The "L" word

[Ed]

I have a new lady in my life. We met about 2 1/2 months ago. For the past six weeks we have been dating and generally spending a lot of good time together.

 

Everything has been rocking along great. We have a lot of fun together and things are beginning to heat up. We have not had sex, but have done some heavy petting (this has been extremely fun, I might tell you about it later). Anyway, we're really at the stage of deciding if we want to take the relationship into the "having sex" realm.

 

Something happened this past Sunday night, that took me by complete surprise. We were lying on the couch hugging, kissing and talking. We were having a lot of fun playing around. Then all of a sudden, there was something about the way she looked at this particular moment and I said, "I Lxxx You". I wish I could have had this on tape, because both of our eyes got as big around as saucers. IT JUST POPPED OUT! I didn't think it, I didn't know it was coming. IT JUST POPPED OUT! I don't even know where it came from. It really did not blow the moment and we both laughed about it and continued having more fun. We have not talked about it since then.

 

Now we (under mutual agreement) are supposed to be taking this slow. I am fully aware that she is becoming a more and more important person to me as time goes on. But this has really left me at a loss for words. I want to say something! I just don't know what to say or even if I should say anything at all.

 

Did I blow it?

[Tony T]

Nah, you didn't blow it. She was probably thrilled. To her, the way you said it was probably a lot more sincere than if you said it with more intent.

 

I do think those are pretty strong words and you wouldn't have blurted them out unless you meant them. So this is something you're going to have to deal with in the future. Obviously she's not at that point yet...but I'm sure she is very flattered to know what your head is at. This should make your transition to the sex stage a lot easier for her.

 

Though you sort of let the cat out of the bag, don't start kissing her butt and being a wimp. Be a man, be a challenge. Spending an inordinate amount of time together is not good for a relationship in the initial stages. It can cause things to burn out. Start being a bit more of a mystery...and watch what comes out of your mouth accidentally.

[Ed]

OK Tony. I've got your point. I know I need to back off some. We have been spending "a lot" of time together. It just seems so natural to do so because things are working out so well (as it usually does in the beginning). And to purposely avoid spending time with her seems so unnatural. But I know I need to "cool it". I just want to "cool it" without "killing it".

 

Know what I mean? Your thoughts.

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

You seem to understand pretty well. There is sort of a fine art to nurturing a new relationship without burning it out too fast. There is a tremendous temptation to want to suck all the great tasting nectar from a new love...but in doing so, we end up with little or none for later.

 

Nothing wrong with spending the time...but, I always remember what comedian Bob Hope told a reporter when he was asked about his longevity in show business. He simply replied, "Always leave them wanting more." Don't kill yourself from overexposure.

 

But you have the instincts to play this just right, I'm sure. I still wouldn't worry about the I Love You thing, although you may have given her a bit of a tip off...go the other way a little bit, be a little mysterious and unpredictable...then come back to the middle. Throw her off a little bit. It will keep her interested...and you too.

 

Good luck...sounds really great.

[Maffy]

This goes to prove that women dont scare as easy as men! I think it's GREAT that you just said what you felt without overthink it! We spend to much time strategising... I think being natural is excellent. Afterall your in it hoping to find great love, obviously neither of you are there yet, but it has to start somewhere. Many ranges of love.

 

Good for you. It makes me hopeful for the male kind. My last boyfriend obviously "liked" me but after 2 month was so terrified of falling in love, we broke up. And he's 34!What the heck is that ?!!

 

Maffy