melell Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I am having a difficult time, like I know many others are, believing that I will fall in love again. It is a really tough one. When I feel hopeless in finding love I think about past relationships-as if they were my only chances. Tis not pretty. Any inspiring or hopeful words about it happening again ? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I am having a difficult time, like I know many others are, believing that I will fall in love again. It is a really tough one. When I feel hopeless in finding love I think about past relationships-as if they were my only chances. Tis not pretty. Any inspiring or hopeful words about it happening again ? I've had feelings that I would never find love again. ....they were always false. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Only when I watch romance will I feel like I will again then it fades quickly and I feel like I wont :-S Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 i have always gone for quality ...most of my exes have stories of altruism and been heroic.....because honestly i have been heroic i seek similar......at other times i am a huge chicken...... i have decided quality is what i always go for so now im going quantity ...goign to date excessively and meet new guys...i have this idea that ill date everyone who asks........even guys that would scare me stupid.......huge towering guys do that......and see how i go ......i figured ill make friends.......if nothing else......i can handle it....handled worse..(convincing the chicken)..love is never ordinary always extraordinary..so i am going out on a limb to give love a chance to grab me.................deb Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I am having a difficult time, like I know many others are, believing that I will fall in love again. It is a really tough one. When I feel hopeless in finding love I think about past relationships-as if they were my only chances. Tis not pretty. Any inspiring or hopeful words about it happening again ? 1) Every morning, when you have awoken from slumber, spend a couple of minutes thinking of 3 aspects of your life that you're grateful for. This is a practice called gratitude training. Feeling grateful allows yourself to feel loved and also encourages you to be kind and love others. 2) Create a spreadsheet where you can list daily goals you have set for yourself...daily goals that when achieved will incrementally help you achieve longer-term ones. For instance, on mine, I have listed the following: 1) 4g fish oil/No sugar/Clean diet 2) Engaged/Purposeful Activity 3) 30 minutes of physical exercise 4) 15 minutes of sunlight exposure 5) Meaningful social interaction 6) 8-9 Hours of Sleep I have another list within #2, which are the activities that help keep me engaged and also activities I want to eventually add to my life. The above has helped me 100% move on from past hurtful relationships, realize that I can be happy with or without a significant other in my life, and has helped push me to start attacking fears and insecurities in order to become a more confident person. There was a time when I would start checking things off for a couple days and then relapse back into a depressive state. But once I was able to do it consistently day after day for a few weeks, it became a habit that has inspired me to want to achieve more of what I feel is truly important in life. Falling in love or loving someone is a risk. My advice would be to reach a mental state at which you are happy with yourself and at peace with life first. Once you are, you know you're ready to take the risk again. It's not a hopeless feeling, you don't look back at the past (you've learned from it)....it's more of the feeling that you know you're a great person with a lot of love to give, and you'll still be awesome whether or not it does happen again, or if someone flakes on you, gives you mixed signals, tries to hurt/manipulate you, or breaks up with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZipperZapper Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 1) Every morning, when you have awoken from slumber, spend a couple of minutes thinking of 3 aspects of your life that you're grateful for. This is a practice called gratitude training. Feeling grateful allows yourself to feel loved and also encourages you to be kind and love others. <snip> I personally find it's hard to be grateful when all I get are crumbs while others are eating at the banquet table (figuratively speaking) where relationships are concerned. I've done gratitude training myself, and it works... for a while. But gnawing feelings that things are still not right and not even close to what I would like to see always return. I mean, if you're starving, you'll be grateful for the bowl of gruel you get for now, but you'll still always want the full-course meal. The idea that somehow I can still be 'awesome' even if I never find love again just doesn't compute for me. If nobody thinks I'm awesome enough to get involved with, much less give me the time of day, then me thinking I'm still 'awesome' is just so much head-up-my-arse, Pollyanna-ish thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
ZipperZapper Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 i have always gone for quality ...most of my exes have stories of altruism and been heroic.....because honestly i have been heroic i seek similar......at other times i am a huge chicken...... i have decided quality is what i always go for so now im going quantity ...goign to date excessively and meet new guys...i have this idea that ill date everyone who asks........even guys that would scare me stupid.......huge towering guys do that......and see how i go ......i figured ill make friends.......if nothing else......i can handle it....handled worse..(convincing the chicken)..love is never ordinary always extraordinary..so i am going out on a limb to give love a chance to grab me.................deb I wish more women were like you. Willing to take reasonable risks rather than being hyper-picky and excluding a lot of potentially good guys because they're not perfect or don't live up to some unrealistic ideal. In saying that, I'm not saying any woman should accept someone who's clearly unsuitable. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I wish more women were like you. Willing to take reasonable risks rather than being hyper-picky and excluding a lot of potentially good guys because they're not perfect or don't live up to some unrealistic ideal. In saying that, I'm not saying any woman should accept someone who's clearly unsuitable. Go for it. While you're doing this project though, be mindful of whether or not you are actually giving these guys a fair shot while you're dating around. There seems to be an automatic tendency to look to 'trade up' when multi-dating. Nice in theory of picking the best mate, but you don't know what each person would be like in the context of just you and them. So, yeah...go for it but watch yourself (and your self esteem). Link to post Share on other sites
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