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thatmusicdude

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thatmusicdude

Ok, I have mentioned in previous posts how distant my Best Friend Matt acts. He always seems to be afraid to ask to hangout. If you joke around with him, he never jokes back with me, but does with girls. It always seems as though at times he is either afraid of me, or there is something else. I posted my same question at another web site and keep getting similar results. They mention that perhaps he has stronger feelings for me then just friendship. I mean if you compare his behavior I know some guys will act this way around girls that they are friends with but actually want more. I'm just curious as to what I should do. I can accept the fact that he is attracted to me. I'm not going to stop being his friend if I find out. In fact as his friend he should be able to tell me that. Nothing is going to change. I actually knew a couple guys who had guy friends that were gay and attracted to them and they are still best friends. Anyone have any suggestions as to what I could do. If this is the case for his behavior maybe if we get it out in the open our friendship will function without this paranoia.

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LucreziaBorgia

Just say "Matt, we need to talk and get something out in the open." And then let him know that you have gotten the feeling lately the he might be feeling something for you other than 'just friends', and you'd like to know for sure. If he doesn't feel that way, you two can have a good laugh between friends and then talk about what is really bothering him. If he does feel that way though...

 

Keep in mind, sometimes when a friend jumps into a romantic mindset - it can be very very difficult to settle for 'just friends' and have it work out. I expect it will be painful for him to talk about - its a strange sort of dilemma - falling for a friend. You don't want to lose the friendship, but you don't want to be 'just friends' either. He is probably afraid to tell you - afraid that by telling you he'll lose you. He'll admit his feelings, you'll turn him down and he'll find it too painful to be 'just friends'. End of friendship. I expect that is his main reason for not bringing it up, if indeed he feels that way.

 

If you have no romantic feelings for him, you'll need to be gentle but firm and clear about that. Sometimes people who are in love coast on wishful thinking and will read hopeful signs where there aren't any. No sense in being unclear and having him misunderstand you.

 

Your friendship may survive this, it may not - it depends on how willing Matt is to put his feelings aside and acept 'just friends'.

 

Good luck, I hope it will work out ok!

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