FearOfLove Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 I am scared to death of being in love. I know I have childhood trauma issues, and issues that stem from those issues. I am only 20 years old, but I feel like it is hopeless to even try to overcome this anymore. Anytime I feel anything for another person I find a way yo sabbotage it. I cannot even let a person feel anything for me. I have never been in a relationship that lasted for more than a few weeks b/c this fear is so intense. I feel like if i let a guy in, in the end I will regret it. I grew up without a father, he left when i was young and moved across the country and changed his identity so that we would not track him down. My single mother raised 4 kids and was never home, so i rasied myself from age 5 on. She is a serial monogamist. I know that this plays a major role in my issues today, but how can I overcome this? I am a college student and cannot afford therapy, and i dont even think I could open myself up to a therapist. I have gone through life with a series of friends but always ran from friendships when it came time to really open up. Now that I am older I find myself doing the same things with men. I am so scared of what trust and confiding in someone will bring, but I might be more scared about what not overcoming this will bring. Anyone out there in my shoes or have any advice? I am dying inside knowing that I am defective in love. I just want to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
bhockeyct11 Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 You will not be able to love someone else until you love yourself. You have to put your past behind you and look to the future. In order to fall in love you must take a chance. You don't know if you could trust the person you are with but you have to actually trust them anyway. If the person is right then the trust will build itself. Open yourself up to someone and your going to find it is a great feeling. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
johnnyl321 Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 OK, I hope this doesn't seem too out of line, but with all the posts I read on here on a daily basis (which shows what I do when I should be working) have shown me that falling in love, for lack of a better term, SUCKS!! Why would I say that? Well, let's see. People meet, they get to know each other, they "fall in love", they marry, they start a family, they begin to grow weary and stale to and of one another, one of them starts to ignore the other, then the ignored decides to put a little excitement back into his/her life by looking around. Next thing you know, there's extramarital affairs going on, diseases being spread around, jealousy rearing it's ugly head in the family. Now the family breaks apart and leaves kids like you behind wondering when they're going to do the whole thing all over again. I'm only 40. I was married once for 10 years and the above happened. Now I live with my girlfriend, and believe me, for the most part, I sometimes wish I didn't. I truly feel I'd probably be happier and richer if I just lived by myself and if I need some "physical attention", I'd call an escort service. Harsh, I know, but to go through all the headaches, the heartaches is starting to really wear on me. My G/F often goes days without speaking to me, when I ask why, I get the typical female response: 1. I don't know what's bothering me, 2. It's not you, it's me (always a classic) 3. I'll be alright, just give me a few days. Why don't women ever talk about their feelings. Or maybe they do, and I just happened to fall for the one who got their emotional skill from her dad. Anyway, I will agree. Love is a wonderful thing, but the death of love, the end of the "honeymoon stage" is bitter at best. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by johnnyl321 Why don't women ever talk about their feelings. ARE YOU KIDDING???? I´ve been sitting here, trying to compose an email to some guy who pissed me off a couple of months ago for not having the guts to come clear with me. He obvioulsy has problems with being open with me. I can name you a couple of guys who obviously have big problems with talking about their problems. A number? Spontaneously? Four. If I think harder I´m sure I can find more names. HA. Women just can´t stop talking about their feelings. It´s you guys who create all these confusion and trouble with your refusal to talk. --Fearoflove, try it slowly, step by step. If youlisten to your inner voice and take things slow when you feel uncomfortable, it will work out just fine. I think I´m committment phobic, too. You´re looking to far into the future, enjoy the moment and the person you´re with. I have few friends, but I appreciate them a lot. I still do not tell them everything, but it´s still ok. There´s no need to rush it. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnyl321 Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 okay, so in my ongoing anti-love diatribe, the one thing you picked out was my line "Why don't women ever talk about their feelings" This is exactly what I mean. To talk about is one thing, to express another. For example, if I'm upset, I can express that by shouting, or cursing or simmering. Whatever. To talk about WHY I'm upset is different altogether. I apologize if I lumped all women into one category, but the only one I concern myself with is the woman I'm with now. Read some of my other posts for more background. Again, sorry for the confusion, but I still don't believe that most people can talk about their feelings. They merely express them. I'm sure you'll prove me wrong. Happy Holidays Link to post Share on other sites
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