Raena Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I'd really like to know why it is that any OW would feel that is is appropriate to brag about and post pictures of her affair with a MM? I mean, shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself? Why would you want the world to know that you were instrumental in the destruction of a family? Why brag about it online and degrade the BS? This is what is currently happening to me. I try to avoid it, but many other people have commented on it to me asking who she is and why she is bragging about causing our family to split. They are in NC and he has pointedly told her that he will never be with her, that he is ashamed of what he did and she should be too. Yet... she persists. He told me her whole goal was to make sure that I knew the "truth". Well, I don't need to know all of the nitty gritty details. I don't need to see pictures of them together plastered all over the internet. All I needed to know was that it occurred. Why persist in announcing this to the world when it is done and over with and not really something to be proud of? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Perhaps it is more that she is pissed than proud. Where is the OW of your H bragging about things? Are you living in the same community or is this online stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
NotCamelot Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 She's probably just trying to hurt you (more) becuase you "won". Though there really are no winners in this **it!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I think a lot of that is to hurt your H through you. She wants to use you as a tool to punish your H for the hurt she is feeling. You were not a consideration during their affair and you are not a consideration to her now. Only that you may bring some kind of punishment to your H after seeing and hearing certain things. I doubt she is feeling pride. There is little to be proud of from anyone in this situation. She likely feels rejected and confused. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Sounds like your OW is more insecure. My guess is that most OW don't brag - I mean, it's not really a "bragging" kind of situation...no real "accomplishment". I don't see the real point of an OW posting pictures of her and her MM and publicly degrading the BS. SHE will look like the fool... not you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 um...lack of conscience? Devoid of character? Just plain mean? All those reasons make sense to me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 They need validation...of any kind. If you acknowledge, you feed them. A healthy person would not brag about poor behaviour. And they certainly would not want it broadcast to everyone they know. However, there are some...that do not view the world as most of us do. They do not see boundaries as something that belongs to anyone but themselves. Again, the best course of action is to ignore. I mean really, how pathetic does one have to be....to be PROUD of that type of behaviour? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Raena Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Perhaps it is more that she is pissed than proud. Where is the OW of your H bragging about things? Are you living in the same community or is this online stuff? It is all online on twitter and some on facebook. I have blocked her on both applications. He had to end up deleting his accounts because she was tagging him which meant all of his/our friends were seeing what she was posting. I guess he could have just blocked her but he thought it would be best to just delete it altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Raena Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Sounds like your OW is more insecure. My guess is that most OW don't brag - I mean, it's not really a "bragging" kind of situation...no real "accomplishment". I don't see the real point of an OW posting pictures of her and her MM and publicly degrading the BS. SHE will look like the fool... not you. Yeah she does look like a fool. I'm guessing she just doesn't care right now. I think she thought he was going to go to her when we split up but he didn't so she's angry and hurt. Of course, I could care less if she is hurt. She knew what she was doing when she got involved with him. That's the chance she took. Her husband dumped her and so did my ex, now she's left looking like a fool with no one to blame but herself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 What makes the OW brag about being in a relationship with a MM? Lack of character, honor, integrity, class, values and self-esteem. Exactly the same thing that makes the MM cheat with them in the first place, and that the MM lacks. Grumps 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Raena Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 I doubt she is feeling pride. There is little to be proud of from anyone in this situation. She likely feels rejected and confused. Maybe so... but she went into this with open eyes. She knew exactly what she was doing, they even made up "rules" about how it was to all go down. Quite honestly... from the things she is posting, it sure does seems like she is proud of it. But thinking on it some more.. you are probably right... it might be more that she wants to hurt him or me or both out of spite. I just want to say to her... "You did it to yourself you tramp, it's not my fault so stop blaming me!" But... I refuse to communicate with her so I just try to ignore it the best that I can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I'd really like to know why it is that any OW would feel that is is appropriate to brag about and post pictures of her affair with a MM? I mean, shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself? Why would you want the world to know that you were instrumental in the destruction of a family? Why brag about it online and degrade the BS? This is what is currently happening to me. I try to avoid it, but many other people have commented on it to me asking who she is and why she is bragging about causing our family to split. They are in NC and he has pointedly told her that he will never be with her, that he is ashamed of what he did and she should be too. Yet... she persists. He told me her whole goal was to make sure that I knew the "truth". Well, I don't need to know all of the nitty gritty details. I don't need to see pictures of them together plastered all over the internet. All I needed to know was that it occurred. Why persist in announcing this to the world when it is done and over with and not really something to be proud of? She is a sore loser with no dignity. Stay off the net. Tell others you dont want to know anymore and to stop mentioning it to you. Stay strong, Love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 It is all online on twitter and some on facebook. I have blocked her on both applications. He had to end up deleting his accounts because she was tagging him which meant all of his/our friends were seeing what she was posting. I guess he could have just blocked her but he thought it would be best to just delete it altogether. Yeah, she probably is ripping mad still and has a bug up her a$$ hoping to humiliate the exMM. All you/he can do is block/delete/ignore. She'll eventually lose interest and hopefully you can heal. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 the answer is easy..... because she's a sick, twisted b1tch. somebody had to say it. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Unfortunately for some women the affair is not really about the MM, it is about besting the BS.....sigh.... Think of junior hig school....these women never sat at the popular table or dated the QB. They NEVER got the attention many other girls got... So if they can actually woo a proven man, stable, married with children, a good provider devoted to his wife, away from all he holds dear....for them, it IS the greatest ego boost in the world. It makes them feel like a fairy princess or Juliet. And then it becomes about being a better woman than you. they are oh so jealous of you as you earned his love and devotion admirably. yes! You have what they never did; a man who admires and loves you without constant easy sex. You won.....and when he chose YOU after the affair, you won again. They don't get the rules or how the game is played. they never did. Even easy sex and flattery didn't win them the man. Confidence, self-reliance, kindness does. men love to USE doormats. they generally do not admire them enough to commit and marry them. That creates an anger that makes them want to punish you. IGNORE her. Do not respond or react. Post whatever pics of your life you want to. You, unlike her, have EARNED respect. You did not steal it temporarily. 16 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I don't know how long theirA lasted or how it ended, but is it possible if it were a long A that your wonderful SO dropped her like yesterday's garbage and didn't give her the closure she was seeking/deserves. When WS go cold-turkey/no explanation NC with the OW, expect the unexpected. Hell that applies in any relationship. Usually the WS cause all the bunny boiling they get! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Unfortunately for some women the affair is not really about the MM, it is about besting the BS.....sigh.... Think of junior hig school....these women never sat at the popular table or dated the QB. They NEVER got the attention many other girls got... So if they can actually woo a proven man, stable, married with children, a good provider devoted to his wife, away from all he holds dear....for them, it IS the greatest ego boost in the world. It makes them feel like a fairy princess or Juliet. And then it becomes about being a better woman than you. they are oh so jealous of you as you earned his love and devotion admirably. yes! You have what they never did; a man who admires and loves you without constant easy sex. You won.....and when he chose YOU after the affair, you won again. They don't get the rules or how the game is played. they never did. Even easy sex and flattery didn't win them the man. Confidence, self-reliance, kindness does. men love to USE doormats. they generally do not admire them enough to commit and marry them. That creates an anger that makes them want to punish you. IGNORE her. Do not respond or react. Post whatever pics of your life you want to. You, unlike her, have EARNED respect. You did not steal it temporarily. This ^^^ resonates on so many levels. I never imagined there were grown women like this, but sadly I've come to realize there some women who don't respect or like their own gender. I've always thought that most women felt a sisterhood with each other. Women have come a long way. From banding together to get the vote. Mothers wanting more for their daughters and encouraging them toward higher education. Women raising the bar so that each new generation of girls have the opportunities that was denied them. Women united on bringing awareness and raising funds for breast cancer....I could go on and on..... It saddens me that there are women who do not care about their "sisterhood", who only see them as competition and get a kick out of it. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I don't know how long theirA lasted or how it ended, but is it possible if it were a long A that your wonderful SO dropped her like yesterday's garbage and didn't give her the closure she was seeking/deserves. When WS go cold-turkey/no explanation NC with the OW, expect the unexpected. Hell that applies in any relationship. Usually the WS cause all the bunny boiling they get! Are you saying that if your MM dumped you it would be ok for you to harass his wife? Really?? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GypsumSatellite Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I'm not quite sure what drives some people in relationship to stir drama like that. Speaking as an OW, I don't talk about him at all to anyone: online OR offline. I'm a pretty private person and don't air any of my relationships (normal or this affair) like that. It could be that someone like that posts so publicly because they hope you or H will see it as proof of either devotion or their version of reality. I can't place myself in her shoes, because I've never behaved like that myself. I know it is pat advice to say "Ignore it", especially with others commenting on the hornet's nest of drama. You or your H could start flagging her photos of him for removal if you catch them in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 (edited) It may not be bragging, per se...from what I've read over the years on LS, when the WS decides to go back to the BS, there's often a near-panicky fear on the part of the AP that s/he "got away with it". That the BS persists in blissful ignorance/denial, that the WS will suffer no repercussions, and that the AP will be the only one left suffering. (anyone who's been a BS will find that amusing, of course) And yes, sometimes the AP at that point will decide that the greater good is served by providing info - photos or whatever - to the BS, to make sure that 1) the affair is taken note of; and 2) the affair isn't blamed entirely on the AP. So, maybe your AP thinks you're in denial and also has an axe to grind against the WS. More angry hurt than bragging. Not that that makes it OK. Edited November 1, 2013 by serial muse Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 The WS is the bad guy 100% of the time, they chose their AP, and chose how they would treat her, a lot of time with mind****ery and managing. The person you should be blaming is the WS for both their choice of new partner they brought into your life as well the mind screwing they instilled to get the AP to this histerical state of mind. These POS WS's get away with murder sometimes, this is amplified when the BS is. Spineless rug sweeper. I wouldn't ever take back a man who cheated on me, no matter how many kids we had or what our history entailed. If you are desperate enough to be with a WS you should at least make them accountable for how they treat people, and reLize without proper closure, his affair relTionship is never closed... NC letters are farrrrr from proper closure, they're cowardly, rug sweeping acts of desperation, the AP see's this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 The WS is the bad guy 100% of the time, they chose their AP, and chose how they would treat her, a lot of time with mind****ery and managing. The person you should be blaming is the WS for both their choice of new partner they brought into your life as well the mind screwing they instilled to get the AP to this histerical state of mind. These POS WS's get away with murder sometimes, this is amplified when the BS is. Spineless rug sweeper. I wouldn't ever take back a man who cheated on me, no matter how many kids we had or what our history entailed. If you are desperate enough to be with a WS you should at least make them accountable for how they treat people, and reLize without proper closure, his affair relTionship is never closed... NC letters are farrrrr from proper closure, they're cowardly, rug sweeping acts of desperation, the AP see's this. Let's not forget that most people have times in their lives that are not always pleasant and may have a hard time navigating. Making it a point to call people spineless and expect them to " make" their spouse treat others a certain way is absurd. Lots of people wouldn't make the choice to have a relationship with a married person either but trying to degrade someone without a leg to stand on is an interesting stance. Life happens and you make the best of it. I'm sure many people wouldn't have been in certain situations you have lived through in life too. Or at least handled them differently. So what? You can't make anyone do the right thing. You just have to hope that they will. What's right for you may not be right for me? I should take into consideration the needs of the OW when I so obviously was not a concern for her? Any BS should? OP should? Maybe so. I can tell you often times that will not be the case. The irony of you calling a BS desperate is not lost on me. Everyone wants and desires love. Especially ( often times) that of their very own spouse. For some there would never be enough closure. Never enough questions to ask or texts to send. Never enough " final" meeting to say goodbye. The dramatics for everyone would continue on into oblivion. What is enough? This place is a bucket of crabs lately. Everyone pulling the other down. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I'm not making generalizations of all WS and BS, just ones in situations where a BS rug sweeps, WS leaves AP in the dust with no closure, possibly a single breakup conversation. This situation wouldn't apply to OP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Raena Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 The WS is the bad guy 100% of the time, they chose their AP, and chose how they would treat her, a lot of time with mind****ery and managing. This doesn't apply to this situation and I respectfully do NOT agree with you that the WS is the bad guy 100% of the time. This particular OW went into this situation with her eyes wide open about what was going to happen. SHE knew he was already involved in a relationship and didn't care, she wanted him anyway. She rubbed my nose in it after I had already found out the truth and continues to do so. THAT is what this post was about. It is NOT the WS's fault 100%.... he didn't wander into someone else's arms and not tell her what was going on in his life. He didn't lie to her and tell her that he was going to be with her. He told her straight up that he wasn't going to leave me. (of course, he has no control over that now because I choose not to stay). She knew what it was all about and thought that if she spread her legs for him that he would dump his family for her. She was a willing participant in the subterfuge and so was he. They are BOTH at fault. Too bad if her feelings got hurt. She shouldn't have been screwing around with him in the first place. If she had any respect for herself, she wouldn't have allowed it to happen and she darn sure wouldn't be bragging about it to anyone, ever. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Raena Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 I'm not making generalizations of all WS and BS, just ones in situations where a BS rug sweeps, WS leaves AP in the dust with no closure, possibly a single breakup conversation. This situation wouldn't apply to OP Quite honestly... one never really knows what is being said between the BS and the WS. From the AP's perspective it may seem like rug sweeping but the reality is... the AP isn't privy to the conversations that are occurring and really has no idea what has been said. When the OW/OM knowingly gets involved in an affair they should do so knowing full well that it is NOT going to work out all peachy in the end. A single break up conversation may be all that is required to let the AP know that it is over. It doesn't matter how long it went on. Affairs don't usually end in happiness. I'd think the OW/OM would be well aware of that fact going into the situation to begin with. Closure? The "relationship" was over before it began. Why pretend any different? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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