What makes the OW brag about being in a relationship with a MM?

[Raena]

I'm going to hijack my own thread

 

LGOW I read some of your threads and I think I understand a little better why you responded the way you have. What I have said may have hurt you and that wasn't my intention.

 

Keep in mind that my situation is not your situation and I sincerely hope that everything works out for you the way that you hope. You aren't the OW in my situation... trust me... my situation is completely different than what you are experiencing.

 

I don't see you as the type to go rubbing your affair with your MM in his wife's face... now or after their divorce is final. It sounds more like you'd like to keep it secret until the dust settles and then come around acting as if you are his new girlfriend. It may not work out the way you hoped, but it may. Either way, I wish you luck. I can see how much it is really bothering you.

 

That being said... I stand behind what I said about affairs in general. I can't see putting myself in that situation of taking scraps and I can't understand why anyone would choose to do so.

 

I will be on the dating scene again very soon, or maybe not, I don't know about that just now... but wow, I really hope I don't end up having to deal with more lying/cheating men. I suspect that I will be over the top with trust issues for awhile. I do know that if I even get a smidgen of a hint that the man is already in a relationship any thoughts of a relationship with him will be out the door. I just wouldn't be able to do it.

[Steadfast]

That being said... I stand behind what I said about affairs in general. I can't see putting myself in that situation of taking scraps and I can't understand why anyone would choose to do so.

 

Apologizes for not picking up that you had split. I replied to (some of) your previous posts but didn't see a definitive spot where that was announced.

 

That said, it's good that you're moving on. Like most BS's, I saw my dissolving marriage as a challenge and the OM as an enemy. I was shocked at the amount of power and control her 'friends and lovers' had over her. The hardest part was accepting that she not only welcomed that control, but encouraged or even instigated it. If a person hasn't been there, it's hard to describe how much of a ego beating the betrayed spouse takes. You do realize at some point, that you -or a part of you- is being destroyed. A precious part. Trying my best to be impartial, women seem especially adept at cruelty; to men and women.

 

Yes, messages on FB or Twitter chime directly on your phone, like any other text. Ugh. Un-friend them all and act like the OW doesn't exist.

 

I will be on the dating scene again very soon, or maybe not, I don't know about that just now... but wow, I really hope I don't end up having to deal with more lying/cheating men. I suspect that I will be over the top with trust issues for awhile.

 

If you want to make things worse, you'll start dating too soon and drag all this crap in with you. I'm four-years post-divorce and the one thing I've learned is there are no guarantees. Wedding vows can be broken, and our best and most loving efforts can be used against us. The solution? Be the best you possible. It's easier to open up, trust and be loving if our happiness and security isn't dependent on the relationship.

 

Hang in there. Did you buy a new bed yet? =)

[Raena]

No I didn't buy a new bed yet, can't really afford it now that I have to pay all the bills on my own.

 

You are right about the dating. I know I shouldn't do that anytime soon but I would at least like to get out of the house and make new friends.

 

As for the OW and her posts... I keep thinking that there has to be a reason for why she is acting this way. Maybe it's out of hurt and spite, maybe she really thinks that they are going to be together.

 

If he and I didn't have a child together, this might not be as important to me. I can't control who he chooses to be with, but I can control who he allows to be around our child. I think that I have every reason to be concerned about this person being around my child considering all of the hateful nasty things she has said about me. She isn't coming across as a very nice person and that bothers me. I wish I could just say... take him you idiot... he's going to do the same to you... but I have to worry about whether or not he is going to have that skank and her 2 kids around mine.

 

He says he dumped her and wants nothing to do with her, but he also lied to me on countless occasions about her so his word means nothing to me. I kind of feel like I have to keep an eye on this situation but yet I'd rather not see the crap she posts either. So yeah, I blocked her, but part of me still wants to look and see... kind of like a train wreck. Does that make any sense?

[Steadfast]

I can't control who he chooses to be with, but I can control who he allows to be around our child.

 

Unfortunately, you can't control that either. The best you can do is a restraining order but you must have a reason. Those are famous for being broken.

 

Don't believe a word. The best you can do is tell him you'll kick his ass if anything happens to the kid. It sucks. You must deal. Train the child. When he's old enough, get him a phone. Be in constant contact. Tell daddy that if he messes up, you do the deed in court and he'll pay. Be firm, but realistic.

[BHsigh]

I think the OW is entitled to whatever closure she needs, generally it bolides down to a face to face conversation that the cowardly WS is too scared to have. These 2 way conversations eliminate a lot of the questions most likely weighing on the OW's mind which causes poor bunnies to meet their untimely boiling.

 

Having a face to face breakup conversation would definitely save a lot of BS heartbreak and chaos, but those WS only care about #1 anyways, they use the chaos created from the heartbroken OW as a tool to further manage the BS

 

Is the WS "scared" or is the BS not allowing it? I personally would have left my WW without a second thought if she even entertained the idea of talking to POSOM after I discovered their A.

 

It was hard enough to R as it was. Do I care that POSOM was hurt by the "lack of closure"? No I did not, because neither one of them cared about my feelings when they started the A to begin with.

 

Quit justifying your bad choices with silly reasonings, AP's are more often than not fully aware that they are getting involved with a married person, and all of the "But he said that he was unhappy in his marriage" excuses in the world will not change that.

 

The WW, if they really want to stay with their BS, needs to show that the BS really is their number one choice, and if it takes a scorned POSAP, then so be it, they don't deserve any better.

[BHsigh]

you have gone totally off topic with your hate mongering, the BS is not reconciling.

 

Imagine though being left totally in the dark by someone you truly thought you loved..... it is hell. Sometimes as I am beginning to realise here, none of us will know the truth as in this case Raena I think neither you nor AP know the truth and that is why she is behaving like this.

 

I think everyone deserves the truth no matter who they are in the end.

 

I would not be able to stand not knowing the truth even if the relationship ended and am surprised that Raena does not want it, but she may later.

 

I'm not hate mongering at all, just reacting to a silly statement that the BS is responsible for WS and AP. And that Raena somehow deserves AP's bunny boiler wrath.

 

Believe me, I know all about being "left in the dark", and AP was a part of that.

 

But you are right about veering off topic. Sorry everyone.

 

Raena, I hope that AP realizes that you had nothing to do with your soon to be exWS and leaved you alone. I see no reason in the world why she would continue to haunt you like this.

[BHsigh]

NOBODY thinks Raena is responsible for any of this!!!

 

Raena this is totally not your fault and if people are misreading, let me assure you. Nobody thinks this is your doing even if you did look on Facebook or Twitter.

 

Are we allowed to know what she is saying??? Just to get a better insight?

 

I never said that anyone thinks that Raena is responsible, I said that someone feels that she deserves it because of what her stbx did, see the post below calling the AP her problem now.

 

*edit Ah dang, I see where I put that now, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to say respsonsible, I meant that she someohow deserves it.

 

I'm not sure why its so hard for some people to understand when your husband decides to take on an OW, shes now both of your problem! Some are meek and sweet, some are bunny boiling beotches, thats the gamble your DH's make with his and your (the BS's) life. For better or for worse, Blame the husband!

 

Good for you OP, for not putting up with a cheating SOB

 

A scorned OW who doesnt get the closure they feel they deserve is a force to be reckoned with. Affair's ARE normal relationships, per say, when your doting DH takes on an OW, she becomes a part of your marraige, period.

Edited November 4, 2013 by BHsigh

[AlwaysGrowing]

you have gone totally off topic with your hate mongering, the BS is not reconciling.

 

Imagine though being left totally in the dark by someone you truly thought you loved..... it is hell. Sometimes as I am beginning to realise here, none of us will know the truth as in this case Raena I think neither you nor AP know the truth and that is why she is behaving like this.

 

I think everyone deserves the truth no matter who they are in the end.

 

I would not be able to stand not knowing the truth even if the relationship ended and am surprised that Raena does not want it, but she may later.

 

 

"Hate Mongering"???? Now that was an overreach.

 

DESERVES what an entitled bunch of bull sh*t. People have taken that little gem and apply to everything in life. And people wonder where this sense of entitlement that is so prevalent in todays society comes from. There is very little in life that one is entitled to. Even happiness is not deserved all because one exists...they are entitled to the PURSUIT of happiness, up until it infringes on someone else.

 

And who made the AP the keeper of the TRUTH???? I would no more trust an AP version of things than I would a known criminal on the top 10 list. They are skilled masters of minimizing and blameshifting, to others...and to themselves. I can not count how many AP (mostly OW) that blame a slick MM or some perceived slight that a BS may or may not have done in the marriage as to the reason why THEY made the choice to engage in an affair. Whether or not there was a slick MM, does not make someone less culpable for choosing to be a mistress, and the fact that even if the marriage had difficulties, nothing was DONE to the AP that warrants any type of retaliation against a BS. Nothing was done/said to an AP, so how could that possibly be an excuse for why they insert themselves into the marriage due to a perceived wrong doing???

 

Those who engage in hurtful behaviours/actions towards another do not deserve to be heard/seen/validated in any way shape or form by the person that they hurt.

[thecharade]

You cannot insert yourself into someone's marriage. Impossible.

You must be let in. Period.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Except in my case, the coat was given to me for free. It was offered and declined several times and then it was cold so i let it warm me and then I wanted to keep it.

 

 

 

And if that is who you are.......then that is who you are.

[ladydesigner]

Well the high of bragging lasts as long as the relationship lasts I guess

[liloldlady]

I afford respect to others whether I know them or not.

 

If I love a man and he happens to love me too but he's not married but maybe committed sorta or whatever, the man comes first always and every time.

 

Is that your standard, as long you don't personally know someone its okay to be disrespectful?

 

I'm not disrespecting anyone by loving on another.

 

I don't know the drive-thru attendant, I still treat them respectfully,

 

The drive thru attendant fulfills a purpose in my life. Give me food, I give you money, and we go on our merry way. I fail to see the correlation between the two. Especially in long term affairs. The drive thru attendant vs. my lover. No comparison.

 

 

I am also not the type of person who sees a nice coat on someone walking down the street, and say "damn that looks good" and rips it off of them. I say, "that's a great coat" then look for the same style and buy my OWN.

 

A man is not a coat or property you can go buy at the store. He belongs to God. A man will make his own decisions.

[liloldlady]

Except in my case, the coat was given to me for free. It was offered and declined several times and then it was cold so i let it warm me and then I wanted to keep it.

 

Yes, yes! I declined my "coat", too, many times, but he pursued and stuck with me and we love each other so...I'm warm this winter, too, what what!

[liloldlady]

Well the high of bragging lasts as long as the relationship lasts I guess

 

It's a fine line and delicate balance between bragging and public acknowledgement. I had to get on him a little bit because I craved some public love from him on social media. So while I'm complaining on the phone, he's busy clicking like on my page, so I'm satisfied.

 

I think being on front street in secret love affairs is not a good idea. But at a certain point, I think some of us become open, public secrets so... Deal with it.

[KathyM]

 

I'm not disrespecting anyone by loving on another.

You are disrespecting the marriage, and disrespecting the wife by engaging in an affair with her husband.

 

 

The drive thru attendant fulfills a purpose in my life. Give me food, I give you money, and we go on our merry way. I fail to see the correlation between the two. Especially in long term affairs. The drive thru attendant vs. my lover. No comparison.

The point she was making is showing respect for others, even those who are strangers, is basic human decency. People should not be treated poorly just because they are strangers.

 

 

A man is not a coat or property you can go buy at the store. He belongs to God. A man will make his own decisions.

If you want to bring God into this discussion, God himself has said that a man belongs to his wife, and the wife belongs to her husband. They become one flesh in God's eyes when they marry.

[BHsigh]

Except in my case, the coat was given to me for free. It was offered and declined several times and then it was cold so i let it warm me and then I wanted to keep it.

 

And by given to you for free, you really mean shared with you and another woman, behind her back and without her knowledge that it was being shared, yet you had the pleasure of knowing the entire time.

 

At least until you got tired of the coat, so then you told her that you were sharing it with her behind her back for 5 years so that she would then keep a closer eye on the coat to prevent it from trying to give itself to you "for free" again, am I right?

[BHsigh]

A man is not a coat or property you can go buy at the store. He belongs to God. A man will make his own decisions.

 

I personally find it funny that you can talk about god and yet defend your affair in the same post

[Furious]

I'd really like to know why it is that any OW would feel that is is appropriate to brag about and post pictures of her affair with a MM?

 

I mean, shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself? Why would you want the world to know that you were instrumental in the destruction of a family? Why brag about it online and degrade the BS?

 

This is what is currently happening to me. I try to avoid it, but many other people have commented on it to me asking who she is and why she is bragging about causing our family to split.

 

They are in NC and he has pointedly told her that he will never be with her, that he is ashamed of what he did and she should be too. Yet... she persists.

 

He told me her whole goal was to make sure that I knew the "truth". Well, I don't need to know all of the nitty gritty details. I don't need to see pictures of them together plastered all over the internet. All I needed to know was that it occurred.

 

Why persist in announcing this to the world when it is done and over with and not really something to be proud of?

 

 

 

I guess some women feel empowered by being with a married man. The thing is a married man who cheats is not a prize.

[liloldlady]

I guess some women feel empowered by being with a married man. The thing is a married man who cheats is not a prize.

 

It's very easy to fall into the ego zone of "yes, I am enjoying your man" but a real woman won't even go there. A real woman knows it's not about the other lady he's with. That's where the triangulation philosophy comes into play...

[BHsigh]

It's very easy to fall into the ego zone of "yes, I am enjoying your man" but a real woman won't even go there. A real woman knows it's not about the other lady he's with. That's where the triangulation philosophy comes into play...

 

Real women find single men.

[Furious]

It's very easy to fall into the ego zone of "yes, I am enjoying your man" but a real woman won't even go there. A real woman knows it's not about the other lady he's with. That's where the triangulation philosophy comes into play...

 

I don't relate to being a real woman has anything do with volunteering to be another woman and bragging about it.

[liloldlady]

Real women find single men.

 

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon

 

And I have never in my life "found" a man. They find me and I make my decisions accordingly.

[ladydesigner]

It's a fine line and delicate balance between bragging and public acknowledgement. I had to get on him a little bit because I craved some public love from him on social media. So while I'm complaining on the phone, he's busy clicking like on my page, so I'm satisfied.

 

I think being on front street in secret love affairs is not a good idea. But at a certain point, I think some of us become open, public secrets so... Deal with it.

 

Deal with what? Lol

 

Hey if your into looking at your FB all day, whatever floats your boat. No harm no foul.

[ladydesigner]

It's very easy to fall into the ego zone of "yes, I am enjoying your man" but a real woman won't even go there. A real woman knows it's not about the other lady he's with. That's where the triangulation philosophy comes into play...

 

Now you are onto something

[BHsigh]

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon

 

And I have never in my life "found" a man. They find me and I make my decisions accordingly.

 

If semantics are so very important to you, then is "real women choose single men" a better way to put it?

 

Maybe I should just list every version possible to account for all of the swollen head sizes.