Dont know if she likes me (more like doubting myself)

[jonorza]

First let me clarify, when it comes to others I can give good advice and it always works for them, but not for me. I don't know why, but I feel my advice never works for me so I have doubt as a natural reflex.

 

Now my issue stems from a friend that Ive known for almost 3 years now. She's actually a co-worker with me in the military (yes I know the policy, more on that later). Ever since she came to my unit Ive been attracted to her and from what I believe, so has she. Even though when she joined my unit she had a boyfriend. Regardless there has been many times that she would be a little too close to me physically when we talk, though keeping it professional. I myself kept it professional obviously as well. But over time we've gotten closer in friendship, due to working together more and just plain talking. She's actually contact me more than she should have with one that's her actual superior. But I never did anything because I respected the fact she had a boyfriend.

 

Fast forward to what has happened in the past year (starting from Halloween) a friend of ours had invited us to a Halloween party that was taking place in a lounge. She asked if I was going, I confirmed that I was, but I told her that I was to only stay for a short time because I had another party to go to. She told me to wait for her because she wanted atleast one picture with me. I stood until she came, and glad I did, she was Princess Leia in (for those who know Star Wars), in which she amazing. She obviously came with her boyfriend, which wasn't a problem, like I said before I respected that. But when the time had came for me to leave, I took my picture with her and left. But I did make sure to tell her boyfriend that I don't know how he allowed her to leave the house in that, cause I would've kept her to myself, looking that good. Not long after leaving she calls me to tell me "you left me," to which I told her what did she mean, I didn't leave her (alone), she was there with her boyfriend and our friends.

 

Another time (February), we were talking about relationships at the end of our day. She and her boyfriend were going to give me a ride since it was along their way home and she came up with the topic of having kids. Mind you, it was only us talking not her boyfriend and her body was turned to face me from the front passenger side. I told her I don't know if I'll have kids etc. and she said right in front of him that I should because I would be a "DILF." Now I had to take a second to realize what she said, 1) registering/ deciphering the acronym in my mind (the obverse of MILF), and 2) realize she said it in front of her boyfriend. Now I was shocked, but I kept my composure in check. Luckily for me we arrived at my stop 5 seconds later.

 

During this past summer she said she had to tell me something. That something was that she broke up with her boyfriend. She told me she was stupid to stay with him all that time due to him being abusive and controlling of her. I told her I was sorry that she had gone through that, and hope that she is ok. Not long afterwards we had some field training in which we were out in the forest for 3 days (no shower, etc). On our way back I see her sitting next to her now ex boyfriend, nothing serious but having a friendly conversation with him and others. I go to take off my blouse because I was kind of hot, and she asks if she can have my blouse because she was cold..... Now being professional I hesitated, but by asking if she was sure, because we hadn't had a shower, and obviously its dirty, she didn't care. She put her arms in my sleeves and fell asleep in them. Her ex just put his back to her and also fell asleep. (And before anyone asks this happened when almost all of us were already sleeping, so no one really saw this). Not so soon after we were on our way to see a friend who was in the hospital and we were talking about last years Halloween and that's when I mentioned to her what I told her ex that night she sort of laughed and blushed. She said she was probably going to do the same this year and that I should go as a character from the movies to match her.

 

And finally more recently a friend of ours who was getting married invited the both of us, to a party to celebrate before they tie the knot. She called me and asked if she could come with me to the party. I told her of course. During the party, she wanted to take a lot of pictures with me which was fine. But the weird yet funny thing was that people that I knew and people I didn't know (she only knew the bride and groom-to-be), kept saying that we were either going to be married in the future or that we shouldn't let each other go (as if we were a couple). We obviously brushed it off as them being drunk, etc. But at the end of the night I was caught off guard that she rested her head on my shoulder, in which I put my arm around her and held her.

The only thing that had ticked me off that night was that she was talking to one of our friends that she has a f*ck buddy that she has, (strictly no emotion and its mutual). When I heard that, I got annoyed that she noticed it in my face and kept asking what's wrong, but I deflected the answer to me "thinking of something random."

 

Now I know the whole military fraternization policy and such, since Ive been for (6+ yrs), but we both are now in reserve status as opposed to being active like before and Ive done my homework, there is leeway and also Im close to my service being up anyways.

 

Im sorry for this whole long winded explanation but I want to give a whole picture to understand where Im coming from. My friends who know the both of us say I should go and tell her.

 

Now you can tell me your opinion that I am either obviously stupid to not see the writings on the wall or that she isn't interested in nothing more than friendship.

Edited October 30, 2013 by jonorza

[f1asr88]

Well reading all that it seemed clear as day to me that she is very much interested in you, well right up until the f*ck buddy part. That muddies the waters somewhat. She seemed to be dropping an awful lot of hints, and perhaps expected you as the male to be the one to take the lead?

And because you were taking your time over it she got herself a FWB to tide her over?

If I were really into someone though, and working on them, I'm not sure I'd be at it with someone else. But everyone's different I guess?

 

Maybe you could enlist (sorry ) some of your mutual friends to subtly find out how she feels before you make the plunge and tell her how you feel?

[jonorza]

Oh there is more, I just posted the important points. I take the lead given every chance, I havent taken my time but Im being cautious due to the possible repercussions. She said she only f*cked her buddy once and thats it and that was awhile ago. And I cant really ask around due to it being like I said before, and those who know, are my guy friends. There are few women in my unit and even fewer who are mutual friends of ours and she doesnt fully trust them anyway.

[f1asr88]

Oh there is more, I just posted the important points. I take the lead given every chance, I havent taken my time but Im being cautious due to the possible repercussions. She said she only f*cked her buddy once and thats it and that was awhile ago. And I cant really ask around due to it being like I said before, and those who know, are my guy friends. There are few women in my unit and even fewer who are mutual friends of ours and she doesnt fully trust them anyway.

 

I don't know if I'm reading too much into how you worded it, but when you overheard her and her friend "she has a f*ck buddy that she has, (strictly no emotion and its mutual)"... that sounds more like an ongoing arrangement rather than a one-off occurrence.

 

But that aside, with regards to what you should do, I think you should tell her how you feel, what have you to lose? She seems to be interested in you, so give it a shot if you feel strongly for her.