What makes the OW brag about being in a relationship with a MM?

[rumbleseat]

I'm not making generalizations of all WS and BS, just ones in situations where a BS rug sweeps, WS leaves AP in the dust with no closure, possibly a single breakup conversation.

 

This situation wouldn't apply to OP

 

How is this "no closure"? What else is there to say? Likely everything that needs to be said was said in the goodbye letter or conversation. Does the now ex mm have to keep rehashing it over and over and over until the ow accepts things? Should the bs be expected to help soothe the feelings of the ow?

 

At some point, the ow needs to accept responsibility for the action she chose of being in a relationship with someone who was already married to someone else. At some point she has to begin to realize that no one can provide "closure" for someone else and they have to give it to themselves.

[Raena]

I don't know how long theirA lasted or how it ended, but is it possible if it were a long A that your wonderful SO dropped her like yesterday's garbage and didn't give her the closure she was seeking/deserves. When WS go cold-turkey/no explanation NC with the OW, expect the unexpected. Hell that applies in any relationship. Usually the WS cause all the bunny boiling they get!

 

None of this explains why she would chose to carry on bragging about it in an online forum after the fact. It's over, no matter the reason or the how or the length... it's over and she is still going on and on about it. He ended the affair months before telling me about it but she still persists in carrying on like a fool. Think what you want... obviously you are an OW and this is clouding your judgement of this situation.

 

I don't personally understand why anyone would willingly get involved with someone who is already involved in another relationship and then cry about it when its over. Shouldn't have been doing it in the first place.

[PhoenixRise]

The WS is the bad guy 100% of the time, they chose their AP, and chose how they would treat her, a lot of time with mind****ery and managing.

 

The person you should be blaming is the WS for both their choice of new partner they brought into your life as well the mind screwing they instilled to get the AP to this histerical state of mind.

 

These POS WS's get away with murder sometimes, this is amplified when the BS is. Spineless rug sweeper. I wouldn't ever take back a man who cheated on me, no matter how many kids we had or what our history entailed.

If you are desperate enough to be with a WS you should at least make them accountable for how they treat people, and reLize without proper closure, his affair relTionship is never closed... NC letters are farrrrr from proper closure, they're cowardly, rug sweeping acts of desperation, the AP see's this.

 

 

You know lines in the sand look different for everybody.

 

Some people might say a person who stays with a spouse who cheated is desperate.

 

Others might say that staying with a man who left you to get get beaten to a pulp by your angry husband is a sign of desperation.

 

Its all a matter of perception.

[peaksandvalleys]

I don't know how long theirA lasted or how it ended, but is it possible if it were a long A that your wonderful SO dropped her like yesterday's garbage and didn't give her the closure she was seeking/deserves. When WS go cold-turkey/no explanation NC with the OW, expect the unexpected. Hell that applies in any relationship. Usually the WS cause all the bunny boiling they get!

 

 

So I should be prepared for this even though she is really pissed at WS. Are you saying my children should be prepared too?

[PhoenixRise]

An OW who does this may be angry they weren't "chosen". Maybe she wants to make sure YOU know how much he claimed to love her and how much he acted like he loved her.

 

She is afraid of being minimized so she want to make sure you SEE her.

 

I know you are getting advice to just ignore it. That may actually be good advice.

 

But if she is putting things out there publicly where your friends and family can see it, if I were you, I would do what I can take back the narrative.

 

 

Maybe post a statement on facebook tagging friends and family letting them know that yes your husband cheated and yes his OW is going bunny boiler all over social media.

 

Craft a completely fair sounding statement of the facts that casts her as a nutjob and him as an idiot and that shows that you are dealing with the situation in the best way possible under the circumstances.

 

She only has the power to hurt you if you allow yourself to be embarrassed or ashamed due to the actions taken by others.

[Steadfast]

Your husband brought this into your life, not her. She slept with a married man and you're upset about her poor values and judgement? That, I'd also guess, was one the reasons hubby took the bait. Free candy. Easy fun.

 

You didn't win. Your husband made sure of that.

[BHsigh]

dropped her like yesterday's garbage

 

Well, how else are you supposed to drop yesterdays garbage?

[BHsigh]

The WS is the bad guy 100% of the time, they chose their AP, and chose how they would treat her, a lot of time with mind****ery and managing.

 

You are correct that the WS is the bad one 100% of the time, but the AP isn't without blame if they know that WS is married, particularly if they know the BS.

 

NC letters are farrrrr from proper closure, they're cowardly, rug sweeping acts of desperation, the AP see's this.

 

Who usually has to push for NC? The BS, that's who, so are you saying that the BS are cowardly for making their WS choose?

 

I sure dont, I think that the AP's are the cowards, for not making the WS choose.

[sweet_pea]

The WS is the bad guy 100% of the time, they chose their AP, and chose how they would treat her, a lot of time with mind****ery and managing.

 

The person you should be blaming is the WS for both their choice of new partner they brought into your life as well the mind screwing they instilled to get the AP to this histerical state of mind.

 

These POS WS's get away with murder sometimes, this is amplified when the BS is. Spineless rug sweeper. I wouldn't ever take back a man who cheated on me, no matter how many kids we had or what our history entailed.

 

If you are desperate enough to be with a WS you should at least make them accountable for how they treat people, and reLize without proper closure, his affair relTionship is never closed... NC letters are farrrrr from proper closure, they're cowardly, rug sweeping acts of desperation, the AP see's this.

 

Do you really think the OW has no accountability or responsibility for the affair? Or how she acts? Really? I'm sorry, but when it comes to behavior, there may be influences but each person is responsible for how they act.

 

I'm also curious--- what is proper closure? How are NC letters cowardly? Or desperate? I think it's very funny that you use the word desperate a lot....

[sweet_pea]

Anyway, to answer OP's question, I just think that she wants to hurt you more. She possibly wants to push you over the edge (if you're still with your husband) so that you'll leave him? She's probably just mad that the affair ended and not in the way that she wanted it to. I'm sorry you're going through this all, all I can say is block, block, block!

[AlwaysGrowing]

The WS is the bad guy 100% of the time, they chose their AP, and chose how they would treat her, a lot of time with mind****ery and managing.

 

The person you should be blaming is the WS for both their choice of new partner they brought into your life as well the mind screwing they instilled to get the AP to this histerical state of mind.

 

These POS WS's get away with murder sometimes, this is amplified when the BS is. Spineless rug sweeper. I wouldn't ever take back a man who cheated on me, no matter how many kids we had or what our history entailed.

 

If you are desperate enough to be with a WS you should at least make them accountable for how they treat people, and reLize without proper closure, his affair relTionship is never closed... NC letters are farrrrr from proper closure, they're cowardly, rug sweeping acts of desperation, the AP see's this.

 

Closure is overrated, unnecessary, vent-fests, lookatmestill behaviour.

 

Dissolving a marriage, does require one to be present for custody, asset division, etc.

 

And one can argue just as you have...if you are desperate enough to be with a WS you should at least make them accountable for how they treat people. Funny how, you never held your MM accountable for how he treated his wife and children. How he rug swept, cowardly behaviour...how his BS saw through this and divorced his azz...but hey...lets leave facts out of someone's fantasy.

[KathyM]

The OW/OM is not entitled to closure when an affair ends. If the WS decides to reconcile with his BS and the BS is willing to reconcile, a short NC letter to the OW/OM is all that should be done or expected to be done. Further meetings, correspondence, etc., to provide the OW/OM with closure undermines the reconciliation and the relationship of the married couple. OW/OM really have no right to closure. This was a secret, deceitful relationship. The OW/OM knew that coming in. Any attempt to provide closer by the WS to the AP, apart from a brief NC letter, undermines the reconciliation and further disrespects the BS.

[Raena]

It may not be bragging, per se...from what I've read over the years on LS, when the WS decides to go back to the BS, there's often a near-panicky fear on the part of the AP that s/he "got away with it". That the BS persists in blissful ignorance/denial, that the WS will suffer no repercussions, and that the AP will be the only one left suffering. (anyone who's been a BS will find that amusing, of course)

 

And yes, sometimes the AP at that point will decide that the greater good is served by providing info - photos or whatever - to the BS, to make sure that 1) the affair is taken note of; and 2) the affair isn't blamed entirely on the AP.

 

So, maybe your AP thinks you're in denial and also has an axe to grind against the WS. More angry hurt than bragging. Not that that makes it OK.

 

I suspect that you may have hit the nail on the head for my particular situation. My ex did say that she has been harassing him ever since he dumped her months ago that he better tell me the truth, so maybe part of it IS in fact that she didn't want him to "get away with it" while she had to suffer. (her husband found out and dumped her).

 

I still don't understand how that would make her choose to rub my nose in it so to speak. I mean she has said some pretty hurtful things to and about me in her rantings online. What's the point in that. I had no idea he was screwing around. (I saw some red flags and I had my suspicions long before before. I wasn't 100% sure and I even told her that in one of the conversations I had with her before the truth came out)

 

I didn't make him dump her, he chose to do that before I even knew the truth about it all. In fact, I had nothing to do with anything that went on between the two of them... that was all on them.

 

I suppose none of that matters to her though. She sees me as the enemy even though I did nothing to either of them. I'm guessing he cried on her shoulder telling her all his complaints (real or imaginary) about me so I guess that would fuel her fire into thinking I'm this terrible person who "ruined" what she had with him. (Yes, she did in fact say that to me)

 

The reality is, what they did was hurtful and it is much easier to blame someone else for your own mistakes than to accept and learn from them.

 

It is also easier to hide behind feelings of "oh he loved me but we can't be together because of HER" and be angry about it rather than see the stark truth of situation... which is that they never should have been together in the first place.

[waterwoman]

Oh Raena, when I told BS, she too said WH had said I had been harrassing him for months....even though i had proof, she didn't want it. the first thing they do when caught is "oh she is a bunny boiler''.

 

Come on..... Raena, think. You can do it. I understand you are confused but she is going on the internet because SHE KNOWS you believe HIM.

 

OP is divorcing her H. So it matters not a jot to her. Why does it matter to the OW?

[ladydesigner]

In my opinion

 

The OW/OM can go die in a fiery car crash as far as I'm concerned. Just saying............

I'm in agreement with other posters here. The OW isn't "entitled" to jack sh^T. She had no business in your marriage, no business in your life. She CHOSE to intrude into your marriage (your H CHOSE to let her in). as far as I'm concerned she can go F herself (seeing as your H doesn't want to anymore ) and that is the big problem. Your H doesn't want her anymore and she is angry...she wants to hurt him and hurt you because she was rejected.

 

Her bragging about it online just shows you what a psycho she is. How unstable and lacking she is. No self respect, no integrity as a woman. GAG!

 

As far as the "sisterhood" goes.............I wish! I wish women would live by the code.....but they don't. and Spark described it best. I call it "ugly duckling" syndrome....not really pretty, never got the attention from men. Now, suddenly they are getting the attention....because they have grown into a pretty woman??? or they just got trashier - easier. *shrug*

 

Anyway back to your psycho.............she's an attention seeking whore. Bottom line. Any attention is better then no attention - even if it's bad attention. Ignore Ignore Ignore. It's really the only thing you can do - other then calling her out for what she is: a scum sucking whore. Bottom feeder - skank - low life - dog **** - trash - slut- I really could go on and on but I think you get the point!

 

This fits MOW to a Tee. My WH told me she used to be really fat and not very popular and now that she has lost the weight is 'all that and then some' lol.

[ComingInHot]

Raena, I've been following your thread waiting for a moment when I could spent more than thirty seconds sharing just how much I understand.

UNlike most of the OW's here, I had an unstable, angry and hurt one, much like you do. I hope, in time, you will come to see what I have, NOT ALL OWS's are like the ones you and I got "lucky" with. They are women Just like you and me who made (what I feel) a bad choice. They are overall good people, because, let's face it, we've ALL made bad choices at one time or another. Except Jesus*

 

My H's exOW talked & harassed me or over THREE years!! My "favorite" was when she got My email (again) and sent a HUGE face picture w/a caption reading, "he always love my smile"...

Why ME?!?!

Why send that to Me?!

What is/was she trying to do? Remind ME that My Husband slept w/her?! Uuhhmmm, I'm pretty sure that's going to stay w/me thanks. Why wouldn't she send it to My Husband to remind Him?!?

 

What I surmize is that it took exOW time, just like it did me, to work through the A. She had to come to terms that or the FIRST time her young pretty bad self didn't get her what she wanted.

It was a Real "blow" to her.

She was Hurt and from hurt stems anger and from anger (if not dealt w/and controlled) comes vengeance and from vengeance... bunny boiler status.

 

I believe she wants BOTH you and your H/exH to "hurt", "pay" for HER pain, even though it was HER decision in the first place.

 

I've said it before & I'll say it now, I believe it took exOW crossing the line of the point of the cease & desist letter to the actual RO in order for her to take the time needed to reflect, acknowledge, take responsibility for and finally Heal from her decision to enage in the A w/my H.

And now, (again, this is My speculation and prayer) she is finally moved on and Happy w/herself and life.

 

Hang in. You ILL get there too!

Hopefully she will as well...

[Speakingofwhich]

I'd really like to know why it is that any OW would feel that is is appropriate to brag about and post pictures of her affair with a MM?....................Why persist in announcing this to the world when it is done and over with and not really something to be proud of?

 

Another thought: she might just be a person who likes drama. Not saying she is, but it's a pretty good possibility.

 

Don't know much about you as a person, but as embarrassing as the sitch may be for you, it seems you're best off just to keep your cool and let the contrast between the two of you speak for itself.

[Raena]

Oh Raena, when I told BS, she too said WH had said I had been harrassing him for months....even though i had proof, she didn't want it. the first thing they do when caught is "oh she is a bunny boiler''.

 

Come on..... Raena, think. You can do it. I understand you are confused but she is going on the internet because SHE KNOWS you believe HIM.

 

Someone else said it pretty well... I don't CARE what he said to her or what she believes about the situation. All I needed to know was that it happened, that he slept with her and that he lied about it to me when I directly asked him. THAT is what matters to me. Whatever evidence that proves that he is lying more doesn't matter one whit to me. I don't want nor need to see it to know what I need to do about this situation.

 

Do you get it now? Maybe the BS in your situation felt the exact same way. Who cares what the details are. She screwed around and got hurt... that's her problem... not mine.

[Spark1111]

It may not be bragging, per se...from what I've read over the years on LS, when the WS decides to go back to the BS, there's often a near-panicky fear on the part of the AP that s/he "got away with it". That the BS persists in blissful ignorance/denial, that the WS will suffer no repercussions, and that the AP will be the only one left suffering. (anyone who's been a BS will find that amusing, of course)

 

And yes, sometimes the AP at that point will decide that the greater good is served by providing info - photos or whatever - to the BS, to make sure that 1) the affair is taken note of; and 2) the affair isn't blamed entirely on the AP.

 

So, maybe your AP thinks you're in denial and also has an axe to grind against the WS. More angry hurt than bragging. Not that that makes it OK.

 

Well, rest assured that in most of the cases I know, THAT is SIMPLY NOT TRUE.

 

The AP may not know....but most BSs put the WS through hell....just like I did....before any attempt to reconcile Long Term is considered......

 

I thought she got off scot free. Other friends and family weren't informed by me...she was divorced...I did not tell her boss because I would NEVER hurt a child, even HER child, and jeopardize her livelihood.

 

meanwhile in MY house his children and siblings are crying; I have a D lawyer on speed dial and he is crying too. Our friends are angry at him. One of his closest friends who knew nothing of the affair? gave him crap at called him an A hole for over a year.

 

Scot free? Don't think so....

[Raena]

Another thought: she might just be a person who likes drama. Not saying she is, but it's a pretty good possibility.

 

Don't know much about you as a person, but as embarrassing as the sitch may be for you, it seems you're best off just to keep your cool and let the contrast between the two of you speak for itself.

 

I do pride myself on not being one of those "drama queen" type people... and thanks for the advice but I've already figured out that talking to her is a waste of my time and only fuels whatever issue she has going on.

 

It certainly helps to have a place like this to go to and discuss the feelings I am having though.

[Spark1111]

The WS is the bad guy 100% of the time, they chose their AP, and chose how they would treat her, a lot of time with mind****ery and managing.

 

The person you should be blaming is the WS for both their choice of new partner they brought into your life as well the mind screwing they instilled to get the AP to this histerical state of mind.

 

These POS WS's get away with murder sometimes, this is amplified when the BS is. Spineless rug sweeper. I wouldn't ever take back a man who cheated on me, no matter how many kids we had or what our history entailed.

 

If you are desperate enough to be with a WS you should at least make them accountable for how they treat people, and reLize without proper closure, his affair relTionship is never closed... NC letters are farrrrr from proper closure, they're cowardly, rug sweeping acts of desperation, the AP see's this.

 

wait, wait... YOU are with the same POS MM I loved too. Yet, YOU knew he was a lying, conniving bas!!rd to his wife and you were just FINE with it while it benefitted you do do so.

 

helloooooo?????????? Rug sweeping anyone? deserves closure?

 

Why?

 

BSs can't even get the AP to pick up the phone or answer an email 95 % of the time.

 

and we didn't know.

 

TALK about mind***** skulduggery!

[Spark1111]

So I should be prepared for this even though she is really pissed at WS. Are you saying my children should be prepared too?

 

Well.....IF the OW becomes crazy, angry, stalkerish and blasts pics tagged all over FB because her BS dumped her....of course it is the fault of the WS and his BS who MUST be pulling the puppet strings unseen....

 

But if a BS learns of a long-term affair, files for divorce via a gift-wrapped box crammed with incriminating pics and emails, files for divorce and sticks to her guns......

 

SHE MUST be unstable and unhinged......

 

See a pattern here? It's all ABOUT ME and EVERYONE ELSE is to blame!

 

(OH, please tell me...I'm begging...HOW do I get to be one of those confident popular girls?)

[Spark1111]

Raena, I've been following your thread waiting for a moment when I could spent more than thirty seconds sharing just how much I understand.

UNlike most of the OW's here, I had an unstable, angry and hurt one, much like you do. I hope, in time, you will come to see what I have, NOT ALL OWS's are like the ones you and I got "lucky" with. They are women Just like you and me who made (what I feel) a bad choice. They are overall good people, because, let's face it, we've ALL made bad choices at one time or another. Except Jesus*

 

My H's exOW talked & harassed me or over THREE years!! My "favorite" was when she got My email (again) and sent a HUGE face picture w/a caption reading, "he always love my smile"...

Why ME?!?!

Why send that to Me?!

What is/was she trying to do? Remind ME that My Husband slept w/her?! Uuhhmmm, I'm pretty sure that's going to stay w/me thanks. Why wouldn't she send it to My Husband to remind Him?!?

 

What I surmize is that it took exOW time, just like it did me, to work through the A. She had to come to terms that or the FIRST time her young pretty bad self didn't get her what she wanted.

It was a Real "blow" to her.

She was Hurt and from hurt stems anger and from anger (if not dealt w/and controlled) comes vengeance and from vengeance... bunny boiler status.

 

I believe she wants BOTH you and your H/exH to "hurt", "pay" for HER pain, even though it was HER decision in the first place.

 

I've said it before & I'll say it now, I believe it took exOW crossing the line of the point of the cease & desist letter to the actual RO in order for her to take the time needed to reflect, acknowledge, take responsibility for and finally Heal from her decision to enage in the A w/my H.

And now, (again, this is My speculation and prayer) she is finally moved on and Happy w/herself and life.

 

Hang in. You ILL get there too!

Hopefully she will as well...

 

You are such a sweet soul CIH!

 

Don't count on it......

[Raena]

As far as the "sisterhood" goes.............I wish! I wish women would live by the code.....but they don't. and Spark described it best. I call it "ugly duckling" syndrome....not really pretty, never got the attention from men. Now, suddenly they are getting the attention....because they have grown into a pretty woman??? or they just got trashier - easier. *shrug*

 

Anyway back to your psycho.............she's an attention seeking whore. Bottom line. Any attention is better then no attention - even if it's bad attention. Ignore Ignore Ignore. It's really the only thing you can do - other then calling her out for what she is: a scum sucking whore. Bottom feeder - skank - low life - dog **** - trash - slut- I really could go on and on but I think you get the point!

 

I had to laugh when I read this because I have a few of my own names for her. "White trash, pill popping, homewrecking whore" is but one of them.

 

Seriously, I have seen pictures of this girl. She looks like a danm mouse. But... she is young(27). There is part of me that wishes I could tell her that having long hair, big boobs and a tight arse doesn't stick around forever. One day she'll hit her 40's and stuff will start to sag, grays will come out as will the wrinkles. She won't always be young and "pretty" and since she quit school in the 8th grade and currently cleans toilets for a living and thinks that popping pills while caring for her 2 young children is a good idea... I'm guessing that she won't ever amount to much.

[Spark1111]

I never said I haven't made a mistake in my life. Where the hell did that nonsense come from?

 

One doesn't need to be 'holier than thou' to be disgusted by married men on the make. And no, they weren't all "smelly and ugly," that has nothing to do with it. Their incredible sense of self entitlement and total and complete lack of character and integrity however, DID.

 

whenever a MM came onto me....and it started young...really young...My first two thoughts were: Eeeew....I want a shower....AND his poor wife. Does she know how much of a dirtbag he really is?

 

it took me a lifetime to realize there is a whole group of women who are actually FLATTERED by this crappy come on!

 

the more I know them IRL, the more I feel sorry for them. I wished their parents ( HELLO? DADDY???) would have done, given more to make them confident.

 

they would not/could not be such easy marks today.