Hurting bad today/Horrible relapse

[SpaceCoyote]

I'm almost 3 weeks removed from being dumped. I had a really rough time at the outset but over the past week I had some brief, yet strong moments where I thought I was taking some small steps forward. That came crashing down heavily today. I work with my ex and though I don't have to see her everyday, there are times where we do have to be close together and today was one of those days. We kept our relationship a secret to coworkers because it would have been against company policy for her to date me because of her position. So today I got the excruciating pleasure of hearing her talk to our colleagues about the new guy she is seeing. And as far as they know, this is the first guy she has been dating in nearly 2 years. So our colleagues are all extremely happy for her, joking around with her and stuff. All the while I sat there silently with a dagger in my heart.

 

So I had to push everything I was feeling way down inside as I went about doing my work. The day lasted forever. As soon as I could get into the safety of my house, I broke down crying uncontrollably. It was perfectly horrific...hearing about what they do together, and how clearly happy the new guy makes her. It all served as a huge reminder of the happiness I was unable to give her... the reason why we aren't together anymore.

 

I know working with her makes No Contact difficult, and yes I also know what a bad idea it was to have dated a coworker. I normally wouldn't have done it if I didn't think she was worth it, which she was and is, which is why I am having such a hard time letting go. And the thing is, even if I could have no contact with her, I am not sure I would want to. For some reason, I WANT to know about what she is doing and who she is seeing. It's like, if I don't know, I start imagining it in my head and that is far worse than the truth.

 

A part of me knows this is just a relapse. But then I start to wonder...even down the road when I am OK, will I always have days when I am just in excruciating pain? Will I never be entirely OK ever again? My ex is an amazing woman and when we were together, I always felt like such a lucky guy. And now that she is gone, I can't curse myself enough for letting her slip away.

[Merin]

SC.. I'm sorry you've had a not so great day

 

While I don't know the circumstances of your break up with this girl.. I will say this.. in time you will feel okay again, and happy again in spite of or regardless of what she is doing or whom she is seeing.

 

I do think it was cruel of her to carry on at work about her new relationship when she knows what had happend between the 2 of you.. and she knew you could only sit there and suck it up in silence.

 

Eventually there will come a time when what happend doesn't matter anymore.. and you have someone else in your life that makes you happy.

 

Hang in there;)

[EnglishChick]

I have every sympathy with what you're feeling, although I don't see my ex I still hear from his friends what he is doing (I haven't heard about anyone else YET).

 

I'm sorry I can't give you any magical formula for feeling better but you're not on your own. It's been three months for me and I'm only just starting to feel better about things, these next couple of weeks are going to be hard because they were dates I was spending with him that were drummed into me.

 

You WILL feel better, some things will make you feel as though you're going backwards but it will fade. I don't know if it will ever go away but it gets easier.

Cry all you want, it really does help. There were a couple of nights I'd bottled things up and just had to let it go. The only way I could do it was crying.

 

Well done for making it until you got home until you break down. If you have the strength to do that you'll get through this just fine.

 

Good luck,

 

Rachel

x

[alphamale]

Dear Mr. Coyote:

 

Take this as a valuable but painful lesson in life. This is exactly why you don't date people you work with.

[thien_to]

Hey SC, that's really rough. Relapses will happen...alot. Some will be bad others not so much but eventually the relapses hurt less and less until you're fine again. Don't know how long this process takes since, as you and Merin know, I'm going through the same things but just cling to the logical thought that this WILL get better.

 

Dude, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to know what she's doing but hurting so bad when you know what she's doing. (Did that make sense?) You feel like a masochist but you can't help it. What helps me is to see your ex as a different person that you do not know anymore. The person you love is gone. You are remembering a ghost now. Nothing can happen to make that ghost come back. This realization may seem very basic but it had a profound impact on me. Continue to love the memory of her but realize that she is someone different now. The shell is the same but that person you cry for is gone.

 

You can't curse yourself for letting her go. It always takes two. If you do not let her go you are being selfish because she does not want to stay. In an odd way, letting go is your ultimate statement of love to her. I know you look back with hindsight and amplify your past mistakes and beat yourself up but in the end that changes nothing. So why beat yourself up if it will change nothing? I know first hand that this is easy to say but hard to do. But you gotta keep trying. Go for a run after work...I got suckered into trying that It may help you or it may just make you appreciate automobiles even more.

[Merin]

Originally posted by thien_to

Hey SC, that's really rough. Relapses will happen...alot. Some will be bad others not so much but eventually the relapses hurt less and less until you're fine again. Don't know how long this process takes since, as you and Merin know, I'm going through the same things but just cling to the logical thought that this WILL get better.

 

Dude, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to know what she's doing but hurting so bad when you know what she's doing. (Did that make sense?) You feel like a masochist but you can't help it. What helps me is to see your ex as a different person that you do not know anymore. The person you love is gone. You are remembering a ghost now. Nothing can happen to make that ghost come back. This realization may seem very basic but it had a profound impact on me. Continue to love the memory of her but realize that she is someone different now. The shell is the same but that person you cry for is gone.

 

You can't curse yourself for letting her go. It always takes two. If you do not let her go you are being selfish because she does not want to stay. In an odd way, letting go is your ultimate statement of love to her. I know you look back with hindsight and amplify your past mistakes and beat yourself up but in the end that changes nothing. So why beat yourself up if it will change nothing? I know first hand that this is easy to say but hard to do. But you gotta keep trying. Go for a run after work...I got suckered into trying that It may help you or it may just make you appreciate automobiles even more.

 

The run helps!

 

[NiCoLe20]

on the lighter side ofthings...are u positive she's dating a new guy? she could be making all of this up to get you jelous and obviously its working you know... she can be saying all this i guess to get back at you or whatever.... dont get mad get even!!!!! i say next time u know you'll be working together, look really good and have some chick randomly stop by... see how she likes it! haha...but if u dont want to do that....just ignore it...she'll eventually stop, u gotta act like it doesnt bother you,,, thats what will get her more pissed...trust me

[SpaceCoyote]

Thanks everyone for your support, as I need any and all that I can get right now. I feel like I am losing it. I've been seeing a therapist but I don't know if it is helping much. I don't even recognize myself these days. I am a complete shell of the man I used to be. I have been through breakups and had rejections before, and nothing that came before has ever crippled me the way this has. I can't even look at myself when I think of how this is almost ruining my life and how I never thought I would let something like this happen to me.

 

I am trying hard not to let this beat me. I'm doing everything I can to pick up the pieces of myself and put myself back together. But even in my most optimistic moments, its hard to imagine I will ever be entirely OK ever again. I feel as though I gave her a piece of myself and she took it with her when she left.... so even after I recover from the loss, I will still never be whole again.

[SpaceCoyote]

I should also add, maybe I didn't characterize my intial post accurately. She wasn't flaunting her new guy to everyone. As I said, everyone knows she is seeing someone now and they were under the impression that she hadn't found someone to be with in a long time now. So everyone is really happy for her and is asking her a lot of questions, which she answers. She doesn't offer it freely. In fairness, she actually does seem to try to stifle her responses when I am right there.

[moon]

Space Coyote,

 

Have you thought about getting a new job? I'd be going nuts if I had to work with my ex...just nuts. I don't even live in the same town as him anymore. As far as I am concerned a different country from my ex wouldn't be far enough away right now from him. I was actually just interviewing for a new job (over the phone) and it is in the town/city my ex lives in and I am not going to take the position.....I can't. I know my head will be exploding being around that area.

 

I know you have to be strong and all that, but seriously distance helps big time. I once had a break up and the guy lived up the street from me and I worked only a block from my house and my ex also worked about two blocks from where we lived and man we were driving by each other ALL DAY long. It drove me nuts. I really found it was harder to get over the relationship with him in my face all the time.....you know and not to mention weekends when we would run into each other at bars or chance meetings at the grocery store..etc. It was a pain in the ass plus we had a lot of mutual friends. That was the all time worst break up I've ever had. Once I got the heck out of there I was able to see the situation more for what it was and move on.....it took more time to move on too after I'd left because I had sort of heard, said and done too much in relation to the break up.

 

This time.........I'm staying clear of my ex. Is it possible for you to get transfered to another department or to take up employment someplace else? I am not saying up and quit, but it seems that it will be so painful to see this girl everyday and to hear about her new boyfriend, etc. It does a lot of damange to the self esteem.......I guess sometimes you just can't avoid these things but it plays a lot of games with your head.

 

Sorry you are having a rough day today. I just returned from my weekly therapy session. My therapist asked me what it feels like to actually have my space back and to not be so intuned with my exes problems and that whole soap opera. I am finally starting to realize it feels pretty damn good---- do I am doing better, but we all have those relapses. In your case I can imagine it's very hard.

[bebop]

Originally posted by moon

Space Coyote,

 

Have you thought about getting a new job? I'd be going nuts if I had to work with my ex...just nuts. I don't even live in the same town as him anymore. As far as I am concerned a different country from my ex wouldn't be far enough away right now from him. I was actually just interviewing for a new job (over the phone) and it is in the town/city my ex lives in and I am not going to take the position.....I can't. I know my head will be exploding being around that area.

 

I know you have to be strong and all that, but seriously distance helps big time. I once had a break up and the guy lived up the street from me and I worked only a block from my house and my ex also worked about two blocks from where we lived and man we were driving by each other ALL DAY long. It drove me nuts. I really found it was harder to get over the relationship with him in my face all the time.....you know and not to mention weekends when we would run into each other at bars or chance meetings at the grocery store..etc. It was a pain in the ass plus we had a lot of mutual friends. That was the all time worst break up I've ever had. Once I got the heck out of there I was able to see the situation more for what it was and move on.....it took more time to move on too after I'd left because I had sort of heard, said and done too much in relation to the break up.

 

This time.........I'm staying clear of my ex.

 

RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT !!!!!!! It is freaking insane, isn't it, when they're THERE all the time? Oh, man. My all-time worst breakup was the same; small teeny town, bumping into each other everywhere. I moved, life was drastically improved. (And I dumped HIM.)

[SpaceCoyote]

Have you thought about getting a new job? I'd be going nuts if I had to work with my ex...just nuts.

 

There is a good chance I will receive a promotion that will take me to another city early next year. A part of me is dying for that promotion to come through so I can get the heck up out of here and be away from her. But then the nonsensical side of me knows that once that happens, she will truly be gone from my life and I pitifully am not sure if I am ready to deal with that yet. Argh. Its like I am trapped by my mind which is not thinking rationally. It's not rational that I can't accept the fact that we are over. Maybe if I hated her or was angry at her...but I still love her. I guess this is what thien_to was referring to.... I am loving a different person than the one who originally fell in love with me.... and thats the damndest part of all.

[mischafan160]

What thien_to said is absolutely right. When I talk to my ex now, sometimes I just wonder, "Who is this person? Can this possibly be the same person who was so crazy about me just a few months ago?"

 

No, it's not the same. What we miss really is just a memory, but that's the funny thing about happy memories...sometimes they hurt you more than the painful ones, because you just want to go back to that time when you were happy SO BADLY but you never can. With painful memories, at least we know that what we went through is over and it can only get better from there. But with happiness...we'd give anything to be back there, wouldn't we?

[Jip]

True....How very true!! The bad bitter end of teh relationship ends and all you're left with is the good stuff... and you've give anything to get that back!!

[GreenCap]

How true, how true. I managed to drag up some emails my ex wrote to me and realized that she has changed and the person I love was from 3 years ago. Despite our living together, she changed under my nose and I didn't even see it. I was so confident in our relationship - we were the golden couple among our friends. They are probably laughing behind my back now - oh - found out today she is dating a new guy already. We were only apart for 2.5 months, which makes me wonder whether the love was dead even before she packed up and left.

 

But I do suffer from the ups and downs that SpaceCoyote experiences. A minute filled with hope and optimism to take on the world and the next moment wallowing in self pity and loathing and blaming GOD for hurting me so bad. I am still waiting for the opened window not that the door has closed. It has to be one day at a time (keep telling myself that) and just embrace the relapses. This is what you have to go through so that there will be no more emotional baggage getting carried into the next relationship. As the dumpee, it will obviously take longer on our part to move on - it came out of the blue where in my case, came home from a late day's work and having dinner when she blurted out "I want to move out!" Talk about someone reaching into your chest and yanking your heart out and stomping on it. The memories, the images of that fateful hurtful evening linger in my mind still but gradually the detail gets fuzzy and hopefully in time, they will just be a distant memory to laugh at.

[SpaceCoyote]

More similarities for us Greencap. I almost felt like it came from nowhere for me too. But my ex claims it was dead long before she ended it. And she downplayed the strength of our relationship. She told me her love for me was never of the kind where the relationship would last forever, and that I should have known that. I couldn't believe it, so I also pulled out old cards and letters she had sent me...not to torture myself but to prove to myself that I wasn't crazy about the way I saw the relationship. And having done it, I don't think I was crazy. She gave me many indications that she was very into it. She is just not the same person now and changed as our relationship went. I also think though that I was oblivious to her changes and didn't adapt as we went. I was content to believe that she just loved me and all else be damned - our love would prevail. It makes me feel very stupid and foolish.

[GreenCap]

Dude - They even have it in the songs - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough. I have come to understand that at different stages of our lives, people want different things, hence the change. No wrong or right. Like you, I was confident in a love so strong that we could overcome stuff. But while this was fine and dandy at the beginning, it wasn't enough later. As relationships mature, the romance tends to dissipate and realities of life set in - cash, credit, crib, car, clubs (golf). What do women want - security and reliability.

 

While I thought I was supplying both, apparently not enough. What can you do when you have tried your best. I read in other topics that exes always come back. I don't want to hang on to this hope to stop living my life. Easier said than done - but I keep asking my friends to introduce me to their lady friends. Not necessarily for a rebound person but definitely opening up avenues of possibilities. It is a little tougher for me as I am in a new city and not gregarious type. But trying is half the battle isn't it.

 

Sometimes love just ain't enough - I learnt that as the man in the relationship, there is much to be aware and alert:

 

Young men like to speak of rains and clouds

And their victories over waves and storms (basically sex and conquests)

Money without beauty will not bring happiness

Beauty without money will also end in failure

In relationships, one must always practice solicitude

For he who knows his fair lady’s thoughts

Only he is without equal in the arena of love.

[XNemesisX]

It really is like the person we loved is somehow a different person. Like that person we used to know doesn't even exist anymore. How naive we can all be when it comes to love?! Thinking it is so strong..that it will last forever....then it all comes crashing down on us.

 

Here lately I have been feeling particularly strong when it comes to my ex. It has been almost 2 months since he has acted like "himself." Although, I'm sure I'm not completely immune for a relapse.

 

The last time we really spent a day together was Halloween. He was a totally different person then compared to how he acts now. The times I have talked to him since I have also found myself thinking, "is this for real?! this CAN'T BE HIM!"

 

Mischafan, you couldn't have put it better. I really do wonder who this person is when I have talked to him lately. It is so bizarre, a few times I have wondered if I was dreaming. It was such a drastic change from what I was used to.

 

But now I see that it is a different person in a sense. I am trying to train myself to think of it just as that. The person I loved no longer exists anymore, so I am going to treat this like he is dead. Enjoy the good memories about the person that is GONE, never to return. (I am not getting my hopes up that some miraculous change will happen and I will have that person come back from the "dead")

 

SpaceCoyote,

I did the SAME thing. My ex was trying to tell me that he never loved me or really cared about me. (even though we have lived together and been together for 2 years! Go figure!) I actually thought I was crazy or delusional or something for a while. So I also got out old letters he had written, and cards, emails, and such. They did care about us. They can say what they want to prove to themselves that they didn't , or just because they don't feel that way NOW doesn't mean that they have not ever felt those feelings.

 

I will never understand why someone would want to say something like that. That is intentionally hurting someone and it just isn't necessary to say that to someone that you know cares about you. I will never understand why some people feel the need to be cruel. Its one thing to break up with someone for whatever reason. As if breaking up with a person isn't hurtful enough, a few heartless words are thrown in there demeaning the whole relationship for no apparent reason but to hurt someone's feelings even more. Talk about adding insult to injury.

[mischafan160]

Originally posted by YX32Nemesis

I actually thought I was crazy or delusional or something for a while. So I also got out old letters he had written, and cards, emails, and such. They did care about us. They can say what they want to prove to themselves that they didn't , or just because they don't feel that way NOW doesn't mean that they have not ever felt those feelings.

 

AAHHH I did the same thing! ITS ALL THERE IN WRITING, DAMNIT! I would really like to go to my ex, shove all the letters in his face and say "LOOK you assh0le, how are you capable of such a complete metamorphisis??!" Really I think he should be scared for HIMSELF if such strong feelings are so easily reversed into total apathy...that is not an indication of an emotionally healthy individual...

 

YX32Nemesis I really like you and I truly wish you all the best. I'm glad I read this board and got the chance to meet you and others who are such strong, caring and considerate people. OUR EX'S ARE ALL INSANE.

[XNemesisX]

Thank you Mischafan, I like you as well.

 

It is amazing how much LS has helped me. It is so comforting to know that others understand what we are going through and that there are people out there who care. LS has been such an amazing support system. There are so many great people on here! I know I would be much worse off right now if it had not been for LS.

 

I have thought the same EXACT thing about someone being able to reverse from love to complete and utter apathy in a blink of an eye. There is just something just not quite right with that!

 

OUR EX'S ARE ALL INSANE

 

AMEN!!!!!!!!

[Baby2673]

Hello everyone.

 

I'm new and only posted once a couple of days ago.

I feel like I can relate to all of you. I feel the same way too, some days are good & full of hope...some days are bad & hopeless. My relationship just ended 4 months ago. I packed up, left him and moved to a new city. At the end of our relationship, he confessed that his heart had not been with me for over a year and he didn't tell me about it. Instead of telling me and trying to work things out, he only confessed to me when another woman entered our lives. After 10 years together, he should be able to tell me anything and he owed me at least that much honesty. I was so blinded by love, felt secure and sure that I would had spent the rest of my lives with him, that I couldn't see there were problems between us. So he left me, emotionally, just like that. It is easy for him to move on, because there's already someone else waiting in the wing while it was a shock to me.

 

It was not easy for me to pack up and left, because I don't have any relative or friends in other states, so we still lived together for about a month before I moved out. That was a month in hell. This is too funny, if you think about it, that other woman is not even in the country, she's half way across the globe. They met through the internet and to make matter worst, she was my friend too. She sent me an email, telling me that she'd liked to help me moving on and if I really loved him, I should let him go. I'm sorry but I think it's okay for a friend of mine to say those kind of stuffs to me but coming from her, it was so weird and painful. For a month, I had to endure him calling her on the phone, walked in on them having phone sex, pics of her showing her naked self (I guess he can't resist and won't be satisfied until they meet), etc. At first I was oblivious to all of these, since I really did trust him so he can do whatever he wanted and never once I thought he would strayed at all. I accidently stumbled upon their chat log, and they were planning to meet. That woman would come and visit him and they planned to lie to me about it. I confronted him and that was the beginning of my nightmare.

 

Now 4 months has past and I still struggle to move on. I make myself busy as much as I can. New job, gym, friends and stuffs but the nights are still hard. I don't think it's healthy for me to cry almost every night but I can't help it. What makes things harder is that we still talking on MSN. I know that woman came and visited him 3 weeks ago because stupid me asked him. He said he was sorry and wished he could turned back time but I don't know if I belived him anymore. It's sad to see trust & love crumbled so suddenly after years and years together. I haven't moved on obviously but I'm trying. Maybe the no contact thingy is just what I need.

[strange love]

Ok

 

SpaceCoyote and GreenCap this message is aimed at both of you.

Now I have just been through a break up myself and on top of it I had alot of other crap go down.

 

My advice to both you is well to start I have one word "MAKEOVER"

Thats right new clothes and a new haircut or style, maybe even grow or remove facial hair.

 

First thing is walk straight, I know both of you are moping around cause I been there.

 

Take time out, ie change of scenery. Maybe even do some volunteer work, sometimes seeing someone in worse shape then you takes your mind of your own depression.

 

Find projects to do. Thats what I am doing lately, and I guess its like I realized there was alot more to life then just my ex. I rediscovered things I had forgotten about.

Sure I miss her and stuff, I wish I could share things with her but whatever... I cant do much about that so I decided to focus on what I can do. It even helps if you make a list, accomplishing stuff makes you feel pretty good and after a while you will lose your head in that.

 

Date.. sure I date alot. I even though sometimes it feels pointless, its nice to have someone to hug, and alot of times they have been through what you have been through...or you get lucky and both get a fantastic shag out of it wink wink...

 

I wanted to say about certain things your exes do or say.. Look thats really no big deal. I had so many women tell me things like that and then flip flop.. whatever.

Just go about your bussiness and be more postive and upbeat and your ex will wonder what the f--k is going on. Trust me

I had one ex dump me, I spent the next few weeks ignoring her and doing my own thing. After about 3 weeks she was literally drooling over me and forgot the other guy..

You shouldnt be so threatened when they go off with someone else, in fact the more indifferent you act the more they will wonder.

 

Ok well happy trails

 

Oh and that money thing is bulls--t btw. I have my share of coin. Im pretty cheap. I even make women pay for their own meal etc..

and I have a friend whos worth millions and he pretty much does the same thing.

Its more like making them feel wanted, actually listening to them, being sweet, cuddling alot, um... I dunno I have to think about this a bit....

You might want to check out a few romance tip websites and see what I mean.

In any case I hope I havent been too aggressive in my comments its just I can see you both pretty depressed and it concerns me. I have been through much much worse since she left (imagine breaking up with someone and then having a horrendous string of bad luck ;-) ) In any case that doesnt overshadow the fact that this event has obviously hurt both of you. In any case time to get your groove back boys...

 

strangelove

[GreenCap]

Strangelove

 

I don't think your advice is harsh at all. It is called tough love....the healing process is funny. We want to molly coddled that the knock on the head wake up call has to come. People have been telling me to improve myself and I don't know what that means. I am however, rediscovering how to be single again and not rely on her for happiness. The improve oneself suggests that we were lousy so the ex left. But if my understanding is incorrect, please enlighten.

 

Baby2673

 

I feel your pain as well to see how something so precious die unceremoniously. I don't have any good advice but except to commisserate with you. You seem to have started a different routine, which suggests you have begun to rediscover single life again. You've done it faster than I have. Congratulations.

 

Probably will go out and about today to get some sun and fresh air so hope all is well with everybody.

[strange love]

I want to say this green cap.

I dont know every little detail of the relationship and where things eroded.. That is for you to examine, and make a note of so that isnt repeated again.

 

It doesnt mean you are lousy, it means you can look at your actions and understand thier effect.

 

I will tell you how things are in my case, im good at sex and crappy at relationship. So im constantly trying to examine my actions.

In fact I learned about something I did from responding to messages on here, I didnt see it so plainly before. In any case we are not constantly improvng ourselves, learning new things etc then we become stagnant. Or least that is my opinion. AND its not a matter of rediscovering being single its a matter of discovering you.

 

And heres a thought for you, relationships are tough. Its two people making compormises, and sometimes in the process getting a better feel for who there are as a person and realizing their own needs. So in that case a breakup is more about them not you. In that case sometimes the person in the case of a few people on here, try to explain to their partner certain needs they have that are not being met, this were we get into compromising or doing certain things to keep the other partner happy. I have a very good friend who explained it to me like this if your girlfriend makes you happy, then you tend to try and keep her happy. Sometimes this is not really that big of deal ie: telling her how great she looks, listening to her

problems with empathy, making sure she is satisfied in bed, the list goes on I draw the line when it comes to monetary items. But it doesnt hurt to give lil cutesy gifts once in a while.. But comes down to well if you dont buy me a car then im leaving well time to take a hike lady.

 

strangelove

[SpaceCoyote]

I will never understand why someone would want to say something like that. That is intentionally hurting someone and it just isn't necessary to say that to someone that you know cares about you. I will never understand why some people feel the need to be cruel. Its one thing to break up with someone for whatever reason. As if breaking up with a person isn't hurtful enough, a few heartless words are thrown in there demeaning the whole relationship for no apparent reason but to hurt someone's feelings even more. Talk about adding insult to injury.

 

Nemesis: I know for my ex, it is her way of dealing with the situation in her mind. She knows she is hurting me bad and that does bother her, but it bothers her less if she convinces herself that I should have known her love was not what I thought. Hence it is my fault and not hers. And it also helps her move into the new relationship she is in now. She has moved right into a different relationship where she claims to love this other guy. How can she do that when it was just a month ago that she was in love with me? The answer is simple to her: she just never loved me that way to begin with. Case closed, and now she can live with herself.

 

 

Strangelove: Thanks for the advice and no it was not too harsh. Some of it I found to be very profound and I am going to hang onto. Funny that you mention a makeover, as I am kind of going through one. I think I will be able to deal with the loss better when I remember less about that life that I once had, so I am trying to change some things in my life so that it won't be quite so familiar. Also, I think when you get rejected for someone else, you start to look at yourself and wondering what it is about yourself that you can make better. Maybe it wasn't the best kind of catalyst for change, but I do think that I needed one. There are a lot of ways in which I kind of let life pass me by while I was "lost" in my relationship, and I am now trying fast to catch up.