after we get established there and completely adapted to our new home and because he doesn’t have money for the ring. Because we both want a very simple ceremony with just a few people, so the wedding it’s not really a big of a deal.

Here despite I have no family I have some friends, I have a job, I own a condo and know the city. My family (we are catholic & Latin, just to give you an idea) thinks I shouldn’t move without a serious commitment (they talk about marriage) or at least a ring on my finger and a date for a wedding. I feel that after 5 months it’s too soon to get married, right away but on the other hand I feel he’s the one and it will work out and we will be happy. I really do not want to push him to marry me, at the same time; I feel it’s a little unfair that he wants me to move just like that. I am afraid to move to another state where I do not know anybody and do not have a job. He says he will take care of us and provide for us. We have discussed this and he says that marriage it’s not a guarantee that things will work out and any way he’s family will be there for me & my daughter in case something happen. I do not want to push into marry me but some how I feel like I will be the one making all the effort. I do not know what to do, I do not want to loose him and I am afraid of moving. I want peace of mind, some sort of security, Am I asking too much?, what should I do?

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I think the real issue here is his perceived level of commitment. I feel that, even though he may say he loves you and wants to be with you forever, you don't entirely believe him - thus your fear in moving unwed. You want to know that he is going to be there forever for you and your child, and to you, that means marriage.

 

Because a child is involved in this instance, I think it would be very foolish to move and uproot her from her extended family unless there was a firm commitment on his part. To me this does not necessarily mean marriage or a ring, but some kind of indication that you KNOW he is with you long term. In terms of financial security, though, binding yourself to him legally is probably a very good idea.

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I'm a little confused. You said he's living with you, but he still has to pay for his apartment. Why does he have an apartment if he's living with you?

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