Dear god in heaven help me please.

[Barby]

I am whining and you are sick of hearing it really goes against what I thought this place was.

 

yeap I said 'then quit whining' and said maybe HE is tired of hearing it since he made his decision...not that I am sick of hearing it, if i was I wouldn't read your thread or respond.

 

 

So please read what I really wrote.

[Moose]

Originally posted by Owl

Because having significant meaning to a number of people....it's also a figure of speech. Don't give it more meaning than it was intended to have.

 

Yes, well, since you feel you have the right to tell me not to give it more meaning than it was intended.......how about I tell you not to use God's name unless you're actually directing your thoughts to Him? Especially going to the extreme of opening a thread as if going to prayer.

[Owl]

Moose-

 

My last response, regardless.

 

Do you actually post on LS to help others, or just to insist on picking fights about knit-picky stuff? If you feel you've JUST GOT to hear further from me on this...take it to PM please.

[whichwayisup]

People vent and say things that they feel or just what is in their heads...That is the whole point of 'venting'. It is very theraputic. Who cares about spelling mistakes, use of wrong words or how the they think of god. We all have our own opinions of this subject and noone really should be picked at cuz of how they express themselves.

 

Just my 02.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Owl

Because He still forgives us, and loves us even though we've sinned?

 

Not your place to judge, friend, nor mine. If you're really a Christian, then don't judge, but do what you can to help others.

 

Why don't people lean on God to help them STOP from committing adultery in the first place....thus avoiding the inherent problems. Is that judging?

 

Seems more like common sense to me.

[Moose]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Why don't people lean on God to help them STOP from committing adultery in the first place....thus avoiding the inherent problems. Is that judging?

 

Seems more like common sense to me.

 

The majority of people in our modern day society believes that if we Christians share the word with them, we are judges of their character.

 

Truth of the matter is......we are no better. If not worse in some ways......many ways.

 

Here's the thing though. The title of this thread is: "Dear god in heaven help me please." The first thing I noticed was it sounded like the beginning of someone's prayer.

 

The second thing I noticed, "g-o-d", is used as a word here instead of THE name of, "God", capitalized.

 

Lastly, we, (confusedinoc and I), are attacked for posting in here for someone crying who we believed was actually calling on God's name.

 

Obviously.....noone on this thread besides confusedinoc and myself would respond in kind.....to the misuse of our God's name.

 

This may not have anything to do with the advice that this person is seeking, so this post may be deleted, so I think I'll start another thread elsewhere.......it is a subject worth everyone's thoughts.....

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Moose

The majority of people in our modern day society believes that if we Christians share the word with them, we are judges of their character.

 

Truth of the matter is......we are no better. If not worse in some ways......many ways.

 

Here's the thing though. The title of this thread is: "Dear god in heaven help me please." The first thing I noticed was it sounded like the beginning of someone's prayer.

 

The second thing I noticed, "g-o-d", is used as a word here instead of THE name of, "God", capitalized.

 

Lastly, we, (confusedinoc and I), are attacked for posting in here for someone crying who we believed was actually calling on God's name.

 

Obviously.....noone on this thread besides confusedinoc and myself would respond in kind.....to the misuse of our God's name.

 

This may not have anything to do with the advice that this person is seeking, so this post may be deleted, so I think I'll start another thread elsewhere.......it is a subject worth everyone's thoughts.....

 

Excellent points and I agree.

[Naive]

Oh God

[bebop]

What's rich about Leaf's situation is that it will eventually have the classical finish to it -

the guy who wanted both will end up with neither. I love it.

Leaf, you can do far better than this guy, and as for him, he's injured two women, not one. His marriage will not, repeat not, last.

He'll be alone, scratching his head and maybe his sorry ass, wondering why. Cool.

And by then you'll be onward and upward to better things. Sweet.

[veronese]

I've been following your thread, biting my tongue, but am compelled to ask one or two questions while making one or two observations.....

 

You said "How will I ever trust someone again?"

 

His wife will have said the same thing.

 

You said "This man whom I love(d) with all my heart has just dumped me"

 

What's the probability his wife will be thinking that the man SHE has loved with all HER heart has just dumped on her in quite a spectacular fashion.

 

You said "This is so unfair". Oh yes Leaf, his wife will echo your sentiments entirely

 

You said "We fall for these guys....who make us believe we are the only ones...." but Leaf, sweetheart, you knew you WEREN'T the only one. You knew he had a wife. So what made you think you were the only one when he returned to his HOME every night, to sleep with his WIFE, while you presumably were squeezed in when convenient? Leaf, if a married man made you believe you were the only one, words escape me! However, your lover's wife DID feel she was the only one, understandably, and is the only one in this sorry mess not to have been a party to any deception.

 

You said "When I posted this I was expressing how I felt at that moment. There was no need to tell me to stop whining.."

 

Leaf baby, whatever anyone posts in response to your salacious tale should be regarded similarly. It seems that while you feel justified in expressing your feelings at any given time, you do not appreciate other posters enjoying the same privilege.

 

Try as I might Leaf, and believe me I have tried, your self-pitying take on your situation irks me. You seem oblivious to anyone's feelings apart from your own. I appreciate that when you are coping with situations like yours, empathy, sympathy, understanding or even remorse go flying out of the window. Truthfully I don't take pleasure in hearing of someone's pain, deserved or not.

 

I hope that in time you will have some insight to his wife's emotional turmoil, distress, devastation, heartbreak. No disrespect Leaf, but my guess is that whatever pain you are experiencing right now pails into insignificance compared to the pain and suffering his wife is currently enduring. You at least, had the advantage of foresight, imagine how you would feel if, like his wife, this seedy revelation has come like a bolt from the blue.

 

Whenever you mention the ongoing relationship your lover has with his wife, you honestly sound outraged and incensed. Why Leaf? Why? That woman is betrothed to your lover. She took vows (as did he) to stay with your lover for the rest of her life, as long as they lived, in sickness and in health... blah blah blah. You are sensitive to even a murmur of criticism towards you while lamenting the loss of your love yet at the same time berate the poor woman who unfortunately accepted his proposal of marriage.

 

But Leaf, learn from this experience. It hasn't been pleasant for you, in fact it seems to have had a traumatic effect on you. Hopefully in time you will be able to see it in a more objective light, as something you deliberately chose to pursue and enjoy, regardless of the repercussions to not only yourself, but more importantly to other innocent parties. You continued the relationship after you discovered just how big a liar he was (IS), only you can be held responsible for the consequences that you now have to suffer. Your decision Leaf, no-one forced you to do this.

 

And please Leaf, try if you can, to take a moment to step away from your distress and give some consideration to his wife's sadness. She wasn't consulted about this. Her husband had become involved with another woman without either her knowledge nor I suspect, her approval. Don't underestimate the feelings she has for him, the horror of what she had found out will be having a very serious, probably long term effect on her. If she trusted your lover before this happened that trust will have been destroyed in one fell swoop - this discovery may prevent her being able to ever trust someone again.

 

 

Sorry Leaf (and to anyone about to cuss me for being brutal), but if you are involved in a relationship as the OW/OM, do you REALLY not envisage the inevitable conclusion??

 

LS is a forum that tries to be supportive in times of anguish, but sometimes all the comforting "oohs" and "ahhs", soothing though they be, don't ultimately give support that the likes of you need.

 

The best advice you need Leaf is to wake up from this romantic fairy tale you delude yourself with, see this guy for the wanking, bollocking, tosser that he is, pull yourself together fast, and move on. Stop obsessing about him, leave that to his wife. Break every avenue of possible contact between you. Ignore his calls, change your number, your e-mail address, whatever is necessary to block his access to you. If he visits you be firm, detached and unemotional. Leaf, the guy's a bast***, a nasty little bast**d..... you can do better than that!

 

Never again involve or attach yourself to a married or attached man. Should you be unfortunate enough to be duped again in the future by another 'boyfriend' who is actually "SOMEONE ELSE'S CHEATING HUSBAND" - get the hell away from him as fast as you can, irrespective of how serious your feelings are for him.

 

Learn from this Leaf, that's my advice

[Leaf]

Veronese,

 

I wanted to take the time to thank you for your post. Everything you said I truly appreiciate. I have made a decision, one I will not falter from, I know this because I really hit me yesterday and today upon waking up I knew it was the right thing to do. I am letting him go, for good. Yesterday, he was so sweet, I could really see just how torn he is. I know that his wife is running him through the ringer right now, with every right.

 

When we first met, I didnt know he was with someone and when I found out I was stunned. But I allowed it to continue I allowed my feelings to take over and I acted selfishly. Now, a year and a half later I see how much I wanted what I wanted damned be to the rest of the world. That is not the right way to act or to be. I have never been this way, acted with such abandoned regard for anyone but myself. For that I am so very sorry ( a little too late I know).

 

My absolute anger with him (which was manifesting itself in here and I am sorry for that) has in part passed. If I ever loved him I would do the right thing as soon as I can, and that is what is going to happen today. I cant and do not want to be the "homewrecker" even thats really what I have already done. I can leave now and by doing so allow him to do what he can and focus on her.

 

I sat back for a year and a half watching him spend all his time with me but yet still make those comitments to her. On paper his comitments were made, but in his heart he never really made them to her. That is unfair to her.

 

When 10 months into our relationship he went and got married I again thought of myself. How he abandoned me. When really he was setting her up for further abandon and ultimate humiliation. I had the benefit of knowing what was going on, she did not. During the week leading up to his wedding I told him that he needed to focus on her and that I didnt want to be his mistress any longer. He cried that whole week, saying how he didnt want to get married, I told him that he shouldnt do it, that he should postpone it to see what he really wanted. To make life right again. But again, what did I do? Nothing. I again allowed it to happen. I allowed him to write me almost daily from his honeymoon. And who was I thinking about? me. "How could he do this to me?!" I would think... My god.. that poor girl. Here she thinks her knight in shining armor has married her with all the fanfare that weddings bring and they are on their honeymoon. A time that is supposed to be so very special. And she was being lied to the entire time. I take responsibility for that, for all of it.

 

I dont know her and wouldnt recognize her if she bumped into me on the street, but I KNOW that she, just like we all, deserve to have better. I dont know what will happen with them but I do know that I am not going to allow him to continue to be fragmented. And while even just an hour ago he sent me 2 messages from work saying how he missed me and loved me, I know what I must do. His words while precious and true do not change what WE have done. We have together destoryed a womans life, for the sole reason of selfishness.

 

I will miss him and yes I still love him, I always will. But this maddness stops today. We have ALL paid a heavy price here, but you are right... none is the heavier price than his wifes lifetime of anguish.

[veronese]

I just read your post Leaf and if it's not too impertinent to say, I'm proud of you!

 

When I posted my reply I really hoped that it wouldn't be perceived as just another "OW bashing" because it was genuinely written with the intent of helping you somehow.

 

This guy sounds like a nasty piece of work Leaf. He's been stringing you along for two years now, while at the same time finding time to marry, honeymoon and presumably set up home with his new wife. Even though he knows you are aware of his marital status, he has still managed to fool you into being blinkered to his questionable character and instead has endeared you to the persona he is playing for you.

 

He's a LIAR Leaf. I pity his wife. I also feel sad that he's taken so much of your emotional energy when he didn't deserve it.

 

Well done for ignoring him and try not to waver. Keep reminding yourself of the true nature of this "cad". What you love in him is not real, he's just a very good actor.

 

I know you are hurting Leaf, but it will pass.

 

Take care

x

[DoggyDog]

Leaf,

Hurray! You should be so proud of yourself....Your gonna NC like I've done and it"s 2 wks now.....My love has changed for my MM....and I can't believe I'm saying this in only 2 wks....I also feel now for the W....she is "STUCK" with this man forever. We are FREE to do anything we want, see anyone we want, and he has no say anymore (not that he cares now ) but I don't have to worry about going out or meeting a guy and then find myself LYING to MM because I didn't want him to know....so I know that I'm a LIER too just like MM...doesn't make me feel good knowing that but I did do it also...Not no more....I'M FREE and really feelin so much better...Yes, I'm lonely right now, but so what....I was LONELY with HIM when he'd go HOME to the W and family. I truly understand that now...You will too.

 

Yes, I still think how can he not NC me...but I tell myself negative thoughts towards him and that is what gets me thru each day....

 

Be strong, ok...I will keep checking up

 

L DD

[izzybelle]

leaf -

great post and stay strong! i hope your conviction and strength stay with you in the days ahead since i wouldn't be surprised if he tries to pull you back in.

 

please take care of yourself through all of this.

 

izzy

[bebop]

Originally posted by Leaf

Veronese,

 

I wanted to take the time to thank you for your post. Everything you said I truly appreiciate. I have made a decision, one I will not falter from, I know this because I really hit me yesterday and today upon waking up I knew it was the right thing to do. I am letting him go, for good. Yesterday, he was so sweet, I could really see just how torn he is. I know that his wife is running him through the ringer right now, with every right.

 

When we first met, I didnt know he was with someone and when I found out I was stunned. But I allowed it to continue I allowed my feelings to take over and I acted selfishly. Now, a year and a half later I see how much I wanted what I wanted damned be to the rest of the world. That is not the right way to act or to be. I have never been this way, acted with such abandoned regard for anyone but myself. For that I am so very sorry ( a little too late I know).

 

My absolute anger with him (which was manifesting itself in here and I am sorry for that) has in part passed. If I ever loved him I would do the right thing as soon as I can, and that is what is going to happen today. I cant and do not want to be the "homewrecker" even thats really what I have already done. I can leave now and by doing so allow him to do what he can and focus on her.

 

I sat back for a year and a half watching him spend all his time with me but yet still make those comitments to her. On paper his comitments were made, but in his heart he never really made them to her. That is unfair to her.

 

When 10 months into our relationship he went and got married I again thought of myself. How he abandoned me. When really he was setting her up for further abandon and ultimate humiliation. I had the benefit of knowing what was going on, she did not. During the week leading up to his wedding I told him that he needed to focus on her and that I didnt want to be his mistress any longer. He cried that whole week, saying how he didnt want to get married, I told him that he shouldnt do it, that he should postpone it to see what he really wanted. To make life right again. But again, what did I do? Nothing. I again allowed it to happen. I allowed him to write me almost daily from his honeymoon. And who was I thinking about? me. "How could he do this to me?!" I would think... My god.. that poor girl. Here she thinks her knight in shining armor has married her with all the fanfare that weddings bring and they are on their honeymoon. A time that is supposed to be so very special. And she was being lied to the entire time. I take responsibility for that, for all of it.

 

I dont know her and wouldnt recognize her if she bumped into me on the street, but I KNOW that she, just like we all, deserve to have better. I dont know what will happen with them but I do know that I am not going to allow him to continue to be fragmented. And while even just an hour ago he sent me 2 messages from work saying how he missed me and loved me, I know what I must do. His words while precious and true do not change what WE have done. We have together destoryed a womans life, for the sole reason of selfishness.

 

I will miss him and yes I still love him, I always will. But this maddness stops today. We have ALL paid a heavy price here, but you are right... none is the heavier price than his wifes lifetime of anguish.

 

That is OUTSTANDING. Good for you, correct all the way, and hold to your resolve. Better days are comin'.

[CrazyLola]

Leaf - Wondering how you are coping?

 

Am in the middle of what you are going through right now. Your posts touched me to the core of my being.

[Leaf]

Hey Crazy,

 

Thanks for asking, I am taking it day by day. He is still pursuing me, he cant let go.. he doesnt want to let me go, He tell me he loves me everyday, he tells me he misses me... On saturday I told him goodbye, he called and asked me to be patient, I said "Patient for what?" I told him I didnt want him to leave her out of guilt for me, and I didnt want him to leave me out of guilt for her. I told him he needs to be with whom he wants to be with. We are on speaking terms and when I ask him to tell me what he wants, he tells me he wants to be with me... Then when I ask what he is going to do about it, he says he doesnt know... so there is the answer.

 

Its hard to just shut off your emotions, I fell apart on Saturday.. I needed him.. and he went to the movies. When he called he was in total panic.. said he was on borrowed time.. then after about 2 minutes, he said he HAD to go. I told him he didnt have to do anything, that he was again making a choice.

 

I think these guys dont see that what they are doing is wrong and I know.. had he not been caught.. nothing would be different in our relationship.... but honestly.. where would that have left me? In the same place. He has had his cake and is eating it too.

 

I cant imagine why for the life of me his W hasnt kicked him out or left him. This wasnt a one-night stand.. this was a year and a half... where he started out not married.. ended up married (mind you crying the entire week before telling me he didnt want to do it... at the time he told me that if we had met before he asked her, he would have never asked her to marry him.. then while on his honeymoon, he told me not to leave, he emailed me almost everyday.. told me he loved me...that he would make a plan, but he had to get married because of his family and he felt he had made a commitment (Ironic huh?)

 

While, she did tell him he could keep me in his life (What the heck is wrong with this girl??) She has been getting more and more pissed.. I think she is putting alot of stuff together in her head. But can you blame her? I dont. She has been duped. I have always thought he loved her, of course he does... I dont think he is 'in love with her" tho.. if he were, he couldnt do this to her over and over again.

 

He continues to put his marriage in jepordy and I told him yesterday that I think he wants to get caught again so she does leave him.. in his confused mind.. he doesnt want to be the "bad guy" doesnt want anyone to get hurt.. I quickly reminded him that he has ALREADY hurt everyone, including himself... but he continues...

 

What he doesnt realize, is he cant hurt me anymore. The pain I have felt from him.. over and over again has left its mark. But he WILL continue to hurt her at every turn.. when she thinks about their relationship and puts things together, she will hurt. When he leaves the house to go get food or something.. and she worries he will call me the minute he leaves (which he did yesterday) that will hurt her.

 

I dont know what your situation is and please feel free to contact me in a more private place if you wanna talk.

 

I am not the stongest person, and I admit that it is really really hard to not fall off the wagon, I do it everyday. BUT, I also get right back on and try to be convicted in doing what I know is right.

 

These men are alot of talk... what should be forefront in your mind, is what are they willing to do for you? I got a beautiful message from him this morning.. but what does it mean? Its just words...

[CrazyLola]

Leaf - I can't PM you, for some reason.

 

My situation was 3years, extra tricky because we work together. Come January, and we will be in each other's faces again.

 

He came to where I am vacationing on the 26th, unannounced, and then got angry because I would not invite him 'round (I am staying with my folks). Said I would meet him somewhere, this was not good enough for him. Have not heard from him since, and it is killing me, not the fact so much that it seems he has made the break, but the way it ended, on a bad note.

 

He manages to pin our break-up on me all the time, as if I am the one with the decisions to be made. He stood on my doorstep about 2 months ago and told me he cannot leave his W due to guilt/children/finances/whatever .......

 

He becomes really nasty, and verbally abusive, and always blames it on me screwing around behind his back, which I am not doing at all!

 

I stand by my decision that if he cannot make the break, and commit to me, then it IS over. I just cannot be at peace with the way he screams/shouts/swears and then ignores me for days.

[Leaf]

What an arse!

These men kill me sometimes.. how is it that you are the "cheating" one? When he goes home to his fam everynight?

 

I'm sorry he yells at you, that has to be so hard. Mine doesnt yell, but he gets defensive and bitchy. I had never really yelled at him before until a few weeks ago.. he was NOT happy with my tone.. his defensiveness made me more mad, thats when I let him have it.

 

What is sounds like is that he is projecting on to you what he is DOING to you. I know you love him and that makes it extra hard for you because I am sure you are undertsanding of him at times.

 

If you dont mind me asking, when did you break it with him? ..and have you had no contact at all?

[cheatersrsad]

Barby...you are a breath of fresh air! Typical yada yada story here. OW meets married/engaged man...believes that she's the soulmate he needs, believe what he says and doesn't give a sh%$ about any others involved...wives, kids, etc. The man gets caught, lies, and the OW is shocked...WHY!??? He's already proved he's a lying, cheating, no-good rat that can actually make another woman believe that her fairytale wedding and marriage are for real...while all along he is playing footsie with the OW. Leaf, you should be ashamed of yourself, chalk this up to stupidity and move on. This isn't as much as a reflection on who you are as what you can be. Make the right choices next time and honor yourself and give yourself someone to love that is all yours-you do deserve it. Bottomline... when men don't leave then there's NO valid reason why other than they don't want to be with the OW over their current partner. I hope women wise up to that.

[Leaf]

lemme guess... someone cheated on you?

[cheatersrsad]

Actually...I have been one of the lucky ones (to the best of my knowledge-ha) and have only had one cheating situation that was so early on in the dating timeline that it was not a huge impact. My advice/comments to you are because I read all your posts and many others and still cannot believe that OW believe they have rights to these MM while they are with someone else.

[Leaf]

I just dont get why you care so much then... Your Forum name is "Cheatersrsad"...

 

...and I know I dont think I have any 'rights' to anyone..

[cheatersrsad]

Leaf: I created "cheatersrsad" because I stumbled into this forum and was shocked. The more I read the more I was shocked to read how the OW/OM and MM/MW see things. To me it's all the same. A married spouse cheats...they are a "cheater". The OW/OM cheats themselves and innocent people involved...they too are "cheaters.

[Leaf]

Ugh.. My MM is such a pathetic ****! I am so sick of his never ending bull****. "I want you .. I need you.. I love you.." blah blah blah!!