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NC for 65 days!! whats your experiences? Will they ever contact you?

generic person

By generic person
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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generic person Member

generic person

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She broke up with me over the phone after she had a night out (together for roughly 4 years) two weeks earlier we had the talk about our future together and she said she could see herself in it in 10 years blah blah blah.

 

 

she was saying some really harsh and horrible things when she broke up with me and once she hung up on me mid sentence I never contacted her again.

 

The only problem is, she has never contacted either which i find strange because I have a reason not to contact her, she was a dead set bitch,

 

but she has no reason not to message me, i wasn't rude angry nor did i beg her to change her mind, I'm getting on with my life perfectly doing my dream job, travelling, surfing, getting fit dating lots of girls.

 

The only thing that hurts is the fact she hasn't bothered to even see what i am up to, the longer i do NC for the more i find myself wanting to receive a message from her. Maybe so the ball is in my court for once and i can decide if i reply or not.

 

I was at work the otherday, hoping my ex would message me, twenty minutes later i got a message from an EX but it was the wrong one haha.

 

how long have you done NC for and how long should it take to be contacted from your ex?

will she ever contact me again?

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TylerDurdenn Established Member

TylerDurdenn

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She will not contact you, she doesn't care about you.

 

I am in the same boat, but have accepted the above.. Sort of.

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

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They usually always do. My ex messaged me at about 4 months, and then again at about 8 months.

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generic person Member

generic person

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It is my birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, hopefully i get a birthday message and if I don't I guess she really will never contact me again.

TylerDurdenn Established Member

TylerDurdenn

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It is my birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, hopefully i get a birthday message and if I don't I guess she really will never contact me again.

 

Why do you want a message from her? It's done.

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generic person Member

generic person

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I'm not sure, maybe just so i know she thought about me after the break up, or so i can have the opportunity to decide if i reply or not.

 

I still love the girl and would possible consider about dating her again taking it really slow.

 

but i really have no idea why i want a message from her

I-Love-Liberty Member

I-Love-Liberty

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Yea she will probably contact you again considering you were together for 4 years. I've even had exes contact me years later that I only dated for 6 months or even less.

 

I've done what you're doing too, I used to look at my phone sometimes and say out loud "Come on! Call me baby!" But as soon as you actually stop doing that...that's when they call and it will either send you back to square one or you will be strong enough to just say hi and move along.

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TylerDurdenn Established Member

TylerDurdenn

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I'm not sure, maybe just so i know she thought about me after the break up, or so i can have the opportunity to decide if i reply or not.

 

I still love the girl and would possible consider about dating her again taking it really slow.

 

but i really have no idea why i want a message from her

 

She's not going to contact you, and you won't be getting back together.

 

Once you face that you'll be able to move on.

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Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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I wouldn't bet on it. Ive never been contacted and I was dumped by text out of blue. I was also my exes first serious gf.

Mario79 Established Member

Mario79

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I do hope she contacts you. I know what its like. What you are hoping for is for her to reflect on her behavior and then contact you? NC in a way for some of us is like alcohol is for alcoholics, we know we shouldn't even though we want to so bad.

 

If you are dating lots of girls and keeping busy, maybe you just have to wait a little longer and youll be ok. I cant even try looking at another girl without looking for my ex in her. Maybe once you forget its when youll get your contact.

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aybc123 Established Member

aybc123

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This.

 

You're using NC as a game. It's a sure-fire way to have it blow up in your face.

 

Im not sure he's using NC as a game, she clearly didnt want to talk to him let alone be with him when they broke up, it would've been pretty stupid of him to not go NC and try to heal.

 

Considering that it'd be pretty impossible to not at least wonder if they were going to contact you or show that they remotely cared.

 

Anyway i'm in the same boat i guess OP 3 weeks NC today but 7 weeks since i heard from her (caved and sent a text in the middle but got nothing). I try not to but sometimes I cant help but wonder if i'll ever speak to her again.

aybc123 Established Member

aybc123

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Yes he is. He's using it hoping that she'll break first. If he was using it to move on, he wouldn't be hoping that she'd blink first and contact him.

 

Once again - just because you contact an ex 2-3 months down the line is not an indication that you 'cared'. In more cases, it's the dumper seeking an ego stroke.

 

If you DON'T hear from your ex, they're being far more respectful.

 

But that's impossible for him to do, he loves this girl, how is he supposed to not hope that she shows she at least cared? Being in forced NC and wishing you weren't is a lot different to deciding to go NC just to teach them a lesson.

 

And really i think the last parts are rubbish too, people aren't robots, you're allowed to want to be in someones life and be friends with someone after they've moved on, maybe not after 2 months but 6 or so. Contacting them doesnt mean you want an ego stroke anymore than talking to an old friend you havent spoken to in a year does.

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Stryker101 Member

Stryker101

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I will never understand how people can use NC in hopes of their ex contacting them again. :laugh::laugh:

 

NC should only be used for self-improvement and self-reflection. I mean just think about what you're saying...you are avoiding contact with someone in hopes of one day being back in contact with them?

 

How would you feel if someone withholds their love/affection from you in hopes of trying to "prove" something? NC is for YOU. Not for anyone else to try and manipulate them into doing something.

 

Anyone who values your presence/time wouldn't wait 60+ days to contact you again. If anything that should be proof they aren't worth your time.

 

To each his own. Good Luck.

aybc123 Established Member

aybc123

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^ Again OP isn't doing that. He has no choice but to be in NC, if he wasn't NC then his ex would just be ignoring his attempts to contact her. There's a big difference. Ideally yeah he wouldnt be hoping for her to contact him, but he is and cant just magically change how he feels.

aybc123 Established Member

aybc123

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He can hope. But if it's been 65 days and she hasn't said anything, I wouldn't be holding out hope for much more than 90 days. I think it's pretty clear.

 

How long is he supposed to hope? The longer you hope, the harder it is to give up. So what is an appropriate length of time for him to delude himself?

 

Yes, in a year, maybe they just want to be friends. But why do you need to be friends with an ex? If it happens naturally, the maybe, but there are plenty of potential friends in the world without turning your exes into one as well. Sometimes is happens, and that's great. Most of the time... just make new friends.

 

Well he isnt supposed to hope, he just can't help it, and when will he be able to help it? who knows? 1 month, 2, 3? depends on how many positive changes he's making to his life to help him heal up and how hard he's trying to not hope.

 

You dont need to but people generally dont like to be on bad terms for life with someone who for several years was the most important person in the world to them if there isn't a very good reason (i.e. they're a hateful ****wit), people just dont work that way.

Stryker101 Member

Stryker101

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^ Again OP isn't doing that. He has no choice but to be in NC, if he wasn't NC then his ex would just be ignoring his attempts to contact her. There's a big difference. Ideally yeah he wouldnt be hoping for her to contact him, but he is and cant just magically change how he feels.

 

You can only be in NC by choice. Anything else just simply means that other person has completely disregarded you.

 

NC = intentionally not contacting someone on YOUR terms, NOT waiting for someone to contact you because you feel THEY have to. She doesn't seem to care about him at all in this point. 65 DAYS?

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aybc123 Established Member

aybc123

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You can only be in NC by choice. Anything else just simply means that other person has completely disregarded you.

 

NC = intentionally not contacting someone on YOUR terms, NOT waiting for someone to contact you because you feel THEY have to. She doesn't seem to care about him at all in this point. 65 DAYS?

 

well by that logic he still isn't NC at all so he still isn't doing NC to just get her to message him, i dont see your point.

Stryker101 Member

Stryker101

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The point is in his case it has nothing to do with no contact.

 

The girl has clearly told her message, and has re-enforced it by not contacting him in 65 days.

 

There's no 'NC Phase' going on here.

 

*and yes I made a mistake in my original post by saying HE was using NC as a way to get a response...but he shouldn't think that is merely a 'NC Phase' and expect a response from her*

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aybc123 Established Member

aybc123

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The point is in his case it has nothing to do with no contact.

 

The girl has clearly told her message, and has re-enforced it by not contacting him in 65 days.

 

There's no 'NC Phase' going on here.

 

*and yes I made a mistake in my original post by saying HE was using NC as a way to get a response...but he shouldn't think that is merely a 'NC Phase' and expect a response from her*

 

Yeah agreed but there's still not an awful lot he can do about it which was my point, im sure he knows he shouldnt expect a message from her but he also probably cant stop his brain from hoping for one even though he's trying not to. Eventually he won't anymore, because he wont care about her anymore, but if it was as easy as just saying 'ok im totally over it and dont care anymore' and actually beign able to follow through on that then this forum wouldnt exist.

reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

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Today actually marks 60 days of NC for me. Although it is not full NC as I've checked her Instagram page in that time... but it definitely helps even still. Sadly, I will have to hear from her at least once more in the future as she will be needing to mail me some concert tickets when they arrive at her house in March.

Mz_sassy_77 Established Member

Mz_sassy_77

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I've been in NC with my ex for a few months now.

 

**** I hope he never contacts me again. I hate the thought of 4 months, 6 months, a year getting a text from him to see how I'm going.

 

I can see both sides - I know some people don't understand how they can be with someone for years and never hear from them again - but I think these people are the ones that are holding out hope of a reconciliation.

 

I am not and like I said I hope to god I never hear from him again.

We left it as when I decide I want to be friends to basically contact him - but I will never contact him. So as far as I am concerned the ball is in my court and he's got no reason to contact me so we won't be speaking to each other again in this lifetime.

aybc123 Established Member

aybc123

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Plenty of people work exactly that way, and they're usually the people who deal with a break up properly, and finally, and meet someone new and better.

 

There's no need to be on good terms with an ex unless there are children involved.

 

Uh, i've dealt with plenty of breakups on both sides and am happy to say that i've fully moved on from all of them. I also keep in sporadic contact with all of them. So, maybe my blanket generalisation was not correct, but, neither is yours.

 

Yeah there's no need to be on good terms with anybody but it seems like a cynical and sad way to go through life.

  • Like 1
aybc123 Established Member

aybc123

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Fair enough if it works for you it works. I do nothing the exes from relationships that didnt last too long. But i still care about the exes that i loved, i dont have any kind of romantic feelings for them or any kind of desire to rekindle anything and am glad that we broke up, i just like them and have fond memories, like of a childhood friend or something.

 

Would you describe yourself as a sentimental person aspiring? or are you able to similarly detatch easily from most things/ people?

 

Asking because i'm trying to gauge with my current situation, the girl involved is fairly sentimental/ not hard nosed in general so i'm hoping (when i shouldnt be :)) that she doesn't share the same views you do, in the same way that OP is hoping when he shouldnt be for a message.

Edited by aybc123
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generic person Member

generic person

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Just to clarify I am in no way shape or form playing a game or instigating no contact in a hope that she will message me or contact me.

 

The reason I started no contact was because I didn't deserve to be treated like that and I wanted to self better myself and move on which I have done quite well.

 

I also know that if we have any chance of ever working things out that she must be the one to realise she has made a mistake and initiate contact.

 

It's no good if I contact/ chase her and try and re kindle things when she broke up with me or we will be back to square one.

 

I have finally got my old personality back and I am getting to the stage where my feelings are quite removed from her and I am slow and steadily moving on but i know i still love her even though it is fading i would love a message from her and then i can finally decide if i want to reply, or ignore it and move on.

Ireallydontknow Established Member

Ireallydontknow

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This saturday is my 12th week of NC. Thanks to all the lovely folk here I went NC right away. It is an internal struggle daily. Today in my class a girl sitting next to me looked just like her best friend. I wanted to say something, but did not.

 

I don't expect to hear from her and if I do it's going to be years later, or when she gets dumped.

 

Heck for all I know she's tried to contact me. I have her blocked on facebook and my phone doesn't work haha.

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