Great friends to possible romance to great friends to not talking...advice???

[Mistervision]

Hey. Any help would be appreciated.

 

I worked with this girl over the summer and developed a pretty good friendship with her. After summer work ended, we began to hang out and talk on the phone almost everyday. I felt that I could tell her anything and she could tell me anything and there truly was some sort of special connection there. We both enjoyed our time together. Obviously I developed feelings for, but didn't want to ruin this special friendship so I went back and forth on telling her. Finally one day she had me walk her back to her house and asked me if I liked her. My response was yes, and hers was I am beginning to like you too and feel a strong attraction but I am not ready for anything right now. Obviously I took that as a rejection and was fine with that. Our friendship continued like that night didn't exist and it was great we didn't miss a beat. she even said how she wanted me as her best friend for life (that truly signalled rejeection to me but I was also flattered). 2 days later she got back with her ex (who treats her like crap) and he said he doesn't want her talking to me. She told me she didn't care and was going to keep talking to me and seeing me without his knowledge. Now 2 weeks later she tells me that we shouldn't email, talk, IM, or see each other anymore and she left it at that with no explanation no nothing (and she won't give one either). Now the only time I have contact with her is when she needs something (compter help, gift ideas, directions, ect) and she asked me over instant message. Keep in mind all this is over like a 2 month span.

 

This girl has complete control over mind. I understand why she doesnt talk to me yet I want it different and hope it is different. Does anyone have any advice how to get over her and just move on and accept things how they are right now?

 

Thanks in advance

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by Mistervision

Does anyone have any advice how to get over her and just move on and accept things how they are right now?

 

The easiest way to get over her is to make a clean break. If she IM's you again, tell her that it is too painful to be in touch with her under these circumstances, ask her to stop contacting you, and then change your IM name or block her. As long as she is in contact with you in some way, no matter how insignificant - you will not be able to start the process of getting over her.

 

She made her choice, for better or worse - so moving on is really the best thing you can do.

[Mary3]

It sounds like her bf could be abusing her.....isolation....threats....ect. Or he could just be purely jealous of you in general.

 

It also sounds like you have a choice of hanging in there with her , going against his wishes and continuing to talk to her.

 

Or to get out of the 3 way mess and let the chips fall where they may.

 

I would choose to get out.

 

But she will continue to take the bad boy treatment from him and probrobly get hurt.

 

You letting her know you care but are stepping out of the picture sounds like the only thing you can do.

 

Unless you want to rescue her from her abuser. Or if he is not an abuser but just jealous you still need to get out of the way.

[Mistervision]

Yea he doesn't abuse her. He is one of those who makes her pay for everything, consistently stands her up to hang out with his friends, and just overall takes advantage of her. She seems happy with him and quite honestly that makes me happy. I want to see her where she wants to be.

 

I am just lost in what to do for getting her out of my head. As I said we had a great friendship which I did not/do not want to lose. I realize things have to change with her boyfriend in the picture now, but never thought it would come to her just IMing me for little things she needs. I can deal with her choosing him over me that is her choice and something I had no control over. It is getting over losing her as a friend that has me bothered. I realize I need to stop yet she is like a drug I keep going to when presented with it even while knowing it is bad for me.