on a 'break' - almost slept with my ex 'ex'

[girl1]

I don't know how many of you will end up reading this, but here it goes.

I was living with 'The One' for almost a year and a half, but for some time it just wasn't working. We decided to break up, find different apartments and perhaps in time we will re-find each other.

We kept in touch, and continued seeing each other, and it was like old times. I missed him like crazy and it started to be great, the magic that was lost due to living together so quickly came back, the sex was amazing, and i felt like i had my man back again.

A few months have passed and it's still great, yet this weekend i was out at a luncheon with clients, we decided to go to a very popular wine bar (my ex's) which wasn't far away. We've been on good terms and he even wanted my help with a newsletter he needed translated. so i didn't think anything of it when deciding on going there.

my current boss and i took the clients back to near their hotel and went for a drink in town, he then took me home and left to go back to his. moments later i had a phone call from my ex (the one with the bar) who wanted to see me, i was quite drunk, and said he could come to mine. he was in a rush to go to his, and in my drunken state went back with him... thankfully i was so drunk nothing happened (except maybe a kiss) and the next morning i went back to mine.

i felt so guilty and so disgusted with myself the whole day, i couldn't help but imagine what my man 'the one' would say if he found out. since then bar man is non stop texting me, saying 'good night beautiful' etc and it makes me cringe.

I finished with him a LONG time ago and NEVER EVER thought i would find myself here. he physically repulses me, he was awful to me when we were together and the break up was like world war 3... i despised him for a very long time and constantly assured my man that there wouldn't ever be a chance of us getting back together.

Strange thing is that since this weekend it's helped me truly realize just how much i want to be with my man. i love him with all my heart but should i tell him about what happened if it'll only relieve my guilt and make him feel awful? my only concern is that we live in a small town, and bar man is known by everyone, i'm scared that he's going to tell people to get back at me, and then i'll be truly screwed! should i tell bar man that i don't want anything or would he get mad and blab to the whole town?

i'm so lost, i don't want to lose my man, but i'm tied up in a spiderweb of lies, guilt and crap!!

if someone can help me see things a bit more clearly, i'd be eternally grateful!!!

Thank you

[DannyCA]

You should probably tell him. Let him know that it was a mistake and that you will never do that again (and mean it.) You should tell him not because it could possibly get back to him but rather it is the right thing to do. You love this man and it seems, even though you guys are on some sort of a "break", you two are better than before and it sounds like it's going to work out.

 

But if you decide to not tell him and this incident gets around to him it will make him lose all trust in you completely and that will be the end of it for most likely the indefinite future. You have unfortunately put yourself in a bad position but, honesty is probably going to be the best option.

 

If he really loves you it will make no difference (he is probably going to be upset) but he will probably appreciate your honesty. I've found that love isn't easy, it has its ups and downs, it makes you feel happy and sad, irritated and content, blissful and regretful, but in the end it is just that damn worth it.

 

Think long and hard about what you want to do because I can't promise he will like what truth you have to tell him and I don't know how he will react. But like I said it is the right thing to do.

 

I let go of the best woman to ever come into my life, yes I am still very young but, almost a year later despite all my best efforts (I have had my fair share of distractions) and all the advice I have been given and have read on LS, I still am not over "the one", that is probably gone forever.

 

It's not something I have been dealing with well despite all this time later and my countless distractions.

 

But on another note, it sounds like you are pretty much back together with "the one", and that means you had no business inviting your ex (which you say you are repulsed by) back to your place let alone going back to his regardless of how drunk you were. I'm not pointing fingers but you say you were so drunk that nothing happened except for a kiss? Sorry but I feel like that isn't all that happened. The last half of your post sounds like you trying to convince yourself rather than anyone else. How do you remember everything in detail except for when you were at your ex's apt alone with him? And why did it take until the morning to leave? You couldn't call a cab? After all you are repulsed by him right? I hope a mistaken impulsive kiss is all that happened because if that's not you need to admit to yourself the truth first and then let "the one" know EVERYTHING that happened. Because regardless if it was just a kiss or not, he needs to be the judge of whether or not he wants to be with you after this.

 

Unfortunately you have already made your choices, now it's time for him to make his.

 

Best of luck

[Chi townD]

Ugh....here we go again.

 

Nothing happened except MAYBE a kiss? Seriously?!?!? Well, did a kiss happen or didn't it? Was it a peck on the lips or was it a long drawn out passionate kiss? Are you sure it was a kiss and nothing more? What body part did this happen on? We're you fully dressed when this kiss occurred? Where was his hands when this kiss happened?

 

See how many problem questions happen when you use the word MAYBE?

What you're trying to do is trickle truth people that have been burned by cheating and badly, so we can see right through the MAYBE. If you can't be honest with us; complete strangers that don't know you from Eve, then it leads me to believe that you are not planning to be completely honest with your boyfriend. And if he learns the honest truth from someone else, it doesn't bode well for you.

 

You need to confess to your boyfriend what happened. Truth is, he's going to know something is up because of your guilt. He'll be able to feel it. It will be the big elephant in the room. He's going to pay you a compliment and you're going to withdraw from it because you'll feel like you don't deserve it. Because of the guilt your having; trust me, he'll know something's up.

 

So, when you tell him, be 100% completely honest with him. Answer all his questions truthfully (even if you know it's going to hurt him). No MAYBE'S in that conversation. Oh and those questions from the first paragraph of this post? Be prepared to see those (or rather, hear those) again.

Edited October 30, 2013 by Chi townD

[Grumpybutfun]

girl1:

I would rather hear things from my gf rather than a 3rd party. Also, in the future, remember this incident when you start to have that 2nd glass of wine. Nothing good comes from drinking too much...if you read these threads you know that alcohol is almost always involved in people making poor decisions regardless of how much they like someone else.

 

I have a good friend who is a slave to alcohol. He is on his 4th wife because no matter what an awesome guy he is when sober, he turns into a cheating, lying POS when he is drunk. It has wrecked his relationship with his children and he has lost all self-respect. We served together in the military and though I think the world of him when he is sober, I can't stand by and watch him destroy himself so we barely speak anymore.

 

You cheated, so take responsibility for it and come clean. I hope your bf is understanding or you might find yourself single again.

Good luck,

Grumps

[tlegend]

1) You cannot even try to be honest with yourself as to what happened that night. You just "don't remember", but you can vividly remember everything else? Ok.

 

2) You claim that the other person was "the one". If he is "the one", wouldn't you treat him with the respect that comes with that level of branding? How can you call him "the one" and yet, not treat him as such?

 

3) You have even admitted, and using those words exactly, that you are scared of getting caught, not that you are sorry it actually happened.

 

I have nothing against you, I think you're barking up the wrong tree however.

Edited October 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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